Victims of the Big People
Throughout my many years of practice it has been a gift to work with so many families. The most challenging is when working with children who come with issues of being victimized by the situations placed in their lives, where their parents have been involved in the legal system for custody battles. As much as the court system, the parents of these children, and therapists claim that it is always in the best interest of the children, they forget the impact and the emotional pain and suffering they place on these kids. It used to always be that the closest thing to a God like figure in children’s lives was their mother/father or both. Many children have been robbed of that experience and have been forced to choose one parent over another. Many times it is forgotten that the child is the innocent bystander looking for direction and guidance from these two people they call parents, who are supposed to have it all together to make the child’s life easy. The children are made to look at the evil or dark side of the parent when all along they have been taught that it’s important to love mom and dad equally. The parents forget that the children are supposed to stay focused to do well in school, to achieve academic excellence to one day be the professional that could attain their dream in life. Instead, because parents choose they cannot stay friends with someone who at some point in their life was the person they loved, had children with, and the person they made their life partner, has now turned out to be the enemy. The child in these cases can not fathom how the same family that would snuggle in bed to watch tv, go on vacations together, and would spend fun Sunday afternoons filled with laughter and joy, is the same parent they ultimately are being asked to hate and to want nothing to do with in their life. The labels of confusion that this creates in the child are completely overlooked not only by the mommy and daddy but by other family members, attorney’s hired in the custody battle, and by society as a whole. As these small children are in the process of growing and actualizing as adults one day, so many confusing messages are being thrown their way that only scatter their thoughts more and more. While working with children that are going through this treacherous condition, most of them end up having issues of depression, anxiety, and increased distractibility, which creates attention deficits in a classroom setting. These children who were supposed to have a typical upbringing have now become victims of these so called people who happen to be parents in this lifetime. The tragedy begins when the parents decide to find new partners and the new people that come into their lives tend to be disrespectful or even abusive in many cases. So now the child is made to endure the suffering that their mommy and daddy hate each other and will never be friends, to having to repress their own emotions and not demonstrate the true love they can have for each parent. Many of the cases where the children are physically, emotionally, or sexually abused, they must now also cover up for the perpetrator hurting them to protect the parent who is allowing the poor child to be the victim. As many of these cases, enter the court system, many of these children just cry themselves to sleep in silence so that they don’t create a more detrimental situation where they could possibly lose all contact with their biological parents. As adults watching the children in our society being victims of everyone in the system, somehow the cry for help must be heard. This goes beyond looking for fairness. This goes beyond doing the right thing. This is absolutely and completely necessary, about saving all these victims of the big people. Sadly, but true, we all know at least one child who goes through this tragedy on a daily basis. It is our duty as adults, no matter the relationship to that child, to step up and defend that child in this battle against their own parents. A child comes into this world innocent and eager to be a star at any level and profession they choose. Think for a moment that every one of those children being victims of the big people has every opportunity to be a great leader, a great parent, or a great professional one day. Clearly, the system is failing our children and our humanity. In order to ascend and help our humanity to be better than it used to be, each one person must step up in the efforts of saving children and creating a much better place for them to live.
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