Love Not Bullying

Posted by

Cynthia Brian on February 13, 2023

Empowerment

Love Versus Bullying

Share Your Heart!

Cynthia Brian

18 hr ago

Miracle Moment®

“Do not waste time bothering whether you

“love” your neighbor; act as if you did. . .

When you are behaving as if you loved someone

you will presently come to love him.” ~ C.S Lewis

A Message from Founder/Executive Director, Cynthia Brian

February…the month that Cupid shoots an arrow of love and acceptance and everyone becomes kind to one another. Except, that is not the case. As much as we talk about love and being loving, fear, hate, and bullying persist, often with deadly consequences.

A couple of months ago, my newest children’s book, No Barnyard Bullies, was published with proceeds benefitting Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3 charity. It is a true story that revolves around three main animals: a pampered piglet, a three-legged goat, and a tiny lopped-eared rabbit. The pampered piglet was adopted into my barnyard and immediately stared terrorizing the little goat who was born with only three legs. The additional barnyard inhabitants of chickens, ducks, geese, goats, and rabbits feared this new addition and didn’t help Tripod, the goat, or intervene to stop the bullying. One day the tiniest bunny of the bunch decided he was going to stand up to the bully in the barnyard. I had never seen a rabbit fight, but Monet, the bunny, was fearsome. Every time that Cookie, the piglet, attempted to harm Tripod, the goat, Monet flew into action to stop him. Monet began guarding Tripod day and night until the other barnyard critters stood up to the mean piglet as well. Cookie learned that if she wanted to assimilate into this new world, she would have to be kind and loving. It took time, but today, Cookie is a humungous hog and the sweetest animal in the barnyard, even giving piggyback rides to all of her new friends.

Bullies are made, they are not born mean and spiteful. Bullying doesn’t just appear, it emerges. When children grow up in an environment where criticism, insults, mockery, physical abuse, or a lack of empathy are present, instead of being loving individuals, they may grow up to be bullies, bystanders, or in some cases, the victims of bullying. Children respond to the dominant parenting style they experience.

As parents, caregivers, educators, coaches, and others who interact with children, it is our responsibility to model behavior that is loving, kind, inclusive, and respectful. We have the power to intercede before bullying occurs to help our children learn healthy ways of interacting with others. No person needs to be a bully, a bystander, or a victim.

We must all stand up for love.

I have learned numerous lessons from being observant of the animal kingdom. When love is the principal ingredient, everyone prospers. Life is sweeter and peaceful.

This week I was interviewed by Florida’s most popular garden expert, Teresa Watkins, on the issue of bullying. Tune in at https://audioboom.com/posts/8245921-better-lawns-and-gardens-hour-2-cynthia-brian-no-barnyard-bullies-february-11-2023.

Let’s stop bullying, be empathetic, and share the love.

Remember: Love yourself first.

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day.

With gratitude,

Cynthia Brian

Founder/Executive Director

Be the Star You Are!®

PO Box 376

Moraga, California 94556

Cynthia@BetheStarYouAre.org

https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org

http://www.BTSYA.org

DONATE: https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

Sponsor Books to Prevent Bullying

Would you like to do your part to stop bullying behavior? Be the Star You Are!® is seeking sponsors to buy the book, No Barnyard Bullies, in bulk at a discount to be distributed to schools and organizations. Our Kindness Coordinator, Karen Kitchel, bought books for every child in a kindergarten class and the teacher created a lesson around the theme. The result was kids cared more for one another. If you would like to scatter kindness and sponsor books for a school or organization of your choice, please email Cynthia Brian at cynthia@BetheStarYouAre.org for more information. Let’s spread love not hate.

Moraga Faire is Returning on April 29th

The last Morage Faire was held in 2019 as the pandemic stopped all in-person events. But, it will again be a day of celebration on Saturday, April 29th, and Be the Star You Are!® charity is excited to participate. If you want to participate in our booth by volunteering or sponsoring, contact us! We welcome you! Mark your calendars as this is a very fun, family faire!

When Quiet is not Peace

By Natalie Hsu

I grew up as a quiet child. And yet, I would never have described myself as quiet.

I didn’t speak often, but I lived in my head and was always lost in my thoughts. Had you asked me back then for the reason, I would have said that the world in my brain was simply a more interesting place. The only issue was, the people around me mistook my silence for a stubborn peacefulness and assumed me to be impenetrably calm. They didn’t know that everything in my head was always loud and confusing, swarming with thoughts that I never felt I could express.

