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Listening and its Effect on Learning

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Empowerment
Listening and its Effect on Learning

Listening and its Effect on Learning

Practical Enlightenment by Ariel & Shya Kane

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably spent more time in a classroom than you can remember. It’s likely that you continue to spend time in similar settings, maybe conferences, meetings, sales presentations, or the like. You’ve spent a lifetime listening to teachers, speakers, reading books and materials, and watching presentations, all in the quest for information. But do you really know what you’re doing?

We have a name for this: Learning. But do you really know an effective way to learn? Have you ever even considered the questions, “How well can I learn?” and “How can I learn better?” Despite the thousands of hours that many of us have invested in learning situations, we’ve really never learned how to learn. It was always something that we just sort of figured out on the fly.

There is an existing technology that can make a dramatic difference in how you learn. It isn’t a study method, a memory aid, or a way to read faster. The major component of this technology has a deceptively simple name and you probably think it’s something you already do. It’s called “listening.” But don’t let the name fool you. When you think you’re listening, you may be doing something completely different. I’ve learned that what I used to call “listening” is not what I mean when I use the word now.

I recently attended a business workshop given by Ariel and Shya Kane, entitled Transformation in the Workplace. As part of the seminar, we explored what it means to truly listen, to intentionally hear what is being said from the point of view of the person who is speaking. How many times do you remember sitting in a presentation or a class, engaging in a casual conversation and hearing something that gave you an idea? It happens to me a lot. I follow the thoughts to see what the new information might mean, or how I might use it. But by the time my attention returns to the speaker, I’ve become totally lost.

If the speaker says something that sounds like what I’ve previously learned, I think “I know that” to myself. Since I already know – or believe that I do – I don’t bother to really listen and hear it. And then there’s no chance for me to see that what the speaker is saying is new or different. Even if I did happen to know the facts involved, the speaker’s perspective is different from my own. If I truly listen, I can acquire a new insight into things. When I think, “I already know that,” it closes me off from hearing the truth and therefore learning. And if you hear yourself saying, “I agree” or “I disagree,” you are converting someone else’s words into something you already know. Again, you’re stopping yourself from truly hearing.

Having an agenda is another hindrance to listening. Consider a sales presentation for a product that I’ve already decided I want. I’m probably listening through my agenda, storing information to make the case that the product should be purchased. At the same time, though, I’m filtering out any information that might serve to change my mind – or at least cause me to further question my purchase. Because all information is passing through the filter of my agenda, I’m not truly listening to the speaker, and I’ve lost the opportunity to learn. This filtering process works exactly the same way when my agenda is to not purchase the product.

I also discovered that if I’m practicing what I’m about to say while someone else is speaking, I’m not listening. This is especially true when I’m about to give a planned presentation. I generally don’t remember who spoke before me, much less what they said during their talk because I was busy practicing my talk in my mind.

One final hindrance I want to mention is “feeling badly” for not listening. Punishing yourself is just one more way to avoid listening and learning, and it doesn’t accomplish anything positive. When you notice that you’re not listening, you have a choice. You can feel badly, or you can move your attention away from yourself and back onto the speaker. By choosing wisely, you are placing yourself back into a state where you’re listening and learning.

Since attending the Kanes’ course, I have discovered that listening goes far beyond just learning. It is about truly hearing what is being said, whether it’s coming from a teacher, a coworker, a supervisor, or a client. The simple act of truly listening allows a dramatic shift, a transformation in what you can accomplish in your life. I urge you to try it for yourself. Then, when someone tells you how you’ve suddenly become much more effective, productive and easy to be with, you’ll really be able to hear it.

Andrew Gideon has a Master’s Degree in Computer Science. He is the Vice President and Co–owner of TAG Online, a World Wide Web provider and software development corporation.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, podcast/radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here podcast or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books. Their newest book, Being Here…Too, is available on Amazon.comBarnesandNoble.com and everywhere books are sold.

Books by Ariel & Shya Kane

G.I.V.E. to Get

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Business
G.I.V.E. to Get

Emotional skills are more important than ever for 21st century business. Good leadership can be quickly undermined by lack of emotional regulation. Without the skill to manage your own emotion, leaders can act impulsively. Harsh works can burn long built bridges of connection in seconds, leaving damaged working relationships in ashes. And what is ultimately damaged is trust.

So, what can you do?

First, leaders need to be self-aware of the things that cause them to be dysregulated. The body is the first clue. By scanning for sensations that signal distress, you can start to reverse the process. Sensations like a tight throat, a pounding heart, judgmental thoughts, sweaty palms, and a knot in the stomach are signals that shouldn’t be ignored. Our body gives us clues to our state of mind constantly. Understanding how your body speaks to you is worth investigating with curiosity.

Once you know what is happening, giving yourself permission to step away, take a breath, and sooth yourself. Use your five senses: focus on something beautiful, listen to music, smell something calming, put an ice cube in your mouth. By focusing on these sensations, the brain has to shift. As we calm down, you can gain perspective and choice how to respond to a situation, rather than reacting impulsively that could negatively impact important relationships.

