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LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

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Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

 

“It was a wonderful experience of my journey being on the LOVE LIGHT show.  It’s so beautiful of you to empower authors, writers and healers. I am very blissful and appreciate the connection with you.  Thank you for giving me this platform so that my work can be worthwhile for others. Thank you for your time too, Dr. Jean.”

                                                                                                Karamjeet Kaur (Malaysia) Self Love Specialist, Founder of Self Love Training Academy “You Can Make It Possible With Your Own True Love” December 11, 2020   https://www.selfloveacademy.com.my

 

History is Made. Healing is Necessary. Have Hope!

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Empowerment
History is Made. Healing is Necessary. Have Hope!

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MIRACLE MOMENT®

“History says don’t hope

On this side of the grave.

But then, once in a lifetime

The longed for tidal wave

Of justice can rise up.

And hope and history rhyme.”

Seamus Heaney, Northern Ireland Theatre Company, 1990


MESSAGE FROM CYNTHIA BRIAN, Founder/Executive Director

Cynthia-purpleA new chapter in history was written this past weekend.

As of Sunday afternoon, Joe Biden had received 75.2 million votes, the most votes cast in a presidential race ever. Donald Trump had received 70.8 million votes, the second most votes cast according to the Associated Press. Our California Senator, Kamala Harris will break the 244-year ceiling-shattering barrier to become the first elected female vice president of the United States on inauguration day.  She is also the first Black vice president, first of Indian descent, and daughter of immigrants.

The joyful celebrations that erupted around the country confirmed that America was ready for change and stability. The past four years have divided our country like no other time since the Civil War. It has been a time of unpredictability, chaos, civil unrest, rising white supremacy, climate change denial, and wall building. 2020 brought the Covid-19 pandemic, unemployment, protests, depression, and death. The campaign was vitriolic and stress-inducing. With a new inclusive administration positioned to take charge, it is time to heal the wounds and soothe the pain.

It’s not going to be easy or swift, but I am encouraged by the fact that President-elect Joe Biden has already charted a course for policy changes and named a coronavirus task force.

Mr. Biden said that “with the campaign over, it’s time to put the anger and the harsh rhetoric behind us and come together as a nation. It’s time for America to unite. And to heal. The work ahead of us will be hard, but I promise you this: I will be a President for all Americans — whether you voted for me or not. I will keep the faith that you have placed in me.”

As challenging as the issues are that divide us, we will work together to build a better future. There is no place for revenge, toxic politics, or negative rhetoric. Our hope resides in bipartisanship…reaching across the aisle in solidarity for the greater good for all.

In these uncertain times, history has been recorded. It’s never been more important to be actively involved and civically engaged. The power to make positive community changes and connect people to one another is within us. With faith, hope, and empathy, we can heal the past to create a new vision of possibilities ensuring safety and success for every individual.

Character matters. Truth matters. Integrity matters. We ALL matter.

Congratulations to our 46th President and our first woman Vice-President. The American people are trusting in you and your cabinet. Please lead us with dignity, decency, and grace.

We are a TEAM. Together everyone achieves more.

The critical color for 2021 is purple. 

Breathe.

Blessings, gratitude, and healing,

Cynthia Brian

Founder/Executive Director

Be the Star You Are!®

PO Box 376

Moraga, California 94556

Cynthia@BetheStarYouAre.org

https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org

http://www.BTSYA.org

DONATE: https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504


THANK YOU FOR MAKING BTSYA A TOP NON PROFIT!

2020 GreatNonprofits TOP-RATED NonprofitBe the Star You Are!® has been honored with a Top-Rated Award for 2020 from GreatNonprofits with 5 STAR reviews! We appreciate all of your contributions! https://greatnonprofits.org/org/be-the-star-you-are-inc


A Path Towards Recovery

Angela Paramoshin with catAfter a few torturous days of awaiting the results from the 2020 presidential election, it has been announced that our new President is Joe Biden. Minutes after hearing the news, the streets were filled with cheering and screams of joy. The spirits of the people within our society were raised as they celebrated Biden’s electoral win.

Our nation’s path towards recovery has been long-awaited and we can only hope that it gets better from here on. We must continue to fight for the rights of our people, especially those who are in marginalized populations struggling to have their voices heard.

Although we have won this election together, it is only the first step towards healing the United States. As a society, we have to continue to spread love and peace in order to attain harmony at the end of our united path towards healing.

Angelica Paramoshin, a content creator volunteer with Be the Star You Are!® charity, is a rising senior in high school devoting time doing volunteering work in order to use her voice to help others. She is also now a cat mom!


Healing our World, One Kindness at a Time

Karen KitcKIf ever there was a time when kindness was needed to heal hearts, it is now.  Today we may be challenged by family members, friends, or people we don’t know to try to understand their viewpoints and feelings. How we respond speaks volumes about us.

We all have the option of taking the high road or the low road when faced with difficult situations. Simple acts of kindness, such as listening to opposite opinions, and expressing our belief in the value of all individuals, might bring us all to a higher ground.

Today I challenge you to post or send a kind message to an individual or organization to simply send good wishes.  Surprise someone with your reaching out. It doesn’t mean you agree with all they say or do, but you value them as human beings and wish them well.  Let’s give everyone a reason to smile today and continue to scatter some kindness tomorrow.

“It doesn’t matter who you voted for, where you stood before Election Day,” Mr. Biden said in short remarks in Delaware after meeting with members of a newly formed Covid-19 advisory board. “It doesn’t matter your party, your point of view. We can save tens of thousands of lives if everyone would just wear a mask for the next few months.” He added: “Not Democratic or Republican lives — American lives.”

