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HOW “THE HONEY BADGER” LEVELED UP TO WIN GOLDEN GLOVES by Dan Hayes and Hemda Mizrahi

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HOW “THE HONEY BADGER” LEVELED UP TO WIN GOLDEN GLOVES by Dan Hayes and Hemda Mizrahi

“I don’t know if you’re going to win, but I know you’ll come out of this a better fighter.” Those were the words of professional boxer Mehdi Abidi to his friend Dan Hayes, just before a Golden Gloves (amateur boxing) tournament. Dan went on to win the tournament and became a top-ranked middleweight boxer representing Trinidad & Tobago.

Unable to participate in the 2016 Olympics in Rio due to a shoulder injury, Dan shares how this remark from Abidi precipitated a turning point in his career.

“Mehdi and I encourage each other before a match. I was consistently the favored fighter, and pre-competition Mehdi would say, “You got this!” So he really opened my perspective when, for the first time, he talked about leading into the fight with the intention to become a better fighter. Don’t get me wrong. I want to win, but in my early years as a competitive athlete, I was only focused on winning, (which made me more vulnerable to fear).”

Showing up to win with the intent to grow freed up Dan to give what he refers to as “100% effort, “ earning him the nick name “The Honey Badger,” in recognition of his fearlessness.  Dan counts mental fortitude and attitude as two of his strongest suits. He talks about the importance of learning to accept failure, knowing that you’ll have the confidence to bounce back.

My conversation with Dan brought to mind the research that guides sports psychologists and coaches in working with athletes. In whichever field you strive to be perform at your best, being aware of the psychological profile and mental skills of successful elite athletes can help you to level up as Dan did.

As presented in the go-to textbook, “Applied Sport Psychology: Personal Growth to Peak Performance” (2015), top performing athletes:

• Have high self confidence and expectations of success, with a positive attitude and thoughts about performance;

• Demonstrate the ability to self-regulate their arousal (to be simultaneously energized and relaxed);

• Feel in control and are able to perform with total concentration, focusing on the present task;

• View difficult situations as exciting and challenging, maintaining a productive perfectionism (high standards                 coupled with the flexibility to learn from mistakes), and a strong determination and commitment.

• Hone these mental skills: goal setting and imagery; developing competitive plans and arousal management                    techniques; and practicing arousal management, attention control, coping, and refocusing skills so that they                become automatic.

Journaling is a core methodology used by athletes to identify the conditions that characterize and facilitate their peak experiences. It’s through this approach that sports professionals chronicle feelings associated with performing at their best, along with what they learned from these moments. They also track:

• Stressors (on and off the field), manifestations of stress (anxiety, anger, frustration, etc.), and the related impact on    their performance;

• What they need from coaches and teammates, and how they can enhance the productivity of these relationships;

• How they can increase their confidence, awareness, and concentration, and what they observe about their                      performance when they improve in these areas;

• How they can train themselves to relax quickly, tuning into parts of the body that tend to hold more tension than        other areas;

• Strategies for focusing, coping in pressure situations, and controlling thoughts (self-talk) and arousal; and

• Mental preparation to get the most out of practice time, including how they can avoid permitting personal                     challenges to affect their play.

Sports journaling involves assessing the strategies that work, and those that don’t, in order to individualize the support systems and resources that offer the most beneficial investment opportunities for the competitor. Learning is as much of a focal point in between practices, as it is during practice and during fight—or game time.

Being led by an intention to grow while showing up to win, as “The Honey Badger” says, requires you to “Fail as much as you can. If you give 100%, you’ll come out better.”  The proof is in his golden gloves.

Hemda Mizrahi is a coach and consultant to high performers like professional athletes, who wish to replicate their peak experiences and continue to serve as role models by exceling as entrepreneurs.

Dan Hayes is currently on his World Championship journey. He fights out of the world famous Wild Card Boxing Club and is launching a boxing fitness and recovery studio in Los Angeles.

More Here!

How can a psychic medium help me heal By Dr. Mary Anne Chase

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Health & Wellness
How can a psychic medium help me heal By Dr. Mary Anne Chase

Jennifer Henry is passionate about her ability to offer spiritual readings! A reading is a reflection of a person’s “inner process.” It will reflect back to them the deeper meaning behind whatever challenges they may be facing, and through that understanding, come to greater levels of self-love and compassion for others. Readings also offer reassurance about their soul’s journey, and guidance about their highest path and next steps.

 

They offer insights and understanding about whatever topic is on their mind, help them heal from hardships and loss, and also discover the emotional component that is contributing to health concerns. A spiritual reading also proves that there really is no such thing as death, and that our soul never dies.

