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More Love, More Intimacy and Less Conflict for Couples – With Jonathan Robinson

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Empowerment
More Love, More Intimacy and Less Conflict for Couples – With Jonathan Robinson

 

In a recent episode of my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, Jonathan told us the key to having a happy marriage is in becoming a great communicator, not just a good one. He pointed out that we all want to be appreciated, loved and understood. The best way to get someone to hear you is to first make sure they feel heard and understood. Then they are open to listening to your perspective. He showed us that the word intimacy translates to “into me see.” In other words, be vulnerable, allow your partner to see into you. With 30% of couples being from different political parties, the techniques that Jonathan teaches are more needed now than ever. These techniques are also effective for social justice and communication, leadership and team building within businesses. They are so powerful that Jonathan visits jails and within 10 minutes he is able to change the minds of people who identify as Nazis and have killed because of it. He said it works every time. Jonathan learned some of his strategies by talking with people like the Dali Lama and Oprah. He generously shared with us some techniques that he uses every day with his wife to keep the love alive and prevent conflict. To listen to this show, I encourage you to click here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Bring in Positive Energy: The color pink is emotionally healing and will lift your spirits. When you feel fear, you can shift your energy. Ask God/Goddess/The Universe to fill you with pink light. See pink light coming from the heavens, through the top of your head and moving through your whole body. Enjoy the feeling of peace. You can use pink in other ways as well. Pink flowers on the table, especially roses, create a positive mood. Use pink touches around your home, including the bedroom. Depending on your tastes, this can be subtle or more pronounced. Other possibilities are to burn pink candles or wear pink clothing or jewelry. Rose quartz attracts love and can be placed around the house, in your bedroom, worn as a piece of jewelry or put in your pocket or purse. If you don’t have access to a store carrying rose quartz in your area, it’s easy to purchase on the internet.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Relationships are far more complicated since the last presidential election. After some of the experiences I’ve had recently, I’m beginning to believe that online dating sites need to add the question: who did you vote for in the last presidential election and would you vote for them again given what you know today? I think it would save people a lot of time and unpleasant experiences. If this is the case with dating, what must it be like in a marriage that existed before 2016?

I know one woman who doesn’t ever voice her opinion to her husband or his family on topics like gun control or President Trump’s actions. She made that choice in order to avoid arguments or a divorce. But is the price too high? Have we forgotten how to disagree in a civil way? Can we even have a healthy, supportive relationship with someone who doesn’t share our values or would you want to be married to someone who doesn’t share your values? It’s true we can’t agree on everything, but on some matters the divide is too great to look the other way. Just like friendships and family relationships are being affected by our current administration, so are marriages and dating.

Recently I had two challenging experiences with men I met online. Both men were spiritual with shared interests and everything sounded great until the topic of guns came up. Suddenly men who had been talking about how we are all one and sharing deep spiritual experiences and beliefs became people who were totally out of sync with those beliefs. One man has three bird feeders and lives on the water so he can commune with nature. That same man told me how automatic weapons should be legal and they aren’t the reason so many people have been killed in recent mass shootings. I felt like he became a different person. My silver lining was in the way I handled the conversation. Since we were on the phone, I tried having a logical and respectful discussion. By the third attempt, it became clear to me that such a conversation with him was not possible. Since he was lecturing me and didn’t want to hear my opinion, I finally talked over him and said that I was going to hang up since we weren’t having a real conversation. I then wished him success in finding someone who shared his values. I was pleased that I didn’t allow myself to be drawn into a shouting match or to be intimidated. At one point, I remember asking myself if this was a deal breaker. After all, I do live in Texas and guns are a way of life for a lot of people. I needed to be conscious about where I draw the line. And yes, it was a deal breaker. So I don’t have to ask myself that question again. I can’t and won’t disregard my values for any reason, including, or maybe, especially for a relationship.

The second man also challenged me to examine my values and to understand more deeply the complexity of another human being. Again, all was going well until he started telling me how happy he is that our President is a bully because he can stand up to his North Korean counterpart. Again, my opinion was irrelevant. In fact, he was fully engaged in our conversation until I disagreed with him. He tried to change the topic. I said I had listened to his opinion and I would like him to listen to mine. At that point, he picked up his smart phone and  started reading email while I spoke. As with the previous man, I was getting clear signals that his opinion was the only one that mattered. I’m not willing to be in a relationship with that level of disrespect. As I was saying good-bye, he started talking about his mother who had died of cancer. He couldn’t finish the sentence because he was overcome with tears. I wasn’t able to bring closure in that moment because he left abruptly. To my surprise, he wanted to go out again and contacted me several times even after I said that our values were too different for a relationship to work. My silver lining was witnessing the complexity of a person who is steeped in spiritual learning, has a tenderness that led to sobbing over the death of his mother and also thinks that guns and President Trump are good for the USA. Again my values and boundaries were tested. I know who I am and where I draw the line and I also have more compassion for people whose own values are contradictory and they don’t even realize it.

After a lifetime of abuse, the main silver lining for me was that I consistently chose to end relationships with men who are not willing to listen to me. I have been saying that we must speak up and voice our opinions. That’s true in our personal relationships as well as in the public arena of social justice, the environment, civil rights, and respectful treatment of all living beings.

For Previous Shows Like This:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped hundreds of thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through her writing, coaching, and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was chosen by Expertise as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

 

Dan Millman-Life You Were Born to Live, Healthy College Teens, Money Talk for Kids

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Empowerment
Dan Millman-Life You Were Born to Live, Healthy College Teens, Money Talk for Kids

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Twenty-five years ago Dan Millman wrote The Life You Were Born to Live. The original book described thirty-seven life paths, one of which will apply accurately to anyone born between 1750 and 1999. The revised and updated 25th Anniversary Edition covers all forty-five birth numbers (life paths), revealing a quick and accurate means to determine one’s own birth number (and corresponding life path) and the life paths of friends, loved ones, colleagues, parents, and acquaintances. It also covers the strengths and challenges of each life path in areas of health, money, and sexuality, as well as key spiritual laws to help anyone overcome the hurdles on their own path. Twenty years ago, Dan Millman was interviewed by Cynthia Brian about living on purpose. Cynthia Brian and Dan Millman will converse on the subject of his peaceful warrior philosophy of success.

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How can a parent make sure a teen will be healthy at college? Planning in advance of any emergencies will ease the stress. Cynthia Brian offers simple sound advice for sending your child off to school!

