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A Moment in Time

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A Moment in Time

A Moment in Time

by Wendy in Queens, NY

an excerpt from Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Day Enlightenment by Ariel and Shya Kane

kidsswinging.jpgMy brother Brian was born a year and a half after I was. My mom told me that when she brought him home from the hospital, I thought he was a gift for me. When we were growing up, Brian seemed to know how to do everything without any help or training. I’d ask him, “How do you know that?” I was amazed and jealous that things seemed to come so easily for him, or so I thought.

Years later when I graduated from college, I found a job in New York City. My brother offered to drive my stuff and me from our home in Rochester, New York to my new apartment in Jersey City, New Jersey. We packed his Suburban to the gills and off we went. We made our way there using a good old-fashioned map since this was before cell phones and Google Maps. We spent the weekend setting up the apartment and took a quick trip into Manhattan to explore the area. The days flew by and the time came for him to head back. We hugged goodbye and off he drove into the horizon. As I watched my brother’s truck get smaller and smaller, tears fell down my cheeks.

Time moved on, life happened, and Brian and I grew apart. I held on to my belief that we would be super close again someday, because that’s how I thought it should be. That’s how I thought life worked. But Brian started using drugs. As his addiction grew stronger, the gulf between us grew wider. He got help, but it was a struggle and he repeatedly slipped back into his old habits. I had a lot of judgments against him, but they had started long before he was using drugs.

Eventually, I discovered a totally new perspective about my brother and my life when a co-worker invited me to one of Ariel and Shya Kane’s evening events in New York City. Soon after, I attended a weekend seminar with them and started to look at relationships through a different lens. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but my perspective just shifted. As a kid I’d made decisions to not be like my family. I started seeing how I held my family and myself as not good enough. I had ideas about what a “good family” looked like, down to how a good family should celebrate Christmas. In the past, I had sat at home feeling sorry for myself if the celebration was not up to my standards.

Then, one December, I had a spontaneous experience of how my life had transformed. I had flown to Rochester to celebrate Christmas with my family and quickly discovered that no one had made plans for a holiday gathering. Rather than going to that familiar place of feeling sorry for myself, I realized that I could plan something. This was a novel idea and I got excited at the notion of hosting Christmas.

With my sister Holley’s permission, I invited everyone to her house on a snowy night in December. I made all of my favorite dishes – cheesy macaroni and cheese, creamy cauliflower mashed potatoes and a big green salad. Holley finished it off with a fresh baked apple pie. My mom brought the frosted buttermilk Christmas cookies that she made every year. Everyone was happy to contribute. Hmm, maybe my family wasn’t such a lost cause after all.

Earlier in the day my sister and I had bought gifts for everyone, including a chess set that I thought my brother would love. Brian was a pretty good chess player and he loved the game. The doorbell sounded and I greeted my mom and brother at the door. It was as if time stood still. I looked into my brother’s eyes and I saw that I had a choice. I could drop my judgments and meet my brother Brian, as if for the first time, or I could hold on to past grievances. In a split second I chose to drop the past. I saw the light flicker in my brother’s eyes as I reached out to hug him and I felt the wall between us crumble. Even the sound of his name was sweet and I was excited he was there.

The evening flew by. After dinner we exchanged gifts. I felt sated and happy. I realized the picture in my mind of how Christmas should be celebrated was a child’s idea and I preferred the way it had unfolded in reality.

Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Day EnlightenmentI was scheduled to fly back to New York City on Sunday night and to my surprise, Brian joined my mom and me on the ride to the airport. When we arrived and I found out the flight was delayed, I asked them both to come inside the airport and wait with me. I’d never done that before. I usually couldn’t wait to get out of Rochester but this time was different. We sat in Dunkin’ Donuts, sipping coffee and eating muffins, and laughing at stupid jokes. It was a lot of fun and the silliness was sweet and intimate. When my flight was ready to depart, we said our goodbyes and I made my way to the gate with a big grin on my face.

A few days into the New Year, I got a call in the middle of the night. My brother Brian had overdosed on heroin and his heart had stopped. He died later that night and I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that just a few days earlier we’d had some of the deepest and kindest interactions in years. It was as if I had found my kid brother again only to lose him.

I miss my brother but I’ll be forever grateful for the time I got to spend with him that Christmas. I’m thankful that I dropped the past and discovered who Brian really was while he was still alive.

 

This is an excerpt from Being Here…Too, now available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UKGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their award-winning books, their Being Here radio show and join their email newsletter.

Life is in the Blintzes

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Empowerment
Life is in the Blintzes

“Life is in the Blintzes”

By Eric in Brooklyn, NY

An excerpt from Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Enlightenment, Ariel and Shya Kane

When my maternal grandmother, Dora, was a child, she came to America from a tiny village in Eastern Europe. One of my fondest memories of her was that she made amazing blintzes, thin crepe-like pancakes filled with savory cheese. When I was a little boy I’d visit her in the Bronx in New York City, and we’d walk together to the store, my small hand in hers, to get fresh ingredients. Then we’d go back to her apartment and I’d watch her make my beloved blintzes. She never followed a recipe. Everything she made was by eye or by heart. The best part of all was eating them. My grandmother was a cheek pincher who loved me with food. And her food, from blintzes to chicken soup to chopped liver, was extraordinary.

By contrast, I hadn’t felt as close to my mother. While my dad and I shared jokes and a common interest in music, when I was in my pre-teen years, I decided that my mother was stoic, cold, and unable to connect with me emotionally. We didn’t spend much time talking and I didn’t enjoy her cooking.

Eventually I decided that I no longer wanted to be associated with the people in my mother’s family: Eastern European Jews. Their heritage, religion, language, customs, and even their food, including my formerly beloved blintzes, had become embarrassing to me. I conveniently forgot about the hard work and sacrifices my family had made to give me the life that I was taking for granted. I forgot how my mother had paid for things – my cello lessons, an expensive private college, and financial support she gave me when I was having some significant personal struggles – not to mention unwavering moral support.

Years passed and the gulf between me and my mother widened. When my parents moved to Florida, I never made visiting them a priority although my mom took the time to visit me. When I was cast as a professional actor in plays in Boston and New York City, my mother always came to see my performances. After the shows she would meet me, give me a hug and, before I had a chance to ask what she thought of my performance, she would whisper in my ear, “You were the best one.”

