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“A true friend is one who inspires your greatness.” By Ariel and Shya Kane

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7th Wave

September 7: True Friends  
Most people underestimate how much others appreciate their friendship. Join the Kanes and relax into your ability to be inspired and be an inspiration without having to “do” anything. Callers welcome at Tel# 1-866-472-5795!

Listen Live this Wednesday, September 7th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Channel. 
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After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here. 
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You can also subscribe to BEING HERE on iTunes!
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Expired Meds, Dead Wood, Frenemies

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Empowerment
Expired Meds, Dead Wood, Frenemies

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with Cynthia Brian and Heather Brittany on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® Radio brought to the airwaves under the auspices of Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3 charity, LIVE, since 1998.

This hour is fun, informative, and lively. Join us!
When was the last time you went through your medicine cabinet to check expiration dates on your medications? Dangerous consequences may result from consuming prescriptions that have expired. Learn what to toss and what to keep in Health Matters with Heather Brittany.

Trees are the life source of our world but do you know the signs of a tree in stress? Before tragedy strikes, find out how to identify problems, who to call for help, and what you can do to protect trees with Goddess Gardener, Cynthia Brian.
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Do you have a so-called “friend” who is abusive and dismissive to you? Frenemies are negative forces that need to be purged. Find out how to protect yourself and distance yourself.  True friends are supportive and loving.

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The award winning positive talk radio program, StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® broadcasts on the Voice America Empowerment Channel LIVE every Wednesday from 4-5pm Pt/7-8pm ET.  Cynthia Brian and Heather Brittany are the Mother/Daughter dynamic duo who have been co-hosting this program live weekly since 1998 bringing upbeat, life enhancing conversation to the world. With Cynthia’s expertise in interviewing the trailblazers, authors, and experts and Heather’s healthy living segments, these Goddess Gals are your personal growth coaches helping you to jumpstart your life while igniting your flame of greatness. Brought to the airwaves under the auspices of the literacy and positive media charity, Be the Star You Are!®, each program will pump your energy to help you live, love, laugh, learn, and lead.
For photos, descriptions, links, archives, and more, visit StarStyle Radio.
Get inspired, motivated, and informed with StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®
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Make a donation today to Be the Star You Are!® charity

Cynthia Brian talks about the empowering outreach programs offered by Be the Star You Are!® charity.
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Avoid Friendship Problems: Use Mentalization

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Variety
Avoid Friendship Problems: Use Mentalization

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There is considerable evidence that friendships enhance our physical and emotional well-being. A recent study by John Cacioppo at the University of Chicago even suggests that the feeling of extreme loneliness increases the risk of premature death by 14 percent.
Culturally the notion of having and holding friends is passed on to us from early childhood:
“We’ll be Friends Forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet. Even longer,’ Pooh answered.”― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
Despite the benefits, however, friendships are complicated and at times problematic. The key to avoid problems in friendships is to begin with you, the only person you can ever really know or control and to use mentalization.
Mentalization
• Psychologists describe mentalization as our reflective function—our capacity to reflect on our own feelings, needs, and expectations, etc., as well as our ability to consider other people has having their own separate set of feelings, needs, and expectations, etc.
• It is the recognition that your best friend may love you but actually feel differently about the party, the movie or the amount of time you spend together.
Five Potential Friendship Problems You Can Avoid
Consider how your capacity to self-reflect and see yourself and your friends from different perspectives can help you avoid the following:
Tired of It All:
• If you often feel that being with your friend or friends has become more work than it is worth, the first place to look may be your own authenticity. Are you being who you really are or are you always working at being the person you THINK your friends want you to be?
• As good a chameleon as you may be, eventually it becomes too much work. If you never get to be your true self, you will never be with friends who really match or compliment you. You will never just relax and feel accepted.
The last thing Mary wanted to do was read the books for the book group–but everyone else seemed to like it. She really wanted to go for a walk with a friend.
• In The Friendship Fix, author Andrea Bonior suggests that when you are trying to make new friends start by thinking about your own personality.
• What would you want to do if you suddenly had tomorrow off?
• Would you go to the beach and just do your own thing? Would you want to spend every moment with a friend who loves risky adventures? Would you be happy with a talkative friend because you are a great listener? Do you want a friend who has lots of time for you?
• Have you given much thought to the times when being with a friend has been really easy? How did you meet that friend?
• When is the last time you were just you in the company of a friend?
All For One and One for All
• No matter how wonderful you think it would be—the expectation that your friends will all get along and love each other is a problem in the making. The expectation that they will all want to wear the same thing in your bridal party or be happy to be matched up with partners they would never choose is for many–like adding insult to injury!!
• If you recognize your own multiple dimensions and roles as daughter, son, girlfriend, teacher, golfer, accountant, student etc. it is likely that you have friends that match certain aspects of you at different times and in different contexts throughout your life. That does not mean they match each other.
• Accepting that your high school friend is different than the guy who is your partner at work and that both are different than the guy who is your best wingman in the clubs allows each to be who they really are as friends to you. The relationship you have with each of them and they have with you is unique.
Frozen in Time
One of the greatest strains in friendships is the reality that with time things change. The expectation that over life’s journey you will give and get the same things from the same friends in the same way is a tall order.
I can’t believe that she doesn’t call me during the week now that she is married.
I can’t believe that they don’t want to hang out with our kids!
• Sometimes you are the one who struggles with flexibility of friendship roles over time and sometimes you have a friend or friends who can’t or won’t make the adjustment when your life changes.
• How realistic are your expectations? If you reversed the roles could you understand why two single guys might not want to hang out with your kids?
• Can you hold on to the friendship with redefined expectations? Is a discussion possible?
• Can you agree to disagree about what each of you now defines as the   friendship?
• If you can’t make the adjustment, can you hold on to the good memories of what you had without metaphorically throwing away those good old days?
Seduced by Social Media
• How much has social media enhanced or compromised the pleasure you get from friendships?
• Have you reunited with friends in cyberspace in a way that has been an unexpected gift on all sides?
• Are you, as Andrea Bonior asks, “ hoarding friends” to have a high number on Facebook or comparing and evaluating your life and pictures with everyone else, while overlooking the face-to-face intimacy of friends who want to be with you in the real world?
• Do you feel pressure to meet the expectations of the title, Best Friend Forever–“BFF”?
• Are you demanding more of friends because you feel you must identify someone as your BFF?
• Are you tolerating a friend who consistently makes you feel badly about yourself because you assume everyone has a “frenemy?”
Most of us shape and are shaped by the friends we have journeyed with throughout the chapters of our lives. Some of these friendships are constant, some are complex, some cannot sustain and some are yet to come.
As we journey our friendships will always benefit from our capacity to self-reflect and our openness to understand others.