Building financial literacy in kids is essential for life success. Important money skills can be taught starting early. Want to know age-appropriate lessons to offer your youngsters? You can raise a capable and financially literate child in a safe, loving environment by incorporating money talk into fun activities. 

Bio: Dan Millman, former world-champion gymnast, coach, martial arts teacher, and college professor, is the author of seventeen books published in twenty-nine languages and shared across generations to millions of readers. His internationally bestselling book Way of the Peaceful Warrior was adapted to film in 2006. Dan speaks worldwide to people from all walks of life. He lives in New York City. www.PeacefulWarrior.com.

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Listen at Voice America Network: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/108769/dan-millman-life-you-were-born-to-live-healthy-college-teens-mo

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JUST PUBLISHED: Be the Star You Are! Millennials to Boomers Celebrating Positive Voices in a Changing Digital World and Growing with the Goddess Gardener. Available at www.CynthiaBrian.com/online-store

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When you are looking for upbeat, life-changing, and mind-stretching information, you have come to the right place. Host Cynthia Brian takes you on a journey of exploration that will encourage, inspire, and motivate you to make positive changes that offer life-enhancing results. It’s party time on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®. And YOU are invited! Join us LIVE 4-5pm Pt on Wednesdays or tune in to the archives at your leisure. Come play in StarStyle Country. Catch up with all broadcasts on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/starstyle-be-the-star-you-are!/id669630180?mt=2

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Greek Mythology Provides Insight, Wisdom and Guidance – With Ellen Tadd

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Empowerment
Greek Mythology Provides Insight, Wisdom and Guidance – With Ellen Tadd

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Clairvoyant Ellen Tadd shared the beautiful experience she had as she went into labor with her son. He came to her to see if she was alright. Then Ellen saw a bright white light enter into her abdomen, which was confirmation of what so many of us already know—we all come from the spiritual realm. She shared her understanding that happiness is not about getting what you want. It’s about bringing your best self to the situation. We are here on earth to fulfill our spiritual nature, and we have two main tools to help us do so. The first is deep listening or meditation and the second is deep looking with our 3rd eye, also known as the Tadd Technique. Ellen was so generous with the wisdom and knowledge she shared, even walking us through the Tadd Technique and her special meditation process. As she pointed out, most methods of meditation are actually relaxation exercises. Ellen’s meditation process gives you direct connection with the spiritual world and opens the crown chakra for expansion, happiness, inspiration, and trust. To listen to this show, I encourage you to click here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Create a Positive Mood. Change your mood by changing your behavior: shower, go for a walk or open the curtains. Then do something you enjoy. Doing something different helps you shift your energy and your focus. Just the physical act of moving can help you move from one state of mind to another. Sometimes our mind gets stuck in a groove and we need to take an action to shift our attention, shift our focus, and shift our attitude. The mind can grab onto something and keep repeating it and even expanding it until something small and inconsequential gets blown out of proportion and begins to feel overwhelming. We don’t have to allow this to happen. We have the choice to gain control of our thoughts or feelings, refocus our attention and shift our mood. When we do this, we can prevent ourselves from moving into fear and anxiety and even create feelings of joy. If we are out with other people and start to feel overwhelmed by the negativity in the conversation, we still have a choice. We can go to the restroom for an escape or attempt to change the topic or the direction of the conversation, and if nothing is helping, we can choose to leave in a way that doesn’t insult anyone, but allows us to be in charge of our own well-being. It can be as simple as saying, “I’m tired and need to leave now. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.” Especially in this time of increasing fears and discord, we must continue to find ways to keep our attitude positive and not add to the chaos in the world.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Now for my silver lining stories. I’ve worked hard to learn to focus on what is important to me in the moment and not allow myself to be distracted by the noises and demands of my surroundings. So when I was meditating and my cell phone signaled me that I had a text, my first thought was to ignore it until I was finished. On most days, this is not a problem, but on this particular day, I felt drawn to look at my phone. When I followed this pull, I was grateful. It was a message from my daughter asking if I was awake. It was highly unusual for me to get this message on a workday morning, so I responded yes and received a special treat. She had taken the day off work and was home with her 10 month old son. I had some delightful facetime with them as he was crawling around, pulling up, smiling and making happy sounds playing with his blocks and turning the pages of his cardboard book. Had I delayed my response to her until after my meditation, I would have missed this joy because he would have been down for his nap. Yes, boundaries are important. It’s also important to know when to trust the messages I’m receiving. Following my intuition was my silver lining.

Marian Stephens’ Story

This week’s episode of Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the spirit with Ellen Tadd featuring her new book The Infinite View was captivating. Ellen Tadd is a clairvoyant, and her first clairvoyant experience was when her mother’s spirit came back to talk to her. Her mother had a severe case of multiple sclerosis and relayed that her life on Earth was to understand the suffering people endure and learn compassion. One part of my healing journey has been to try to understand why I chose this body for my time on Earth. As I understand it, until I learn and understand this lesson, it will continue to manifest. Some symptoms have improved, and I think that it’s because I realized that I have the power to heal my body simply by getting in touch with my spirit using spiritual practices. Perhaps part of my purpose is to share this journey with those who would learn from it, which I am beginning to do. Dr. Paula’s tip of the week is to create a positive mood. I have been doing this since I heard those words, and it’s a powerful tool that is simple to use. I’ve just turned on music, adjusted lighting, gone on short walks, or taken a moment to redirect negative thoughts. The outcome is I feel much calmer, and my house is calm.

Since I have begun listening to the show, my life has drastically improved. To continue and deepen healing my mind, body, and spirit, I asked Dr. Paula for further help by having life coaching sessions with her. The situation with my oldest son became explosive and angry and overwhelming, so he is staying with his father. I am faced with so many difficult decisions right now that it’s a little scary. After my first session with Dr. Paula, I left with a sense of clarity that I have never had before. No matter which path I take, it will be hard. But, using what I learn from these sessions will be key to making the best choices for myself and my family.

Dr. Paula asked her listeners what you can do to prevent becoming overwhelmed by your emotions. This is probably the thing I am struggling with the most. I have never been one to cry and working through all the trauma that I have been through is bringing about a very strong emotional response. I wish I could cry at the appropriate time – in therapy or when I am having a quiet moment alone, but that is not the way it’s working. I got extremely upset in the middle of the night two days ago and cried the rest of the night. I feel much better because I must get rid of the negative emotions and deal with the sense of loss that I feel, the loss of what I thought motherhood would be. I just want to figure out how to do this without keeping my husband awake all night!