When I started to participate in Instantaneous Transformation seminars with Ariel and Shya, I saw that I had preconceived notions of my mother. I didn’t see her as she was. I saw her as I thought she was. That’s not the same thing. My thoughts about her were colored by a filter, put in place by my disgruntled teenage self who’d been insecure and desperate to fit in. Once I saw this important distinction, I was able to truly listen to what Mom had to say and to see things from her perspective. I saw her loving nature and acts, both past and present, because they were no longer at odds with my own very strong point of view. I was suddenly able to remember the hugs as well as the cream cheese and jelly sandwiches with no crusts. I even remembered when I went through my “purple phase” and Mom knitted me a purple sweater. It was well made, but in retrospect it wasn’t a great color decision for me. As a result of my new perspective, our relationship became closer and sweeter.

My grandma Dora is long gone. My mother is ninety-one and her health and memory are fading. She’s confined to a wheelchair and although her long-term memory is generally good, her short-term memory is nonexistent. She remembers my Dad, but not that he’s been dead for twenty years.

I recently went down to Florida to visit her. At first she thought I was a doctor, which was not a total loss. I’m a lawyer and a literary agent, but she had dreamt of my becoming a doctor, and to her I was. She told me she’d enjoyed my comedy show the night before (I was a standup comedian several years ago) although she felt I went on a little too long. Of course there was no show, but she was happy, especially that she’d stayed at my friend Oprah’s apartment. I was pleased to learn that I am close friends with Oprah Winfrey.

I wasn’t upset with Mom’s confusion. As long as she wasn’t depressed or scared, I rolled with it, going along with her reality. But she wasn’t eating and her nurses and aides were concerned. An additional benefit of my participating in the Kanes’ seminars is that I’ve become very intuitive. More accurately, I’ve allowed my intuition to override what used to be my denial and doubt.

Flat Book Cover.jpgI knew in my gut that blintzes would reignite my mother’s appetite. I asked the medical professionals if there were concerns about fat, salt or any other nutritional caveats. They said my mother needed calories and, at this point, any were good. I went to a deli near my mom’s house and on the way home, my car was filled with the familiar aroma of blintzes and matzo ball soup. Images of my grandmother’s smile went through my mind. I heard the roar of the crowd at Yankee stadium as we walked through her Bronx neighborhood. Most importantly, I felt the lineage of love that traveled from Dora through my mother to me. Unexpected tears welled up as I drove the Florida roads, far from New York City. I was grateful I could allow myself the pleasure of those tears, the welling of love and affection. When my mother devoured two blintzes and smiled at me, my chest swelled with gratitude for Instantaneous Transformation. My heritage is rich and full of love and life. In that moment, I rediscovered that life is in the blintzes.

This is an excerpt from Being Here…Too, which is available wherever books are sold as of November 12, 2018.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYCGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books

Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Using Adversity To Strengthen Relationships – With Charlie and Linda Bloom

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Marriage counselors and best-selling authors, Charlie and Linda Bloom recently joined me on Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit to talk about their new book, That Which Doesn’t Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. This was Linda’s second visit and what a delight to now know Charlie, too. They are in a unique position to help couples heal in a profound way because they understand the challenges in a relationship from the perspective of counselors as well as from the perspective of a couple who had to face the pain in their own relationship. They shared much hard-earned wisdom with us. At base, their story is one of two people finding the courage to be vulnerable, to look deeply at their own behavior, and to truly change within themselves to become whole and a worthy partner while also healing their life as a couple. It is much easier to point a finger and assess blame than it is to acknowledge our own role in the conflict and grow where we need to. They say it isn’t about finding the perfect, right person. It’s about working through the differences and accepting who the other person is, especially in the ways they are not like us. Healing takes skills, courage, time, patience, forgiveness, non-attachment, empathy, compassion, and commitment. For more helpful information, listen to this show by clicking here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Walk the Labyrinth. Find a Labyrinth in your area, indoors or out, and walk it. Before you enter it, say a prayer asking for what you want to release and receive. As you walk into the center, you will release what you no longer need. In the center, you will hear answers from your Higher Self, from God, from the spiritual realm. As you walk out, you will be lighter and move more into your true self. The Labyrinth is created through sacred geometry and as such, it holds energy of a very high and positive spiritual nature. No negative energies are allowed to enter. You can get answers to questions and solutions to problems that are causing you pain—emotionally, mentally or physically. When you walk the Labyrinth with others, the sacred space helps you heal relationships, find mutually acceptable solutions, and create closer bonds. Couples, families, friends, or any team or group can choose to walk the Labyrinth together with a specific purpose in mind. When I was with a group of life coaches who were trying to build a business together, I led our group on a Labyrinth walk to help create a team. Although the business partnership didn’t work out for several practical reasons, the friendships we developed did. Twenty years later, I can still call any of them, and I’ll get a call back within the day.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

My silver lining story for today is about a small writing group I was in a number of years ago. One member left the group to move to a new city. When she moved back several months later, the relationships within the group had changed. She, however, was expecting to assume her old role. She was very angry when her expectations weren’t met and started disrupting the meetings. We walked the Labyrinth in an attempt to solve the problem and redevelop the group closeness. We then wrote about our experience in the Labyrinth, which was followed by an open group discussion. Not all problems can be solved to everyone’s satisfaction, and she chose to leave the group permanently. My silver lining was allowing myself to let go of my fear of speaking my truth in what had become an extremely tense and unpleasant relationship.

This is what I wrote after walking the Labyrinth:

What’s the boundary between the self and the group? Does responsibility for individual growth have to be subsumed into the will of the group? What does it mean to be part of a group and still an individual? Do I not speak because it might hurt someone else? What about survival of the self? And what about projection? What is reality and what is in my head or a dragon from the past breathing revenge, competition or hurt? Learnings and re-entry are painful. Everything changes. So the cards are thrown up in the air and they land in some new configuration. Are we not all entitled to continued growth and development? How do we work it out? It’s rarely pretty and easy and harmonious. All groups go through discord to reach true intimacy. Are we willing to risk that? Am I willing to risk that? Life is too precious. Learning is too sweet to do it any other way. So the words must be spoken and hurt gone through to reach the other side. 

Marian Stephens’ Story

I was so moved by what Linda and Charlie Bloom offered that I immediately read their book. They give guidance on how to prevent having a breakdown or a breakup in a relationship, and instead, having a breakthrough. I just got married six months ago, and we are nowhere near having a breakup. I have been struggling, however, with how to handle conflict and the overwhelming emotional response I am experiencing with working on healing my mind, body, and spirit. After listening, I realize that if I cannot change some of my behaviors, I will cause more and more damage to the relationship with my husband that I cherish with all my heart.

