The Womb Happy Hour online radio show recently celebrated its one-year anniversary on Voice America Health & Wellness. During this celebratory episode, the lovely Emma K. Viglucci creator of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC joined the show, for a second time, to share ways to how to reignite your love and deepen your intimacy with your partner.
In case you missed the eye and heart opening show you can listen here.
It’s important to remember that the sacral chakra relates to relationships, emotions, passion and joy. If you’re shutting down or overly sensitive to how you feel about yourself or your partner, it’s time to focus on balancing your energy.
With over twenty years of experience, Emma shared valuable insights to the qualities that attract you to your partner is often the qualities that create friction, the importance of understanding your specific love language and the 5 strategies she’s developed to create intentional relationships. Emma even suggested on the fly powerful ideas to two ladies who called in with relationship challenges. The conversation went by so fast that we couldn’t cover all the topics we wanted to talk about.
In honor of Valentine’s Day and ways to support your partnership everyday, here are some “Ask Emma” questions and her feedback:
- Is there a critical ingredient based on your vast experience that’s needed to create intimacy? Is that different if the relationship is very strained?
The critical ingredient is showing up with our best Self at much as possible and to make amends when we don’t.
A lot of times we get in our own way. We get triggered or we are generally not very well internally resourced – we are tired, hungry, stressed, overwhelmed, and such which does not allow us to show up well.
Patience, compassion, understanding, tolerance, flexibly, energy and other characteristics needed to have wonderful, rewarding and successful interactions with our partner are readily accessible for our use.
This ingredient is even more important when the relationship is strained because in conflict we are interacting with our defenses and ego, which are not part of our best Self. Actually our worst self shows up in these instances. This is how relationships go from bad to worse.
If the partners refuse to own what they are putting in and taking ownership for changing their side, but instead keep waiting for their partner to change, they have very little chance of creating a wonderful and successful relationship.
- Usually when couples are getting to know each other they focus on having fun. Why do you think partners forget about focusing on fun as a priority?
Initially partners want to please and get a commitment from the other. Eventually, the practical of life becomes more salient as they enter higher levels of commitment and engage in creating a joint life together.
Melding two lives into a joint life that fully honors and serves both partners is not an easy feat. This is where partners get stuck in power struggles to ensure they are OK. This where they create dissatisfying repeating patterns triggering and hurting each other over and over, where their bond starts to erode.
Tending to their own and each other’s feelings and needs is very important to break the cycle and create the relationship they desire.
Fun is an important factor that serves as a buffer to protect the bond, builds good will, and leads to connection and intimacy.
- There’s a lot more attention to “mindfulness” “self-love / self-care” “law of attraction” etc. Do you think this trend has helped the couples you work with or do you see that these trendy catch phrases are talked about but not necessarily practiced?
I whole-heartedly believe in minding our own state to assist us to show up with our best Self. Mindfulness and Self-Care Practices are the corner stone of our wellbeing, and Knowing our Self.
Unfortunately, as simple as these practices can be, they are not always easy to implement and sustain.
Some people have more stuff to get around to be able to be open and disciplined to put these in place… I find that clients that embrace “self-care” practices the most are the clients that do the best in our work. They are able to create and sustain the changes with a lot more ease, and their transformation is just astounding.
- You talk about goodness on paper…with social media dating apps…there’s not even a lot of anything on paper or in a profile. Do you have any suggestions for people dating or let’s say someone was married and they’re just starting to get back in the dating world. Do you help a lot of single people?
Not seeing much on paper or a profile is probably a good thing. I think that people get too hang-up on “good-on-paper” when attraction, compatibility, and relationship success have actually very little to do with these things.
Attraction is more of an energetic and unconscious process… This is why sometimes the most unlikely people partner up.
The most passionate and attracted partners the stronger their unconscious match. This can be troublesome for some if they haven’t addressed unresolved past issues and wounds. There is a pattern to what we attract and recreate.
Our job as singles is to clean up our stuff as best as we can so the attraction is to another more evolved Self, rather than someone that will help us continue to repeat patterns so we have the opportunity to crack the code (properly get our needs met and create a satisfying life).
SO, my suggestion for singles is to learn themselves and live an intentional life, and to use their gut in the dating world.
I help singles with this process so they attract and create the relationship they desire.
Remember if you’re having challenges with your partner, seek out support either together or even on your own! Connection, fun and intimacy and deep love is possible with your partner! You can reignite your love.
About Emma K. Viglucci
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.