From that period of my life, I learned that quietness does not always signify peace. As we face the world today, we must remember: peace is not the absence of violence or sound, but the presence of kindness and love; peace is not living without tumult, but living despite it and helping others to do the same.

It starts with one. One heart, one smile, one kind word, one book, that might spread the peace a little further.

Natalie Hsu is a teenage writer who volunteers with BTSYA from the San Francisco Bay Area whose goal is to spread kindness, one word at a time. When she’s not writing, she loves playing the piano, reading classic literature, and painting.

Amazon Smile Terminating

Along with other numerous grassroots nonprofits, Be the Star You Are!® was saddened to learn that the Amazon Smile program is ending on February 20th. Although Amazon gave a tiny percentage of each Amazon Smile purchase to the designated charity, pennies added to dollars. You have a few more days to shop through Amazon Smile while donating. Going forward, another great option for your purchases is to use IGIVE where over 2000 stores are featured with extra savings coupons for you. They are currently offering a $5.00 bonus donation through March 1. https://www.iGive.com/BTYSA

Reading in Community

by Julia Howe

Google “book communities,” and over 2,020,000,000 results appear.

You’re just one *click* away from reading “alone” to reading “together.”

Welcome to the online bookworm community, where millions of avid readers swap insights about everything from The Great Gatsby to the newest Percy Jackson! Places like Litsy are brimming with book clubs built by book lovers scattered across the globe, all embarking on a shared journey through the pages.

Stop by a site for burnt-out bookworms challenging each other to a Bronte-A-Day book challenge. Skim Goodreads reviews, each gushing bibliophile inviting you into new reading adventures.

Recently, I discovered the user who had completely changed the way I saw Dune was from Amsterdam. 5000+ miles bridged by a discussion between two voracious readers.

Bookhounds thrive in these communities, diverse in background but connected by a shared love of good books. Make 2023 your mission to enter this new world of reading!

Julia Howe is a teen reader, BTSYA Book Reviewer, and writer, passionate about youth mental health and literacy. She loves exploring innovative education methods and running long distances.

Be the Star You Are!® Honored as TOP NONPROFIT for 2023

For numerous consecutive years, Be the Star You Are!® has earned the honor of being a TOP NON PROFIT. Read what the public, donors, and volunteers are saying about their experiences in collaborating with Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3. Join our Community of Stars! Congratulations to all! Small and mighty!

Do You Want to Help? Here are lots of ways to make a difference.

Send a tax-deductible contribution or offer a monetary tribute or memorial for a loved one.
Buy our “Read, Lead, Succeed!” T-Shirts to give as gifts.

Donate air miles
Sponsor or advertise on our radio programs

Donate goods that can be auctioned off at an event
Make BTSYA a beneficiary of your UNITED WAY donation
Sponsor an event making the charitable beneficiary
Buy or Sell on eBay through GivingWorks

Shop online at thousands of stores by using one of these sites that give back:

Humble Bundle Digital Content

#Giving Tuesday PayPal adds 1%, Donate at https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504
Volunteer time
Become a Benefactor
Establish A Charitable Giving Account with an Investment Firm in the name of Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3
Donate rent money for our storage space

Please join our Galaxy of Stars and support BE THE STAR YOU ARE!® with your contributions and/or ask your company to be on our team. Visit our creative community at http://www.BTSYA.org for book reviews, news items, newsletters, and press pass clips.

Small DONATIONS Make a Big Difference to Others:

Decrease Violence. Increase Literacy.

$25 provides 5 new books.

$50 provides 12 new books.

$100 provides 28 new books.

Donate via Paypal Giving Fund

https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

or Visit Https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org

SEND CHECKS TO:

BE THE STAR YOU ARE!®

PO Box 376,

Moraga, California 94556

Make a donation via Paypal Giving Fund

View a partial list of beneficiaries we have served.

All donations are tax-deductible according to law. A tax receipt will be emailed to you for all donations over $25.00

Spreading love, kindness, and inclusivity. Happy Heartfelt February!

