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Clean Beauty

Posted by Beth Shaw on
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Health & Wellness
Clean Beauty

Ever wonder what ingredients are lurking in your everyday beauty products? It’s no secret that beauty companies fill their products with emulsifiers and fragrances that are harmful to the skin, yet America doesn’t seem concerned enough to do anything about it. In fact, the last time the FDA passed a law on the regulation of beauty products was when congress passed the Food, Drug and Cosmetics Act in 1938 and it hasn’t been changed since. According to a study done by the Environmental Working Group “22% of all cosmetics may be contaminated with cancer-causing impurities.” It is way too frequent that big name products are being recalled and taken off the shelves due to the discovery of cancer causing substances, making it now more important than ever to educate ourselves on clean beauty and the ingredients involved in our favorite beauty products. With such a vast influx of knowledge and technology over the past 80 years, it’s time for America to catch up on the latest health and clean beauty discoveries in order to Make America Healthy! 

Beth Shaw, founder of YogaFit Training Systems and host of Make America Healthy radio show on Voice America, challenges her listeners to educate themselves on the ingredients used in their everyday beauty products and urges them to consider natural alternatives. On her latest episode titled “Clean Beauty” Beth invites clean beauty experts Funlyao Alabi of Shea Radiance, Stephanie Morris from Beauty Counter and Ashley Jo from ASTECC to offer their expert advice on easier and cheaper ways to transition into clean beauty alternatives. Don’t sacrifice your beauty regime and listen to your clean beauty experts! For anyone starting out in clean beauty, our guests recommend undergoing a gradual transition, allowing your wallet and hormones to have time to balance, making it an easier transition into clean beauty.  

From haircare products to face and body skincare, there are a lot of ingredients involved in the typical beauty care routine. One of the easiest ways to test your favorite beauty products for toxic chemicals is by logging onto the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep Database where they have already tested the big names brands in skincare and rated them on a toxicity scale from one to ten. Funlayo Alabi, founder of Shea Radiance, advises to stray away from anything over a level 3 on the toxicity scale. You can also download the EWG’s Healthy Living app for easier access. 

Not only do we have to worry about the skincare ingredients in our own cabinets, but Ashley Jo of ASTECC reminds us to be cautious of the products used at the spas and therapy centers we visit. Ashley works to inform spas and practitioners on harmful ingredients and natural alternatives. Some things may seem out of our control, but when it comes to clean beauty, simpler ingredients are always the best way to go. 

With so many health crises occurring in America and around the world simultaneously, it is now more important than ever to take your health into your own hands. The ingredients we topically apply to our skin are just as impactful as the ingredients we put in the foods we eat. Transitioning to a clean beauty regime is a small and easy step towards reaching your whole health goals. Thanks to YogaFit and Stephanie Morris from Beautycounter, you can receive a 30% discount on all BeautyCounter products by visiting BeautyCounter.com/YogaFit and entering the code CleanForAll30 at checkout. Furthermore, if you are looking to advance your whole health, YogaFit Training Systems is offering 15% off your first yoga training course when you enter the code Voice22 at checkout. There is never a time like the present to invest in yourself and your health by taking advantage of these awesome deals! 

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

Posted by Felix Assivo on
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Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

 “In absolutely love Dr. Jean Marie Farish and the engineers at VoiceAmerica. The engineers make everything run so smooth with the show. Dr. Jean Maire Farish is always so intuitive, creative and warm with her conversations. It always feels like I’m talking to a best friend that I’ve known forever. She is very embracing of other’s diversity and unique abilities. This is the place for lightworkers. She is a joy to the show and a joy to the world. I am truly grateful to her and the show, VoiceAmerica LOVE LIGHT: Living in the Spirit of Love”.     

