Years ago, my friends and family would tell me I needed to like myself more. They said I had low self-esteem. It frustrated me to hear what I took as judgement and criticism. That is until the day I realized, they were right.
Self-esteem seems to be a âtabooâ topic especially to admit a lack of. It makes you vulnerable or feel somehow less than. Yet it is so common for so many to struggle with their self-identity.
How do you know if you have low self-esteem?
Here are 7 habits revealing you have low self-esteem:
1) Self-doubt: literally is self-distrust, lack confidence; not believing in yourself to achieve anything or specific things you truly desire in your life, negative beliefs, living in negativity
2) Love Lack: Looking for love outside of you to fill you up and make you feel whole (emotionally and sexually); inability or difficult time accepting compliments; negative talk about self
3) Accommodating Boundaries: allowing yourself, your values, your decisions to be walked over or compromised; accommodating others at the detriment to your own needs or desires; more than compromising; giving up; expressing your boundary and not standing up for it when someone crosses it
4) Indecisive: Flip flopper, cannot make a decision, constantly questioning did you make the right decision, changing your mind (from buying shoes to choosing relationships); wishy washy; a âwhat ifâ game champ
5) Never-ending search for THE magic pill: always looking for what or who will âfixâ you/your life: a better job, more money, a better relationship, more friends, better home or car, new clothes, losing or gaining weight- instead of realizing the MAGIC is like Dorothy and the ruby slippers, it is ALWAYS inside you.
6) Drama Addiction: Drama follows you everywhere; Drama/Crisis shows up throughout your life either by invitation or your own creation; dramatic high test emotional responses and outbursts reacting to all events in your life; lots of fuss and commotion over most events in your life especially the “little things”; little things become BIG things easily for you
7) Invisible/Overtalker: Feeling not heard in conversations as if youâve said nothing or arenât there; even feeling frustrated about not being heard that becomes a DRAMA (see #6), pushing your feelings away so you feel less pain; OR Difficulty truly listening just to listen and constantly interrupting and talking over most conversations
If any of these habits sound or feel familiar, chances are your self esteem needs healing.
How do I know? At times in my life:
I have experienced them all many times over sometimes on the same day.
I have been filled with doubt that I could have the life I wanted.
I have gone “looking for love in all the wrong places”.
I have been a “people pleaser” afraid to speak up for myself and compromising myself to fit in or “be liked”.
I have re-lived times in my life replaying what happened, questioning my decisions and torturing myself with “what ifs”.
I have blamed others and twisted myself in knots trying to make relationships what I thought they were supposed to be, finding unhappiness in my job, my body, my clothes and telling myself if these things were what everyone else said they should be OR my perception of what everyone said they should be, THEN my life would improve.
I have created and participated in drama over anything and everything, DRAMA QUEEN.
I have felt the need to talk no matter who else was talking and control the conversation and I have felt completely invisible in a conversation with friends.
I felt stuck, unhappy, uncomfortable, disconnected and insecure. I wanted to escape and have the life I saw people around me having.
Is this you?
I help clients everyday just like you.