Listen to this episode of Psych Up Live On Demand

The Gift of Friendship

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The Gift of Friendship

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Every week, Express Yourself!™ will bring you a stimulating program based on a chapter from our award winning book Be the Star You Are!® for Teens.

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What is friendship and how do we create life long relationships? Hosts Caiseen Kelly and Brigitte Jia discuss the meaning of real friendship. The Gift of Friends by Erica Miner from the book Be the Star You Are!® for Teens is read with tips on how to be a friend. The ladies then interview author, Erin Bow with her newest YA science fiction novel, The Scorpion Rules, that reveals how friends help one another survive. In Art Attack, Brigitte shares information on how movements in art were begun because of the friendship between friends, including Impressionism and Cubism.

“Choose your friends wisely. Then be there for each other. That is a gift that has no price: the gift of a lifetime.”
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Bio Erin Bow

Erin Bow gave up a promising career as a particle physicist to write books.  She has five of them — two books of poetry, two novels for teenagers, and a memoir, plus the brand new YA science fiction novel THE SCORPION RULES, out September 22nd.  Erin lives in Ontario, Canada with her husband James, who is also a novelist.  They have two small daughters, both of whom want to be scientists.  www.erinbow.com

Erin Bow scorpion Rules
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Express Yourself! Teen Radio is produced by Cynthia Brian of Starstyle Productions, llc as an outreach program of Be the Star You Are! charity. To make a tax-deductible donation to keep this positive youth programming broadcasting weekly to international audiences. Dare to care!

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California Wine Month, Making Friends, Packing for College

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Empowerment
California Wine Month, Making Friends, Packing for College

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with Cynthia Brian and Heather Brittany on StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® Radio brought to the airwaves under the auspices of Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3 charity, LIVE, since 1998.
This hour is fun, informative, and lively. Join us!
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California Wine Month in September celebrates one of California’s signature agricultural products and all that vintners and growers bring to the economy, culture and lifestyle of the Golden State. September is also a great time to plan a visit to California Wine Country. Wineries and regions throughout the state will be marking the harvest and celebrating California Wine Month with special tastings, festivals, wine immersion experiences, tours, concerts and more.  Find out how to enjoy wine from the vine with Heather Brittany.
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Find out how to make friends and keep them for life with tips from Cynthia Brian. Listen to the chapter, The Gift of Friendship, from her award winning book, Be the Star You Are!® 99 Gifts for Living, Loving, Laughing, and Learning to Make a Difference. Earn a friend by being a friend.
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Off to college? What do you need to pack to prepare for dorm living? Space saving tips and ideas with Dorm Design 101.
Come visit our Be the Star You Are! booth at the Pear and Wine Festival on Sept. 26th from 10-4pm and pick up a copy of The Adventures of Blue Ocean Bob.
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The award winning positive talk radio program, StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® broadcasts on the Voice America Empowerment Channel LIVE every Wednesday from 4-5pm Pt/7-8pm ET.  Cynthia Brian and Heather Brittany are the Mother/Daughter dynamic duo who have been co-hosting this program live weekly since 1998 bringing upbeat, life enhancing conversation to the world. With Cynthia’s expertise in interviewing the trailblazers, authors, and experts and Heather’s healthy living segments, these Goddess Gals are your personal growth coaches helping you to jumpstart your life while igniting your flame of greatness.
Brought to the airwaves under the auspices of the literacy and positive media charity, Be the Star You Are!®, each program will pump your energy to help you live, love, laugh, learn, and lead.