-Monica Bermudez, Intuitive Quantum Energy Healer, Author, Spiritual Teacher and Counselor, Founder of Sacred Heart Awakenings

https://www.sacredheartawakenings.com

LOVE LIGHT Show “Overcoming Self-Doubt, The Power of Joy

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

Posted by Felix Assivo on
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Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

“From the moment Jean and I spoke I know that she was a woman of strength, honest and wisdom. Speaking with her was like reconnecting with a trusted friend! She is committed to the upliftment of others and truly enjoys her work as an inspirer and teacher.  Jean is always very insightful. I always experience a deep and profound knowledge from her.”      – LOVE LIGHT Guest Rometris Davis Wright  “Using Intuition as Your Internal GPS”  March 19, 2021  http:.//thumbnailvoic.jpgwww.rometris.com

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

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Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

 

“It was a wonderful experience of my journey being on the LOVE LIGHT show.  It’s so beautiful of you to empower authors, writers and healers. I am very blissful and appreciate the connection with you.  Thank you for giving me this platform so that my work can be worthwhile for others. Thank you for your time too, Dr. Jean.”

                                                                                                Karamjeet Kaur (Malaysia) Self Love Specialist, Founder of Self Love Training Academy “You Can Make It Possible With Your Own True Love” December 11, 2020   https://www.selfloveacademy.com.my

 

History is Made. Healing is Necessary. Have Hope!

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Empowerment
History is Made. Healing is Necessary. Have Hope!

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See all at

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MIRACLE MOMENT®

“History says don’t hope

On this side of the grave.

But then, once in a lifetime

The longed for tidal wave

Of justice can rise up.

And hope and history rhyme.”

Seamus Heaney, Northern Ireland Theatre Company, 1990


MESSAGE FROM CYNTHIA BRIAN, Founder/Executive Director

Cynthia-purpleA new chapter in history was written this past weekend.

As of Sunday afternoon, Joe Biden had received 75.2 million votes, the most votes cast in a presidential race ever. Donald Trump had received 70.8 million votes, the second most votes cast according to the Associated Press. Our California Senator, Kamala Harris will break the 244-year ceiling-shattering barrier to become the first elected female vice president of the United States on inauguration day.  She is also the first Black vice president, first of Indian descent, and daughter of immigrants.

The joyful celebrations that erupted around the country confirmed that America was ready for change and stability. The past four years have divided our country like no other time since the Civil War. It has been a time of unpredictability, chaos, civil unrest, rising white supremacy, climate change denial, and wall building. 2020 brought the Covid-19 pandemic, unemployment, protests, depression, and death. The campaign was vitriolic and stress-inducing. With a new inclusive administration positioned to take charge, it is time to heal the wounds and soothe the pain.

It’s not going to be easy or swift, but I am encouraged by the fact that President-elect Joe Biden has already charted a course for policy changes and named a coronavirus task force.

Mr. Biden said that “with the campaign over, it’s time to put the anger and the harsh rhetoric behind us and come together as a nation. It’s time for America to unite. And to heal. The work ahead of us will be hard, but I promise you this: I will be a President for all Americans — whether you voted for me or not. I will keep the faith that you have placed in me.”

As challenging as the issues are that divide us, we will work together to build a better future. There is no place for revenge, toxic politics, or negative rhetoric. Our hope resides in bipartisanship…reaching across the aisle in solidarity for the greater good for all.

In these uncertain times, history has been recorded. It’s never been more important to be actively involved and civically engaged. The power to make positive community changes and connect people to one another is within us. With faith, hope, and empathy, we can heal the past to create a new vision of possibilities ensuring safety and success for every individual.

Character matters. Truth matters. Integrity matters. We ALL matter.

Congratulations to our 46th President and our first woman Vice-President. The American people are trusting in you and your cabinet. Please lead us with dignity, decency, and grace.

We are a TEAM. Together everyone achieves more.

The critical color for 2021 is purple. 

Breathe.

Blessings, gratitude, and healing,

Cynthia Brian

Founder/Executive Director

Be the Star You Are!®

PO Box 376

Moraga, California 94556

Cynthia@BetheStarYouAre.org

https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org

http://www.BTSYA.org

DONATE: https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504


THANK YOU FOR MAKING BTSYA A TOP NON PROFIT!

2020 GreatNonprofits TOP-RATED NonprofitBe the Star You Are!® has been honored with a Top-Rated Award for 2020 from GreatNonprofits with 5 STAR reviews! We appreciate all of your contributions! https://greatnonprofits.org/org/be-the-star-you-are-inc


A Path Towards Recovery

Angela Paramoshin with catAfter a few torturous days of awaiting the results from the 2020 presidential election, it has been announced that our new President is Joe Biden. Minutes after hearing the news, the streets were filled with cheering and screams of joy. The spirits of the people within our society were raised as they celebrated Biden’s electoral win.