 

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How to Make the Right Decision: Going From Worrier to Warrior in 10 Easy Steps by Hemda Mizrahi & Benson Simmonds

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How to Make the Right Decision: Going From Worrier to Warrior in 10 Easy Steps by Hemda Mizrahi & Benson Simmonds

Benson Simmonds

Award-winning actor, coach, and writer Benson Simmonds joined me on “Turn the Page” to discuss his recently published book, “SOULAR POWER  – Unlocking the Eight Gates to Joy and Abundance,” which reflects his 20 years of study in the dramatic arts, Kabbalah, Eastern Philosophy, and Mysticism. Listen to this episode to access greater meaning, joy, and success in your life.

Benson expanded upon our conversation after the show, by sharing how you can apply the key tactics he offered to the process of making “good” decisions. If you’re generally decisive and find yourself in new waters with an unprecedented anxiety or conflict that’s causing you to feel “stuck,” this approach will help you to move forward with greater peace of mind. If you frequently  have a hard time making decisions, Benson’s “ten steps” will teach you how to choose more quickly, and with greater confidence.

Here’s what he taught me—in his own words:

We’ve all been there – gripped by fear when needing to make an important decision. We’re afraid of making the “wrong” choice, or one that will result in a negative outcome for ourselves or someone else. Whether you’re making business decision, considering whether to leave or stay in a relationship, making choices regarding your health, school, or even what color shoes to buy, the underlying constant is that feeling for fear. When in fear, you are in worrier (ego) mode, as opposed to warrior (soul) mode, that place from which you can tap into the power of your soul. You soul is your untapped brain potential, that part of you that is connected to a divine source of unlimited joy, love and expansion.

What about the old, “make a list of pros and cons, so you can detach emotionally” approach? That strategy removes your emotions instead of inspiring you to use your emotional intelligence, which you actually need to make the best decision.

So what is the key to making a good decision? Shifting out of fear and into love, which is of course an emotional state. Shifting from ego to soul, from worrier to warrior. Here are the 10 simple and profound steps you can take to make your best decision.

STEP ONE
When you are in ego/fear mode the overwhelming message you receive is “lack and limitation.” This message conveys that there is never enough, and that you are not enough. To shift, take a deep breath and say, “I AM ENOUGH. THIS MOMENT IS ENOUGH.” As you do this, you’ll immediately begin to slow down the ego/worrier self and connect with your soul. The overriding message of the soul is “YOU ARE ENOUGH” and “there is always enough,” so you WON’T be limited or losing out regardless of which decision you make.

STEP TWO
Realize that you can choose to tap into something larger than yourself, your soul. By making this choice and stating out loud, “I CHOOSE TO MAKE THIS A SOULAR POWERED DECISION,” you’ll expand past the information that’s available through your ego/fear. Instead, you’ll tap into a power that has a wealth of data beyond the “facts” as you see them. You’ll surpass “black and white thinking,” which limits your choices, to “FULL SPECTRUM THINKING,” which opens you up to new possibilities. Your decision will be informed by the deeper wisdom you’re able to access through this expanded view.

STEP THREE
Ask yourself: “What are five to ten things I LOVE about myself?”  Be sure to state your answers out loud and use “I LOVE…” in every sentence. For example, “I LOVE my sense of humor. I LOVE my intelligence. I LOVE that I’m a survivor. I LOVE that I try to be kind,” etc. By focusing on what you LOVE, you’ll shift out of fear and into love (become a LOVE GENERATOR instead of a LOVE SEEKER), which will help you to make the best decision.

STEP FOUR
Convey GRATITUDE STATEMENTS that express thanks for your shift to “warrior:” “Thank you (God, universe, the divine, higher powers, etc.) for the ease with which I’ve released my need to make the right decision.” By repeating this a few times, you’ll liberate the pressure your ego/worrier side has placed upon you and begin to feel a newfound ease about the decision. Here’s another version of a gratitude statement: “Thank you God (divine, etc.) for the ease which with I’ve made the right decision.”

STEP FIVE
Envision yourself within the PYRAMID OF PROTECTION: Imagine that you’re sitting or standing inside a four-walled, three-dimensional pyramid. There is a wall slanting up to a point above your head on all four sides of you. The floor is the fifth wall. Divine light from above infuses the walls of the pyramid with unconditional love and joy. Feel yourself and the inside of the pyramid becoming enveloped in divine light. From inside the pyramid say, “I am now connected to and protected by the divine.”

STEP SIX
While in the pyramid of protection, say, “EVERY DECISION I MAKE IS NOW FOR THE SAKE OF THE DIVINE.” By repeating this statement within the pyramid, you’ll take even more of the pressure off. You can also say, “EVERYTHING I DO IS NOW FOR THE SAKE OF THE DIVINE.” By doing this, you’ll remind yourself, that it’s not about you; it’s about what you can contribute.

STEP SEVEN
When you make a soular powered decision, you’ll CHOOSE THE OPTION THAT FEELS THE MOST EXPANSIVE. Simply stated, fear contracts and love expands. When you are afraid, your body pulls inward and in that moment, it’s all about you. When you are feeling love, you naturally expand your arms and want to share, celebrate and contribute. Now, take a moment to reflect on your decision. Which choice feels more expansive to you? The more expansive decision is the best one.