Tune in the Power Hour every Wednesday from 4-5pm PT/70-8pmET and join our empowerment party.
For photos, descriptions, links, archives, and more visit StarStyle Radio.
Get inspired, motivated, and informed with StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!®
Lend us Your Ears!!!
Make a donation today to Be the Star You Are!® charity
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Cynthia Brian talks about the empowering outreach programs offered by Be the Star You Are!® charity.

Lost in a Fog

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7th Wave
Lost in a Fog

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Lost in a Fog
by Ariel & Shya Kane

Once while boating in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, we hit a fog bank and couldn’t see more than a few hundred feet in any direction. We looked to our radar screen and GPS for guidance and, much to our surprise, our sense of where we were going was very different than where we were actually heading. We could have sworn that we were still traveling straight toward home yet the instruments showed that we were beginning to make a wide loop – in effect preparing to go in circles.

When surrounded by fog our intuition and sense of direction, which are very well developed, failed us because in truth we were disoriented. Surprisingly, we had to let go of our usually very dependable gut feelings of the way to go and trust our instruments instead. If we had not depended upon our support system, we would have become truly lost.

Our experience in the fog could be equated to how people are when they get upset and disturbed in their lives, and how upsets diminish your ability to see where you actually are. When you get upset, you lose track of your true direction and get lost in the intensity of the disturbance. You also lose sight of where you are in relation to those around you. When in a fog, you can’t visually pick a point and steer toward a safe port. Boats or harbors nearby can’t reassure you because with your limited vision they don’t exist. So too, it is with an upset. You may have friends who are nearby, willing to lend their support but if you are lost in a fog and you can’t see them or don’t trust them, they are forced to watch as you wander and go aimlessly in circles.

So, how do you get back on track when you are lost in a fog of upset? First and foremost, don’t panic. When you panic, you make really bad choices. Next, you need to include other people in your life and let them support you. Generally, when people get upset they try to “go it alone.” Steering this course is bound to send you more deeply into dangerous waters.

Have you ever noticed that when you are upset, there are plenty of total strangers who are not? If you go out for a cup of coffee or to the deli or a local store for example and don’t keep your head down but actually interact with the person who is taking your order you will have to let go of the upset long enough to be there with them. This is one very valuable tool in releasing yourself from an upset. If you can begin to operate well in non-demanding interactions with others, it becomes easier to regain your balance when you are alone with your thoughts.

Next, recognize that you don’t have to tough it out alone and trust your friends. In challenging situations and difficult times your friends are invaluable. It is as if they are standing outside of your personal fogbank and can give you tips, helpful suggestions and call out the direction they see you heading so that you can find your way. If you wait until you are back on track until you let yourself be supported, it is highly likely that you will have already over steered so that your life is still off course only now in a different direction.

Plenty of Time When We Get Home

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Variety
Plenty of Time When We Get Home

Kayla williamsLove and Recovery in the Aftermath of War.

Guest Bio:

Kayla Williams is a former sergeant and Arabic linguist in a Military Intelligence company of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) company of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) who currently does research and analysis on national security and veterans’ issues. Kayla is the author of Love My Rifle More Than You: Young and Female in the U.S. Army, a memoir about her experiences negotiating the changing demands on today’s military, and the forthcoming book Plenty of Time When We Get Home: Love and Recovery in the Aftermath of War, about her husband’s injury and their joint path from war trauma to healing. Ms. Williams graduated cum laude with a BA in English Literature from Bowling Green State University and earned an MA in International Affairs with a focus on the Middle East from American University. Kayla is a White House Women Veteran Champion of Change, a Truman National Security Project Fellow, and a former member of the VA Advisory Committee on Women Veterans.  Also listen to the story on NPR about “For Military Couples, It’s A Long Recovery When We Get Home” with Kayla Williams as she discusses her time in the Military and coming home.

Tune in on The American Heroes Network for the New Episode “Plenty of Time When We Get Home” on the Voiceamerica Variety Channel. Listen on Tuesday Feb. 25th at 8am Pacific Time.

American Heroes NetworkIt has been said that we are only a generation away from forgetting our history. Disabled American Veterans struggle every day to overcome life-changing sacrifices. Their stories provides a vital part of history that has contributed to our American tradition. American Heroes Network provides a way for individuals, corporations and small businesses to support our Heroes by helping our veterans and their families rebuild their lives. They help aim our veterans, looking for jobs, in the right direction, help provide homes for our troops, assisting individuals and their families who have been severely injured while serving in the U.S. military and providing scholarships for families of our Fallen Heroes.  This will be a weekly hour long show joined by our military heroes and people and organizations that make a difference. American Heroes Network airs live Tuesdays at 8 AM Pacific, powered by Voice America Variety.

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