Our nation’s path towards recovery has been long-awaited and we can only hope that it gets better from here on. We must continue to fight for the rights of our people, especially those who are in marginalized populations struggling to have their voices heard.

Although we have won this election together, it is only the first step towards healing the United States. As a society, we have to continue to spread love and peace in order to attain harmony at the end of our united path towards healing.

Angelica Paramoshin, a content creator volunteer with Be the Star You Are!® charity, is a rising senior in high school devoting time doing volunteering work in order to use her voice to help others. She is also now a cat mom!


Healing our World, One Kindness at a Time

Karen KitcKIf ever there was a time when kindness was needed to heal hearts, it is now.  Today we may be challenged by family members, friends, or people we don’t know to try to understand their viewpoints and feelings. How we respond speaks volumes about us.

We all have the option of taking the high road or the low road when faced with difficult situations. Simple acts of kindness, such as listening to opposite opinions, and expressing our belief in the value of all individuals, might bring us all to a higher ground.

Today I challenge you to post or send a kind message to an individual or organization to simply send good wishes.  Surprise someone with your reaching out. It doesn’t mean you agree with all they say or do, but you value them as human beings and wish them well.  Let’s give everyone a reason to smile today and continue to scatter some kindness tomorrow.

“It doesn’t matter who you voted for, where you stood before Election Day,” Mr. Biden said in short remarks in Delaware after meeting with members of a newly formed Covid-19 advisory board. “It doesn’t matter your party, your point of view. We can save tens of thousands of lives if everyone would just wear a mask for the next few months.” He added: “Not Democratic or Republican lives — American lives.”

Karen Kitchel who penned two chapters in the book, Be the Star You Are! Millennials to Boomers Celebrating Gifts of Positive Voices in a Changing Digital World, is the Kindness Coordinator volunteer with BTSYA. She serves meals to the homeless and is a volunteer teacher, writer, job coach, and mentor. www.scatteringkindness.com

Be the Reason to smile smile


HOLIDAY SHOPPING?

The holidays are approaching.To avoid exposure to coronavirus in stores, you may wish to shop on-line. We have suggestions for you to shop, save, and stay safe. Please use these web sites for all of your shopping essentials.

1. AmazonSmile donates .5% of purchases https://smile.amazon.com/ch/94-3333882

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2. Discounted books at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/shops/be_the_star_you_are_charity

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3. Giving Assistant: Shop. Earn. Give! Use Giving Assistant to earn cash at 3500+ popular online stores :https://givingassistant.org/np#be-the-star-you-are-inc

4. Shop at over 1300 stores on IGIVE: http://www.iGive.com/BTSYA

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5. Buy “Read, Lead, Succeed” black tanks and books at StarStyle® Store: http://www.starstylestore.net/

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6. Are you a gamer, lover of new software, or other digital content? Buy all of your favorites at Humble Bundle. http://ow.ly/cYs130iN6n4


STAY SAFE! WEAR A MASK!

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BE UPLIFTED WITH BE THE STAR YOU ARE!® RADIO BROADCASTS

As part of our Be the Star You Are! Disaster Relief Outreach program (https://www.bethestaryouare.org/copy-of-operation-hurricane-disaste), StarStyle® Productions, LLC and Be the Star You Are!® are showcasing authors, artists, actors, poets, musicians, and many others, all of whom are out of work. We believe in supporting creativity that provides escape and joy, especially during tough times.

Tune in to StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® on Wednesdays at 4pm PT for “Wednesdays with Writers and Performers” LIVE http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are as well as our teen program, Express Yourself!™ airing on Sundays at 3pm PT for “Super Smart Sundays” https://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2014/express-yourself

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MAKE A DONATION TO OPERATION DISASTER RELIEF TO HELP SURVIVORS OF THE FIRES AND HURRICANES!


DIRECT LINKS you can use for Be the Star You Are!®

PLEASE DONATE

Make a DONATION through PAYPAL GIVING FUND and PAYPAL with 100% going to BTSYA with NO FEES:  https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

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United we stand. Divided we fall. 


