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Greener Pastures, an excerpt from Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work

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Greener Pastures, an excerpt from Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work

Once we saw a goat put out to graze in a lush field. The grass was high and feeding was plentiful. But the goat wasn’t satisfied. It made a funny picture as it strained toward the field next door. Its front legs were suspended midair, dangling over the fence as it vainly reached for a tempting bit of green just out of reach. Of course the grass wasn’t any richer or higher or more succulent in the next pasture, but try telling that to the goat.

What pastures are you straining after? Most people are strenuously reaching toward what they think will make them happy or satisfied, straining toward something more, better, or different. The problem with this is that there is always something else that needs to be bought or produced in order for you to be happy or satisfied. Truthfully, in this moment, you can only have what you have. Anything you yearn for robs you of the possibility of reveling in the richness of your life.

People get so driven by where they are going that they miss their lives. You may actually be rushing ahead to finish this book, trying to answer some question or fulfill some agenda. While you are trying so hard to get something from the writing, you are not actually there for the reading.

Many of us live our lives as if we are looking through a telephoto lens on a camera. A telephoto lens focuses in on an object in the distance and excludes everything peripheral to that object. So you miss everything happening around you. Instantaneous Transformation is more like a wide-angle lens. It holds everything in focus whether it is close up or far away, and there is three-dimensionality and depth to what you see. The telephoto lens, on the other hand, makes things much more two-dimensional or fl at; you lose the depth of fi eld. When people are lost in a change modality, they feel annoyed when things “intrude” and interrupt their flow toward where they are headed. In a transformational approach, life becomes a dance of noticing what is rather than a tense experience of trying to exclude everything that does not seem on track to producing the things we think we want in the future to make us happy or fulfilled.

Working on Yourself Doesn't Work by Ariel & Shya KaneIt could be said that life is an unfolding, moment to moment, and we have preferences that frequently disagree with how life unfolds, because we are trying to get somewhere rather than be where we are. We think something better is going to come along because this isn’t it, when in fact this moment is all there is. This moment IS it.

People are so busy worrying about what they don’t have or how it is going to turn out in the future, they rarely allow themselves to really relish and enjoy the way things are right now. Life becomes a worry about what isn’t, rather than a celebration of what is. For if we, like the goat, invest our energy only in wanting what we don’t have and lusting after tantalizing goals currently out of reach, satisfaction is set aside for a mythical someday that never comes.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UKGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books.  Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

Footprints in the Sand

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Footprints in the Sand

Footprints in the Sand

For several years Shya and I travelled down to Great Harbor Cay, on the Berry Islands in the Bahamas. We traditionally rented a little condo on this small sparsely populated island with windows facing east overlooking the ocean – a beautiful place to watch the sunrise to be sure. On many mornings, I went for a walk on the beautiful sandy beach. The shore is long enough that I could easily go for 45 minutes in either direction, enjoying the lap of the waves while keeping a sharp eye out for treasures that the sea had dropped on the sand overnight. This little beach is its own world, one where “rush hour” happened when I occasionally saw another human being – perhaps two. While this stretch of sand is sparsely populated I still was not the only Beachcomber. Sometimes when walking along the beach I followed the tracks of a fellow explorer, noticing where he or she had veered left or right to investigate an interesting-looking tangle of sea grass that had been deposited by the waves upon the shore.

I must admit I really prefer being first to cross the virgin sand after it has been smoothed by the receding tide. When I have come upon the tracks of someone who has come before me, it spurs the notion that I have fallen behind somehow, that I am too late, that everything of note to be discovered has already been found.

One morning, Shya and I stepped out our door and debated briefly whether to turn left or right. He, fly rod in hand, me wearing my light cotton tee with a kangaroo pouch on the front ready to tuck away little treasures. I was also wearing my small belly-pack, complete with water bottle, tissues and more room for seashells inside. Everything a gal needs for a trek down the beach.

We decided to go left, toward the point where the sea wraps around, often leaving interesting shells. It is also where small fish, mainly schools of jacks and pompano, chase baitfish and are likely to take Shya’s fly.

As we walked along we saw a needlefish, a long toothy creature, cruising the shallows. Farther out, shoals of tiny minnows jumped, silver waves fanning out, cascading back into the slick water as they tried to evade a predator below. Occasionally little sandpipers bobbed and weaved their way up and down the gentle rise of sand in search of edibles too tiny for our human eyes to see.