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

There really is no right time to cry. Tears come when they’re ready, and it isn’t always at a convenient time. This is especially true when we are not used to allowing ourselves to feel deep pain and to let it go. Sometimes we do get overwhelmed in the middle of the night or when watching a movie or having a private thought in the middle of dinner. The tears actually have a chemical in them that helps us heal. So they are good us. The problem is that society has taught us not to cry in public or when others are around because it’s a sign of weakness. In truth, it’s a sign of strength. Being strong enough to be vulnerable is a good thing and we should model it for our children. Until we’re comfortable enough to do that, we can always excuse ourselves and go to the bathroom or outside for a walk where we can shed our tears privately. When you have a lot of unexpressed tears stored up, it takes time to release them all. Just like there is no right time to cry, there is no right amount of tears to cry or length of time that it takes to cry them all. Just know that it will be done when it’s done. It can feel as if you’ve cried more tears than are possible for any one person to shed. When you feel this way, remind yourself that the tears are releasing the pain, which is far better than allowing yourself to continue to keep the pain inside where it is doing damage to your physical, mental and emotional well-being. It’s a better choice to cry and heal.

Here are a few previous shows with psychics:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped hundreds of thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Empowerment
Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Marriage counselors and best-selling authors, Charlie and Linda Bloom recently joined me on Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit to talk about their new book, That Which Doesn’t Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. This was Linda’s second visit and what a delight to now know Charlie, too. They are in a unique position to help couples heal in a profound way because they understand the challenges in a relationship from the perspective of counselors as well as from the perspective of a couple who had to face the pain in their own relationship. They shared much hard-earned wisdom with us. At base, their story is one of two people finding the courage to be vulnerable, to look deeply at their own behavior, and to truly change within themselves to become whole and a worthy partner while also healing their life as a couple. It is much easier to point a finger and assess blame than it is to acknowledge our own role in the conflict and grow where we need to. They say it isn’t about finding the perfect, right person. It’s about working through the differences and accepting who the other person is, especially in the ways they are not like us. Healing takes skills, courage, time, patience, forgiveness, non-attachment, empathy, compassion, and commitment. For more helpful information, listen to this show by clicking here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Walk the Labyrinth. Find a Labyrinth in your area, indoors or out, and walk it. Before you enter it, say a prayer asking for what you want to release and receive. As you walk into the center, you will release what you no longer need. In the center, you will hear answers from your Higher Self, from God, from the spiritual realm. As you walk out, you will be lighter and move more into your true self. The Labyrinth is created through sacred geometry and as such, it holds energy of a very high and positive spiritual nature. No negative energies are allowed to enter. You can get answers to questions and solutions to problems that are causing you pain—emotionally, mentally or physically. When you walk the Labyrinth with others, the sacred space helps you heal relationships, find mutually acceptable solutions, and create closer bonds. Couples, families, friends, or any team or group can choose to walk the Labyrinth together with a specific purpose in mind. When I was with a group of life coaches who were trying to build a business together, I led our group on a Labyrinth walk to help create a team. Although the business partnership didn’t work out for several practical reasons, the friendships we developed did. Twenty years later, I can still call any of them, and I’ll get a call back within the day.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

My silver lining story for today is about a small writing group I was in a number of years ago. One member left the group to move to a new city. When she moved back several months later, the relationships within the group had changed. She, however, was expecting to assume her old role. She was very angry when her expectations weren’t met and started disrupting the meetings. We walked the Labyrinth in an attempt to solve the problem and redevelop the group closeness. We then wrote about our experience in the Labyrinth, which was followed by an open group discussion. Not all problems can be solved to everyone’s satisfaction, and she chose to leave the group permanently. My silver lining was allowing myself to let go of my fear of speaking my truth in what had become an extremely tense and unpleasant relationship.

This is what I wrote after walking the Labyrinth:

What’s the boundary between the self and the group? Does responsibility for individual growth have to be subsumed into the will of the group? What does it mean to be part of a group and still an individual? Do I not speak because it might hurt someone else? What about survival of the self? And what about projection? What is reality and what is in my head or a dragon from the past breathing revenge, competition or hurt? Learnings and re-entry are painful. Everything changes. So the cards are thrown up in the air and they land in some new configuration. Are we not all entitled to continued growth and development? How do we work it out? It’s rarely pretty and easy and harmonious. All groups go through discord to reach true intimacy. Are we willing to risk that? Am I willing to risk that? Life is too precious. Learning is too sweet to do it any other way. So the words must be spoken and hurt gone through to reach the other side. 

Marian Stephens’ Story

I was so moved by what Linda and Charlie Bloom offered that I immediately read their book. They give guidance on how to prevent having a breakdown or a breakup in a relationship, and instead, having a breakthrough. I just got married six months ago, and we are nowhere near having a breakup. I have been struggling, however, with how to handle conflict and the overwhelming emotional response I am experiencing with working on healing my mind, body, and spirit. After listening, I realize that if I cannot change some of my behaviors, I will cause more and more damage to the relationship with my husband that I cherish with all my heart.

Linda Bloom found herself feeling that she was the victim of her relationship and circumstances, and I find myself identifying with her in so many ways. I truly was never in the wrong in my last relationship with an abusive man – he instigated fight after fight that ended in physical and verbal violence until I walked away. The problem is that I have been unknowingly positioning myself as the victim every time I have conflict with my husband; using words such as “you should, could, always, never, only…” It’s true that I very rarely start an argument, but I find myself quick to anger and unwilling to take a moment to walk away, catch my breath, and look at my own behavior when an argument arises. It is so much easier to blame and seek an apology from my husband, which he is all too willing to give me because he does not want to hurt me. If I feel vindicated, I never have to deal with the pain of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for my actions. But, I know in my heart this is untenable and unfair to both of us. Part of my work in healing must be meditation to learn to quiet the storm of anger that rages in my mind when conflict arises–actual conflict with others and the conflict I feel internally when reconciling and working through the past.