STEP EIGHT
ASKING EXPANSIVE QUESTIONS will help you tap into your soular power and make the best decision. Rather than asking negative questions, like “what will happen if I make the wrong decision?,” or “why am I a loser?,” ask EMPOWERING questions, like: “HOW CAN I EXPERIENCE MORE JOY WHILE MAKING THIS DECISION?,” and “WHY AM I A WINNER REGARDLESS OF THE DECISION I MAKE?” Your brain is a super computer and it will provide you with an answer to any question you ask. Most of us are unaware of the questions we are asking ourselves subconsciously. By asking yourself specific expansive questions, you’ll receive answers that will inspire you to make the best choice.

STEP NINE
BLESS FIVE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. Think of the person and say “blessings to your for health, happiness, abundance, etc.” Even if the decision is about leaving a boss or relationship, send that boss or current spouse/lover blessings. This will very quickly shift you out of fear and into love, opening up your divine channel of joy, love and expansion even more.

STEP TEN
When making your decision, eliminate the need to “be good.” Trying to “be good” can lure you into a decision that is based on self-sacrifice or martyrdom, which your ego convinces you is “noble.” This leaves you stuck in worrier mode. Instead, SEE GOOD, the good in yourself and that of others. A true soular powered decision is a WIN-WIN for all parties involved.

In applying these 10 steps, you’ll make the “best” decision and ENJOY the process of choosing. You’ll feel more joyous and loving, which will contribute to even better decisions as you move through your day.

Benson shares blessings for you to “embrace your soular power and open your heart to feel and attract more joy, love and abundance in every moment.”

His book, “SOULAR POWER – Unlocking the Eight Gates of Joy and Abundance” is available on Amazon. You can reach him at soularpowerbook@gmail.com if you’d like to find out more about his spiritual and business coaching services.

Whether or not you see yourself as a “spiritual” person, you’ll gain a practical approach to improving results in every aspect of your life by listening to our conversation.

We invite you to “pay it forward” and expand your fortune by sharing the link to the episode and blog post with your on and off-line communities.

What’s Holding You Back?

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7th Wave
What’s Holding You Back?

Jocelyn Olivier

Is feeling stuck holding you back from moving forward with your dreams? It’s true that fear and stress can certainly hold you back from going forward but do you realize that your body can literally hold you back from moving forward as well? The Legendary Leaders Radio Show explores ‘What’s Holding You Back?’ with our guest, Jocelyn Olivier, Founder, Director and CEO of the Alive & Well! Institute of Conscious BodyWork at the Healus Neuro Rehab Center in Mill Valley, CA. Creator of ‘NeuroMuscular Reprogramming,’ Jocelyn will talk about fear and stress syndromes and how your body stores these emotions in predictable muscle groups in your back. Jocelyn will then talk about how to get rid of these holding patterns and give you some simple, practical techniques that you can do, to get your energy back and get moving forward again.  Go to http://www.7thwavechannel.com and hear ‘Legendary Leaders: Answering the Higher Calling’ Radio Show this Tuesday at 1:00 pm PST, 4:00 pm EST.

Fear and Trust

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7th Wave
Fear and Trust

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7/15/15 – Fear and Trust

We have all been raised in cultures that were and are based in survival. Tune in to Being Here and discover how to step out of that survival dynamic and step into the possibility of a creative lifestyle – one where you allow yourself to experience your life in each moment.

Listen Live this Wednesday, July 15th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Network.

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives HERE.

You can also subscribe to BEING HERE on iTunes!

Breaking the Cycle

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7th Wave
Breaking the Cycle

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Abuse impacts all of us. Mostly we know about physical and sexual abuse. Although emotional abuse has reached epidemic proportions, most of us have no idea what it is or how to Abuse impacts all of us. Mostly we know about physical and sexual abuse. Although emotional abuse has reached epidemic proportions, most of us have no idea what it is or how to identify it. It’s what I call the Silent Killer. All of the various forms of abuse destroy a person’s self-esteem and health. We all know someone who is in an abusive relationship and that person may even be you. Learn what it is and what you can do to prevent it and to heal from it.

Ways to Clear Fear

Begin by using the following 3 techniques to help clear yourself and the earth of fear and other painful emotions, like anger and sadness. Please do them with me. The first one is an affirmation. “I am love as I am loved; you are love as you are loved; all is love as all is loved.” The second one is a visualization. If you have trouble visualizing, then just think the words in your mind: close your eyes and think or see a beautiful pink heart full of love shining pink light down on you. See and feel the pink light going through your body, down to your feet and into the ground where the pink light is filling and healing all of the fault lines in the earth, the oceans and the atmosphere. The last technique is a chant: om a ha a om am am. Know that as you do these three techniques, you are helping to fill yourself and the earth with pink healing love energy which is balancing all energies and helping to create calm and peace within yourself and the earth.