Karen Kitchel who penned two chapters in the book, Be the Star You Are! Millennials to Boomers Celebrating Gifts of Positive Voices in a Changing Digital World, is the Kindness Coordinator volunteer with BTSYA. She serves meals to the homeless and is a volunteer teacher, writer, job coach, and mentor. www.scatteringkindness.com

Be the Reason to smile smile


HOLIDAY SHOPPING?

The holidays are approaching.To avoid exposure to coronavirus in stores, you may wish to shop on-line. We have suggestions for you to shop, save, and stay safe. Please use these web sites for all of your shopping essentials.

1. AmazonSmile donates .5% of purchases https://smile.amazon.com/ch/94-3333882

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2. Discounted books at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/shops/be_the_star_you_are_charity

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3. Giving Assistant: Shop. Earn. Give! Use Giving Assistant to earn cash at 3500+ popular online stores :https://givingassistant.org/np#be-the-star-you-are-inc

4. Shop at over 1300 stores on IGIVE: http://www.iGive.com/BTSYA

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5. Buy “Read, Lead, Succeed” black tanks and books at StarStyle® Store: http://www.starstylestore.net/

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6. Are you a gamer, lover of new software, or other digital content? Buy all of your favorites at Humble Bundle. http://ow.ly/cYs130iN6n4


STAY SAFE! WEAR A MASK!

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BE UPLIFTED WITH BE THE STAR YOU ARE!® RADIO BROADCASTS

As part of our Be the Star You Are! Disaster Relief Outreach program (https://www.bethestaryouare.org/copy-of-operation-hurricane-disaste), StarStyle® Productions, LLC and Be the Star You Are!® are showcasing authors, artists, actors, poets, musicians, and many others, all of whom are out of work. We believe in supporting creativity that provides escape and joy, especially during tough times.

Tune in to StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® on Wednesdays at 4pm PT for “Wednesdays with Writers and Performers” LIVE http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are as well as our teen program, Express Yourself!™ airing on Sundays at 3pm PT for “Super Smart Sundays” https://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2014/express-yourself

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MAKE A DONATION TO OPERATION DISASTER RELIEF TO HELP SURVIVORS OF THE FIRES AND HURRICANES!


DIRECT LINKS you can use for Be the Star You Are!®

PLEASE DONATE

Make a DONATION through PAYPAL GIVING FUND and PAYPAL with 100% going to BTSYA with NO FEES:  https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

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United we stand. Divided we fall. 


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We are the United States of America
We honor the men and women of our United States Armed Forces on Veterans Day, November 11, 2020. Your dedicated service is greatly appreciated and valued. Thank you. Thank you. 
Hope, Healing, and the color purple.

Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3
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Moraga, California
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info@BetheStarYouAre.org
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It’s All About Love

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Empowerment
It’s All About Love

Dr. Jean Marie Farish, Author for Sivana East.  Articles published in Sivana East:

Heaven On Earth: The Art Of Conscious Living

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-heaven-on-earth-the-art-of conscious living/

Five Spiritual Principles To Recover After Loss 

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-conscious-recovery-after-loss/

Why We Must Be Kind To Be Truly Happy

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-enriching-human-connection-through-kindness/

Why the World Needs Love, Now More Than Ever

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

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Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                              LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                                                    Milly Diericx

                                                                                     “Raising Consciousness to the Vibration of Love”

                                                                                                                           May 22, 2020

 

“Jean Farish  is a loving soul that helped me stay on track and made my interview a relaxed and enjoyable experience.  Her skill at interviewing reflects her inner harmony and her desire to be of service to her audience. VoiceAmerica was professional, thoughtful and kept me informed of everything I needed to know before, during and even after the interview took place.  An overall beautiful experience.  I hope my intervention was worthy of your professionalism and attention to detail.  Thank you Jean!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Moment in Time

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A Moment in Time

A Moment in Time

by Wendy in Queens, NY

an excerpt from Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Day Enlightenment by Ariel and Shya Kane

kidsswinging.jpgMy brother Brian was born a year and a half after I was. My mom told me that when she brought him home from the hospital, I thought he was a gift for me. When we were growing up, Brian seemed to know how to do everything without any help or training. I’d ask him, “How do you know that?” I was amazed and jealous that things seemed to come so easily for him, or so I thought.

Years later when I graduated from college, I found a job in New York City. My brother offered to drive my stuff and me from our home in Rochester, New York to my new apartment in Jersey City, New Jersey. We packed his Suburban to the gills and off we went. We made our way there using a good old-fashioned map since this was before cell phones and Google Maps. We spent the weekend setting up the apartment and took a quick trip into Manhattan to explore the area. The days flew by and the time came for him to head back. We hugged goodbye and off he drove into the horizon. As I watched my brother’s truck get smaller and smaller, tears fell down my cheeks.

Time moved on, life happened, and Brian and I grew apart. I held on to my belief that we would be super close again someday, because that’s how I thought it should be. That’s how I thought life worked. But Brian started using drugs. As his addiction grew stronger, the gulf between us grew wider. He got help, but it was a struggle and he repeatedly slipped back into his old habits. I had a lot of judgments against him, but they had started long before he was using drugs.

Eventually, I discovered a totally new perspective about my brother and my life when a co-worker invited me to one of Ariel and Shya Kane’s evening events in New York City. Soon after, I attended a weekend seminar with them and started to look at relationships through a different lens. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but my perspective just shifted. As a kid I’d made decisions to not be like my family. I started seeing how I held my family and myself as not good enough. I had ideas about what a “good family” looked like, down to how a good family should celebrate Christmas. In the past, I had sat at home feeling sorry for myself if the celebration was not up to my standards.