In this episode, Dr. Paula asks what relationship you want to heal. I want to repair my relationship with my oldest son. Our entire family is giving so much effort to facilitating this, and he is not responding. We were on vacation at the beach this week, and he got so angry with me that he exploded and told me he will not come back to live with me until I choose between him and my husband. So, this is my new relationship challenge, and I am somewhat at a loss. I am going to continue to learn and grow and apply all of that to my parenting challenges, and, impart what I am learning to my children so they can navigate the hurt and anger they are feeling, too.

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

I recognize how much you want to heal your relationship with your son. You must remember, however, that there are two people in this relationship and both people must want to have a healthy relationship for that to happen. No one can create a healthy relationship with another person by themselves. That your 18-year-old son wants you to choose between him and your husband is not an appropriate request, or in this case, ultimatum. Some things you can fix and some you can’t. This is very hard for a mother to acknowledge, but as you noted in the last blog, you have to be selfish and take care of yourself first. Your son should not be allowed to destroy your relationship with your husband or your other children. He needs to learn his place in the family and you need to have the strength to let him know he is not in charge. We all have challenges and disappointments in life. Learning what we can and cannot change is part of being human. Your challenge here is to keep strong boundaries with your son, recognize the legacy of abuse that he learned from his father, and heal the emotional pain that this relationship is causing you. You may not have control over creating a healthy relationship with your son, but you do have control over your response to him and his demands. That’s how you take back your power, heal and create a healthy relationship with yourself.

For more shows on Healthy Relationships:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

Listen to Your Body to Heal Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally – With Noa Belling

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Empowerment
Listen to Your Body to Heal Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally – With Noa Belling

By Dr. Paula Joyce, Ph.D.

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Noa Belling, talked with us about ways to listen to your body in order to heal physically, mentally and emotionally. She shared the importance of exercising the muscle of joy, of feeling passionate about what we do and spending time with the people we love. There’s new research on the social nervous system, which are the parts of our brain that help us create more joy, happiness, immunity, and resilience, down to the cellular level. It turns out that having joy and fun increases your ability to have more joy, fun, and happiness. Noa also gave us a powerful technique to help change your negative thinking. As she took us through it, I suddenly had difficulty breathing. I knew something from the past had surfaced to clear. Here’s the technique: First ask yourself, what is my body telling me? Do I have tension on one side of my body or tightness in my chest? Then notice if standing more upright makes you feel more comfortable or maybe taking a deep breath helps you release the tension. This will open you up to new ways of thinking and being more resourceful and creative. Even doing something small is empowering because it gives you control over your emotional, mental and physical well-being. To learn more, I encourage you to click here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Be Positive. The person we judge the most is ourselves. Listen for the ways in which you criticize yourself and others. When you think or hear a negative thought, turn it into a positive. For instance, replace, “I’m stupid,” with “I know a lot of things,” and in response to “how are you?” instead of saying “bad headache” or “boss chewed me out,” think of something good in your life and share it. Being negative is a habit of the mind. You can prevent yourself from moving into a downward spiral of stress, worry, panic, illness or pain by catching your negative thoughts and changing them. We have a false belief in current times, that once a thought is in your mind, there’s no way to get it out. That is just not true. We can change our thoughts and we can change our outlook on life. I have done it for myself and have helped my clients do it, too. The more positive we become, the healthier we become.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

As my regular listeners know, I have been working on healing my own body since 1980. At the age of 15, I was diagnosed with scoliosis and told I didn’t need surgery. After giving birth to 2 children, my spine started to get worse and the doctors wanted to put a steel rod up my spine. I refused and began an adventure chock full of silver linings. Although my goal was to heal my spine, what I discovered was how my emotions, thoughts and physical ailments were all connected. To heal one, I really had to work on healing everything. Because I had lived my whole life with abuse, I had never learned how to process and release painful thoughts and emotions. Consequently they got stuck in my body and grew into a disfigured spine, panic attacks, on-going sinus and respiratory infections, gall bladder, digestive and bladder problems, brown spots on my skin, and osteoporosis. My thoughts were filled with doom and gloom, blame, guilt and resentment. Anger, hurt and sadness were always close to the surface and no matter how many degrees I had, how long my list of accomplishments was or what my job title and salary were, I never felt like I had done enough or was good enough. My desire to heal my spine, led me to the people and experiences that changed me on the inside, helped me face and let go of the thoughts, emotions and people that were hurting me, and led to profound physical healing. I’m still in process, but I feel and look younger and am stronger physically, emotionally and mentally. Some of my conditions have healed and the rest are much improved and continue to heal to the point where people comment on my disappearing wrinkles and the improvement in my spine. In addition, I’ve learned a tremendous amount about new ideas and methods for healing the body as well as powerful traditional ones, like acupuncture and healing with the help of the spiritual realm, where true miracles are just everyday occurrences. My acupuncturist marvels at the power of the body to heal itself and my spiritual healer gives all of the credit to the guides, angels and archangels who do the actual healing as we open our hearts and minds to them and invite and allow their help. In fact, just this week, Archangel Gabriel told me to trust that my guides were helping me. Trust has not come easily to me after a lifetime of trusting the wrong people. But I have learned to trust my guides and angels and they continue to prove that miracles are real. I’ve received the added blessings of growing in my spiritual knowledge and connection, my personal life, my career, my understanding of abuse, its legacy and how to heal the generational pattern, and I’ve grown in the spiritual qualities of strength, forgiveness, love, including self-love, compassion, empathy, acceptance, non-judgment and more. Along the way, I have also learned how to listen to my body and do my part to facilitate my own healing in partnership with my helpers in the physical realm and in the spiritual realm.

Marian Stephens’ Story

I have listened to Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit every Thursday since January without fail. A few weeks ago, Noa Belling was featured, and this was the first show that I missed live. I was in what felt like a physical crisis mode – I was having an emergency colonoscopy the morning of the show to assess the problems I am having with my digestive system, and I found out that I need to have surgery. So, I felt like everything was just crashing down around me. The silver lining to missing the show is that I was not ready to receive the message of that episode. So it worked out for the best that I was in a better state of mind when I did listen. Noa Belling encourages one to listen to their body to discover more about their emotions and feelings, finding patterns and then working to change those patterns held in the body, thereby changing the emotional state. I have found this to be a powerful tool; just using my mind’s eye to scan my body and focus my energy on places that are uncomfortable or not working properly.