Linda Bloom found herself feeling that she was the victim of her relationship and circumstances, and I find myself identifying with her in so many ways. I truly was never in the wrong in my last relationship with an abusive man – he instigated fight after fight that ended in physical and verbal violence until I walked away. The problem is that I have been unknowingly positioning myself as the victim every time I have conflict with my husband; using words such as “you should, could, always, never, only…” It’s true that I very rarely start an argument, but I find myself quick to anger and unwilling to take a moment to walk away, catch my breath, and look at my own behavior when an argument arises. It is so much easier to blame and seek an apology from my husband, which he is all too willing to give me because he does not want to hurt me. If I feel vindicated, I never have to deal with the pain of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for my actions. But, I know in my heart this is untenable and unfair to both of us. Part of my work in healing must be meditation to learn to quiet the storm of anger that rages in my mind when conflict arises–actual conflict with others and the conflict I feel internally when reconciling and working through the past.

In this episode, Dr. Paula asks what relationship you want to heal. I want to repair my relationship with my oldest son. Our entire family is giving so much effort to facilitating this, and he is not responding. We were on vacation at the beach this week, and he got so angry with me that he exploded and told me he will not come back to live with me until I choose between him and my husband. So, this is my new relationship challenge, and I am somewhat at a loss. I am going to continue to learn and grow and apply all of that to my parenting challenges, and, impart what I am learning to my children so they can navigate the hurt and anger they are feeling, too.

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

I recognize how much you want to heal your relationship with your son. You must remember, however, that there are two people in this relationship and both people must want to have a healthy relationship for that to happen. No one can create a healthy relationship with another person by themselves. That your 18-year-old son wants you to choose between him and your husband is not an appropriate request, or in this case, ultimatum. Some things you can fix and some you can’t. This is very hard for a mother to acknowledge, but as you noted in the last blog, you have to be selfish and take care of yourself first. Your son should not be allowed to destroy your relationship with your husband or your other children. He needs to learn his place in the family and you need to have the strength to let him know he is not in charge. We all have challenges and disappointments in life. Learning what we can and cannot change is part of being human. Your challenge here is to keep strong boundaries with your son, recognize the legacy of abuse that he learned from his father, and heal the emotional pain that this relationship is causing you. You may not have control over creating a healthy relationship with your son, but you do have control over your response to him and his demands. That’s how you take back your power, heal and create a healthy relationship with yourself.

For more shows on Healthy Relationships:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

Listen to Your Body to Heal Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally – With Noa Belling

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Listen to Your Body to Heal Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally – With Noa Belling

By Dr. Paula Joyce, Ph.D.

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Noa Belling, talked with us about ways to listen to your body in order to heal physically, mentally and emotionally. She shared the importance of exercising the muscle of joy, of feeling passionate about what we do and spending time with the people we love. There’s new research on the social nervous system, which are the parts of our brain that help us create more joy, happiness, immunity, and resilience, down to the cellular level. It turns out that having joy and fun increases your ability to have more joy, fun, and happiness. Noa also gave us a powerful technique to help change your negative thinking. As she took us through it, I suddenly had difficulty breathing. I knew something from the past had surfaced to clear. Here’s the technique: First ask yourself, what is my body telling me? Do I have tension on one side of my body or tightness in my chest? Then notice if standing more upright makes you feel more comfortable or maybe taking a deep breath helps you release the tension. This will open you up to new ways of thinking and being more resourceful and creative. Even doing something small is empowering because it gives you control over your emotional, mental and physical well-being. To learn more, I encourage you to click here.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

My Tip from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment is: Be Positive. The person we judge the most is ourselves. Listen for the ways in which you criticize yourself and others. When you think or hear a negative thought, turn it into a positive. For instance, replace, “I’m stupid,” with “I know a lot of things,” and in response to “how are you?” instead of saying “bad headache” or “boss chewed me out,” think of something good in your life and share it. Being negative is a habit of the mind. You can prevent yourself from moving into a downward spiral of stress, worry, panic, illness or pain by catching your negative thoughts and changing them. We have a false belief in current times, that once a thought is in your mind, there’s no way to get it out. That is just not true. We can change our thoughts and we can change our outlook on life. I have done it for myself and have helped my clients do it, too. The more positive we become, the healthier we become.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

As my regular listeners know, I have been working on healing my own body since 1980. At the age of 15, I was diagnosed with scoliosis and told I didn’t need surgery. After giving birth to 2 children, my spine started to get worse and the doctors wanted to put a steel rod up my spine. I refused and began an adventure chock full of silver linings. Although my goal was to heal my spine, what I discovered was how my emotions, thoughts and physical ailments were all connected. To heal one, I really had to work on healing everything. Because I had lived my whole life with abuse, I had never learned how to process and release painful thoughts and emotions. Consequently they got stuck in my body and grew into a disfigured spine, panic attacks, on-going sinus and respiratory infections, gall bladder, digestive and bladder problems, brown spots on my skin, and osteoporosis. My thoughts were filled with doom and gloom, blame, guilt and resentment. Anger, hurt and sadness were always close to the surface and no matter how many degrees I had, how long my list of accomplishments was or what my job title and salary were, I never felt like I had done enough or was good enough. My desire to heal my spine, led me to the people and experiences that changed me on the inside, helped me face and let go of the thoughts, emotions and people that were hurting me, and led to profound physical healing. I’m still in process, but I feel and look younger and am stronger physically, emotionally and mentally. Some of my conditions have healed and the rest are much improved and continue to heal to the point where people comment on my disappearing wrinkles and the improvement in my spine. In addition, I’ve learned a tremendous amount about new ideas and methods for healing the body as well as powerful traditional ones, like acupuncture and healing with the help of the spiritual realm, where true miracles are just everyday occurrences. My acupuncturist marvels at the power of the body to heal itself and my spiritual healer gives all of the credit to the guides, angels and archangels who do the actual healing as we open our hearts and minds to them and invite and allow their help. In fact, just this week, Archangel Gabriel told me to trust that my guides were helping me. Trust has not come easily to me after a lifetime of trusting the wrong people. But I have learned to trust my guides and angels and they continue to prove that miracles are real. I’ve received the added blessings of growing in my spiritual knowledge and connection, my personal life, my career, my understanding of abuse, its legacy and how to heal the generational pattern, and I’ve grown in the spiritual qualities of strength, forgiveness, love, including self-love, compassion, empathy, acceptance, non-judgment and more. Along the way, I have also learned how to listen to my body and do my part to facilitate my own healing in partnership with my helpers in the physical realm and in the spiritual realm.

Marian Stephens’ Story

I have listened to Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit every Thursday since January without fail. A few weeks ago, Noa Belling was featured, and this was the first show that I missed live. I was in what felt like a physical crisis mode – I was having an emergency colonoscopy the morning of the show to assess the problems I am having with my digestive system, and I found out that I need to have surgery. So, I felt like everything was just crashing down around me. The silver lining to missing the show is that I was not ready to receive the message of that episode. So it worked out for the best that I was in a better state of mind when I did listen. Noa Belling encourages one to listen to their body to discover more about their emotions and feelings, finding patterns and then working to change those patterns held in the body, thereby changing the emotional state. I have found this to be a powerful tool; just using my mind’s eye to scan my body and focus my energy on places that are uncomfortable or not working properly.