As we walked in the wavelets, Shya’s gaze was pinned on the water as he scanned for the silhouettes of fish, ready to cast the fly, my attention kept being pulled to a flash of light or a daub of color as seashells winked at me in the morning sun. It was a leisurely adventure, not really going anywhere even though our feet were taking us toward that point of land in the distance. When a small school of jacks came hunting, we both caught and released several as we took turns enticing them to eat our imitation shrimp fly.

Eventually we came to the point and Shya waded out down a long sand bar to see if he could catch one of the larger predator fish cruising the water on either side of the underwater spit of sand. I, on the other hand, rounded the corner and ranged up the beach to see what seashells had been left by the ocean overnight. But to my surprise, instead of an unblemished surface, I found footprints in the sand.

Oh no! I immediately thought. Someone was here before me. From nowhere my leisurely morning’s mood disappeared and my competitive nature surged forward, activating those niggling insecurities that whispered: You’re behind. You missed your shot. You’ve lost out.

Prompted by those thoughts, my steps quickened, heart thumped and breath hitched. How could they have gotten here before me? Shya and I came out to the beach virtually at first light.

Scanning ahead, I saw how the trail zigged and zagged and I began to follow it. Several yards down the beach, as I took a step, I noticed that the footprints I was leaving in my wake looked suspiciously the same size as those I was following. I stopped in my tracks. Actually I stopped next to my tracks also and I tipped my head back and laughed. I finally realized that the person I’d been competing with was actually the ghost of myself, for I had come this way the night before. As I looked, it became clear that high tide the night before had not come up far enough to obliterate my prints from yesterday’s beach adventure. I smiled to myself, reminded of Winnie-The-Pooh where Piglet and Pooh follow their own tracks as they circled around the same tree again and again.

Relaxed once again, my eye returned to seeing the wonders in front of me. My attention was no longer turned inward upon perceived failings, and I was no longer subjected to that automatic self-defeating mental diatribe. My stride evened out and I enjoyed the movement of my legs, the textures under my bare feet as I turned around and begin walking back toward Shya.

Suddenly I caught sight of a delicate seashell standing in the fresh sand looking like a pair of butterfly wings poised for flight. Opalescent interior in pearl, aqua and pink contrasted with the darker outside. The outer edges were not smooth but adorned with many points, feathered fingers that would interlace when closed, currently reaching toward the sky. Gently I collected the shell, wrapped it in a tissue and tucked it in my pouch for the walk back to the little bungalow where we were staying.

As my feet found their rhythm, I quietly mused about how odd the notion was that I had missed an opportunity, that I was somehow “behind.” For I had just discovered not only a delicate treasure released by the sea, but the far greater wealth-of-being that happens when I let go of the reflex to get ahead, allowing myself the luxury to be right where I am instead.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UKGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books. Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

Transformation in the New Year

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Transformation in the New Year

Transformation in the New Year

by Ariel & Shya Kane

New Year’s resolutions are things we promise ourselves we are going to do in the future. They usually spring from the idea that we need to improve some aspect of our body, way of being or personal habits with the expectation that when we improve, we will simultaneously achieve well being and satisfaction. This is all well and good but if you ask yourself the question, “Has it worked for me to make resolutions about how I should be in the year to come?” you might discover that in the past you either quit on yourself, did not follow through or the attainment of the goal did not produce the commensurate satisfaction you expected.

There is a transformational alternative, which does not involve changing or fixing your life. This New Year, see if you can be the way you are, not the way you think you ought to be. Instead of striving to be different, see if you can be exactly the way you are, without making yourself wrong or right for being that way.

“What good will that do?” you might ask, “How can one possibly effect positive change without setting a goal or resolving to do better?” The answer is simple. When you discover how to live in the moment, your life transforms as a natural byproduct and things that you have been struggling to change simply dissolve. Here is how it works.There are three basic principles of Instantaneous Transformation.

The first principle is: Anything you resist persists and grows stronger. Chances are, those things that you want to change or fix about yourself have persisted, no matter how many times you have resolved to change them.

The second principle is: No two things can occupy the same space at the same time. For example, if you are sitting while you are reading this article, you will discover that you could only be sitting right now.

We all have been taught that we can improve our lives and our lot in life. But in this very moment of now, you can only be exactly as you are. Striving to attain an idea or an ideal is akin to saying the way you are is imperfect or flawed. You may have the idea that you can be different, but in reality, in this moment, you are the way you are.