Dr. Paula’s tip of the week is simple: Be Positive! I realize that I tend to worry and look to the future too much. It takes a great deal of energy to stay in the moment, and to redirect negative energy. However, the more I train myself to do these things, the more energy I have. I have a great deal of responsibility, and I am just learning how to put myself first. Dr. Paula recently explained to me in our life coaching session that we have the wrong definition of selfish. Being selfish truly means being full of self, a whole and complete person. The more I fill my emotional and physical tank, the more gracefully I will be able to handle my responsibilities.

Dr. Paula asks listeners how their body is trying to communicate with them, and this resonated with me. My body is desperately telling me to take care of myself. In all ways. I cannot keep going with the amount of stress and distress I face without focusing my energy on healing myself. I have been putting in a great deal of effort to do so, and I am starting to feel physically better. That is my body telling me that I am on the right track!

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

Marian, I love that you ended by congratulating yourself. All too often, we focus on what is wrong and what we still have not accomplished. You just showed me that you are taking care of yourself in many ways, including acknowledging your successes and celebrating them! Yay!!! I hope everyone is cheering for you and finding ways to congratulate themselves in their own journey toward health.

For more shows on Healing Through Body Awareness:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

 

A No Hassle Traveler’s Guide

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Empowerment
A No Hassle Traveler’s Guide

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School is out for the summer and the next two months are the busiest time of the year for traveling.  

Are you planning a vacation? 

Going away for business, pleasure, or both? 

Taking the kids? 

House trading? 

Traveling by boat, plane, car, or train? 

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Need tips on what to pack, buying tickets, how to stay safe, where to stay, and what to see at your destination?

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Be a trekker, explorer, voyager, adventurer, and tourist. Enjoy a comfortable, worry-free holiday while saving time, money, and headaches with host Cynthia Brian and guest Heather Brittany as they share their trip planning pointers on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® LIVE. 

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Bon voyage!

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Listen at Voice America Network, Empowerment Channel: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/107260/a-no-hassle-travelers-guide

PressPass Goddess Gardener Book: https://blog.voiceamerica.com/2018/01/30/cynthia-brians-new-book-growing-goddess-gardener-published/

 

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When you are looking for upbeat, life-changing, and mind -stretching information, you have come to the right place. Host Cynthia Brian takes you on a journey of exploration that will encourage, inspire, and motivate you to make positive changes that offer life-enhancing results. It’s party time on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®. And YOU are invited! Join us LIVE 4-5pm Pt on Wednesdays or tune in to the archives at your leisure. Come play in StarStyle Country.

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 Make a DONATION through PAYPAL GIVING FUND and PAYPAL with 100% going to BTSYA with NO FEES:  https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/search-cause?charityId=1504&s=3

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Get inspired, motivated, and informed with StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®

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Embed StarStyle® Be the Star You Are!® Radio

If you are a fan of the authors, experts, celebrities, and guests that appear regularly on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® radio, you can now be sure to never miss an episode. Embed this code into your WordPress site or any site and you’ll always have Cynthia Brian and all of your favorite pioneers on the planet at your fingertips.  Upbeat, positive, life-changing talk radio broadcasting live each week since 1998. Lend us Your Ears. We are Starstyle®-Be the Star You Are!®

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Wedding Season

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Empowerment
Wedding Season

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Wedding season is in full swing as brides and grooms prepare for their BIG day. Heather Brittany joins the conversation to offer tips on everything from choosing a venue to planning the menu while keeping your budget intact. 

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Listen at Voice America Network, Empowerment Channel: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/106660/wealthy-attitude-mother-knows-best-wedding-season

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PressPass Goddess Gardener Book: https://blog.voiceamerica.com/2018/01/30/cynthia-brians-new-book-growing-goddess-gardener-published/

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Buy Tickets to our June 15th A’s versus Angels Baseball Game at: 

BUY DISCOUNTED TICKETS:  https://groupmatics.events/event/Bestar

More information: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/events

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Discount Software, Digital content. Ebooks, Games: www.humblebundle.com/store?partner=1504&charity=1504

Shopping on line? #StartWithaSmile at https://smile.amazon.com/ch/94-3333882IMG_0172.jpg . Amazon donates to Be The Star You Are, Inc..

 

Read our BTSYA Garden Newsletter: http://hosted.verticalresponse.com/672296/8417ebf8e3/288055965/329f30721c/

 

Show your support for your favorite nonprofit by making a generous donation. You will be making a huge difference in someone’s life! Be the Star You Are! is a TOP NON PROFIT http://greatnonprofits.org/reviews/profile2/be-the-star-you-are-inc

surviving solely on individual donations. Show Your LOVE! https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

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May newsletter: http://hosted.verticalresponse.com/672296/50aa996a0b/288055965/bbd34d3431/

When you are looking for upbeat, life-changing, and mind -stretching information, you have come to the right place. Host Cynthia Brian takes you on a journey of exploration that will encourage, inspire, and motivate you to make positive changes that offer life-enhancing results. It’s party time on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®. And YOU are invited! Join us LIVE 4-5pm Pt on Wednesdays or tune in to the archives at your leisure. Come play in StarStyle Country.

 Make a DONATION through PAYPAL GIVING FUND and PAYPAL with 100% going to BTSYA with NO FEES:  https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/search-cause?charityId=1504&s=3

Catch up with all broadcasts on ITunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/starstyle-be-the-star-you-are!/id669630180?mt=2Heath &_ Brian dancng down altar.jpg

Buy books by Cynthia Brian at http://www.cynthiabrian.com/online-store

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For photos, descriptions, links, archives, and more, visit http://www.StarStyleRadio.comHeath-cyn-aisle.jpg.

 

Get inspired, motivated, and informed with StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®

Lend us Your Ears!!!

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Embed StarStyle® Be the Star You Are!® Radio

If you are a fan of the authors, experts, celebrities, and guests that appear regularly on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® radio, you can now be sure to never miss an episode. Embed this code into your WordPress site or any site and you’ll always have Cynthia Brian and all of your favorite pioneers on the planet at your fingertips.  Upbeat, positive, life-changing talk radio broadcasting live each week since 1998. Lend us Your Ears. We are Starstyle®-Be the Star You Are!®

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Starstyle, Be the Star You Are, and Miracle Moments are registered trademarks of Cynthia Brian 

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Dr. Romance tells us how to be FREE in a Relationship

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Empowerment
Dr. Romance tells us how to be FREE in a Relationship

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How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free by author Tina Tessina is the perfect tool for designing and creating a relationship unique to your individual personalities and situation. With it, any couple can learn to work together to create a loving, sustainable, healthy, and equal partnership that you will treasure. Learn how to celebrate your differences with Love Styles.