Dr. Paula’s tip of the week is simple: Be Positive! I realize that I tend to worry and look to the future too much. It takes a great deal of energy to stay in the moment, and to redirect negative energy. However, the more I train myself to do these things, the more energy I have. I have a great deal of responsibility, and I am just learning how to put myself first. Dr. Paula recently explained to me in our life coaching session that we have the wrong definition of selfish. Being selfish truly means being full of self, a whole and complete person. The more I fill my emotional and physical tank, the more gracefully I will be able to handle my responsibilities.

Dr. Paula asks listeners how their body is trying to communicate with them, and this resonated with me. My body is desperately telling me to take care of myself. In all ways. I cannot keep going with the amount of stress and distress I face without focusing my energy on healing myself. I have been putting in a great deal of effort to do so, and I am starting to feel physically better. That is my body telling me that I am on the right track!

Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

Marian, I love that you ended by congratulating yourself. All too often, we focus on what is wrong and what we still have not accomplished. You just showed me that you are taking care of yourself in many ways, including acknowledging your successes and celebrating them! Yay!!! I hope everyone is cheering for you and finding ways to congratulate themselves in their own journey toward health.

For more shows on Healing Through Body Awareness:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: sign up here

CONTACT DR. PAULA TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY 10 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was honored as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.

Cell: (214) 208-3533

Email:  paula@paulajoyce.com

To learn more about Dr. Paula, please visit her website at www.paulajoyce.com.

To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.

 

Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse: A 7 Step Journey

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Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse: A 7 Step Journey

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Carolin Houser, and I take on the sensitive topic of sexual abuse, and provide tangible methods for healing from the trauma. In addition to sharing some of that information in this blog, Marian Stephens talks about how she is using the information in the episode to change her life. More of Marian’s story and all my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com. Be sure to check them out.

 Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

17,700,000 women have reported sexual violence since 1998. The #metoo movement has sparked a global conversation about the breadth of sexual violence against women, highlighting the need for tools to help survivors heal. Honoring the survivor’s healing process with patience and empathy is vital and will empower them to overcome the trauma they endured.

 Your tip for this week is from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-empowerment: Allow Yourself to Feel. Robert Frost said: “The only way around it, is through it.” When faced with emotional pain, allow yourself to feel the pain. Then let it go. Crying releases stress hormones from your body. This makes room for the joy. If you have difficulty feeling your emotions, rent a sad movie to help you connect to your feelings. There have been times when I cried, and I wasn’t even sure what caused the tears. I just knew that a deep sadness was coming to the surface and I needed to cry. I don’t apologize for those tears nor do I try to stop them. In fact, a psychologist told me once that when someone is crying, you can comfort them by just being present with them. We often think that it’s helpful to touch their hand or hug them. Those gestures of kindness, however, can cause the person to move out of their emotions and stop crying when what they need is to feel and let the tears do their healing work. When the tears have stopped, we can offer words and hugs of compassion and comfort with the person’s permission. We often rush in thinking we know what’s best or because of our own discomfort with tears or emotions. Part of compassion is learning how to honor and respect the healing process—our own and that of others.

Tears come in their own time and in their own way when the person feels safe enough to accept, process and integrate their own pain. I had one client who was in her 40’s and had never cried over her experience of childhood incest, despite years of counseling and a stay in a residential facility after a nervous breakdown. In our work together, she drew a tear and cried her first tears. Her Higher Self showed her through the drawing that she was ready to express her deep pain and heal the wounded child within. Another client who came to me with debilitating pain, also had never cried over the traumas she experienced as a child and as an adult. Like most women, she didn’t understand that her husband had raped her several times over the years. She assumed that it was his right, as her husband, to have access to her body whenever he chose, even if she said “no.” The fact that she didn’t physically try to fight him off, doesn’t change the fact that he sexually assaulted her. We all have the right to choose when we are available for sex and no one should ever be disrespected sexually by anyone, including, or maybe especially, by their spouse. When the tears came, they were unexpected and overwhelming, and they opened the path for her to finally tell her husband that she had felt violated all of those times when he pushed himself on her after she had said “no.” Those tears also helped her let go of some of the emotional pain that had gotten stuck in her body as physical pain because of the assaults. As we let ourselves become aware of the truth, we can heal.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Treating others with kindness and compassion is more important than we can imagine. The positive impact our words have on a person is immeasurable. Being mindful of how you speak and choosing kindness is an opportunity to create happiness.

 This episode’s silver lining story is short to point out that everything matters when we pay attention and take the time for compassion and kindness. I was having trouble fitting in a client who wanted an extra appointment. I offered to contact her if I had a cancellation, and this was her response: “I’ll wait. I will always have as many questions for you as stars in the night sky. I know you and your team of angels will have the light to make them shine.” I was so touched by her kindness and the poetry of her words. If I hadn’t offered one more option, I would have missed getting this beautiful text. Even trying to set a simple appointment can be an opportunity for silver linings.

 Marian Stephens’ Story

 Each show on Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit has an overarching theme which is if you get to the root of your emotional pain and heal it, then you will be able to heal your body and happily manage your life. Today’s show on healing sexual abuse gave me a few solid ways to achieve this. I know I have begun this healing journey with the show because I am tired of just feeling that I am simply surviving; it is time to flourish. As I said in an email earlier this week, “I am a survivor of abuse…”. I want to be able to say I am thriving having had the experience of abuse.

Dr. Paula’s tip for the week is to allow yourself to feel. Abuse is insidious in that it alters your perception and ability to trust, which creates a pattern of negative emotions. The negative emotions are difficult to feel and bring back a sense of trauma, so you squash those down to forget; often squashing down all emotion. Carolin Hauser suggests allowing yourself to feel the sensations that are created in your body, and to sit with the negative emotions. The only way to root out negative emotion is to fully feel it. One of the most difficult emotions for me to feel is anger. So, that has been the emotion that I keep struggling with. I do not trust myself to know when it is appropriate to be angry, so I tell myself to ignore the feeling. That just leads to it building up, and then I get disproportionately angry. This cycle is not getting better, just increasing in frequency. I am going to allow myself to fully experience anger this week, and I started today. I got overly angry and while I forced myself to sit alone and not speak my angry words, I did not force myself to quit feeling angry until it subsided. After I calmed down, I realized that I have a lot of anger towards my abuser that I have no good way to express, which is uncomfortable. So, I suppress all anger, and that is toxic. Maybe if I allow myself to feel anger, I will release the old anger I have pent up inside of me, ultimately not getting so angry so often.

