Most people would agree that âbreaking up is hard to do.â Whereas there is a great deal of attention to the broken heart of a lost love, there is much less focus on the difficulty of being the one to break up a relationship. Â Issues like fear of judgment, co-dependency, family expectations and dismissal of oneâs own needs complicate the breaking up of a dating relationship. Â Understanding and strategies offered. Learn More.
Sometimes Bright and Shiny Isnât the Best: A Berry Pickerâs Guide to Dating
An excerpt from How to Have A Match Made in Heaven: A Transformational Approach to Dating, Relating and Marriage
by Ariel & Shya Kane
I started picking berries for money at the age of 6. My aunt Joyce took me with her to the berry fields to âhelp outâ at her summer job and after a full day of picking strawberries, (many of which made their way into my mouth) I was proud to bring home three shiny dimes for my labors. My mother put them in a place of honor before dinner and I went to bed that night dreaming of all the penny candy I could buy at the little store in town.
All of the local kids I knew picked berries during the summer to make spending money and some to pay for school clothes and supplies in the year ahead. There were many growers around and so we worked the season: First strawberries, then raspberries, a short crop of boysenberries (by far the easiest), marionberries or blackcaps, then blackberries. In fact, picking berries was so common where I grew up that it never occurred to me until after I moved to New York at age 19 that not everyone spent summers in the berry fields.
Each summer, my mom would also make us wonderful deserts featuring local fruit and at the end of the season, one of my favorites was blackberry cobbler. My sisters and I would take large metal bowls and fill them with the wild berries that grew by the roadside or down at the edge of the field on our property and Mom would turn them into something delightful.
Shya and I went to visit my parents for their 60th wedding anniversary this past August, (Congrats to Mom and Dad!) and so we were there during the height of the blackberry season. In order to keep fit, given all of my motherâs excellent meals, Shya and I decided to take a walk on the Springwater Corridor, a 40 mile loop that was created for walking or bike riding following an old trolley right-of-way. This paved walking trail has large cane blackberry bushes that grow in abundance on either side. During our walk I picked a few for Shya and myself and they tasted heavenly. I actually went to bed that night dreaming of taking a large metal bowl and filling it once again for my mom.
A couple days later we again went for a walk and now after additional time in the sun, there were even more of these ripened dark beauties hanging in clusters both high and low. My Aunt Larrita had just brought my folks a whole crate of them so I was relieved of the desire to do any serious picking and could simply focus on finding the ripest, juiciest, yummiest ones to savor â staining our tongues a dark purple.
As I was picking with Shya I realized that his lack of experience had him reaching for those berries that I would never pick. He automatically was drawn to the bright and shiny berries glowing in the sun. They looked perfect. They looked just like the ones you would find in the store: tasty but tartâ¦usually very tart. And so I began to teach him from an old country girl perspective how to spot and pick âblack gold.â
First you have to search for those that appear somewhat dull â they were easy to overlook when you had those that were bright and shiny hanging nearby. Then you need to put your thumb and index finger around the one that caught your eye and test for two things: If it was still really firm it wasnât ripe enough. If the berry resists when you pull, it isnât ripe enough, either. If you want a berry that will melt in your mouth, tasting of long summer days, warm from the sun, find one that has lost its sheen; a berry that looks almost dusty and lackluster, one that practically falls apart in your hand. And donât forget to include those tucked away, or hanging down low where people forget to look. They were everywhere. All you needed was to have the eyes to see.
On our last walk, we ate our way down the corridor and fully sated, strolled hand-in-hand as we headed back to the car. It was there, on that sun-kissed stretch that I realized that picking berries is a lot like dating. Often people forget that the commercialized image of the perfect pick has influenced what they are looking for and blinds them to seeing what is really and truly sweet âfruit.â In the magazines, on book covers and in advertisements, the person of your dreams never has a receding hairline or an ounce of extra fat. The picture perfect datable person has perfect teeth, never has bad breath and is a runway model or someone famous. They never get the flu or have challenges at work. They donât fart and never have salad stuck in their teeth. He or she is never older or younger, of a different ethnic group or religion and they certainly arenât divorced with kids.