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Have you ever wondered what the last twenty years of your life will look like? You can design your future when you decide to adopt a positive aging attitude free of aches, pains, and rocking in a chair. Life is short. Write your blueprint today with a little help from coach Cynthia Brian

Do you think you are a morning person or do you have a hard time waking up in the morning? Despite the saying “the early bird gets the worm”, not everyone is on the same sleep/wake schedule. Knowing when you are at your best is critical to your health as well as to your productivity. Find your own personal rhythm.

Bio

Author Bio: Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (www.tinatessina.com) is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 14 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of DysfunctionThe Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After FortyLove Styles: How to Celebrate Your DifferencesThe Real 13th Step , How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free.  She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog (drromance.typepad.com), and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.  Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts. She tweets @tinatessina

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Listen at Voice America Network: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/105599/tina-tessina-how-to-be-a-couple-and-still-be-free

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PressPass Goddess Gardener Book:

https://blog.voiceamerica.com/2018/01/30/cynthia-brians-new-book-growing-goddess-gardener-published/

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Buy Tickets to our June 15th A’s versus Angels Baseball Game at: https://groupmatics.events/event/Bestar 

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More information at https://www.starstyleradio.com/events

Discount Software, Digital content. Ebooks, Games: www.humblebundle.com/store?partner=1504&charity=1504

Shopping on line? #StartWithaSmile at https://smile.amazon.com/ch/94-3333882 . Amazon donates to Be The Star You Are, Inc..

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Show your support for your favorite nonprofit by making a generous donation. You will be making a huge difference in someone’s life! Be the Star You Are! is a TOP NON PROFIT http://greatnonprofits.org/reviews/profile2/be-the-star-you-are-inc

 

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DONATIONS: https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

March newsletter: http://hosted.verticalresponse.com/672296/2b830b74c4/288055965/bbd34d3431/

When you are looking for upbeat, life-changing, and mind stretching information, you have come to the right place. Host Cynthia Brian takes you on a journey of exploration that will encourage, inspire, and motivate you to make positive changes that offer life enhancing results. It’s party time on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®. And YOU are invited! Join us LIVE 4-5pm Pt on Wednesdays or tune in to the archives at your leisure. Come play in StarStyle Country.

 Make a DONATION through PAYPAL GIVING FUND and PAYPAL with 100% going to BTSYA with NO FEES:  https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/search-cause?charityId=1504&s=3

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Catch up with all broadcasts on ITunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/starstyle-be-the-star-you-are!/id669630180?mt=2

Buy books by Cynthia Brian at http://www.cynthiabrian.com/online-store

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For photos, descriptions, links, archives, and more, visit http://www.StarStyleRadio.com.

Get inspired, motivated, and informed with StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®

Lend us Your Ears!!!

Embed StarStyle® Be the Star You Are!® Radio

If you are a fan of the authors, experts, celebrities, and guests that appear regularly on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® radio, you can now be sure to never miss an episode. Embed this code into your WordPress site or any site and you’ll always have Cynthia Brian and all of your favorite pioneers on the planet at your fingertips.  Upbeat, positive, life-changing talk radio broadcasting live each week since 1998. Lend us Your Ears. We are Starstyle®-Be the Star You Are!®

http://www.voiceamerica.com/jwplayer/HostPlayer.html?showid=2206

Be the Star You Are!® charity. Every Season is for Giving . https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

Links you can use for Be the Star You Are!®

Positive Results: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/positive-results

About Us: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/about_us

Programs: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/programs

How to Help: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/how-to-help

Blog: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/blog

Events: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/events

Contact us: http://www.bethestaryouare.org/contact

GREAT NON PROFITS REVIEWS: http://greatnonprofits.org/reviews/be-the-star-you-are-inc/

Starstyle, Be the Star You Are, and Miracle Moments are registered trademarks of Cynthia Brian 

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Using Natural Cycles to Recharge Your Life

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Empowerment
Using Natural Cycles to Recharge Your Life

Using Natural Cycles to Recharge Your Life

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit,  my guest Dr. Pia Orleane and I explore the restorative power of being mindful of your natural cycles to recover health, vitality, and overall wellness. This can be as simple as resting when we need to and connecting with nature. Dr. Orleane pointed out that the belief systems in the society we live in determine our behavioral patterns, many of which are harmful to us. We’ve come to believe that we must be constantly producing, but this takes a heavy toll on our health and our longevity. The brain and body need rest in order to function at their best. Dr. Orleane recommended getting in harmony with nature by following the cycle of your breath. When you breathe in, you go inward and become introspective. When you breathe out, you move outward into the world taking action. We need both components of the cycle. In today’s blog, in addition to my tip of the week and my silver lining story, Marian Stephens shares how she is using the information in this episode to change her life. All my previous blogs, including the first three posts with Marian’s Story, are on my website, paulajoyce.com. Be sure to check them out and follow Marian’s progress.

 Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

In our fast-paced society, it is easy to get caught up in life’s challenges and ignore the signals our bodies send us to slow down. When we ignore the messages from our bodies and push through, illness is often an undesired outcome.

And now for your tip for the week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment. I wrote this book because when you are self-empowered, you are connected to your limitless higher self, your soul, your intuition, your gut feelings, your guidance. Our limitless higher self is the wiser part of ourselves, the part that knows the Truth of who we are. My Tip for this week is in honor of our topic today: Do Body Awareness Exercise. Most of us ignore our body, how it feels, what it wants. Learn to pay attention to your body through activities such as: Yoga, Pilates, Feldenkrais, Tai Chi. This is also in keeping with the advice Numerologist Alice Rosen gave us in our second show of the year. She emphasized that 2018 is the year of Truth, including being true to ourselves and honest with ourselves. Our bodies communicate with us, and if we don’t listen, they have to talk louder. Unfortunately for us, that often means physical pain or illness. When we are tired, for instance, our body is telling us to rest. We are physical beings and no “to do” list is more important than our own health. If we insist on pushing through the tiredness, we lower our immune system and are more likely to get sick. Being ill, forces us to rest or at least slow down. It’s better to learn to listen to the initial signs before our body forces us to rest.

 Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

 Mindfulness is a powerful tool for maintaining optimal health. By simply resting and focusing on positive thoughts, you can avoid a potential illness.