Dr. Paula and Carolin Hauser both expressed that not taking responsibility is one of the main blocks to emotional healing. With abuse, there is a fine line between taking responsibility and blame. Blaming myself or my abuser simply distracts me from healing the emotional pain of what happened. If I view my relationship with my abuser as one that I chose before this life started, a soul contract meant to help me learn and grow, I think I can begin to reconcile the emotional pain that is contributing to the progression of my multiple sclerosis. Raising a child with special needs, divorce, an abusive relationship, and chronic illness are big lessons to learn in a lifetime. I do believe if I heal the pain from each of these experiences I will be able to reach my potential, including a physically healthy and able body.

 Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response

 Marian, I continue to be impressed with the way you take the content of each show and use it to grow. When you’re being abused, a lot of anger does build up and you have no safe way to release it. Now you can. So, yes, allow yourself to feel it and then use these techniques to release the anger.

1.     Breathe out the anger with a big sigh and imagine that the breath is releasing toxins in the color of grey. Then take in a deep breath of pink air and see it filling your body with emotionally healing energy and light. Do this until the anger passes.

2.     Turn your anger into righteous indignation that helps to solve the problem. For instance, make even a small donation to a women’s shelter; speak out against abuse, as you are doing in this blog; and/or volunteer at a women’s shelter; and realize that healing yourself is helping to heal your family line.

3.     Write and/or draw your angry thoughts and feelings until the anger is spent.

 For more shows on healing from the trauma of abuse, please listen to:

 ·       Healing Trauma Through Spirituality with Dr. Christine Courtois

·       Limitless Possibility with Tracie Stafford with Tracie Stafford

·       Emotional Abuse How to Recognize It and Heal with Dr. Marti Loring

 FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

 

Inner Peace is Unstoppable

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Inner Peace is Unstoppable

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Corinne Zupko, and I discuss practical ways to eliminate anxiety. In this blog, follow Marian Stephens’ progress as she shares how she is using the information in the episode to change her life. All my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com – be sure to check them out.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

We are taught from a young age to suppress negative emotions such as sadness, anger, worry, fear, and other painful feelings. While it is momentarily more comfortable to avoid painful feelings rather than experiencing them, it can lead to chronic anxiety and depression.

My Tip for this week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment, is: allow yourself to feel. Robert Frost said: “The only way around it, is through it.” When faced with emotional pain, allow yourself to feel the pain. Then let it go. Crying releases stress hormones from your body. This makes room for the joy. If you have difficulty feeling your emotions, rent a sad movie to help you connect to your feelings. We spend far too much time avoiding our feelings, which only strengthens them and forces them underground. We believe they’re gone, but they’re just changing form. Pain must be acknowledged and if we don’t do it when it’s a thought or an emotion, it will become a pain in our body or a disease that doesn’t allow us to ignore it. As children we may have been told not to be a cry baby or it doesn’t really hurt, or boys don’t cry. As adults, however, we have choices and we can choose a healthier path of feeling and letting go. Some believe that all you need to do is laugh and the difficult feelings will vanish. Yes, laughter is one important tool, but we need all the tools in our tool box and feeling our sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and crying are also important tools for leading an emotionally, mentally and physically healthy life. Free floating anxiety is usually all those feelings that got stuffed down because it wasn’t safe to feel them. And what is depression if not depressing, in other words pressing down, our feelings and thoughts that may not be acceptable to those who we want to value and love us. We may not have many choices as children, but as adults, we can choose to be around people who love us for who we truly are and not for who they want us to be. Pay attention to who supports the real you, who makes you feel good and who is trying to twist you into something or someone you are not. You can choose to allow those people to stay in your life or you can choose new options.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Teaching children to recognize and manage anxiety from a young age is key to helping them become self-confident, self-sufficient, and self-reliant adults.

My silver lining story this week is about a client whose parents didn’t help him learn autonomy. When my client, Scott, came in this week, he was so filled with anxiety that he had skipped work. Fortunately, he understood that this was a good sign because something was coming to the surface that was ready to be felt and released. As we talked and worked with my Ultimate Creative Problem Solving Process, it became clear that some hidden fears were ready to be addressed. Scott had been home schooled and raised to be dependent upon his parents. He was not given the life skills, self-confidence and belief that he could have a successful career, marriage and life outside of his parents’ home. In fact, one of his adult siblings is still living at home. A few months into having his own apartment, living close to his girlfriend and earning a good income at his childhood dream job, the anxiety became intolerable. The fears and self-doubt were taking over and Scott froze. What if his parents were right, and he couldn’t make it on his own? This wasn’t a game or an experiment any more. This was real life with groceries to buy, laundry to do, an apartment to clean, the need to pay his own way and somehow be there for his girlfriend and himself. There was no one else to do it for him and no good parental role models showing him how to do it. Sure, he could do it for a few months, but what about a lifetime? His drawings showed that he wondered if he was going to soar like a rocket or self-destruct like a missile. We reviewed who he is today and how much he has accomplished in the short time we’ve been working together. We began to list his growth. We agreed that everything he has done so far proves that he is succeeding even though he was groomed for failure. Before he left, he said: “I know what’s next. I’m going to soar like a rocket.” And I, too, am confident he will continue to do so because he already is doing it. I suggested that he use this mantra when fears or anxiety surface, and I offer it to you as well: “peace in my mind, peace in my body, peace in my spirit, peace in my soul.”

Marian Stephens’ Story

In this episode on healing the mind and the body, reconciling some of the painful emotions I am holding onto has been in the forefront of my mind. My oldest son has special needs and parenting him has been a difficult journey. I feel a sense of loss – loss of a carefree experience with him as a young child, loss of having a close and easy relationship with him, loss of normalcy, and loss of celebrating the traditional achievements of him reaching adulthood. The pain has added up over many years, so it is taking time to sort through it. There are so many positive emotions I have about my relationship with him and the way I’ve raised him, but they do not negate the painful ones. We are beginning an intensive therapeutic program designed to help him reach stability and independence, and the first session was tremendously difficult. This week the upset of this appointment combined with a disappointing neurologist appointment, failed spring break plans, and not adequately taking care of my responsibilities culminated in a panic attack. I have not experienced an intense panic attack like this in a few years. Today’s show on healing anxiety could not have come at a better time.