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Knowing You Are Good Enough with Barbara Jaffe by Dr Paula Joyce

Posted by

Editor on August 18, 2017

Empowerment

Knowing You Are Good Enough with Barbara Jaffe by Dr Paula Joyce

Barbara Jaffe received her doctorate in Education from UCLA. She’s a Tenured Professor of English at El Camino College, in Torrance, CA where she teaches literature and composition. Her focus is on helping students find their voice as a writer and teaching other instructors how to do the same. Dr. Jaffe received awards for Outstanding Woman of the Year and Distinguished Teacher of the Year from her college. Her doctoral research focused on teacher training for basic writing instructors, combining writing pedagogy with personal success strategies. She also teaches about the Holocaust. Barbara studied at Washington D.C.’s Holocaust Museum and did advanced work at USC’s Shoah Foundation where she learned how to integrate survivor testimonies within her writing courses. She is a docent at the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles and her new book is When Will I Be Good Enough? Visit her at www.barbaraannjaffe.com

Ninety percent of our self-talk is negative. Whether or not you think you have problems with not feeling good enough, this statistic tells us that all of us are constantly judging ourselves and rarely do we meet the impossibly high standards that we set for ourselves. Many of us learn to survive by being people pleasers or masking our low self-esteem or self-confidence with workaholism or a long list of accomplishments. The problem is that our public image doesn’t match our self-image. Whether our difficulties stem from an alcoholic or abusive parent, our gender or birth order or body size, a school bully, being a replacement child or not measuring up to some parental ideal, in the end, we must take responsibility for our own mental and emotional health. We all have the capability of learning to love, respect and nurture ourselves. When we do this, everything changes and the doors to an amazing life open wide. Please join us Thursday to learn how you can choose to be good enough.

More Here!

How You Can Become a Peak-Performing Person and Leader: Tackling Taboo Realities Like Sexual Violence and Tobacco Use Head-On by Hemda Mizrahi

Posted by

Editor on February 26, 2016

Business

How You Can Become a Peak-Performing Person and Leader: Tackling Taboo Realities Like Sexual Violence and Tobacco Use Head-On by Hemda Mizrahi

Leadership and social change experts Peter Prichard and Sarah Beaulieu joined me on âTurn the Pageâ to discuss two taboo topics—tobacco use and sexual violence. In sharing compelling personal stories that galvanized their social change missions, Peter and Sarah demonstrate how truth-telling can empower you to become a peak-performing person and leader who chooses to make a difference

Sarah and Peter extended their information sharing after the show to provide you with additional support and encouragement.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE IS NOT JUST A WOMENâS ISSUE.
Sarah notes, âOne challenge with sexual violence is that many people view it as a âwomenâs issue.â Sexual violence directly impacts about one out of four women AND one out of six men in the United States. You can learn more about the facts surrounding men and sexual violence at: http://theenlivenproject.com/convo-graphic-the-truth-about-men-and-sexual-violence/

OPPORTUNITIES FOR YOU TO CONTRIBUTE TO SOLUTIONS
Sarah is working on a book to help men support survivors of sexual violence in their lives and become stronger champions for sexual violence. If youâd like to contribute your perspective to this book, please complete her menâs survey and invite your colleagues and friends to do the same

She shares a few of the many practical ways that you can support stigmatized issues like sexual violence without re-vamping your companyâs community relations efforts: follow an anti-sexual violence organization on social media; sponsor a table at a fundraising event; or provide skilled volunteer support to group that works directly with survivors.

She also suggests exploring how sexual violence might intersect with issues that you or your employer already support, citing the following examples: âwhile childhood exposure to sexual violence can impact your physical and mental health (http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy), few organizations that focus on heart disease, diabetes, or obesity view sexual violence prevention and response as a part of their own work to eliminate these chronic conditions.

Similarly, sexual abuse or assault at home drives many adolescents into the foster care system, or homelessness, which in turn places them at higher risk. Groups committed to ending homelessness for teens ought to consider sexual violence prevention as a part of their strategy. Finally, sexual violence prevention can help to increase rates of high school graduation. According to Americaâs Promise Alliance (http://www.americaspromise.org), students need safe spaces and social supports to learn and thrive. That includes a home and school life free of sexual violence.â

WANT TO TAKE ON TOUGH CHALLENGES? Peter advises:

CREATE A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE THAT WILL DIRECT YOUR LIFE.
âIn my experience as a leadership development consultant and career coach, individuals who create a specific statement about who they are and what they represent are better positioned to tackle taboo realities or other difficult situations that confront them.â He references Stephen Coveyâs best-selling book, âThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective Peopleâ as a valuable resource for creating a personal mission statement (refer to Coveyâs chapter on Habit 2, âBegin with the end in mind.â). In Coveyâs words, hereâs what this declaration can do for you: âOnce you have that sense of mission, you have the essence of your own proactivity. You have the vision and the values, which direct your life. Â You have the basic direction from which you set your long-and short-term goals.â

BUILD RESILIENCY THAT IS GROUNDED IN SELF-AWARENESS.
Peter recommends Dr. Al Siebertâs book, âThe Resiliency Advantage: Master Change, Thrive Under Pressure, and Bounce Back From Setbacks,â and the confidential, free-of-charge, Resiliency Quiz available through Dr. Siebertâs site, www.resiliencycenter.com. The quiz will help you to identify and enhance the behaviors through which you respond to challenges.