People who have been abused collect more than the normal number of fears and their response to fear is more intense and pervasive. Many develop strategies to manage their fears and/or to avoid feeling. These strategies can look like mental illness or disorders, but they are really coping devices. I’ve noticed that as my clients remove abuse and abusers from their life, the symptoms diminish until they disappear. These coping mechanisms often develop as a means of avoiding feeling or avoiding facing the reality of their situation. They can include hypochondria, OCD behaviors, paranoia and depression to name a few. I find that my clients don’t need medication. They just need help in understanding what is happening in their lives and then in changing it.

Feeling is Essential

Often a client is concerned that they will be overwhelmed with emotion to the point of not being able to handle it. When we have bottled up our emotions for long periods of time, it is difficult to begin to allow ourselves to feel without getting overtaken with sadness, anger or grief. As Mark Twain said, “The only way around it, is through it.” The pain is eating away below the surface at our physical and mental health. It is hurting us and will continue to do so until we let it surface so we can feel it and let it go. The pain and damage is prolonged when we don’t let it go. The key is to stop hanging on to the harmful emotions. Using color and tone can provide a gentler way of releasing the fear, anger and pain.

The fact is that if we don’t allow ourselves to feel the pain, anger and sadness, it’s going to come out in inappropriate ways. Often the person will have reached their limit and suddenly they explode in anger. Most often the anger is not directed at the person they’re really angry with but rather at someone in the service industry or a child or an employee. We feel frustrated and justified, but really we’re targeting someone who can’t fight back. It’s healthier and wiser to face our feelings and cry when we feel sad or turn our anger into righteous indignation and take action to change our life, the life of others and the world.

Refill with Peace and Love

And as we empty the sadness, anger and pain, are we refilling with gratitude and happiness and peace? I’ve noticed lately that people are often surprised when I thank them for providing help or exceptional service. Even if you’re paying someone or it’s their job to provide a particular service, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t say thank you. Showing gratitude and appreciation for service gives people more personal gratification than money. As long as we have enough money to pay for food, shelter and clothing, our emotional satisfaction comes from our personal relationships. Saying thank you provides a good feeling for everyone involved.

Silver Linings

Yesterday, I was making a deposit at an ATM machine when it malfunctioned, kept my checks and provided no receipt or record of the transaction. The bank was closed so no help was available. This was so important that I didn’t want to wait until the morning to take care of it. Since I have a credit card through the bank, I decided to call the credit card phone number and try to get help through them. I was directed to the wrong number and then disconnected twice and, of course, was on hold for long periods of time. Thirty minutes later, when I got someone for the third time, I began by saying how frustrated I was and that I needed her to get me to someone who could help me. And unlike the previous two people, she actually did find the correct phone number for me. When I got through to that person, she was extremely helpful, sincerely concerned about the malfunctioning machine and my troubling experience. With the check numbers that I provided and detailed information about the deposit, she credited my account and assured me that the machine would be fixed. I felt taken care of and grateful and we ended with kind words to each other.

There were many silver linings for me in this experience. Most importantly, I didn’t get angry with anyone. I kept myself calm by reassuring myself that the bank had to have a way of correcting the problem and by saying a prayer asking for help in getting the matter resolved. I took appropriate action in a pretty calm manner, stated my frustration instead of being angry at someone who did not cause the problem. This allowed her to stay calm and find the right phone number for me. When I did get through to the person who could solve the problem, I realized how much I’ve grown in my ability to handle my financial record keeping. I had check numbers, names and amounts, which made the process go smoothly. I was proud of my own growth and healing and truly grateful for the competent people who helped me. This experience would have been fraught with stress, anger and unpleasant interactions a number of months ago. Having allowed myself to let go of the fears, anger and sadness from the past allowed me to be fully present in the moment. The people helping me were just that, people. They weren’t objects standing between me and what I wanted.

Break the Cycle

The concept of empathy has been a recurring theme in our programs. Without it, people are not able to experience the full range of feelings and don’t care if they cause harm to others. An abuser wouldn’t care if he yelled at or was rude to the service people. All that would matter would be venting anger and getting what he needed. Because I do have empathy, had I been rude to the service people, I would have added guilt, shame and more pain to my already overloaded emotions. Breaking the cycle and releasing myself of the past pain has changed my life. If I can do it, so can you.identify it. It’s what I call the Silent Killer. All of the various forms of abuse destroy a person’s self-esteem and health. We all know someone who is in an abusive relationship and that person may even be you. Learn what it is and what you can do to prevent it and to heal from it.

 

To learn more click HERE

More About Fear

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Empowerment
More About Fear

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UNDERSTANDING FEAR!
You will always have fear, but fear doesn’t always have to have you!