Dr. Paula asks listeners how they are going to move from anxiety to love. Corinne Zupko’s advice is straight forward: to use your anxiety to wake up your “inner therapist”, find a willingness to view your anxiety differently, hand over your anxiety to your inner therapist, trust and be open to the idea that the answer has been given or will be as you are ready to receive it. I am beginning to be in touch with my limitless higher self, or inner therapist, so I want to try to hand over my painful, anxious feelings about parenting. Sometimes I cling to the harder memories of raising my son because they are part of my identity, a badge of honor I wear for the triumph of surviving the process. After the show, I realized this is my ego getting in the way of my growth and healing. I was completely wiped out after my panic attack, and I do not wish to feel that way again. This motivates me to just let it go. I am going to read From Anxiety to Love and begin meditating this week. I want to choose to tap into the source of infinite love we have access to and focus on that, not anxiety and worry.

Part of being able to tap into the source of infinite love (God) is to be on a spiritual path. I’m not on a traditional spiritual path, or even a prescribed path, and I sometimes let the lack of a name for what I’m doing get in the way of growth. It is enough to just be on a path to healing, and the rest will fall into place.

Dr. Paula’s Response

Marian, what you wrote here shows huge growth and is a triumph over adversity. I marvel at your ability and willingness to use the material in each episode to look inward, tell yourself the truth and implement changes to grow, heal and improve your health, well-being and life. Congratulations on using your panic attack to begin implementing ways to move from anxiety to love.

Here is another powerful spiritual technique. For optimum benefit, use it every morning upon waking and every night before going to sleep. It will help you release past negative emotions, avoid holding on to negativity as it occurs throughout the day, and help you heal, balance and stabilize your emotions. You can even do it with your son. Just say out loud or in a whisper:

“I ask the Universal Pink Heart of Love to surround me, the Universal Turquoise Heart of Love to surround the Pink Heart of Love and the Universal White Heart of Love to surround both hearts and that a gold cord go from the bottom of my heart chakra into the center of the earth.” As you say the words, visualize the hearts going around you and the gold cord going from the bottom of your heart chakra into the center of the earth. If you can’t visualize this, just trust that it is happening. The Universal Heart of Love in various colors is extremely powerful because it is pure love. Where there is love, no fear, stress, anxiety, guilt or any other negative emotion can exist.

For more shows on how to manage anxiety please listen to:

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

 To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

 

 

 

Using Natural Cycles to Recharge Your Life

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Using Natural Cycles to Recharge Your Life

Using Natural Cycles to Recharge Your Life

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In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit,  my guest Dr. Pia Orleane and I explore the restorative power of being mindful of your natural cycles to recover health, vitality, and overall wellness. This can be as simple as resting when we need to and connecting with nature. Dr. Orleane pointed out that the belief systems in the society we live in determine our behavioral patterns, many of which are harmful to us. We’ve come to believe that we must be constantly producing, but this takes a heavy toll on our health and our longevity. The brain and body need rest in order to function at their best. Dr. Orleane recommended getting in harmony with nature by following the cycle of your breath. When you breathe in, you go inward and become introspective. When you breathe out, you move outward into the world taking action. We need both components of the cycle. In today’s blog, in addition to my tip of the week and my silver lining story, Marian Stephens shares how she is using the information in this episode to change her life. All my previous blogs, including the first three posts with Marian’s Story, are on my website, paulajoyce.com. Be sure to check them out and follow Marian’s progress.

 Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

In our fast-paced society, it is easy to get caught up in life’s challenges and ignore the signals our bodies send us to slow down. When we ignore the messages from our bodies and push through, illness is often an undesired outcome.

And now for your tip for the week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment. I wrote this book because when you are self-empowered, you are connected to your limitless higher self, your soul, your intuition, your gut feelings, your guidance. Our limitless higher self is the wiser part of ourselves, the part that knows the Truth of who we are. My Tip for this week is in honor of our topic today: Do Body Awareness Exercise. Most of us ignore our body, how it feels, what it wants. Learn to pay attention to your body through activities such as: Yoga, Pilates, Feldenkrais, Tai Chi. This is also in keeping with the advice Numerologist Alice Rosen gave us in our second show of the year. She emphasized that 2018 is the year of Truth, including being true to ourselves and honest with ourselves. Our bodies communicate with us, and if we don’t listen, they have to talk louder. Unfortunately for us, that often means physical pain or illness. When we are tired, for instance, our body is telling us to rest. We are physical beings and no “to do” list is more important than our own health. If we insist on pushing through the tiredness, we lower our immune system and are more likely to get sick. Being ill, forces us to rest or at least slow down. It’s better to learn to listen to the initial signs before our body forces us to rest.

 Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

 Mindfulness is a powerful tool for maintaining optimal health. By simply resting and focusing on positive thoughts, you can avoid a potential illness.

When I was getting ready to do my writing for today’s episode, I started to experience acute pain in my ribs. I recognized it as a healing crisis connected to the scoliosis I’m correcting, but I didn’t know how long it would last. I thought about trying to push through it, and I quickly shifted my thinking and chose to watch a 30-minute comedy show instead. The story line and laughter took my mind off the pain and gave my body time to recover. When the show was over, I was delighted to discover that the pain had passed, and I was able to think clearly. My silver lining was seeing that I’ve learned to take care of myself and relax when I need to.

I didn’t always know how to listen to my body and used to regularly get bronchitis, sinus infections and I even had pneumonia twice. During those times, I still found the silver linings.  I would use the time for rest and solitude and to think about the parts of my life that weren’t working the way I wanted them to. Although this wasn’t the easiest way to make life changes, it did help me discover what I wasn’t wanting to see. Once you acknowledge the truth in your life, you can’t go backwards. The pauses in our life, can be amazing gifts.

In 1999, I wrote this imaginative piece about a woman tuning into her own rhythms and retreating from the world:

He had warned her about the book. Now it was too late. Days later he found her lying quietly in a deep trance with leaves growing on the book. She had been so sweet. He wished he had never let her into his life. Then this wouldn’t be happening. She’d be out playing with the others instead of imprisoned in her body. This always happened and so few came back. He wondered if she would be able to bridge the worlds and return to him, to new life, to all that this physical world has to offer, to his love and her destiny. If she can come back, if she makes it, she will hold the key to the next generation. Her wisdom will help us all evolve to the next heart level. So all I can do now is wait and pray. The pull to the other side is so great. It’ll be hard for her to leave now that she’s had the taste of ecstasy, of true deep connection. Why would anyone come back? Sometimes they’re pushed back and sometimes they make a conscious choice. I do hope she comes back. She and I can do good work together. We each have pieces of the puzzle and when we put together who we are and what we know, we’ll be dynamite. Here’s to that future.