ENSURE THAT YOUR AMBITION SERVES YOUR CAUSE & YOUR TEAM.
Referring to a June 2006 Harvard Business Review article entitled âLeadership Run Amok: The Destructive Potential of Overachievers,â Peter cautions: âMany overachievers act in a way that lessens positive feelings in others.â He points to the research of Jim Collins in his monograph âGood to Great and the Social Sectors,â which describes the most effective Level 5 Leaders as âambitious first and foremost for the cause, the movement, the mission, the work—not themselves.â

WHAT SKILLS DO YOU BRING TO THE REALITIES YOU FACE?
Understanding what you have to offer is foundational to leading yourself and others through difficult change initiatives. Peterâs websites offer tools through which you can inventory the range of competencies that will enable you to contribute to a positive result:
www.makebigtobaccounprofitable.com Â AND Â www.workforthecommongood.com.

CREATE A BRAIN-HEALTHY LIFESTYLE PLAN.
Peter identifies Dr. Paul Bendheimâs, book âThe Brain Training Revolution: A Proven Workout for Healthy Brain Functioning,â as a comprehensive, well-researched, and practical guide for accessing your mental capacity to confront challenges. Regardless of the resources you choose to engage, designing a lifestyle that enhances your physical and mental functioning will equip you to contribute to the common good more effectively and over a longer period of time.â

A MESSAGE FROM SARAH ABOUT WHATâS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TOO
âFacing a traumatic experience like sexual violence has taught me about resilience and strength, and enhanced my ability to support others in their leadership pathways.â

READ ON.
Peterâs own mission statement is reflected in two books that heâs written to bring into focus realities surrounding sexual violence and tobacco use amongst teens, and solutions: âDawn of Hopeâ AND âDawn of the Tobacco Wars: The Sequel to Dawn of Hopeâ.

We all have at least one torch to light! Sarah and Peter have inspired me to light mine! How about you? Listen to our conversation and learn more

EXPRESS YOURSELF! In Bullying-No Name Calling

Posted by

Editor on January 23, 2015

Express Yourself Teens Talk Discuss Tips & Tricks for Trips plus Anti-Bullying Info By Cynthia Brian

Posted by

Editor on July 1, 2014

Teens Talk about by Gratitude and Anti-Bullying

Posted by

Editor on December 5, 2013

Dealing with Peer Pressure

Posted by

Editor on August 5, 2013

Kids

What is peer pressure and how does it affect us? Peer pressure is the influence of the social group on an individual. If you have ever felt like someone was trying to get you to do something that you didnât want to do, you have experienced peer pressure. Peer pressure is JUST THAT-pressure. Just because âeveryone elseâ is doing it, is not a reason to do âitâ. In fact, lots of things people say they are doing, they really arenât. They are just bragging and trying to get others pressured into doing something.

On Express Yourself!â¢ today, our co-hosts Caie Kelley and Rachel Glass interview four reporters with various viewpoints pertaining to peer pressure. Isaiah Rankin, reporter for Nature Calls, shares the delicacy of eating tarantulas in Cambodia, our Fashion Forward reporter talks about the influence of fashion and trend on peer pressure. The ladies audition a new reporter, Alex Lee, with his segment #Hashtag and information on the social networking buzz plague, #YOLO. In addition, Economics Tune-Up Reporter, Alex Pawlakos, challenges us to be prudent with our money and the pressure to buy things we donât want or need.

Peer pressure is a topic that everyone has experienced at one time or another. Our teens urge listeners to be true to themselves, be their own self, their best self and listen to their inner guidance system. Claiming peer pressure is often just an excuse to misbehave. Be your own person.