Then, one December, I had a spontaneous experience of how my life had transformed. I had flown to Rochester to celebrate Christmas with my family and quickly discovered that no one had made plans for a holiday gathering. Rather than going to that familiar place of feeling sorry for myself, I realized that I could plan something. This was a novel idea and I got excited at the notion of hosting Christmas.

With my sister Holley’s permission, I invited everyone to her house on a snowy night in December. I made all of my favorite dishes – cheesy macaroni and cheese, creamy cauliflower mashed potatoes and a big green salad. Holley finished it off with a fresh baked apple pie. My mom brought the frosted buttermilk Christmas cookies that she made every year. Everyone was happy to contribute. Hmm, maybe my family wasn’t such a lost cause after all.

Earlier in the day my sister and I had bought gifts for everyone, including a chess set that I thought my brother would love. Brian was a pretty good chess player and he loved the game. The doorbell sounded and I greeted my mom and brother at the door. It was as if time stood still. I looked into my brother’s eyes and I saw that I had a choice. I could drop my judgments and meet my brother Brian, as if for the first time, or I could hold on to past grievances. In a split second I chose to drop the past. I saw the light flicker in my brother’s eyes as I reached out to hug him and I felt the wall between us crumble. Even the sound of his name was sweet and I was excited he was there.

The evening flew by. After dinner we exchanged gifts. I felt sated and happy. I realized the picture in my mind of how Christmas should be celebrated was a child’s idea and I preferred the way it had unfolded in reality.

Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Day EnlightenmentI was scheduled to fly back to New York City on Sunday night and to my surprise, Brian joined my mom and me on the ride to the airport. When we arrived and I found out the flight was delayed, I asked them both to come inside the airport and wait with me. I’d never done that before. I usually couldn’t wait to get out of Rochester but this time was different. We sat in Dunkin’ Donuts, sipping coffee and eating muffins, and laughing at stupid jokes. It was a lot of fun and the silliness was sweet and intimate. When my flight was ready to depart, we said our goodbyes and I made my way to the gate with a big grin on my face.

A few days into the New Year, I got a call in the middle of the night. My brother Brian had overdosed on heroin and his heart had stopped. He died later that night and I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that just a few days earlier we’d had some of the deepest and kindest interactions in years. It was as if I had found my kid brother again only to lose him.

I miss my brother but I’ll be forever grateful for the time I got to spend with him that Christmas. I’m thankful that I dropped the past and discovered who Brian really was while he was still alive.

 

This is an excerpt from Being Here…Too, now available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UKGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their award-winning books, their Being Here radio show and join their email newsletter.

Life is in the Blintzes

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Empowerment
Life is in the Blintzes

“Life is in the Blintzes”

By Eric in Brooklyn, NY

An excerpt from Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Enlightenment, Ariel and Shya Kane

When my maternal grandmother, Dora, was a child, she came to America from a tiny village in Eastern Europe. One of my fondest memories of her was that she made amazing blintzes, thin crepe-like pancakes filled with savory cheese. When I was a little boy I’d visit her in the Bronx in New York City, and we’d walk together to the store, my small hand in hers, to get fresh ingredients. Then we’d go back to her apartment and I’d watch her make my beloved blintzes. She never followed a recipe. Everything she made was by eye or by heart. The best part of all was eating them. My grandmother was a cheek pincher who loved me with food. And her food, from blintzes to chicken soup to chopped liver, was extraordinary.

By contrast, I hadn’t felt as close to my mother. While my dad and I shared jokes and a common interest in music, when I was in my pre-teen years, I decided that my mother was stoic, cold, and unable to connect with me emotionally. We didn’t spend much time talking and I didn’t enjoy her cooking.

Eventually I decided that I no longer wanted to be associated with the people in my mother’s family: Eastern European Jews. Their heritage, religion, language, customs, and even their food, including my formerly beloved blintzes, had become embarrassing to me. I conveniently forgot about the hard work and sacrifices my family had made to give me the life that I was taking for granted. I forgot how my mother had paid for things – my cello lessons, an expensive private college, and financial support she gave me when I was having some significant personal struggles – not to mention unwavering moral support.

Years passed and the gulf between me and my mother widened. When my parents moved to Florida, I never made visiting them a priority although my mom took the time to visit me. When I was cast as a professional actor in plays in Boston and New York City, my mother always came to see my performances. After the shows she would meet me, give me a hug and, before I had a chance to ask what she thought of my performance, she would whisper in my ear, “You were the best one.”

When I started to participate in Instantaneous Transformation seminars with Ariel and Shya, I saw that I had preconceived notions of my mother. I didn’t see her as she was. I saw her as I thought she was. That’s not the same thing. My thoughts about her were colored by a filter, put in place by my disgruntled teenage self who’d been insecure and desperate to fit in. Once I saw this important distinction, I was able to truly listen to what Mom had to say and to see things from her perspective. I saw her loving nature and acts, both past and present, because they were no longer at odds with my own very strong point of view. I was suddenly able to remember the hugs as well as the cream cheese and jelly sandwiches with no crusts. I even remembered when I went through my “purple phase” and Mom knitted me a purple sweater. It was well made, but in retrospect it wasn’t a great color decision for me. As a result of my new perspective, our relationship became closer and sweeter.

My grandma Dora is long gone. My mother is ninety-one and her health and memory are fading. She’s confined to a wheelchair and although her long-term memory is generally good, her short-term memory is nonexistent. She remembers my Dad, but not that he’s been dead for twenty years.