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We are the United States of America
We honor the men and women of our United States Armed Forces on Veterans Day, November 11, 2020. Your dedicated service is greatly appreciated and valued. Thank you. Thank you. 
Hope, Healing, and the color purple.

Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3
PO Box 376
Moraga, California
94556
info@BetheStarYouAre.org
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It’s All About Love

Posted by presspass on
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Empowerment
It’s All About Love

Dr. Jean Marie Farish, Author for Sivana East.  Articles published in Sivana East:

Heaven On Earth: The Art Of Conscious Living

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-heaven-on-earth-the-art-of conscious living/

Five Spiritual Principles To Recover After Loss 

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-conscious-recovery-after-loss/

Why We Must Be Kind To Be Truly Happy

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-enriching-human-connection-through-kindness/

Why the World Needs Love, Now More Than Ever

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

Posted by presspass on
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Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                              LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                                                    Milly Diericx

                                                                                     “Raising Consciousness to the Vibration of Love”

                                                                                                                           May 22, 2020

 

“Jean Farish  is a loving soul that helped me stay on track and made my interview a relaxed and enjoyable experience.  Her skill at interviewing reflects her inner harmony and her desire to be of service to her audience. VoiceAmerica was professional, thoughtful and kept me informed of everything I needed to know before, during and even after the interview took place.  An overall beautiful experience.  I hope my intervention was worthy of your professionalism and attention to detail.  Thank you Jean!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Moment in Time

Posted by presspass on
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Empowerment
A Moment in Time

A Moment in Time

by Wendy in Queens, NY

an excerpt from Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Day Enlightenment by Ariel and Shya Kane

kidsswinging.jpgMy brother Brian was born a year and a half after I was. My mom told me that when she brought him home from the hospital, I thought he was a gift for me. When we were growing up, Brian seemed to know how to do everything without any help or training. I’d ask him, “How do you know that?” I was amazed and jealous that things seemed to come so easily for him, or so I thought.

Years later when I graduated from college, I found a job in New York City. My brother offered to drive my stuff and me from our home in Rochester, New York to my new apartment in Jersey City, New Jersey. We packed his Suburban to the gills and off we went. We made our way there using a good old-fashioned map since this was before cell phones and Google Maps. We spent the weekend setting up the apartment and took a quick trip into Manhattan to explore the area. The days flew by and the time came for him to head back. We hugged goodbye and off he drove into the horizon. As I watched my brother’s truck get smaller and smaller, tears fell down my cheeks.

Time moved on, life happened, and Brian and I grew apart. I held on to my belief that we would be super close again someday, because that’s how I thought it should be. That’s how I thought life worked. But Brian started using drugs. As his addiction grew stronger, the gulf between us grew wider. He got help, but it was a struggle and he repeatedly slipped back into his old habits. I had a lot of judgments against him, but they had started long before he was using drugs.

Eventually, I discovered a totally new perspective about my brother and my life when a co-worker invited me to one of Ariel and Shya Kane’s evening events in New York City. Soon after, I attended a weekend seminar with them and started to look at relationships through a different lens. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but my perspective just shifted. As a kid I’d made decisions to not be like my family. I started seeing how I held my family and myself as not good enough. I had ideas about what a “good family” looked like, down to how a good family should celebrate Christmas. In the past, I had sat at home feeling sorry for myself if the celebration was not up to my standards.

Then, one December, I had a spontaneous experience of how my life had transformed. I had flown to Rochester to celebrate Christmas with my family and quickly discovered that no one had made plans for a holiday gathering. Rather than going to that familiar place of feeling sorry for myself, I realized that I could plan something. This was a novel idea and I got excited at the notion of hosting Christmas.

With my sister Holley’s permission, I invited everyone to her house on a snowy night in December. I made all of my favorite dishes – cheesy macaroni and cheese, creamy cauliflower mashed potatoes and a big green salad. Holley finished it off with a fresh baked apple pie. My mom brought the frosted buttermilk Christmas cookies that she made every year. Everyone was happy to contribute. Hmm, maybe my family wasn’t such a lost cause after all.