If we were to take a photograph of you, the moment the picture was taken, you could only have been the way the camera captured you in that moment. You can’t change the way you were. Life shows up in a series of moments of now and in this moment of now you can only be exactly the way you are – and that is the second principle.

The third principle is: When you allow yourself to be the way you are, and notice how you are being without judging yourself, a phenomenon takes place called completion. In other words, if you notice the way you behave without trying to change or fix yourself and without judging what you discover, those behaviors that you have been trying to change or ways of being that you have been putting up with will complete themselves, just with awareness. But you can’t notice it to get rid of it, because that throws you back into the first principle – anything you resist persists and grows stronger.

You can think of awareness like taking a block of ice and letting it sit in the sun. The radiant heat of simple awareness is enough to melt old, frozen mechanical behaviors.

So for this New Year as an experiment and an alternative to making resolutions, try a transformational approach. See if you can simply notice the way you are being in your life without judging yourself for what you discover. It is possible to reach a state of awareness where those behavior patterns that have run your life will lose their power over you. We’ve done it and you can, too.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UKGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books.  Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

Regard – Disregard By Ariel & Shya Kane

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Regard – Disregard By Ariel & Shya Kane

Regard: respect, esteem, admire – to recognize the worth of a person or thing. –
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Ever been to a networking group or other gathering where everyone is texting, talking and basically disregarding others because they’re so self involved and want only to advance their own agendas? Ever notice how you disregard what you don’t think is pertinent to your own life? What if those things you disregard hold the keys to your own satisfaction and success? Tune in to Being Here and see what you’ve been missing. Callers welcome at Tel# 1-888-346-9141!

Listen Live this Wednesday, August 16th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show/

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May Play, Kids Learning Less, Mother’s Day By Cynthia Brian

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May Play, Kids Learning Less, Mother’s Day By Cynthia Brian

If you are looking for upbeat, life-changing, and mind stretching information, you’ve come to the right place. Host Cynthia Brian takes you on a journey of exploration that will encourage, inspire, and motivate you to make positive changes that offer life enhancing results. It’s party time on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®. And YOU are invited! Join us LIVE 4-5pm Pt on Wednesdays or tune in to the archives at your leisure. Come play in StarStyle Country.

Between the copious showers and the solar assistance, spring is alive and lush with the grandeur of flora. Cynthia Brian’s entire garden is bursting with surprises of color, textures, and forms. Join the Goddess Gardener for some gardening playtime.

In the past few decades early childhood learning has changed radically. Now that kindergarten serves as a gatekeeper, not a welcome mat, to elementary school, concerns about school preparedness kick in earlier and earlier. Kids are being forced to work harder, but studies are showing they are learning less. Are kids being forced to read and write instead of talk, listen, and play? Heather Brittany sheds light on the shift from exploratory early-childhood teaching to the quest for achievement.

Moms around the world perform astronomical duties every day without much fanfare. One day a year these dedicated women are celebrated on Mother’s Day. Granted Mother’s Day was created as a commercial venue, yet it has become a special occasion to honor the person in our life who gave us life or provided us with life. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you marvelous mommas!

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Finding the Balance Point, An Excerpt from Being Here: Modern Day Tales of Enlightenment

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7th Wave
Finding the Balance Point, An Excerpt from Being Here: Modern Day Tales of Enlightenment


Finding the Balance Point
An Excerpt from Being Here: Modern Day Tales of Enlightenment
by Ariel & Shya Kane

Most people aim to live in a way that produces a sense of well-being, satisfaction and accomplishment. We are all interested in being productive and achieving the goals that are consistent with our values. However, the two of us have often observed that in the desire to attain their goals, people often lose sight of what is happening in their lives…in each moment. People are driven to accomplish what they think will produce happiness, success and well-being and miss all that life has to offer when you are Being Here.

We are not suggesting that you should not have goals. It is simply that focusing on future goals will rob you of the richness of this moment.

Here is an example:

Since we are both avid fly fishers, we took a short vacation after one of our winter seminars in Costa Rica, where we set out to catch large Pacific sailfish on fly rods. There we hired Captain Bobby, his boat and mate to take us off the Costa Rican coast in the blue Pacific in search of these majestic creatures.

Each year, for the previous four years, we had fished with Captain Bobby. When we first met him, he was working for a fishing lodge as one of their premier guides. We seemed to get along well together, so we continued to book trips with him after he went into business for himself.