I recently went down to Florida to visit her. At first she thought I was a doctor, which was not a total loss. I’m a lawyer and a literary agent, but she had dreamt of my becoming a doctor, and to her I was. She told me she’d enjoyed my comedy show the night before (I was a standup comedian several years ago) although she felt I went on a little too long. Of course there was no show, but she was happy, especially that she’d stayed at my friend Oprah’s apartment. I was pleased to learn that I am close friends with Oprah Winfrey.

I wasn’t upset with Mom’s confusion. As long as she wasn’t depressed or scared, I rolled with it, going along with her reality. But she wasn’t eating and her nurses and aides were concerned. An additional benefit of my participating in the Kanes’ seminars is that I’ve become very intuitive. More accurately, I’ve allowed my intuition to override what used to be my denial and doubt.

Flat Book Cover.jpgI knew in my gut that blintzes would reignite my mother’s appetite. I asked the medical professionals if there were concerns about fat, salt or any other nutritional caveats. They said my mother needed calories and, at this point, any were good. I went to a deli near my mom’s house and on the way home, my car was filled with the familiar aroma of blintzes and matzo ball soup. Images of my grandmother’s smile went through my mind. I heard the roar of the crowd at Yankee stadium as we walked through her Bronx neighborhood. Most importantly, I felt the lineage of love that traveled from Dora through my mother to me. Unexpected tears welled up as I drove the Florida roads, far from New York City. I was grateful I could allow myself the pleasure of those tears, the welling of love and affection. When my mother devoured two blintzes and smiled at me, my chest swelled with gratitude for Instantaneous Transformation. My heritage is rich and full of love and life. In that moment, I rediscovered that life is in the blintzes.

This is an excerpt from Being Here…Too, which is available wherever books are sold as of November 12, 2018.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYCGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books

Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Empowerment
Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Marriage counselors and best-selling authors, Charlie and Linda Bloom recently joined me on Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit to talk about their new book, That Which Doesn’t Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. This was Linda’s second visit and what a delight to now know Charlie, too. They are in a unique position to help couples heal in a profound way because they understand the challenges in a relationship from the perspective of counselors as well as from the perspective of a couple who had to face the pain in their own relationship. They shared much hard-earned wisdom with us. At base, their story is one of two people finding the courage to be vulnerable, to look deeply at their own behavior, and to truly change within themselves to become whole and a worthy partner while also healing their life as a couple. It is much easier to point a finger and assess blame than it is to acknowledge our own role in the conflict and grow where we need to. They say it isn’t about finding the perfect, right person. It’s about working through the differences and accepting who the other person is, especially in the ways they are not like us. Healing takes skills, courage, time, patience, forgiveness, non-attachment, empathy, compassion, and commitment. For more helpful information, listen to this show by clicking here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Walk the Labyrinth. Find a Labyrinth in your area, indoors or out, and walk it. Before you enter it, say a prayer asking for what you want to release and receive. As you walk into the center, you will release what you no longer need. In the center, you will hear answers from your Higher Self, from God, from the spiritual realm. As you walk out, you will be lighter and move more into your true self. The Labyrinth is created through sacred geometry and as such, it holds energy of a very high and positive spiritual nature. No negative energies are allowed to enter. You can get answers to questions and solutions to problems that are causing you pain—emotionally, mentally or physically. When you walk the Labyrinth with others, the sacred space helps you heal relationships, find mutually acceptable solutions, and create closer bonds. Couples, families, friends, or any team or group can choose to walk the Labyrinth together with a specific purpose in mind. When I was with a group of life coaches who were trying to build a business together, I led our group on a Labyrinth walk to help create a team. Although the business partnership didn’t work out for several practical reasons, the friendships we developed did. Twenty years later, I can still call any of them, and I’ll get a call back within the day.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

My silver lining story for today is about a small writing group I was in a number of years ago. One member left the group to move to a new city. When she moved back several months later, the relationships within the group had changed. She, however, was expecting to assume her old role. She was very angry when her expectations weren’t met and started disrupting the meetings. We walked the Labyrinth in an attempt to solve the problem and redevelop the group closeness. We then wrote about our experience in the Labyrinth, which was followed by an open group discussion. Not all problems can be solved to everyone’s satisfaction, and she chose to leave the group permanently. My silver lining was allowing myself to let go of my fear of speaking my truth in what had become an extremely tense and unpleasant relationship.

This is what I wrote after walking the Labyrinth:

What’s the boundary between the self and the group? Does responsibility for individual growth have to be subsumed into the will of the group? What does it mean to be part of a group and still an individual? Do I not speak because it might hurt someone else? What about survival of the self? And what about projection? What is reality and what is in my head or a dragon from the past breathing revenge, competition or hurt? Learnings and re-entry are painful. Everything changes. So the cards are thrown up in the air and they land in some new configuration. Are we not all entitled to continued growth and development? How do we work it out? It’s rarely pretty and easy and harmonious. All groups go through discord to reach true intimacy. Are we willing to risk that? Am I willing to risk that? Life is too precious. Learning is too sweet to do it any other way. So the words must be spoken and hurt gone through to reach the other side. 

Marian Stephens’ Story

I was so moved by what Linda and Charlie Bloom offered that I immediately read their book. They give guidance on how to prevent having a breakdown or a breakup in a relationship, and instead, having a breakthrough. I just got married six months ago, and we are nowhere near having a breakup. I have been struggling, however, with how to handle conflict and the overwhelming emotional response I am experiencing with working on healing my mind, body, and spirit. After listening, I realize that if I cannot change some of my behaviors, I will cause more and more damage to the relationship with my husband that I cherish with all my heart.