 Marian Stephens’ Story

I am pleased with the changes that are happening in my household. By simply listening to the show, applying the tip of the week to my life, and being more mindful, I am excited to share several positive changes and many more are in the works. My 8-year-old, who I enrolled in school, is doing great – his teacher said he is doing “phenomenal”! I discovered a program that has wrap around services for my special needs 17-year-old that he should be approved for shortly. I have been writing every day, which is keeping me thinking creatively. My husband and I have been openly communicating and are enjoying an even deeper connection. It is amazing how much improvement can come about with just a little bit of work.

Dr. Paula asks listeners this week to be willing to listen to their bodies and use their natural cycles to recharge their lives. I have progressive multiple sclerosis and I am about to start a new medication to see if the progression will slow down. I am having increased difficulty walking which is impacting my ability to take care of my family. I put a lot of emphasis on medication sometimes, and I often find myself frustrated with the results. I avoid being introspective and retreating to focus on my health because I am afraid to rely on myself to heal. It is easier to blame my immobility on medication failure than it is to feel that I am not strong enough mentally to heal. But, it is time to let that fear go and rely on my inner strength. I am starting a new medication this month and I will combine that with going inward and regenerating during the moon cycle this month.

Dr. Paula and Dr. Pia Orleane share many compelling ideas on how to improve relationships. They both stress the importance of loving oneself first and foremost which leads to being able to completely love another. It is not that I do not love myself, it is more that there are behaviors that I know I need to improve that I let go by the wayside. Recently, I kept saying that I would start working on certain things soon (tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow…) because these are not easy things to change and it is a painful process – to really look in the mirror. But, this procrastination was causing imbalance in my relationship with my husband, and that imbalance frustrated me and made me want to work on things even less. It is a terrible cycle – actively not liking the way I am behaving and how it affects the family prevents real connection and intimacy from happening. I wanted honest connection and intimacy so badly that I kept trying to manufacture and force it. That never works and leads me right back to not liking how I am acting. Listening to Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit instantly affirmed that I am right to desire and cherish and nourish the connection and intimacy that I organically have with my husband. So I started applying the lessons available and am watching that imbalance correct itself. Dr. Pia Orleane helps me articulate how it feels necessary to have intimacy, trust in myself, and balance to have a strong relationship.

Dr. Paula’s Response To Marian

Great insights and forward motion. Please remember that change is a process, not an event. Have compassion for yourself and congratulate yourself on your successes and progress. Too often we only look at what we still need to do and forget how far we’ve come. Here are two suggestions to help you in your process:

  • Keep a Success Journal. Every day take a few minutes to write your progress and what you did that makes you feel good about yourself.
  • Do this exercise to release fear
  1. Ask yourself: If fear were a color, what color would it be?
  2. Choose a symbol that represents fear.
  3. Use that color to draw the symbol that represents fear.
  4. Tear up the paper into tiny pieces, like confetti, and throw it up in the air, flush it down the toilet or burn it.
  5. Spread the ashes or pieces of paper in your garden and say a prayer that the fear be transformed into love.
  6. At the end of this simple exercise, you will have released a layer of fear and you will feel lighter and more at ease. You can do this every time you feel fear and it will help you release more each time.
  7. You can also use this for other emotions like guilt or shame.

For more shows on mindfulness please listen to:

 Learn How to Manage Yourself, Not Your Time with Nan Russell

Create Success with Your Internal Guidance with Zen Cryar DeBrücke

Mindfulness Practices to Clear Emotional Clutter with Donald Altman

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, NOTHING BUT NET

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, unleashes your creativity and helps you solve your most challenging problems, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

Creativity from the Inside Out

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Creativity from the Inside Out

Creativity from the Inside Out

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My blog helps people better their lives by releasing their fears and blossoming into who they are meant to be. Regular features include my tip of the week, my Silver Lining story and a response from Marian Stephens, who is using the information in my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, to change her life. Her first email to me impressed me so much that I invited her to be a regular part of my blog. I hope we inspire you to change your life. All my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com and the first post with Marian’ Story went up last week. Be sure to check it out and follow Marian’s progress.

 

Dr. Paula’s Tip for the Week

 

This week my radio show guest, Cathy Wild, and I explore the many different ways creativity facilitates personal growth. My tip for the week is a sure-fire way to jumpstart a new and exciting phase of connecting with your higher self.

 

Your tip for the week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment. I wrote this book because when you are self-empowered, you are connected to your limitless higher self, your soul, your intuition, your gut feelings, your guidance. Our limitless higher self is the wiser part of ourselves, the part that knows the Truth of who we are. Our logical mind is so loud, however, that it often drowns out the whisper that is trying to guide us on our authentic path. As you learn to listen to the still small voice within, you will begin to feel at peace. Because your limitless higher self has direct access to the Divine, it is through this connection that miracles occur, like unexpected healing, healthy relationships, peace and wealth. This connection gives you an inner foundation of love, which eliminates fear. It is through this love that you can heal the planet and yourself and make the shift into the 4th dimension. Our higher self helps us find safety and even save our own life and others’ lives. We must train ourselves to trust our higher self and never go against it. Don’t talk yourself out of something that feels right to you or let what others say or think influence what you do. Please use these tips. My Tip for this week is in honor of our topic today: Discover Your Creativity: You can reconnect with your Higher Self by discovering what form of creativity gives you joy. Explore writing, dance, music and art. Create just for your own pleasure, self-expression and self-discovery. If you are concerned about people criticizing you, keep your creative explorations to yourself. Our creative expression doesn’t have to be public. It can be just for ourselves, a way of discovering more about what we think and feel, a way of letting go of hidden pain and fears and a way of unleashing buried parts of ourselves. The act of unbridled, free creation is an act of courage. We may be putting ourselves out there in a way that goes beyond the limits of what we’ve been taught is acceptable, yet it may be the very thing we need to do to become fully ourselves. When exploring your creativity, you are exploring your true self and it’s OK to be protective. In fact, you may need to be protective initially to feel safe. In time, you want to be able to feel safe being who you are anywhere, but it doesn’t happen all at once or you can scare yourself back into hiding. Be patient with yourself and have compassion for the parts of you that are still reluctant or fearful. That self-compassion will ultimately help all of who you are feel safe being seen.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

 

2018 is set to be the year of hidden truths coming to light. Some of it is already emerging regarding abuse of women. Utilizing the creative process will guarantee women’s voices will be heard loud and clear as is illustrated in my silver lining moment.

