It was a delight to talk with John in a recent episode of my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit. He spoke beautifully about the ideas in The Recipe, which he co-authored with Chef Charles Carroll. Their book is so powerful that there will soon be a movie about it. I look forward to seeing it. John began our conversation by building on the ideas I presented in the beginning part of the show by saying people in the United States are losing our civility and brotherhood. The good news is that we do have the ability to transform what is happening in our nation into love. He encouraged everyone to call their elected representatives and voice their opinion. These ideas are very much in keeping with the rules for living presented in The Recipe. To share a few quotes: “Make the world a better place with everything you do;” “Live with honor: treat every person with respect, and never forget who you’re serving;” and “Compose your life: put your effort into controlling the sail, not the wind.” John also shared some wisdom he has gleaned in his own life: have fun; remember, like billiards, what you do impacts other people; and you have a choice as to how you respond even when it is something emotional. He suggests that we stop, take a breath and be larger than the emotion. Through mindfulness, he taught himself to be kind instead of angry. In his current marriage, he follows one of the chef’s rules of the kitchen, “Pay attention to the little things” and brings his wife a cup of tea every morning. And that’s how you spread love. Everything matters. To listen to this show, I encourage you to click here.
Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week
My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: “Discover Your Creativity. You can reconnect with your Higher Self by discovering what form of creativity gives you joy. Explore writing, dance, music and art. Create just for your own pleasure, self-expression and self-discovery. If you are concerned about people criticizing you, keep your creative explorations to yourself.” Owen, the young boy in The Recipe, accidentally stumbles upon his creative gift; or if you’re looking at it from a spiritual perspective, he was guided to the Chef who helped change his life. As the story unfolds, we learn the source of his gift. The creative expression of his soul helps Owen heal and find purpose, meaning and joy, which is exactly what it can do for all of us.
Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story
Recently in my Facebook posts, I have been more outspoken about my concerns over the inhumane treatment of people seeking asylum in the United States, the eroding of civil rights for all US citizens, the disrespect for our environment and animals, and the increasing threat of nuclear war. Many of my posts have been merely to share facts. So many laws are being repealed and so many governmental actions taken that a lot of it is not being reported. When people ask why I’m sharing this information, I say: we must know the truth of what is happening in our own country. Ignorance is not acceptable. We can’t form an opinion if we don’t have the facts. I want to make sure everyone has the facts. Unfortunately we are being distracted by our president’s tweets, arguments and chaos so that people are not getting all of the information. Even if they’re trying, it’s hard to know what is made up. I even heard one program with several journalists discussing whether our president was intentionally lying to us or just didn’t know the truth. That such a question is even being asked is disturbing and reminiscent of Watergate and the impeachment of Richard Nixon. As a result of my new posts, I’ve had some people writing vicious comments about me and what I’m sharing. I responded by saying: “Because of his abusive posts, I blocked Robert from my page and also deleted most of his comments since they were so offensive and angry. I believe in open communication in a civil and respectful manner. When people violate those boundaries, I delete their posts and block them from my page. I do this for all of us who want Facebook to be a safe place to communicate.” My silver lining came in the form of a number of people who thanked me, liked my comment and shared it. One person wrote: “Thank you for being such an example of a kind person with strong boundaries.” This shows me people are getting tired of the verbal violence. We can’t all agree, but we can treat others the way we wish to be treated. We can be civil and communicate with respect and a willingness to hear and be heard.
Marian Stephens’ Story
This week’s episode of Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit featured John David Mann, and he was a font of wisdom and inspiration. His book is a beautiful story that is really a handbook on how to live. Dr. Paula asks listeners how they can turn their anger and frustration into righteous indignation. This is a powerful tool that I am using, and I am beginning to feel my anger dissipate and vanish. I was experiencing an overwhelming bout of anger towards my oldest son, and it came to me that I am just shouting into a void; my anger and words are vanishing into the ether unresolved. I realize what I am grappling with is the loss of my relationship with my son, the loss of my vision and expectations of what motherhood was going to be, and the loss of my dream of who I would be at age 42. How do I come to terms with this? Mr. Mann’s book focuses on how to deal with loss and the anger one feels when trying to do so. Having a mentor is key and finding how to be that mentor for yourself. I am lucky that Dr. Paula is my mentor, and she is teaching me how to be my own. I will turn my anger into righteous indignation by focusing energy on healing myself and taking back control of my life. I am indignant that I have encountered abuse and disease, and I will no longer accept this to be my reality.
John David Mann says that we can transform our nation into a place of love and greatness. When I heard Mr. Mann say, “loss is a beginning not an ending”, it is the first time I truly believed that this place in life is a place to start. He says that who we are is shaped by the things that happen to us and the things that are happening around us. I have experienced traumatic events and illness that have changed my circumstances significantly. I am using these happenings as a springboard to become more resilient, courageous, and creative. My default emotional state is becoming calm and strong.
John David Mann says everything you do reveals everything you are. If you pay attention to and are purposeful with the little things in life, you will bring about huge change. My husband is so skilled at doing this – he makes our bed every day, keeps our home neat and pleasing, and helps me stay organized. This inspires me to pay careful attention to the smaller details, too, which helps me confront the larger problems I face with bravery and a calm mind and heart. Mr. Mann says that making little gestures and taking time to discover new things about your partner everyday will help prevent entropy from taking hold of your relationship. My husband and I focus our energy on doing this daily, and I am grateful to hear that we are on the right track.
John David Mann speaks beautifully about relationships and how to have productive disagreements. Simply take a deep breath and make a choice when confronting opposition that is not anger based. My life coaching sessions with Dr. Paula are teaching me how to do exactly this. I am finding the wherewithal to take a breath and let my often momentary anger and frustration disperse before speaking or engaging in an argument. This episode reinforces the fact that we have no control over the people and events that surround us, but we do have complete control over how we handle ourselves. I have believed this to be true for some time, but I am now putting it into practice constantly, and it is improving everything.
Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response
Marian, I can tell how deeply John’s ideas resonated with you. He clearly has chosen to take his life in his own hands, make deep changes, learn how to create a loving and harmonious relationship, and live a life of meaning and joy. When someone makes that kind of commitment, they become a shining example.
We are all here on the earth plane to learn and grow. Some of us have harder lessons than others in this incarnation. I find comfort in my belief that I chose this path before I came to earth. When I accept responsibility for my choices, not blame, but responsibility, it changes everything because if I’m responsible for my responses to what has happened to me, I also have the ability to make new choices and change the quality of my life. I applaud you for taking responsibility and choosing to grow and heal.
I want to remind you of the 2 mantras/affirmations that I use every day to help me through the difficult times and to bring more love and peace into my day:
- I say these 2 sentences for 3 minutes silently over and over again every morning:
I am love as I am loved.
All is love as all is loved.
- I say this one over and over again for as long as I need it at any time of the day or night:
Peace in my mind
Peace in my body
Peace in my spirit
Peace in my soul
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