It was just Bobby, his mate and the two of us, on a 26-foot boat, heading off shore for an adventure near Golfito, Costa Rica. There is something about the intensity and immediacy of life at sea that fascinates and feeds us.

Each day began at dawn as we motored away from the small village nestled next to the rain forest and out between the arms of land that guard Golfito. As we headed out to sea, we always encountered something vital. There were majestic trees on shore that burst into purple blossoms and the fragrance wafted out on the breeze. We often came upon giant schools of dolphins that jumped and cavorted, swimming in front of the bow of the boat, a marine vanguard of some of the most intelligent creatures on the planet. There were big gray ones, sleek and powerful, effortlessly gliding, gracing our craft with their presence, elegantly taking turns leading us to wherever our bow was pointed. There were also the spinner dolphins that treated us to aerial acrobatic displays as they jumped and spun, twirling in apparent delight before splashing back into the sea. The spinners are often accompanied by yellowfin tuna and they work together corralling and feeding upon the schools of small baitfish. You can see this group from a long distance. It is a frenzy of glistening water, leaping shapes and a raucous cloud of diving seabirds.

Sea turtles are more sedate. They poke their heads above water to watch the world go by. Occasionally, we have had a spectacular view of whales, up close and personal. On one particular trip, we saw a mother and her calf speeding toward the distant shore. They leapt and dove in tandem on a path parallel to our boat. For some time we kept pace with these giants.

Manta rays do back flips, frigate birds soar high on the thermals and pelicans fly in formation inches above the waves as they catch the updrafts. And then, there are the big game fish, dorado, Pacific sailfish and marlin. The dorado are golden, blue green bullets that streak from the deep to attack the lures that are trolled behind the boat. Sailfish materialize, thrashing about as they attempt to stun the bait with their beaks, so that they can have a leisurely feed. And the marlins are the kings – creatures without equal. These amazingly powerful and aggressive goliaths emerge from nowhere at full fury; suddenly the deceptively passive skin of the water erupts as something the size of a small car explodes into view.

Sometimes on one of these trips, we have come upon a log, floating like a solitary world 20 or 30 miles from anything, a whole ecosystem unto itself. Birds sit and rest. Crabs and shrimp-like creatures scuttle on its surface and below, in the shadow of the log itself, descending layers of baitfish circle and feed upon the smaller life forms. The dorado, sailfish and marlin can lurk just out of view waiting to pounce.

So our “fishing” expeditions are immersions into the life and grandeur of the sea. Each day on the water is a gift, full of sights, sounds and smells that allow us to get back in touch with nature and the vastness of life on the planet.

You would think that being a fishing captain would be a very fulfilling way to lead life. But Captain Bobby was blinded by a revolving set of goals. When we first met him, he would complain about the management of the lodge and say, “If I had my own boat, I would do it differently. I would do things better than they do.”

On this particular trip, Bobby had finally accomplished some of his life long ambitions, including getting a boat of his own. His current goal, which he enticed us to be a part of, was to capture a world record sized fish on a fly rod. Bobby was very interested in Ariel becoming the new women’s world record holder for Pacific sailfish and so our days included attaining this goal. It became an exciting adventure to hunt for big game, hoping to catch one that was the biggest ever recorded. One day, Ariel caught that big fish. It was truly a giant. A grizzled beast weighing well over l00 pounds, almost 10 feet long from tip to tail.

We had won. We had accomplished what we had set out to do. The euphoria lasted almost an entire evening. Then the trouble began. Bobby had met one of his own personal goals and so it was on to the next one with a fervor and intensity of purpose. What we discovered was that he was no longer just fishing and enjoying the wealth of experience to be had on the ocean. We were now fiercely directed into “must get another world’s record” as if the attainment of this goal would produce some sense of real and lasting satisfaction.

A few days later, Ariel caught a world record size roosterfish. That night at dinner Bobby let us know that this was one of his four life goals. Things after that went from somewhat bad to worse. He became irritable, easily frustrated and quick to anger. Now we couldn’t do it right enough for him, nor could we catch a big enough fish, fast enough. Fishing became serious business. No more “Mr. Nice Guy.” We talked to him about this, of course, since it was not our idea of fun on vacation. He wasn’t so open about his frustration during the rest of the trip but we could see it seething just below the surface.