Earlier in the day my sister and I had bought gifts for everyone, including a chess set that I thought my brother would love. Brian was a pretty good chess player and he loved the game. The doorbell sounded and I greeted my mom and brother at the door. It was as if time stood still. I looked into my brother’s eyes and I saw that I had a choice. I could drop my judgments and meet my brother Brian, as if for the first time, or I could hold on to past grievances. In a split second I chose to drop the past. I saw the light flicker in my brother’s eyes as I reached out to hug him and I felt the wall between us crumble. Even the sound of his name was sweet and I was excited he was there.

The evening flew by. After dinner we exchanged gifts. I felt sated and happy. I realized the picture in my mind of how Christmas should be celebrated was a child’s idea and I preferred the way it had unfolded in reality.

Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Day EnlightenmentI was scheduled to fly back to New York City on Sunday night and to my surprise, Brian joined my mom and me on the ride to the airport. When we arrived and I found out the flight was delayed, I asked them both to come inside the airport and wait with me. I’d never done that before. I usually couldn’t wait to get out of Rochester but this time was different. We sat in Dunkin’ Donuts, sipping coffee and eating muffins, and laughing at stupid jokes. It was a lot of fun and the silliness was sweet and intimate. When my flight was ready to depart, we said our goodbyes and I made my way to the gate with a big grin on my face.

A few days into the New Year, I got a call in the middle of the night. My brother Brian had overdosed on heroin and his heart had stopped. He died later that night and I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that just a few days earlier we’d had some of the deepest and kindest interactions in years. It was as if I had found my kid brother again only to lose him.

I miss my brother but I’ll be forever grateful for the time I got to spend with him that Christmas. I’m thankful that I dropped the past and discovered who Brian really was while he was still alive.

 

This is an excerpt from Being Here…Too, now available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UKGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their award-winning books, their Being Here radio show and join their email newsletter.

Life is in the Blintzes

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Empowerment
Life is in the Blintzes

“Life is in the Blintzes”

By Eric in Brooklyn, NY

An excerpt from Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Enlightenment, Ariel and Shya Kane

When my maternal grandmother, Dora, was a child, she came to America from a tiny village in Eastern Europe. One of my fondest memories of her was that she made amazing blintzes, thin crepe-like pancakes filled with savory cheese. When I was a little boy I’d visit her in the Bronx in New York City, and we’d walk together to the store, my small hand in hers, to get fresh ingredients. Then we’d go back to her apartment and I’d watch her make my beloved blintzes. She never followed a recipe. Everything she made was by eye or by heart. The best part of all was eating them. My grandmother was a cheek pincher who loved me with food. And her food, from blintzes to chicken soup to chopped liver, was extraordinary.

By contrast, I hadn’t felt as close to my mother. While my dad and I shared jokes and a common interest in music, when I was in my pre-teen years, I decided that my mother was stoic, cold, and unable to connect with me emotionally. We didn’t spend much time talking and I didn’t enjoy her cooking.

Eventually I decided that I no longer wanted to be associated with the people in my mother’s family: Eastern European Jews. Their heritage, religion, language, customs, and even their food, including my formerly beloved blintzes, had become embarrassing to me. I conveniently forgot about the hard work and sacrifices my family had made to give me the life that I was taking for granted. I forgot how my mother had paid for things – my cello lessons, an expensive private college, and financial support she gave me when I was having some significant personal struggles – not to mention unwavering moral support.

Years passed and the gulf between me and my mother widened. When my parents moved to Florida, I never made visiting them a priority although my mom took the time to visit me. When I was cast as a professional actor in plays in Boston and New York City, my mother always came to see my performances. After the shows she would meet me, give me a hug and, before I had a chance to ask what she thought of my performance, she would whisper in my ear, “You were the best one.”

When I started to participate in Instantaneous Transformation seminars with Ariel and Shya, I saw that I had preconceived notions of my mother. I didn’t see her as she was. I saw her as I thought she was. That’s not the same thing. My thoughts about her were colored by a filter, put in place by my disgruntled teenage self who’d been insecure and desperate to fit in. Once I saw this important distinction, I was able to truly listen to what Mom had to say and to see things from her perspective. I saw her loving nature and acts, both past and present, because they were no longer at odds with my own very strong point of view. I was suddenly able to remember the hugs as well as the cream cheese and jelly sandwiches with no crusts. I even remembered when I went through my “purple phase” and Mom knitted me a purple sweater. It was well made, but in retrospect it wasn’t a great color decision for me. As a result of my new perspective, our relationship became closer and sweeter.