When I was getting ready to do my writing for today’s episode, I started to experience acute pain in my ribs. I recognized it as a healing crisis connected to the scoliosis I’m correcting, but I didn’t know how long it would last. I thought about trying to push through it, and I quickly shifted my thinking and chose to watch a 30-minute comedy show instead. The story line and laughter took my mind off the pain and gave my body time to recover. When the show was over, I was delighted to discover that the pain had passed, and I was able to think clearly. My silver lining was seeing that I’ve learned to take care of myself and relax when I need to.

I didn’t always know how to listen to my body and used to regularly get bronchitis, sinus infections and I even had pneumonia twice. During those times, I still found the silver linings.  I would use the time for rest and solitude and to think about the parts of my life that weren’t working the way I wanted them to. Although this wasn’t the easiest way to make life changes, it did help me discover what I wasn’t wanting to see. Once you acknowledge the truth in your life, you can’t go backwards. The pauses in our life, can be amazing gifts.

In 1999, I wrote this imaginative piece about a woman tuning into her own rhythms and retreating from the world:

He had warned her about the book. Now it was too late. Days later he found her lying quietly in a deep trance with leaves growing on the book. She had been so sweet. He wished he had never let her into his life. Then this wouldn’t be happening. She’d be out playing with the others instead of imprisoned in her body. This always happened and so few came back. He wondered if she would be able to bridge the worlds and return to him, to new life, to all that this physical world has to offer, to his love and her destiny. If she can come back, if she makes it, she will hold the key to the next generation. Her wisdom will help us all evolve to the next heart level. So all I can do now is wait and pray. The pull to the other side is so great. It’ll be hard for her to leave now that she’s had the taste of ecstasy, of true deep connection. Why would anyone come back? Sometimes they’re pushed back and sometimes they make a conscious choice. I do hope she comes back. She and I can do good work together. We each have pieces of the puzzle and when we put together who we are and what we know, we’ll be dynamite. Here’s to that future.

 Marian Stephens’ Story

I am pleased with the changes that are happening in my household. By simply listening to the show, applying the tip of the week to my life, and being more mindful, I am excited to share several positive changes and many more are in the works. My 8-year-old, who I enrolled in school, is doing great – his teacher said he is doing “phenomenal”! I discovered a program that has wrap around services for my special needs 17-year-old that he should be approved for shortly. I have been writing every day, which is keeping me thinking creatively. My husband and I have been openly communicating and are enjoying an even deeper connection. It is amazing how much improvement can come about with just a little bit of work.

Dr. Paula asks listeners this week to be willing to listen to their bodies and use their natural cycles to recharge their lives. I have progressive multiple sclerosis and I am about to start a new medication to see if the progression will slow down. I am having increased difficulty walking which is impacting my ability to take care of my family. I put a lot of emphasis on medication sometimes, and I often find myself frustrated with the results. I avoid being introspective and retreating to focus on my health because I am afraid to rely on myself to heal. It is easier to blame my immobility on medication failure than it is to feel that I am not strong enough mentally to heal. But, it is time to let that fear go and rely on my inner strength. I am starting a new medication this month and I will combine that with going inward and regenerating during the moon cycle this month.

Dr. Paula and Dr. Pia Orleane share many compelling ideas on how to improve relationships. They both stress the importance of loving oneself first and foremost which leads to being able to completely love another. It is not that I do not love myself, it is more that there are behaviors that I know I need to improve that I let go by the wayside. Recently, I kept saying that I would start working on certain things soon (tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow…) because these are not easy things to change and it is a painful process – to really look in the mirror. But, this procrastination was causing imbalance in my relationship with my husband, and that imbalance frustrated me and made me want to work on things even less. It is a terrible cycle – actively not liking the way I am behaving and how it affects the family prevents real connection and intimacy from happening. I wanted honest connection and intimacy so badly that I kept trying to manufacture and force it. That never works and leads me right back to not liking how I am acting. Listening to Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit instantly affirmed that I am right to desire and cherish and nourish the connection and intimacy that I organically have with my husband. So I started applying the lessons available and am watching that imbalance correct itself. Dr. Pia Orleane helps me articulate how it feels necessary to have intimacy, trust in myself, and balance to have a strong relationship.

Dr. Paula’s Response To Marian

Great insights and forward motion. Please remember that change is a process, not an event. Have compassion for yourself and congratulate yourself on your successes and progress. Too often we only look at what we still need to do and forget how far we’ve come. Here are two suggestions to help you in your process:

  • Keep a Success Journal. Every day take a few minutes to write your progress and what you did that makes you feel good about yourself.
  • Do this exercise to release fear
  1. Ask yourself: If fear were a color, what color would it be?
  2. Choose a symbol that represents fear.
  3. Use that color to draw the symbol that represents fear.
  4. Tear up the paper into tiny pieces, like confetti, and throw it up in the air, flush it down the toilet or burn it.
  5. Spread the ashes or pieces of paper in your garden and say a prayer that the fear be transformed into love.
  6. At the end of this simple exercise, you will have released a layer of fear and you will feel lighter and more at ease. You can do this every time you feel fear and it will help you release more each time.
  7. You can also use this for other emotions like guilt or shame.

For more shows on mindfulness please listen to:

 Learn How to Manage Yourself, Not Your Time with Nan Russell

Create Success with Your Internal Guidance with Zen Cryar DeBrücke

Mindfulness Practices to Clear Emotional Clutter with Donald Altman

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, unleashes your creativity and helps you solve your most challenging problems, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

Breaking Free from Family Trauma and Drama

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Empowerment
Breaking Free from Family Trauma and Drama

Breaking Free from Family Trauma and Drama

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit,  my guest Jodee Prouse and I delve into the difficult and often painful topic of abuse. Please listen in order to become empowered and begin letting go of destructive relationships. In today’s blog, in addition to my tip of the week and my silver lining story, Marian Stephens shares how she is using the information in this episode to change her life. All my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com, and the first two posts with Marian’s Story went up last week. Be sure to check them out and follow Marian’s progress.

 

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

 

One of the most difficult answers to give in life is often: NO. Sometimes our inner voice whispers “no”, sometimes it bellows “no”, however it is often our nature to disregard our first instinct. Use this tip to begin to take control of your needs and wants; doing so will only bring you closer to your higher self.