I can’t begin to tell you how much I am enjoying my show, THE POWER TO BE, on the Empowerment Channel each Thursday at 2:pm EST. Not long ago I did a show on Fear and the response was overwhelming. I wanted to offer you some more insights to understanding and learning to controlling your fear.

So, a question! Do you ever struggle with fear? If you are human, you do. Fear is the second most powerful enemy we face it life. It can:
➢ fill you with fright
➢ emotionally overwhelm you
➢ attack you from several fronts at the same time
➢ rekindle old fears you thought you have worked through

Here is what you have to understand – fear is an emotion that when it takes control of your life, it will paralyze you. Your mind knows no fear! Your mind knows adventure, dreaming, the freedom to soar to the highest aspects of living. Yet, when fear is stronger than desire, you will filter everything through the emotion of fear.

In my working with human behavior I have become aware that from the day a person is born until the day they day, they will wrestle consistently with 6 Fears. Now, the interesting thing is there is not a particular order. These 6 fears “just are” and arrange their place in your life depending on where you are in the situation you are facing. Also, at any given time one of these 6 Fears is the #1 challenge you are facing. When you can understand what the fear is and control it presence in your life, the other five diminish in their emotional ability to control you. If you don’t know your #1 fear, the other five will overwhelm you.

There are a few things I want you to remember:
1. Fear is an emotion your mind doesn’t understand.
2. You can control fear or fear can control you.
3. You can learn to control your fear.

First, Fear Is An Emotion!

This is critical for you to understand. Fear is an emotion that, when given control, can block your emotional path way to your brain. People look at me like I am crazy when I say, “Your mind knows no fear!”

Your mind is about resolving issues. When you are living from your “Mind-down,” you can control what is happening in your life, BUT (and it is a big BUT) when you are living from  your “Emotions-up,) your emotions will block your mind’s ability to handle what you are feeling, which makes it feel like your mind is engaged in the fear. Reality is, what you mind does when the emotion of fear is in control, is to work with you to calm the fear and show you the value in facing what you are feeling.

I met Bill at the conclusion of a presentation I was doing in Kansas City. I was on my way out of the room when I noticed him standing my the door. As I got closer, he stepped toward me and said, “What you said today about fear made sense, but I don’t think it is as easy as you make it sound to overcome fear. I have lived with fear my entire life and even with the help I have had, it still has control and overwhelms my life.”

“What have you done to learn to control your fear?”

“I haven’t been working on controlling it. I have been trying to get rid of it!”

“Bill, that’s your first mistake. Fear is an emotion. It is one of those anchor emotions that is and will always be a part of your life. You can’t get rid of fear! You have to learn to control it.”

“I hear what you are saying, but if I don’t get rid of it, it will always be there and can always come back.”

“Absolutely! The reason is, it is a part of your DNA. Fear will always be present, but it doesn’t always have to be something bad. When you learn to control your fear, you can take something we have always felt was a negative and turn it into a positive!”

I paused for a moment to allow him to catch up with me. I could tell by the look on his face, this was something new for him to hear.

“Bill, fear is an emotion that either controls you or you control it. From what I am hearing, your fear has always controlled you. Am I right?”

There was a long silence combined with a puzzled look on his face. “Yep, you hit the nail on the head. I have and do live in fear, because I am fearful of facing it.”

He paused, looked down and then continued. “If I am hearing your right, I can take this emotion, this fear, and learn to control it, and in doing so learn to control the fear.”

“You got it! The first thing you have to understand is fear is an emotion that is and will always be present in your life.”

Do you get what I’m talking about here? Fear is an emotion! If it stands alone the feelings it brings can overwhelm you and shut down your mind’s ability to show you the positive side of fear. If you understand, fear is an emotion, and if you don’t let the feelings fear travels with (like doubt, worry, uncertainty) you can open allow you mind to show you the value to the fear you are feeling.

Everything that comes to your life enters your life through one of two doorways into your personhood – your emotions or your mind. The entrance point creates the pathway the fear takes in your life. When you are living from your emotions up, you are giving the feelings that go with the situation the right to define what it means to your life. Since all emotions travel in threes, you are never dealing with just what you are feeling at that moment. Those feelings will reach out, grab other feelings and together form your definition of the event.

What do you think happens to you when fear attaches itself to doubt, worry and uncertainty? You are paralyzed and the creative pathway to allowing your mind to help you define how to resolve the event is shut down. That leave you with only your emotions to take control. Now, you are not in an emotionally healthy state.

When you are living from your Mind –down, you don’t see things the same as when you are living from your Emotions Up! When you mind is guiding the process, it is only looking for one thing – how to resolve and continue to move forward.

Is this an Aha moment for you? Can you see why many never get beyond their fear? It gets trapped in their emotional mixing bowl and just continues to spin and spin and spin. With each revolution it gathers a stronger emotional presence in your life. The fear can get so big, you can’t see through it, and the pathway to help, your mind, is completely shut out.