My grandma Dora is long gone. My mother is ninety-one and her health and memory are fading. She’s confined to a wheelchair and although her long-term memory is generally good, her short-term memory is nonexistent. She remembers my Dad, but not that he’s been dead for twenty years.

I recently went down to Florida to visit her. At first she thought I was a doctor, which was not a total loss. I’m a lawyer and a literary agent, but she had dreamt of my becoming a doctor, and to her I was. She told me she’d enjoyed my comedy show the night before (I was a standup comedian several years ago) although she felt I went on a little too long. Of course there was no show, but she was happy, especially that she’d stayed at my friend Oprah’s apartment. I was pleased to learn that I am close friends with Oprah Winfrey.

I wasn’t upset with Mom’s confusion. As long as she wasn’t depressed or scared, I rolled with it, going along with her reality. But she wasn’t eating and her nurses and aides were concerned. An additional benefit of my participating in the Kanes’ seminars is that I’ve become very intuitive. More accurately, I’ve allowed my intuition to override what used to be my denial and doubt.

Flat Book Cover.jpgI knew in my gut that blintzes would reignite my mother’s appetite. I asked the medical professionals if there were concerns about fat, salt or any other nutritional caveats. They said my mother needed calories and, at this point, any were good. I went to a deli near my mom’s house and on the way home, my car was filled with the familiar aroma of blintzes and matzo ball soup. Images of my grandmother’s smile went through my mind. I heard the roar of the crowd at Yankee stadium as we walked through her Bronx neighborhood. Most importantly, I felt the lineage of love that traveled from Dora through my mother to me. Unexpected tears welled up as I drove the Florida roads, far from New York City. I was grateful I could allow myself the pleasure of those tears, the welling of love and affection. When my mother devoured two blintzes and smiled at me, my chest swelled with gratitude for Instantaneous Transformation. My heritage is rich and full of love and life. In that moment, I rediscovered that life is in the blintzes.

This is an excerpt from Being Here…Too, which is available wherever books are sold as of November 12, 2018.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYCGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books

Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Empowerment
Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Marriage counselors and best-selling authors, Charlie and Linda Bloom recently joined me on Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit to talk about their new book, That Which Doesn’t Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. This was Linda’s second visit and what a delight to now know Charlie, too. They are in a unique position to help couples heal in a profound way because they understand the challenges in a relationship from the perspective of counselors as well as from the perspective of a couple who had to face the pain in their own relationship. They shared much hard-earned wisdom with us. At base, their story is one of two people finding the courage to be vulnerable, to look deeply at their own behavior, and to truly change within themselves to become whole and a worthy partner while also healing their life as a couple. It is much easier to point a finger and assess blame than it is to acknowledge our own role in the conflict and grow where we need to. They say it isn’t about finding the perfect, right person. It’s about working through the differences and accepting who the other person is, especially in the ways they are not like us. Healing takes skills, courage, time, patience, forgiveness, non-attachment, empathy, compassion, and commitment. For more helpful information, listen to this show by clicking here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Walk the Labyrinth. Find a Labyrinth in your area, indoors or out, and walk it. Before you enter it, say a prayer asking for what you want to release and receive. As you walk into the center, you will release what you no longer need. In the center, you will hear answers from your Higher Self, from God, from the spiritual realm. As you walk out, you will be lighter and move more into your true self. The Labyrinth is created through sacred geometry and as such, it holds energy of a very high and positive spiritual nature. No negative energies are allowed to enter. You can get answers to questions and solutions to problems that are causing you pain—emotionally, mentally or physically. When you walk the Labyrinth with others, the sacred space helps you heal relationships, find mutually acceptable solutions, and create closer bonds. Couples, families, friends, or any team or group can choose to walk the Labyrinth together with a specific purpose in mind. When I was with a group of life coaches who were trying to build a business together, I led our group on a Labyrinth walk to help create a team. Although the business partnership didn’t work out for several practical reasons, the friendships we developed did. Twenty years later, I can still call any of them, and I’ll get a call back within the day.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

My silver lining story for today is about a small writing group I was in a number of years ago. One member left the group to move to a new city. When she moved back several months later, the relationships within the group had changed. She, however, was expecting to assume her old role. She was very angry when her expectations weren’t met and started disrupting the meetings. We walked the Labyrinth in an attempt to solve the problem and redevelop the group closeness. We then wrote about our experience in the Labyrinth, which was followed by an open group discussion. Not all problems can be solved to everyone’s satisfaction, and she chose to leave the group permanently. My silver lining was allowing myself to let go of my fear of speaking my truth in what had become an extremely tense and unpleasant relationship.