Linda Bloom found herself feeling that she was the victim of her relationship and circumstances, and I find myself identifying with her in so many ways. I truly was never in the wrong in my last relationship with an abusive man – he instigated fight after fight that ended in physical and verbal violence until I walked away. The problem is that I have been unknowingly positioning myself as the victim every time I have conflict with my husband; using words such as “you should, could, always, never, only…” It’s true that I very rarely start an argument, but I find myself quick to anger and unwilling to take a moment to walk away, catch my breath, and look at my own behavior when an argument arises. It is so much easier to blame and seek an apology from my husband, which he is all too willing to give me because he does not want to hurt me. If I feel vindicated, I never have to deal with the pain of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for my actions. But, I know in my heart this is untenable and unfair to both of us. Part of my work in healing must be meditation to learn to quiet the storm of anger that rages in my mind when conflict arises–actual conflict with others and the conflict I feel internally when reconciling and working through the past.

In this episode, Dr. Paula asks what relationship you want to heal. I want to repair my relationship with my oldest son. Our entire family is giving so much effort to facilitating this, and he is not responding. We were on vacation at the beach this week, and he got so angry with me that he exploded and told me he will not come back to live with me until I choose between him and my husband. So, this is my new relationship challenge, and I am somewhat at a loss. I am going to continue to learn and grow and apply all of that to my parenting challenges, and, impart what I am learning to my children so they can navigate the hurt and anger they are feeling, too.

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

I recognize how much you want to heal your relationship with your son. You must remember, however, that there are two people in this relationship and both people must want to have a healthy relationship for that to happen. No one can create a healthy relationship with another person by themselves. That your 18-year-old son wants you to choose between him and your husband is not an appropriate request, or in this case, ultimatum. Some things you can fix and some you can’t. This is very hard for a mother to acknowledge, but as you noted in the last blog, you have to be selfish and take care of yourself first. Your son should not be allowed to destroy your relationship with your husband or your other children. He needs to learn his place in the family and you need to have the strength to let him know he is not in charge. We all have challenges and disappointments in life. Learning what we can and cannot change is part of being human. Your challenge here is to keep strong boundaries with your son, recognize the legacy of abuse that he learned from his father, and heal the emotional pain that this relationship is causing you. You may not have control over creating a healthy relationship with your son, but you do have control over your response to him and his demands. That’s how you take back your power, heal and create a healthy relationship with yourself.

For more shows on Healthy Relationships:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

Listen to Your Body to Heal Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally – With Noa Belling

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Empowerment
Listen to Your Body to Heal Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally – With Noa Belling

By Dr. Paula Joyce, Ph.D.

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Noa Belling, talked with us about ways to listen to your body in order to heal physically, mentally and emotionally. She shared the importance of exercising the muscle of joy, of feeling passionate about what we do and spending time with the people we love. There’s new research on the social nervous system, which are the parts of our brain that help us create more joy, happiness, immunity, and resilience, down to the cellular level. It turns out that having joy and fun increases your ability to have more joy, fun, and happiness. Noa also gave us a powerful technique to help change your negative thinking. As she took us through it, I suddenly had difficulty breathing. I knew something from the past had surfaced to clear. Here’s the technique: First ask yourself, what is my body telling me? Do I have tension on one side of my body or tightness in my chest? Then notice if standing more upright makes you feel more comfortable or maybe taking a deep breath helps you release the tension. This will open you up to new ways of thinking and being more resourceful and creative. Even doing something small is empowering because it gives you control over your emotional, mental and physical well-being. To learn more, I encourage you to click here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Be Positive. The person we judge the most is ourselves. Listen for the ways in which you criticize yourself and others. When you think or hear a negative thought, turn it into a positive. For instance, replace, “I’m stupid,” with “I know a lot of things,” and in response to “how are you?” instead of saying “bad headache” or “boss chewed me out,” think of something good in your life and share it. Being negative is a habit of the mind. You can prevent yourself from moving into a downward spiral of stress, worry, panic, illness or pain by catching your negative thoughts and changing them. We have a false belief in current times, that once a thought is in your mind, there’s no way to get it out. That is just not true. We can change our thoughts and we can change our outlook on life. I have done it for myself and have helped my clients do it, too. The more positive we become, the healthier we become.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

As my regular listeners know, I have been working on healing my own body since 1980. At the age of 15, I was diagnosed with scoliosis and told I didn’t need surgery. After giving birth to 2 children, my spine started to get worse and the doctors wanted to put a steel rod up my spine. I refused and began an adventure chock full of silver linings. Although my goal was to heal my spine, what I discovered was how my emotions, thoughts and physical ailments were all connected. To heal one, I really had to work on healing everything. Because I had lived my whole life with abuse, I had never learned how to process and release painful thoughts and emotions. Consequently they got stuck in my body and grew into a disfigured spine, panic attacks, on-going sinus and respiratory infections, gall bladder, digestive and bladder problems, brown spots on my skin, and osteoporosis. My thoughts were filled with doom and gloom, blame, guilt and resentment. Anger, hurt and sadness were always close to the surface and no matter how many degrees I had, how long my list of accomplishments was or what my job title and salary were, I never felt like I had done enough or was good enough. My desire to heal my spine, led me to the people and experiences that changed me on the inside, helped me face and let go of the thoughts, emotions and people that were hurting me, and led to profound physical healing. I’m still in process, but I feel and look younger and am stronger physically, emotionally and mentally. Some of my conditions have healed and the rest are much improved and continue to heal to the point where people comment on my disappearing wrinkles and the improvement in my spine. In addition, I’ve learned a tremendous amount about new ideas and methods for healing the body as well as powerful traditional ones, like acupuncture and healing with the help of the spiritual realm, where true miracles are just everyday occurrences. My acupuncturist marvels at the power of the body to heal itself and my spiritual healer gives all of the credit to the guides, angels and archangels who do the actual healing as we open our hearts and minds to them and invite and allow their help. In fact, just this week, Archangel Gabriel told me to trust that my guides were helping me. Trust has not come easily to me after a lifetime of trusting the wrong people. But I have learned to trust my guides and angels and they continue to prove that miracles are real. I’ve received the added blessings of growing in my spiritual knowledge and connection, my personal life, my career, my understanding of abuse, its legacy and how to heal the generational pattern, and I’ve grown in the spiritual qualities of strength, forgiveness, love, including self-love, compassion, empathy, acceptance, non-judgment and more. Along the way, I have also learned how to listen to my body and do my part to facilitate my own healing in partnership with my helpers in the physical realm and in the spiritual realm.