Fear is an emotion that either controls you or you control it! This you must understand and accept.

Second, Learning Your 6 Fears

Ok, from the day you are born until the day you die you will consistently wrestle with 6 Fears. Now, are there more fears than these six? YES, but in my years of working with human behavior, I have found these to be the top fears that shut the pathway to your mind down. These are the 6 that cause you to shut your eyes, react to what you are feelings and give them control of your life.

What Are These 6 Fears? In the following Chapters we are going to expose and examine these 6 Fears. Now, here is what you must understand. You have all 6 Fears! One of these 6 is your #1 Fear! When you find your #1 Fear and learn to control it, the other 5 will diminish. If you never confront your #1 Fear, the other 5 will nibble at your spirit and over a period of time destroy your desire to improve and leave you and emotional slave to Fear.

Ok, you ready? Let’s examine your 6 Fears and see what they are doing to your life!

Chapter 2:
THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
If I do what I know I should do, it might take me out of my safe zone and put me somewhere I can’t control.

Most people want to feel two things in their life – stable and safe. This is why they create routines for their life. It makes things predictable and in that they feel safe, and with that comes the feeling of stability. Hey, they look at their life, don’t like what they see, but what they are seeing is more acceptable than steeping out of their secure zone and reach into a world filled with the unknown.

This routine is about sameness; it is about getting up and staying in familiar territory. For most this is how they define stability.

This is what makes the Fear of the Unknown so frightening. It means you have to leave your comfort zone, your safe ground. The challenge here is most don’t have the self-trust to step into the unknown. Without a strong foundation of self-trust, taking a risk is too big a gamble.

This is the person who lives with good intentions, writes goals they never achieve, have conversations about what they want their life to look like in 5 years. The truth is, they are all words! They would rather miss what their life could be, than step outside their secure prison.

Interesting, as I was writing this I got an email from Matthew. I have known Matt for almost 10 years. I met him at a program I was doing, have done mentoring with him and had him at my summer StarMaker Conference. When I first met him, it didn’t take long to figure out, “Matt was a person who lived in a little world, but talked about having a big space.” Watching his behavior (if you know me, you know my three little words that form my #1 human philosophy – Behavior Never Lies!), sent a clear message – Matt was all chatter and no forward action.”

Have you ever known a Matt?

His emails said, “I am setting here working on my goals for 2013, and as I was writing them, I realized something. These were the same goals I wrote for 2012 and 2011. I couldn’t believe I was simply rehashing what I had already talked about wanting to do with my life. What is wrong with me?”

Knowing Matt, I understood his struggle – Matt wanted something new while staying the same. His great fear is stepping out of his self destructive world into a world he can’t predict. He is trapped in his Circle of Sameness by his Fear of the Unknown! Can you relate to this?

Chapter 3:
THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT
If I do what I feel I should do, I might be left alone. I can’t be by myself.

How many people do you know who have stayed in an unhealthy relationship for the fear of not having anyone in their life. Sure they are no happy or feel loved or feel the relationship adds to their life, BUT they have someone there in their life. They exist in a pretend world and don’t deal with the reality the other person is just filling space, not a place in their life. The Fear of Being All Alone makes this an acceptable existence.

I wish you could have been in my office the day Mary came to see me. This was her third counseling visit, and she looked the same as on her last visit. Her eye was black; you could see the finger prints on her face where she had been slapped. Mary lived with a very abusive male. She walked in with her head down, and I knew she didn’t want me to see her face. When she looked up at me, she just started crying.

Chapter 4:
THE FEAR OF FAILURE
If I express what I am feeling, it could expose the fact I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t want to look like a failure.

For most, FAILURE has become one of those nasty words. It is like a permanent scar that never goes away. The challenge is that is the way “failure” has been taught. How many times has the statement been made “You don’t want to fail!” Or the statement, “Just fake it to you make it.” The idea of failing is a concept many can’t handle.

When they are confronted with the possibility of failing, they will either run away, find a reason why they shouldn’t be doing what they are doing or stop and start something else. They don’t understand that “failure” is simply a bridge that connects “success” and “defeat.” Failure is an option that didn’t work. It was a knockdown that you weren’t prepared for. That doesn’t make it a negative. In fact when you get back up, that is success! You fear failure because of your emotional programing.

Chapter 5:
THE FEAR OF REJECTION
If I do what I feel I should do, people may not like me. I need to be liked.

There is a strong need inside each of us to feel liked, feel loved. When that need is not being fed, there is fear. You start wondering, “What is wrong with me?” or “I must not be a loveable person!” or “I must be a bad person.”

All of these emotional feeling are there because we don’t have a strong foundation of self-worth. Over the years I have found any person who doesn’t have a strong foundation of self-worth is a candidate for feeling rejected. This fear causes them to give up their individuality and become a puppet others can play with. In that they feel accepted, and as dangerous as that is, it is made ok.