Folks are mesmerized by the bright and shiny people and they miss those around them that are sweeter, fully ripened and ready for picking. They look only at eye level in the picked over branches and time and again those in the dating game reach for only for the sour fruit â for those that are resistant to their advances. But if you look, there are people ripe and ready. They are everywhere. All you need is to have the eyes to see.
Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UK, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their four award-winning books. Â Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.
2/10/16 – Donât Lose that Lovinâ Feeling
Researchers have concluded that passionate, romantic love that starts as a roaring fire has an average life of about 12 to 18 months before it dies out. In this romantic episode of Being Here, join Ariel & Shya Kane as they discuss how to keep that Lovinâ Feeling. Callers welcome at Tel# 1-866-472-5795!
Listen Live this Wednesday, February 10th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Network.
After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here.
You can also subscribe to BEING HERE on iTunes!
Every week, Express Yourself!â¢ will bring you a stimulating program based on a chapter from our award winning book Be the Star You Are!Â® for Teens.
Can eating dark chocolate before going on a date help you be more relaxed? Find out in todayâs Express Yourself!â¢ with hosts Henna Hundal and Asya Gonzalez as they chat with regular reporters, Alex Pawlakos, Courtney Cheng, and Brigitte Jia.
Alex offers many anxiety relief tips in his segment of Health Rap that will be helpful not only for dating opportunities but for all encounters.
Courtneyâs Book It! report explores the ups and downs of dating through two movies, The F Word and Everything Before Us that portray relationships between teenagers, young adults, and adults in a realistic manner.
Asya and Henna engaged in a discussion about trust, connection, values, morals, and kindness regarding dating.
The ebullientÂ Brigitteâs report of Art Attack is specifically about her top five favorite art pieces created in the spirit of romance and passion. Let love reign.
Express Yourself! Teen Radio is produced by Cynthia Brian of Starstyle Productions, llc as an outreach program of Be the Star You Are! charity. To make a tax-deductible donation to keep this positive youth programming broadcasting weekly to international audiences. Dare to care!
Be the Star You Are! charity. It’s the Season of Giving Make a donation today. Buy books and shirts at StarStyle Radio.
Starstyle, Be the Star You Are, and Miracle Moments are registered trademarks of Cynthia Brian
Rediscovering yourself post-divorce can be incredibly challenging and overwhelming.Â The Mother Risingâs show on The Empowerment Channel has not only taken on recreating yourself anew through out the month of June but will be spending the rest of July on Dating After Divorce.
The showâs host, Margaret Jacobson, Divorce Wellness coach has recruited fellow experts from the love and relationship site YourTango to join in on Preparing for Your First Date on 7/10/14, as well as Reframing Dating Fears and Understanding Dating as Self-Discovery on 7/17/14.
Then on July 24th, The Mother Rising tackles Sexual Play, Pleasure and Preventions as she brings on SexGeekdom guru, Kate McCombs, and wrapping up July, Margaret has The Real Matchmaker of San Francisco, Anni Powers with your inside scoop on Finding an Authentic Match.
Striving to provide listeners with access to everything they need to make clear choices as they journey through the fog of divorce, a health challenge, loss of loved one, infidelity and more. The Mother Rising will feature experts on Self-Care in August, Relationship Reflection in September, and Parenting Through Divorce in October. The Mother Rising hosts authors, coaches, parenting experts, and more.
Embrace your challenging circumstance in its entirety: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually and be inspired to create the life you know that is authentically your own. Receive heart felt wisdom that will inspire and empower you to nurture the fire within that has been nearly put out. Â Witness yourself employing simple tools and strategies that allow you to thrive in joy, love and freedom with your host Margaret Jacobson every Thursday.