Marian Stephens’ Story

I have listened to Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit every Thursday since January without fail. A few weeks ago, Noa Belling was featured, and this was the first show that I missed live. I was in what felt like a physical crisis mode – I was having an emergency colonoscopy the morning of the show to assess the problems I am having with my digestive system, and I found out that I need to have surgery. So, I felt like everything was just crashing down around me. The silver lining to missing the show is that I was not ready to receive the message of that episode. So it worked out for the best that I was in a better state of mind when I did listen. Noa Belling encourages one to listen to their body to discover more about their emotions and feelings, finding patterns and then working to change those patterns held in the body, thereby changing the emotional state. I have found this to be a powerful tool; just using my mind’s eye to scan my body and focus my energy on places that are uncomfortable or not working properly.

Dr. Paula’s tip of the week is simple: Be Positive! I realize that I tend to worry and look to the future too much. It takes a great deal of energy to stay in the moment, and to redirect negative energy. However, the more I train myself to do these things, the more energy I have. I have a great deal of responsibility, and I am just learning how to put myself first. Dr. Paula recently explained to me in our life coaching session that we have the wrong definition of selfish. Being selfish truly means being full of self, a whole and complete person. The more I fill my emotional and physical tank, the more gracefully I will be able to handle my responsibilities.

Dr. Paula asks listeners how their body is trying to communicate with them, and this resonated with me. My body is desperately telling me to take care of myself. In all ways. I cannot keep going with the amount of stress and distress I face without focusing my energy on healing myself. I have been putting in a great deal of effort to do so, and I am starting to feel physically better. That is my body telling me that I am on the right track!

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

Marian, I love that you ended by congratulating yourself. All too often, we focus on what is wrong and what we still have not accomplished. You just showed me that you are taking care of yourself in many ways, including acknowledging your successes and celebrating them! Yay!!! I hope everyone is cheering for you and finding ways to congratulate themselves in their own journey toward health.

For more shows on Healing Through Body Awareness:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

 

Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse: A 7 Step Journey

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Empowerment
Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse: A 7 Step Journey

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Carolin Houser, and I take on the sensitive topic of sexual abuse, and provide tangible methods for healing from the trauma. In addition to sharing some of that information in this blog, Marian Stephens talks about how she is using the information in the episode to change her life. More of Marian’s story and all my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com. Be sure to check them out.

 Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

17,700,000 women have reported sexual violence since 1998. The #metoo movement has sparked a global conversation about the breadth of sexual violence against women, highlighting the need for tools to help survivors heal. Honoring the survivor’s healing process with patience and empathy is vital and will empower them to overcome the trauma they endured.

 Your tip for this week is from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-empowerment: Allow Yourself to Feel. Robert Frost said: “The only way around it, is through it.” When faced with emotional pain, allow yourself to feel the pain. Then let it go. Crying releases stress hormones from your body. This makes room for the joy. If you have difficulty feeling your emotions, rent a sad movie to help you connect to your feelings. There have been times when I cried, and I wasn’t even sure what caused the tears. I just knew that a deep sadness was coming to the surface and I needed to cry. I don’t apologize for those tears nor do I try to stop them. In fact, a psychologist told me once that when someone is crying, you can comfort them by just being present with them. We often think that it’s helpful to touch their hand or hug them. Those gestures of kindness, however, can cause the person to move out of their emotions and stop crying when what they need is to feel and let the tears do their healing work. When the tears have stopped, we can offer words and hugs of compassion and comfort with the person’s permission. We often rush in thinking we know what’s best or because of our own discomfort with tears or emotions. Part of compassion is learning how to honor and respect the healing process—our own and that of others.

Tears come in their own time and in their own way when the person feels safe enough to accept, process and integrate their own pain. I had one client who was in her 40’s and had never cried over her experience of childhood incest, despite years of counseling and a stay in a residential facility after a nervous breakdown. In our work together, she drew a tear and cried her first tears. Her Higher Self showed her through the drawing that she was ready to express her deep pain and heal the wounded child within. Another client who came to me with debilitating pain, also had never cried over the traumas she experienced as a child and as an adult. Like most women, she didn’t understand that her husband had raped her several times over the years. She assumed that it was his right, as her husband, to have access to her body whenever he chose, even if she said “no.” The fact that she didn’t physically try to fight him off, doesn’t change the fact that he sexually assaulted her. We all have the right to choose when we are available for sex and no one should ever be disrespected sexually by anyone, including, or maybe especially, by their spouse. When the tears came, they were unexpected and overwhelming, and they opened the path for her to finally tell her husband that she had felt violated all of those times when he pushed himself on her after she had said “no.” Those tears also helped her let go of some of the emotional pain that had gotten stuck in her body as physical pain because of the assaults. As we let ourselves become aware of the truth, we can heal.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Treating others with kindness and compassion is more important than we can imagine. The positive impact our words have on a person is immeasurable. Being mindful of how you speak and choosing kindness is an opportunity to create happiness.