Bobby had gotten lost in the idea that attaining the next goal would somehow fulfill him, validate his existence and make him a happier person. The problem with this idea arises when you actually attain your objective. Life is not fundamentally changed by achievement. And so the accomplishment of a goal, under these circumstances, does not produce a sense of well-being or satisfaction.

If you are satisfied in yourself, the attainment of a goal is satisfying. If you are not satisfied, the attainment of a goal only stimulates the need for the next one. The completion of something intensifies who you are and how you are currently being. So, if the attainment of a goal is about expressing yourself into life, then your feeling of self-expression, self-worth and well-being is intensified. If, however, you are producing goals because you feel you are deficient or inadequate, coming from the fantasy that the attainment of your desires will produce satisfaction or sufficiency, when you reach your objective, you will be disappointed. The sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction becomes stronger.

Having goals can be extremely useful but not if they are attained while sacrificing your experience of living in each moment. If you are worrying about the future and the production of goals, you cannot be engaged in what is happening in this current moment in your life.

Our fishing story is a prime example. Catching big game fish requires more than just the angler’s skill. It is a team effort and having a mutual goal kept all of us focused and gave meaning and purpose to our actions. Mistakes were minimized because we brought all of our attention and ability to the process of catching fish. But there is a balance point. Focus is a benefit, but if you are off in the future, expecting the outcome to produce long-term happiness or satisfaction, you miss the magic of the moment and life becomes serious and two-dimensional.

Ariel ultimately caught three world record fish during that trip, two Pacific sailfish and one roosterfish. She currently holds numerous Women’s Fly Fishing World Records with The International Game Fish Association.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders & radio show hosts Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Learn about their seminars, Being Here radio show and five award-winning books: www.TransformationMadeEasy.com

Why Is Something So Simple So Hard to Do

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Why Is Something So Simple So Hard to Do

employee recognition

Why is something so simple, as complimenting people for what they do well or encourage them as they work to improve their performance, so hard to do for many managers?

I’ve heard a variety of reasons why many don’t do it on a regular basis. It comes down to lack of time, lack of necessity or lack of know how. For example:
• “Why should I recognize people for doing their jobs?”
• “If I recognize them, they will let up and performance will drop.”
• “I don’t need recognition. I am self-driven. My people should be the same.”
• “Recognizing individuals will only create more problems with those who don’t get it.”

Why it’s Important!

If you want people to give their very best, you better be recognizing their efforts and contributions regularly. A paycheck is what helps people get to sleep at night, not what gets them going in the morning. Yes, money motivates to an extent. However, sincere and appreciative recognition leads to extraordinary performance from ordinary people.

What You Should Know About Recognition

1. Recognition and reward are not the same thing.

Rewards are best used when high achievement standards are met or exceeded. For many managers, monetary reward is the only recognition strategy they know. In those circumstances, reward is very black and white – exceed your numbers and get recognized (usually with more money); come in at 99% and be labeled a marginal or poor performer. Recognition is different. It’s not an all or nothing thing. It’s given for appreciation, for improvement even for having a smile when taking with customers.

2. Recognition serves many purposes not just for achievement.

With a hearty “Great job!”, or short note or public applause or even little trinkets, you let people know you appreciate their effort when they are making progress or going that extra mile. So look for opportunities to help people soar and let them know when they do.

3. Don’t delegate recognition and encouragement, it’s your job!

You must get involved one on one whenever possible. Dropping a note of praise in an e-mail is one thing. Personally handing it to the other person, with a proud look in the eye, an affirming handshake or a genuine pat on the back is something entirely different.

Smart Moves Tip:
Write down the names of at least two people whom you know deserves some praise or encouragement from you for something they have recently done or are about to do. Now go out and recognize them. Let them know how important they are. Then find two more people. In other words, set daily or weekly goals for recognition. Get it in your planner like you do everything else that is important.

Marcia Zidle – The Smart Moves Coach – guides companies to move from Now to Next to Success. She’s host of The Business Edge which delivers practical advice to help business leaders take the growing pains out of growth. Are you facing overwhelming demands on your time? Are costly mistakes eating into your profits? Are you facing increased expectations from customers and clients and the need to strike a better balance in your life? Now’s the time to stop spending your energy managing problems and start doing your real work: growing your business to the next level and beyond. Learn to create a growth agenda to get your business on the right track and keep it there. Rev up your growth engine with exceptional talent. Develop the right kind of leadership to move it forward fast. Start by tuning in to The Business Edge, airing live every Wednesday at 11 AM Pacific Time

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