Bruce Lee was right when he said, âIâm not in this world to live up to your expectations and youâre not in this world to live up to mine.â Listen at Voice America Kids Network:

Listen at Express Yourself!â¢ Teen Radio:

Photos, descriptions, links, and more at Express Yourself!â¢:

More information about the show at http://www.btsya.com/express_yourself_radio_show.html

Express Yourself!â¢ Teen Radio is produced by Cynthia Brian of StarstyleÂ® Productions, llc as an outreach program of Be the Star You Are!Â® charity. For information on being a guest email Katherine@BetheStarYouAre.org. To make a tax-deductible donation to keep this positive youth programming broadcasting weekly to international audiences, visit http://www.bethestaryouare.org/donate.htm. Thanks for supporting teens!

://www.bethestaryouare.org/donate.htm. Thanks for supporting teens!

Bullying: A childhood issue or one that occurs throughout life BY DR. SURITA RAO

Posted by

Editor on June 17, 2013

Health & Wellness

Bullying: A childhood issue or one that occurs throughout life BY DR. SURITA RAO

Bullying seems to have become rampant in our society today. With the tremendous increase in access to ever more sophisticated technology , new ways to carry put this age old practice have emerged . Yet, whether it is the physical bullying between boys in the school yard, social media and cyber bullying by so called ” mean girls” in and out of school, or the supervisor at work who uses tactics of intimidation to create a culture of fear , they all carry some common underlying psychological and behavioral patterns. One person is seen as weak or due to certain circumstances ends up in a weaker position and another person or people use techniques, designed to humiliate and harm them. Sometimes this is done to get something the other person wants, but at other times the bully or bullies just seem to like the feeling of power that this behavior brings them.

Are bullying behaviors increasing among our young people today or were they always there and more focus is being put on the issue in our current world? Many people think of “girl bullying” behaviors such as excluding someone from a high school clique or constantly making fun of their clothes and fashion sense as being a “softer” version, maybe not quite as bad as physical violence. Yet, it can inflict emotional scars that impact the victim long into adulthood, sometimes through their entire life.

We want to teach our kids to be kind to each other, to share and help bring the classmate or playmate along that appears weaker but are we inadvertently sending them mixed messages as society as a whole values success and winning more and more. What kind of role modeling are we providing to them in the media, in our everyday lives, as we wait in line at the grocery store or drive in traffic or even compete for the promotion at work? Is there a way to raise children who will be successful and ambitious, yet be able to achieve their goals without kicking someone off the ladder behind them? Patterns of bullying or treating one family member or sibling badly,being constantly overtly critical of them can occur in families and often persist throughout life, even when people have grown up and have their own children. The victims in many situations often do not speak up in order to âkeep the peaceâ or not to be rude.

These are questions that do not always have a clear cut answer. The more overt forms of bullying are still present, may be easier o identify as long as someone comes forward, either a victim or an observer. Those need to be dealt with in a decisive manner and a culture needs to be created in our schools and workplaces that allow people to come forward without fear. The situations that are not so easily resolved are when the intimidation is more in a grey zone.

Also, what about simple teasing? When is it good natured fun and when does it go too far harming another person? One way to set some clear stop signs is when the other person is getting upset or uncomfortable. Let us teach our kids to learn to put themselves in the other person’s shoes, think about what they are experiencing, empathize with them rather than always think of them as the other.

Surita Rao, M.D. is the physician leader of the Behavioral Health Services at Saint Francis Care and host of the show, Mental Health with Dr. Surita Rao on the VoiceAmerica Health and Wellness channel. She completed medical school at Bankura Sammilani Medical College in India and did her psychiatry residency training at St.Vincentâs Hospital in Staten Island, New York and the Yale University School of Medicine. She did her addiction psychiatry fellowship at the Yale University School of Medicine. She has been on the faculty at both Yale and Emory Universities. She is an Assistant Clinical Professor with the University of Connecticut School of Medicine.

Her clinical work has focused on addiction psychiatry, including both substance use disorders and dual diagnosis issues. She has worked with impaired physicians and other health care professionals.

Upon completing her fellowship training, she worked as the Medical Director of the methadone maintenance clinics at Yale University School of Medicine. She has been the Chair of Behavioral Health at Saint Francis since 2002 and is the President of the Saint Francis Behavioral Health Group.

Dr. Rao is on the Board of Directors for the American Society of Addiction Medicine and is co-chair of their national membership committee. She is also on the Executive Committee of the Connecticut Chapter.

Dr. Rao is chair of the physiciansâ health committee at Saint Francis. She also serves on the Board of the Saint Francis Foundation and has been appointed as a Corporator for Saint Francis Care.

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