 This episode’s silver lining story is short to point out that everything matters when we pay attention and take the time for compassion and kindness. I was having trouble fitting in a client who wanted an extra appointment. I offered to contact her if I had a cancellation, and this was her response: “I’ll wait. I will always have as many questions for you as stars in the night sky. I know you and your team of angels will have the light to make them shine.” I was so touched by her kindness and the poetry of her words. If I hadn’t offered one more option, I would have missed getting this beautiful text. Even trying to set a simple appointment can be an opportunity for silver linings.

 Marian Stephens’ Story

 Each show on Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit has an overarching theme which is if you get to the root of your emotional pain and heal it, then you will be able to heal your body and happily manage your life. Today’s show on healing sexual abuse gave me a few solid ways to achieve this. I know I have begun this healing journey with the show because I am tired of just feeling that I am simply surviving; it is time to flourish. As I said in an email earlier this week, “I am a survivor of abuse…”. I want to be able to say I am thriving having had the experience of abuse.

Dr. Paula’s tip for the week is to allow yourself to feel. Abuse is insidious in that it alters your perception and ability to trust, which creates a pattern of negative emotions. The negative emotions are difficult to feel and bring back a sense of trauma, so you squash those down to forget; often squashing down all emotion. Carolin Hauser suggests allowing yourself to feel the sensations that are created in your body, and to sit with the negative emotions. The only way to root out negative emotion is to fully feel it. One of the most difficult emotions for me to feel is anger. So, that has been the emotion that I keep struggling with. I do not trust myself to know when it is appropriate to be angry, so I tell myself to ignore the feeling. That just leads to it building up, and then I get disproportionately angry. This cycle is not getting better, just increasing in frequency. I am going to allow myself to fully experience anger this week, and I started today. I got overly angry and while I forced myself to sit alone and not speak my angry words, I did not force myself to quit feeling angry until it subsided. After I calmed down, I realized that I have a lot of anger towards my abuser that I have no good way to express, which is uncomfortable. So, I suppress all anger, and that is toxic. Maybe if I allow myself to feel anger, I will release the old anger I have pent up inside of me, ultimately not getting so angry so often.

Dr. Paula and Carolin Hauser both expressed that not taking responsibility is one of the main blocks to emotional healing. With abuse, there is a fine line between taking responsibility and blame. Blaming myself or my abuser simply distracts me from healing the emotional pain of what happened. If I view my relationship with my abuser as one that I chose before this life started, a soul contract meant to help me learn and grow, I think I can begin to reconcile the emotional pain that is contributing to the progression of my multiple sclerosis. Raising a child with special needs, divorce, an abusive relationship, and chronic illness are big lessons to learn in a lifetime. I do believe if I heal the pain from each of these experiences I will be able to reach my potential, including a physically healthy and able body.

 Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

 Marian, I continue to be impressed with the way you take the content of each show and use it to grow. When you’re being abused, a lot of anger does build up and you have no safe way to release it. Now you can. So, yes, allow yourself to feel it and then use these techniques to release the anger.

1.     Breathe out the anger with a big sigh and imagine that the breath is releasing toxins in the color of grey. Then take in a deep breath of pink air and see it filling your body with emotionally healing energy and light. Do this until the anger passes.

2.     Turn your anger into righteous indignation that helps to solve the problem. For instance, make even a small donation to a women’s shelter; speak out against abuse, as you are doing in this blog; and/or volunteer at a women’s shelter; and realize that healing yourself is helping to heal your family line.

3.     Write and/or draw your angry thoughts and feelings until the anger is spent.

 For more shows on healing from the trauma of abuse, please listen to:

 ·       Healing Trauma Through Spirituality with Dr. Christine Courtois

·       Limitless Possibility with Tracie Stafford with Tracie Stafford

·       Emotional Abuse How to Recognize It and Heal with Dr. Marti Loring

 FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

 

Inner Peace is Unstoppable

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Empowerment
Inner Peace is Unstoppable

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Corinne Zupko, and I discuss practical ways to eliminate anxiety. In this blog, follow Marian Stephens’ progress as she shares how she is using the information in the episode to change her life. All my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com – be sure to check them out.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

We are taught from a young age to suppress negative emotions such as sadness, anger, worry, fear, and other painful feelings. While it is momentarily more comfortable to avoid painful feelings rather than experiencing them, it can lead to chronic anxiety and depression.

My Tip for this week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment, is: allow yourself to feel. Robert Frost said: “The only way around it, is through it.” When faced with emotional pain, allow yourself to feel the pain. Then let it go. Crying releases stress hormones from your body. This makes room for the joy. If you have difficulty feeling your emotions, rent a sad movie to help you connect to your feelings. We spend far too much time avoiding our feelings, which only strengthens them and forces them underground. We believe they’re gone, but they’re just changing form. Pain must be acknowledged and if we don’t do it when it’s a thought or an emotion, it will become a pain in our body or a disease that doesn’t allow us to ignore it. As children we may have been told not to be a cry baby or it doesn’t really hurt, or boys don’t cry. As adults, however, we have choices and we can choose a healthier path of feeling and letting go. Some believe that all you need to do is laugh and the difficult feelings will vanish. Yes, laughter is one important tool, but we need all the tools in our tool box and feeling our sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and crying are also important tools for leading an emotionally, mentally and physically healthy life. Free floating anxiety is usually all those feelings that got stuffed down because it wasn’t safe to feel them. And what is depression if not depressing, in other words pressing down, our feelings and thoughts that may not be acceptable to those who we want to value and love us. We may not have many choices as children, but as adults, we can choose to be around people who love us for who we truly are and not for who they want us to be. Pay attention to who supports the real you, who makes you feel good and who is trying to twist you into something or someone you are not. You can choose to allow those people to stay in your life or you can choose new options.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Teaching children to recognize and manage anxiety from a young age is key to helping them become self-confident, self-sufficient, and self-reliant adults.