This is what I wrote after walking the Labyrinth:

What’s the boundary between the self and the group? Does responsibility for individual growth have to be subsumed into the will of the group? What does it mean to be part of a group and still an individual? Do I not speak because it might hurt someone else? What about survival of the self? And what about projection? What is reality and what is in my head or a dragon from the past breathing revenge, competition or hurt? Learnings and re-entry are painful. Everything changes. So the cards are thrown up in the air and they land in some new configuration. Are we not all entitled to continued growth and development? How do we work it out? It’s rarely pretty and easy and harmonious. All groups go through discord to reach true intimacy. Are we willing to risk that? Am I willing to risk that? Life is too precious. Learning is too sweet to do it any other way. So the words must be spoken and hurt gone through to reach the other side. 

Marian Stephens’ Story

I was so moved by what Linda and Charlie Bloom offered that I immediately read their book. They give guidance on how to prevent having a breakdown or a breakup in a relationship, and instead, having a breakthrough. I just got married six months ago, and we are nowhere near having a breakup. I have been struggling, however, with how to handle conflict and the overwhelming emotional response I am experiencing with working on healing my mind, body, and spirit. After listening, I realize that if I cannot change some of my behaviors, I will cause more and more damage to the relationship with my husband that I cherish with all my heart.

Linda Bloom found herself feeling that she was the victim of her relationship and circumstances, and I find myself identifying with her in so many ways. I truly was never in the wrong in my last relationship with an abusive man – he instigated fight after fight that ended in physical and verbal violence until I walked away. The problem is that I have been unknowingly positioning myself as the victim every time I have conflict with my husband; using words such as “you should, could, always, never, only…” It’s true that I very rarely start an argument, but I find myself quick to anger and unwilling to take a moment to walk away, catch my breath, and look at my own behavior when an argument arises. It is so much easier to blame and seek an apology from my husband, which he is all too willing to give me because he does not want to hurt me. If I feel vindicated, I never have to deal with the pain of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for my actions. But, I know in my heart this is untenable and unfair to both of us. Part of my work in healing must be meditation to learn to quiet the storm of anger that rages in my mind when conflict arises–actual conflict with others and the conflict I feel internally when reconciling and working through the past.

In this episode, Dr. Paula asks what relationship you want to heal. I want to repair my relationship with my oldest son. Our entire family is giving so much effort to facilitating this, and he is not responding. We were on vacation at the beach this week, and he got so angry with me that he exploded and told me he will not come back to live with me until I choose between him and my husband. So, this is my new relationship challenge, and I am somewhat at a loss. I am going to continue to learn and grow and apply all of that to my parenting challenges, and, impart what I am learning to my children so they can navigate the hurt and anger they are feeling, too.

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

I recognize how much you want to heal your relationship with your son. You must remember, however, that there are two people in this relationship and both people must want to have a healthy relationship for that to happen. No one can create a healthy relationship with another person by themselves. That your 18-year-old son wants you to choose between him and your husband is not an appropriate request, or in this case, ultimatum. Some things you can fix and some you can’t. This is very hard for a mother to acknowledge, but as you noted in the last blog, you have to be selfish and take care of yourself first. Your son should not be allowed to destroy your relationship with your husband or your other children. He needs to learn his place in the family and you need to have the strength to let him know he is not in charge. We all have challenges and disappointments in life. Learning what we can and cannot change is part of being human. Your challenge here is to keep strong boundaries with your son, recognize the legacy of abuse that he learned from his father, and heal the emotional pain that this relationship is causing you. You may not have control over creating a healthy relationship with your son, but you do have control over your response to him and his demands. That’s how you take back your power, heal and create a healthy relationship with yourself.

For more shows on Healthy Relationships:

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Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

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