Chapter 6:
THE FEAR OF LOSS
If I do what I feel I should do, it might cost me more than I am willing to pay.

With every thing you want to do with your life, there is price tag. You will only go as far in life as the price tag is acceptable. When the price tag is viewed as too big a cost, you will shut down and walk away. That price tag can be mental, emotional, spiritual, financial or physical. Whatever it is – if the price tag is seen as too big, you will walk away.

Chapter 7:
THE FEAR OF SUCCESS
If I do what I feel I should do, I might get results I am not sure what to do with.

If might sound strange to talk about success being a fear, but it is! Have you ever known someone who got real close to what they said they wanted and implemented behaviors that sabotaged the situation?  That’s the Fear of Success!

Have you ever know someone who tasted success and then, didn’t do the things to keep it going? It wasn’t they didn’t know what to do; they were just fearful of what might happen if the success continued to grow. That’s the Fear of Success!

Chapter 8:
The Process For Controlling Your Fear

Have you ever watched a talented woman put her life on hold because of the fear she felt about what would happen to her relationship IF she really became successful? It wasn’t that she didn’t want the success; she just saw the cost of the success being too great. That is the Fear of Success!

Do any of these 6 Fears sound familiar to you? If you really looked at them, would any of them be a fear you struggle with? As I said earlier, from the day you are born to the day you die, you will struggle with these 6 Fears.

Now hear me say this – there is nothing wrong with fear as long as you own it and it doesn’t own you! Fear is, and that’s a fact. So, what do you need to do to control your fear? Here are 4 Keys To Controlling Your Fear.

Key #1: Face The Fact The Fear Exist
That is the starting point. For anything in life to improve it has to begin with “face what is.” This is where you admit the challenge you are facing. This is more than just admitting you have fear; it is understanding the fact the fear exist and has an emotional grip on your life. Denial doesn’t diminish the fear; in fact it strengthens its grip on your life.

So, start with Facing The Fact The Fear Exist!

Step #2: Examine and Learn Where The Fear Comes From
All the fear you face today comes from your yesterday. There is no fear in today! Why? Because today is just now being created. Your fear comes from a situation in your yesterday that opened the emotion, strengthened it with behavior and was never faced, SO it grew in its emotional size.

Fear is an emotion we attached to situations! The situation may not be the same one that originally created the fear, but something about the situation triggers an emotional surge back to that event. Then, all the emotions that were present then, race forward and connect to the new situation.

Step #3: Address The Situation That Originally Created The Fear
When the emotion of fear takes control, it redefines the landscape. You rewrite the event based on your fear, not necessarily the facts. When this happens, you understanding of the event now has a different hold on your life. You have to go back to the situation, calm yourself down and revisit what happened.

Step #4: Rewrite The Script From A Lesson Viewpoint
This is the turning point! This is where the fear can be repositioned as a positive part of your life. Within every situation your life has been through or been handed, there is a lesson that can turn it from a negative emotionally draining situation to a positive life altering experience where you are better because you have been through it. Anything that brings a lesson to your life becomes a positive part of your journey. When you rewrite the script you repave the emotional highway with insights you can implement into having a better life.

FEAR IS A NATURAL PART OF LIFE, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A NEGATIVE THAT HOLDS YOU A HOSTAGE IN YOUR OWN SKIN!

Express Yourself Teens  With the on-air Be the Star You Are!® youth reporters.

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Express Yourself Teens  With the on-air Be the Star You Are!® youth reporters.

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No matter how old are, how big you are, or how brave you are, we all have our fears. Some fears we outgrow, but others stay with us for years — housed in the corners of our minds and the nerve endings of our bodies. Fear come in all shapes and sizes from debilitating fears dominating our daily lives to insignificant qualms that simply make us uneasy. Being scared may be rational or irrational, originating from past experiences, the anticipation of future catastrophes or mere figments of our imagination. What is fear? What makes some of us afraid and others not? To get some answers to these questions our hosts Henna Hundal and Caiseen Kelley have in depth conversations with reporters Katelyn Darrow and Asya Gonzalez. Katelyn discusses Universal Studios terrifying haunted houses, Asya reveals personal secret fears, Caissen delves into the fears surrounding technology, and Henna relates fears in the writing of her new book. Whether your fear is real, imagined, physical, or emotional, you’ll emerge a bit more courageous after listening to our talented teens converse. As Mark Twain said, “Courage is the resistance to fear, not the absence of fear.” Listen at Voice America Kids Radio and visit Express Yourself for photos, descriptions, links, and more!

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Congrats to everyone who volunteers and supports Be the Star You Are!®. BTSYA has been named a 2014 TOP NON PROFIT for the 6th straight year and is one of the first to be awarded this honor by Guidestar and Great Non Profits. Read more at Press Pass.