At the 60th annual Grammy awards on Sunday, the president of the recording Academy, Neil Portnow, said in a backstage comment: “women who have the creativity in their hearts and souls, who want to be musicians, who want to be engineers, producers, and want to be part of the industry and the executive level” need to “step up.” The silver lining is that his prejudicial statement has brought out the truth about the difficulty women have in getting equal treatment in the music industry. The numbers say it all: only 22.4% of the artists are women, only 12.3% of songwriters are women and only 2% of producers are women, only one woman received an award during the televised portion of the Grammys and only 16.8% of musicians played on popular radio are women. Katy Perry said, “I’m proud of all the women making incredible art in the face of continual resistance.” For Portnow to attack women’s creativity was outrageous. When there is institutionalized discrimination, we all have an obligation to call it out and work for change. The paradox was the big moment Kesha had performing her song Praying, which was about her experience of sexual and emotional abuse by her music producer. It was a triumphant moment, and hopefully ushering in a new era for the music industry. Women are leading the charge for change, and I hope they use their anger to add more fuel to their already substantial creative juices and show the world what we are all capable of when we are allowed to shine.

Marian Stephens’ Story

 

I am a mother of four boys ages 2 to 17 and a stepmom to a twelve-year-old boy. In the last three months, I’ve gotten married, blended a family, moved into a new apartment, been trying to find a rhythm, worked on finding my motherly voice in this family of men, began discovering and pursuing creative outlets with my husband, and attempted to figure life out again at age forty-two. Not that I had it figured out at thirty-two or even twenty-two, but I do know I could answer the questions posed in today’s episode with a lot less effort when I was younger. Taking care of a family and often putting their needs first makes knowing who I am, what I want, and that those things matter not always feel particularly important. I think in order to live my truth, I need to ask these questions first.

 

Five years ago I had the realization that I was barely living my life, much less living it authentically, and everything changed. I discovered after listening to this episode that I have been in the process of finding my creativity for the past five years. Listeners were asked how they would like to express themselves creatively and my answer is easy – writing! After listening, I realize that writing is part of my purpose, not just a fun activity. Now I need to set aside wondering if I have talent or a great work inside of me and let the joy of expressing my heart and mind with a keyboard be my vehicle for personal growth that overshadows my fear of sounding silly.

 

I think viewing building and living a life that I love as my most important creation can make the process so much more enjoyable. Knowing its importance might give me the courage to make hard choices and stay on the path I am choosing when it feels overwhelming.

 

This week I began a new job and found myself overwhelmed with the new responsibility of being organized, prioritizing, and setting boundaries with my children necessary to correctly complete the tasks I was given. I have been half-heartedly homeschooling my eight-year-old son and it felt newly impossible this week. I have contemplated putting him into school since I moved because homeschooling is putting a strain on my relationship with everyone in my house. It became clear this week that I am not able to be fully invested in homeschooling, writing, or being successful at the unique work opportunity in front of me. The questions that Dr. Paula and Cathy gave listeners to ask themselves when creating suddenly made the right choice for me crystal clear. This new position allows me to work from home, work with inspirational people, and write. If I continue to fear allowing my son to experience public school, I am going to jeopardize something that puts me squarely on the path to creating a fulfilling life for my family. So, my son begins school next week!

 

 

For more shows on creativity, please listen to:

 

A Journey Into the Vast and Beautiful World of Creativity featuring Yelizaveta Nersesova

Making the Conversation Real: Looking through the eyes of Courage, Beauty and Wisdom featuring David Whyte

Adult Coloring Books for Fun, Relaxation and Healing featuring David Bookbinder

 

 

FREE CHAPTER, THE ULTIMATE CREATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING PROCESS, FROM MY BEST-SELLING BOOK, “NOTHING BUT NET”

To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, unleashes your creativity and helps you solve your most challenging problems, click here to sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/

 

 

Radical Change Now with Dr. Mary Oz Ep. 4

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Radical Change Now with Dr. Mary Oz Ep. 4

Episode 4| Ho’oponopono Helps Heal a Devastating Loss and Brings Protection

Special Guests: Chrissy and Coach Stephanie

On this episode we discuss how Ho’oponopono helps to heal a family going through a devastating and unexpected loss, as well as bringing protection when needed most. Coach Stephanie talks first about her “Big Mistake” and how she almost lost her driving license. We discuss how everyone makes mistakes and do things that we don’t mean too but, it’s important to learn from your mistakes and really take in the lesson learned by making that mistake. Coach Stephanie goes over what techniques she used during this time to really take in the lesson and get protection from this situation. She went from an emotion wreck after the incident to calm and understanding. Next we go to Chrissy, She had unexpectedly lost her youngest daughter in a car crash right after her divorce. Both her and her family were struggling with this loss and needed something to guide them through this. Chrissy and Dr. Mary go over what steps she took and how her family is doing now. You can listen to this episode now with the link below:

https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/102315/hooponopono-helps-heal-a-devastating-loss-and-brings-protection

You can also listen to Dr. Mary Oz on Radical Change Now by downloading the FREE Voice America App! We have more guest coming to the show that we want you to be able to listen to! Some of our clients, coaches and powerful speakers you may already know will be joining us, so be sure to stay tuned! Want more from Dr. Mary Oz and her team? Be sure to follow us on Instagram @dr.maryoz and ‘like’ our Facebook page “Radical Change Now”.

I Love You
I Thank You
Please Forgive Me
I’m Sorry

Much Love from the Radical Change Now Team

Radical Change Now with Dr. Mary Oz Ep. 4

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Empowerment
Radical Change Now with Dr. Mary Oz Ep. 4

Episode 4| Ho’oponopono Helps Heal a Devastating Loss and Brings Protection

 

Special Guests: Chrissy and Coach Stephanie

On this episode we discuss how Ho’oponopono helps to heal a family going through a devastating and unexpected loss, as well as bringing protection when needed most. Coach Stephanie talks first about her “Big Mistake” and how she almost lost her driving license. We discuss how everyone makes mistakes and do things that we don’t mean too but, it’s important to learn from your mistakes and really take in the lesson learned by making that mistake. Coach Stephanie goes over what techniques she used during this time to really take in the lesson and get protection from this situation. She went from an emotion wreck after the incident to calm and understanding. Next we go to Chrissy, She had unexpectedly lost her youngest daughter in a car crash right after her divorce. Both her and her family were struggling with this loss and needed something to guide them through this. Chrissy and Dr. Mary go over what steps she took and how her family is doing now. You can listen to this episode now with the link below:
https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/102315/hooponopono-helps-heal-a-devastating-loss-and-brings-protection
You can also listen to Dr. Mary Oz on Radical Change Now by downloading the FREE Voice America App! We have more guest coming to the show that we want you to be able to listen to! Some of our clients, coaches and powerful speakers you may already know will be joining us, so be sure to stay tuned! Want more from Dr. Mary Oz and her team? Be sure to follow us on Instagram @dr.maryoz and ‘like’ our Facebook page “Radical Change Now”.
I Love You
I Thank You
Please Forgive Me
I’m Sorry
Much Love from the Radical Change Now Team

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