My silver lining story this week is about a client whose parents didn’t help him learn autonomy. When my client, Scott, came in this week, he was so filled with anxiety that he had skipped work. Fortunately, he understood that this was a good sign because something was coming to the surface that was ready to be felt and released. As we talked and worked with my Ultimate Creative Problem Solving Process, it became clear that some hidden fears were ready to be addressed. Scott had been home schooled and raised to be dependent upon his parents. He was not given the life skills, self-confidence and belief that he could have a successful career, marriage and life outside of his parents’ home. In fact, one of his adult siblings is still living at home. A few months into having his own apartment, living close to his girlfriend and earning a good income at his childhood dream job, the anxiety became intolerable. The fears and self-doubt were taking over and Scott froze. What if his parents were right, and he couldn’t make it on his own? This wasn’t a game or an experiment any more. This was real life with groceries to buy, laundry to do, an apartment to clean, the need to pay his own way and somehow be there for his girlfriend and himself. There was no one else to do it for him and no good parental role models showing him how to do it. Sure, he could do it for a few months, but what about a lifetime? His drawings showed that he wondered if he was going to soar like a rocket or self-destruct like a missile. We reviewed who he is today and how much he has accomplished in the short time we’ve been working together. We began to list his growth. We agreed that everything he has done so far proves that he is succeeding even though he was groomed for failure. Before he left, he said: “I know what’s next. I’m going to soar like a rocket.” And I, too, am confident he will continue to do so because he already is doing it. I suggested that he use this mantra when fears or anxiety surface, and I offer it to you as well: “peace in my mind, peace in my body, peace in my spirit, peace in my soul.”

Marian Stephens’ Story

In this episode on healing the mind and the body, reconciling some of the painful emotions I am holding onto has been in the forefront of my mind. My oldest son has special needs and parenting him has been a difficult journey. I feel a sense of loss – loss of a carefree experience with him as a young child, loss of having a close and easy relationship with him, loss of normalcy, and loss of celebrating the traditional achievements of him reaching adulthood. The pain has added up over many years, so it is taking time to sort through it. There are so many positive emotions I have about my relationship with him and the way I’ve raised him, but they do not negate the painful ones. We are beginning an intensive therapeutic program designed to help him reach stability and independence, and the first session was tremendously difficult. This week the upset of this appointment combined with a disappointing neurologist appointment, failed spring break plans, and not adequately taking care of my responsibilities culminated in a panic attack. I have not experienced an intense panic attack like this in a few years. Today’s show on healing anxiety could not have come at a better time.

Dr. Paula asks listeners how they are going to move from anxiety to love. Corinne Zupko’s advice is straight forward: to use your anxiety to wake up your “inner therapist”, find a willingness to view your anxiety differently, hand over your anxiety to your inner therapist, trust and be open to the idea that the answer has been given or will be as you are ready to receive it. I am beginning to be in touch with my limitless higher self, or inner therapist, so I want to try to hand over my painful, anxious feelings about parenting. Sometimes I cling to the harder memories of raising my son because they are part of my identity, a badge of honor I wear for the triumph of surviving the process. After the show, I realized this is my ego getting in the way of my growth and healing. I was completely wiped out after my panic attack, and I do not wish to feel that way again. This motivates me to just let it go. I am going to read From Anxiety to Love and begin meditating this week. I want to choose to tap into the source of infinite love we have access to and focus on that, not anxiety and worry.

Part of being able to tap into the source of infinite love (God) is to be on a spiritual path. I’m not on a traditional spiritual path, or even a prescribed path, and I sometimes let the lack of a name for what I’m doing get in the way of growth. It is enough to just be on a path to healing, and the rest will fall into place.

Dr. Paula’s Response

Marian, what you wrote here shows huge growth and is a triumph over adversity. I marvel at your ability and willingness to use the material in each episode to look inward, tell yourself the truth and implement changes to grow, heal and improve your health, well-being and life. Congratulations on using your panic attack to begin implementing ways to move from anxiety to love.

Here is another powerful spiritual technique. For optimum benefit, use it every morning upon waking and every night before going to sleep. It will help you release past negative emotions, avoid holding on to negativity as it occurs throughout the day, and help you heal, balance and stabilize your emotions. You can even do it with your son. Just say out loud or in a whisper:

“I ask the Universal Pink Heart of Love to surround me, the Universal Turquoise Heart of Love to surround the Pink Heart of Love and the Universal White Heart of Love to surround both hearts and that a gold cord go from the bottom of my heart chakra into the center of the earth.” As you say the words, visualize the hearts going around you and the gold cord going from the bottom of your heart chakra into the center of the earth. If you can’t visualize this, just trust that it is happening. The Universal Heart of Love in various colors is extremely powerful because it is pure love. Where there is love, no fear, stress, anxiety, guilt or any other negative emotion can exist.

For more shows on how to manage anxiety please listen to:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

 To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

 

 

 

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