Express Yourself!™ Teen Radio is produced by Cynthia Brian of Starstyle® Productions, llc as an outreach program of Be the Star You Are!® charity. For information on being a guest email caiekelley@gmail.com. To make a tax-deductible donation to keep this positive youth programming broadcasting weekly to international audiences. Thanks for supporting teens!

Be the Star You Are!® charity. It’s the Season of Giving Make a donation today. Buy books and shirts!

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Trick or Treat for Literacy: 

Give to Trick or Treat for Literacy. Instead of collecting candy, collect donations to give a child a book treat. 

Changes In Gratitude: Changes In Attitude By Deborah Jane Wells (Part 2 of 2)

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Changes In Gratitude: Changes In Attitude By Deborah Jane Wells (Part 2 of 2)

DeborahCatPicking up where we left off at the end of part 1 of this article, before wrapping up this exploration of gratitude, I want to consider an additional essential aspect of genuine gratitude that truly fosters flow: the principle of circulation. While many people are extremely comfortable with giving to others, far fewer are equally comfortable with receiving from others. Raised with such precepts as, “It is better to give than receive” and “God loveth a cheerful giver,” many have mistakenly concluded that life is all about giving. But giving without a similar commitment to receiving blocks rather than fosters flow.

Flow requires free circulation, both inflow and outflow, with neither condition being desired, admired, or sought after more than the other. Giving with abandon accompanied by resistance to receiving is not what love looks like and it won’t encourage flow. Such duality indicates that fear has crept in and tainted what could, if fueled differently, be an act of love. The roots of this sort of circulation imbalance are planted firmly in misunderstanding the nature of power and assuming power is the same thing as force.

This misperception is based in the belief that giving will put me in the “up” position, leaving me superior and powerful. Once I succeed in giving to you, I can expect you to return the favor on demand in the future in whatever form I desire consistent with my unilateral terms and conditions.

With this definition of giving in place, it follows that I might perceive receiving would put me in the “down” position, leaving me inferior and powerless. Once I succumb to receiving from you, I will be obligated and vulnerable to acting for your benefit in the future—on demand and against my will—in ways that may conflict with my personal values and abilities.

The simple recalibration to these misperceptions is to realize that sort of exchange is not what love looks like. Remembering love’s essential attributes of respect, curiosity, and compassion will increase your clarity in that regard. As the giver, when you choose unconditional love as your core fuel, whatever the expectations of the receiver, you never give from a desire to control or manipulate others. And as the receiver, when you choose unconditional love as your core fuel, whatever the expectations of the giver, you are never obligated to respond from fear. Only you decide what is right for your life. What you give and receive, from and to whom, when, why, how, and how much are always yours to choose. In each moment, you have the opportunity to choose love over fear and behave in alignment with your choice.

Here’s an additional insight to help you move more comfortably into balance, harmony, and understanding concerning the roles of giving and receiving in fostering flow. The practice of “over-giving” is just another variation on the arrogance-based disrespectful interference I explore in my writings on respect. When we over-give, we rob the recipient of the opportunity to develop the healthy independence essential to personal growth and freedom. How do you know when this is the case? As always, look underneath your potential actions and be unflinchingly honest with yourself about whether your core fuel is love or fear. Once you recognize your fuel, you’ll have the opportunity to respect yourself and the other by making a conscious constructive choice.

People sometimes respond to this perspective on giving and receiving by saying, “But Deborah, it just feels so good to give!” Yes, it does feel good. And when you refuse to receive with gratitude and grace, you rob another of experiencing that joy of giving. Much as you may not like to admit it, such behavior demonstrates greediness: hoarding all of that good feeling for yourself. When you give but don’t embrace receiving, you imprison yourself with fear and your gifts become tainted.

Remember to consider the big picture when assessing how well circulation is working in your life. Don’t expect direct reciprocity in relation to what you give. Adopt a “pay it forward” mindset and the big picture God’s-eye view, knowing that the circulation you set in motion when you give to a friend or stranger, may return to you in ways you never dreamed of through people you don’t even know at a time well into the future. When you celebrate giving and receiving with a sense of joy and freedom, you exhibit genuine gratitude and foster for yourself and others lives of generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy.

The only person controlling your life is you. Turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities by harnessing the transformative power of love—and gratitude—to step into your greatness. Choose your energy and change your life!

 

© Copyright 2013 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

About the Author

What’s love got to do with minimizing stress and getting unstuck? Everything, according to empowerment coach and inspirational speaker Deborah Jane Wells, author of Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! During her 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, Deborah served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, she took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. Her recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding her purpose guiding others on their journeys. Through healing and self-exploration, she discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work, and the world. Deborah’s books, blog, radio show, and signature coaching programs help individuals and organizations harness the transformative power of love to step into their greatness. Learn more at the Deborah Jane Wells Website.

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