 

Your tip for the week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment. I wrote this book because when you are self-empowered, you are connected to your limitless higher self, your soul, your intuition, your gut feelings, your guidance. Our limitless higher self is the wiser part of ourselves, the part that knows the Truth of who we are. Our logical mind is so loud, however, that it often drowns out the whisper that is trying to guide us on our authentic path. As you learn to listen to the still small voice within, you will begin to feel at peace. Because your limitless higher self has direct access to the Divine, it is through this connection that miracles occur, like unexpected healing, healthy relationships, peace and wealth. This connection gives you an inner foundation of love, which eliminates fear. It is through this love that you can heal the planet and yourself and make the shift into the 4th dimension. Our higher self helps us find safety and even save our own life and others’ lives. We must train ourselves to trust our higher self and never go against it. Don’t talk yourself out of something that feels right to you or let what others say or think influence what you do. Please use these tips. Strengthen Your Boundaries: Learning to say NO to what you do not want in your life is one of the most important things that you can do for yourself. Avoid acting when you hear the words “I should” and “I must”. Take action when you hear the words “I want to.” Many of us, especially women, have been raised to believe that we are responsible for everyone else’s happiness and success. We have been taught to put our own needs and desires last. To do anything else would be selfish. I remember watching my mother take her food last and to only refill her plate after everyone else had eaten their fill. I learned to do the same. No words had to be spoken. I observed what a mother was supposed to do. I also watched as she and her sister enabled their two alcoholic brothers. Neither sister was able to face the truth of their brothers’ alcoholism. One brother died of cirrhosis of the liver, although my aunt insisted that his death was due to bad medical care. The other brother was a binge alcoholic and during his sober spells, my mother would be convinced that he was not an alcoholic even though he always went back to drinking. The sisters cooked for the brothers, took care of them and put up with the rage and abuse thrown at them because that’s what family does. I learned from them to put up with way too much for way too long in my own family. I learned to live with false hope until I finally realized that if I didn’t take care of myself and set boundaries, nothing would ever change. I acknowledged that I couldn’t save them, but I could save me. That became my new goal. I vowed to change the family pattern by changing myself and showing the rest of the family, by example, that they, too, could make different choices and save their own lives. This was not a selfish choice in the negative sense of the word. It was a hard choice that was not welcomed by the other family members. Some stopped talking to me and others are still angry with me after 13 years. Breaking dysfunctional family patterns takes courage, strength and commitment. What keeps me going is the joy of the life I have now and the hope that my choices will inspire others to break away and create the life they deserve.

 

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Abuse is an epidemic in the United States – a crime against humanity. By shedding light on the dynamics of abuse, empowering survivors with good self-help tips, and pointing survivors towards professionals who can help heal the damage they have endured, the cycle of abuse can be stopped in its tracks.

The legacy of abuse is a hard one, and at least half of the population has or will experience abuse in their lifetime. Sometimes it’s one incident and sometimes it’s on-going. The challenge for the victim is to wake up to the truth, give up false hope and expand the compassion they have for everyone else to themselves.  Some of us are so busy trying to save other people that we don’t notice that we are the collateral damage.

 

My silver lining is that having gone through this process myself, I now get the joy of helping other people shed their pain and old ways of thinking and reacting and move to a place of self-love and healthy boundaries. This week one of my clients reached the point where she was finished being present for her family’s abuse. She has accepted that nothing she says or does will change their behavior toward her. The healthier she became and the stronger her boundaries became, the louder and crueler her family became until the entire extended family rallied around her abusive brother, shunning her and making her out to be the abuser. Her silver lining is that it got so big and outlandish that she was able to see the truth and remove herself from the drama. Now she can refocus her energy where it belongs, on herself, letting go of the pain, healing her heart and creating a life with purpose.

 

Marian Stephens’ Story

 

I anticipated this episode would be difficult to listen to because I am a survivor of domestic violence, but, instead, I found myself uplifted with a renewed sense of purpose. I was not in the abusive relationship for a prolonged period, but long enough to be life altering. The details are unimportant, but leaving the relationship meant moving myself and three (soon to be four) kids in with my parents. While I have done a great deal of healing, I still struggle with guilt. The guilt I feel is multifaceted and, at times, endless. I primarily feel guilty I exposed my kids to abusive behavior. Even though I know guilt is toxic and not truth, I still let it weigh heavily on me. I think if I can allow myself to let go of the guilt – maybe by transferring the feeling of guilt to one of regret as proposed in the episode – I can progress in my healing process.

 

In this episode Dr. Paula asks listeners: Think about something you are doing that you feel you “should” be doing but is actually hurting you. I feel like I should be able to do everything for my kids. I attempt to, and it is detrimental to my health. It is also hurting my relationship with my children. I feel beholden to them, and they feel resentful when I drop the ball. I realize after today’s episode I have felt so guilty that I am compensating by assuming most household responsibilities. As if I can erase what happened by making their lives as easy as possible.

 

A theme of today’s show is that each person is responsible for their own life. Even children. This helps me see that I am doing a disservice to myself and my children by denying them responsibility. We are in our own home now, so this is an opportunity to correct this imbalance. I want to empower my boys – to teach them how to navigate life with confidence. In trying to make them feel completely taken care of, I am stripping them of their ability to learn and grow – their autonomy. I can begin to give them each more responsibility and watch them blossom.

 

I regret that my kids and I had to endure such a traumatic experience. But, I want, need, to break free from the guilt. My purpose is to ensure that my boys grow into adults that would never abuse another person or repeat the behavior they saw. Forgiving myself for all that happened is no easy task, but to not is to never truly move past it. The support Dr. Paula gives her listeners gives me the courage to continue to find forgiveness for myself, to become more introspective, and to make real change.

 

 

Dr. Paula’s Response to Marian

 

I’m impressed with your self-awareness and commitment. When you feel guilt or regret, you can release that energy by:

  • asking yourself: What did I learn? How have I grown? How do I do things differently now? How can I do them even better next time?
  • focusing on self-respect for the courage and strength you have to leave abuse and be a good role model for your children.
  • having self-compassion and forgiveness for the younger you who didn’t know any better. Love yourself.

 

Remember, we are all here on earth to learn and to grow in love and compassion, including self-compassion.

 

 

For more shows on healing from abuse, and trauma, please listen to:

 

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, unleashes your creativity and helps you solve your most challenging problems, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

 

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