For your teams to feel respected and valued, they need to feel heard. Listening to those around you is an important skill many leaders struggle with; however, it is critical for everyone’s success. When teams feel heard, they will not only give you their best, they will give you their loyalty.

An easy way to remember this skill is G.I.V.E. (adapted from the work of Marsha Linehan, PhD)
• (be) GENTLE: approach the conversation in a non-threatening, open, receptive and available way.
• (be) INTERESTED: John Gottman says it is more important to be interested than interesting! This
means you are attentive, curious, and focused on listening, not to just respond, but to
understand what is being said. You are allowing the time to really pay attention while
setting aside your own preconceived ideas of what might be happening.
• VALIDATE: Validation is about understanding. It is not about fixing a situation, or finding a
teaching moment. It is saying “I get it” without looking for rebuttals. The primary goal is
to have the speaker feel heard. This step MUST ALWAYS precede problem solving.
• EASY MANNER: Being approachable and creating a safe space where people can come to you with
concerns is an important skill. It allows you to be professional without being intimidating.
Safety increases trust and communication.

Remember, learning new skills is a practice, but one that is well worth it! It is not enough to work from the top down. To be truly successful, we must work from the inside out!

If you would like to listen to the show Skills of Connection follow this link to hear the replay!

https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/104077/skills-for-connection

Life Will Provide if You Let It

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Empowerment
Life Will Provide if You Let It

Life Will Provide if You Let It
By Ariel Kane

I like birds and I really like taking pictures of them. I must admit that I am partial to colorful birds – except not always. The frothy white feathers on a great white egret have been known to catch my imagination and the silhouette of a little hummingbird sitting quietly on a branch at dusk has held me in awe.

Not too long ago while attempting to capture the image of a bright bird with my camera, I had a surprising life lesson. I was keying in on what I wanted, on what I knew. All the while I had been missing something new and exciting by being focused on my desires.

Shya and I were at Caño Negro, a sleepy little village in Costa Rica that caters to nature tours, wetlands bird watching and tarpon fishing. We had been fishing for a day and a half on the Rio Frio where Shya had caught several tarpon, one being a giant, on his birthday. It was our lunch hour and Shya was tying up a few fishing flies for the afternoon; I had seen some scarlet-rumped tanagers by the dining room beneath a tree so I headed there with my camera in hopes of getting a shot.

Scarlet-rumped tanagers are a midnight black bird and as their name implies, they have the brightest of red on the backside. Their markings are very dynamic and I enjoy watching them in the wild. The hotel where we were staying had a bird feeding station and I had noticed them there but I had also seen them in a nearby tree that would be a much more natural picture.

As I drew near the feeding station, the tanagers darted up into a tree. While I could still see them, I knew it would be a really tough shot. The birds were dark, in the branches and leaves it was dark, and they were backlit by the bright, glaring light of day. Still I wanted what I wanted. The moment was arguing against it but I thought I should try. I focused down my lens and tried different settings to capture what I thought was my heart’s desire, dancing this way and that as they shifted position in an attempt to avoid me. So keyed in on getting “my shot” that I didn’t hear the man come up behind me.

“Excuse me,” he said. “You like birds?”

I turned and saw one of the nature guides standing directly behind me. “How about that one? It’s a lineated woodpecker.”

I swiveled my head to the left and on a tree was a beautiful bird. It was bright and interesting and to my delight, was easy to focus on. I gave the man my heartfelt thanks and he melted back into the dining area. For several moments the woodpecker enlarged the hole he was working on while I captured his image.

As I headed back to my room I had to smile to myself. It reminded me once again of how it is so easy to look for what we know and key in on getting the things we think we want, all based in the past. When focusing down on the known, we miss so many things. All it took for me was stepping back from my quest and listening to an expert. So sweet that that man pointed me in the right direction. Even sweeter that I followed his lead.

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Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UK, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter here: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/ You can also get information about their award-winning books. Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

Confidence, Self-esteemListening Your Way to the Moment By Ariel & Shya Kane

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Confidence, Self-esteemListening Your Way to the Moment By Ariel & Shya Kane

Listening Your Way to the Moment
An excerpt from Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work
by Ariel & Shya Kane

One way to access the moment is to truly hear what others are saying. If you listen newly to each individual conversation, the act of listening can shift your life instantaneously. It does this by pulling you into the moment. And the moment is magic. Transformation happens when one gets into the current moment of now. Here is an example:

A man named Cecil was walking down Second Avenue in Manhattan one Monday evening and noticed our poster announcing an Instantaneous Transformation evening seminar. Intrigued, he came in and joined us. A rather private man, Cecil sat quietly toward the back of the room. Over the course of the evening different people stood and spoke about what was happening in their lives. One of these was a man in his early sixties, Glenn, who asked a question about the Second Principle of Instantaneous Transformation. We will present the Three Principles of Instantaneous Transformation in depth in the chapters ahead, but let us just say here that we were discussing how you can only physically be where you are in any given moment.

During this conversation we talked about how no two things can occupy the same space at the same time; in other words, no two people could be seated in the exact same chair at the exact same moment. In fact, from moment to moment, you can only be where you are and how you are. This includes your body sensations, emotions, thoughts, feelings, and life circumstances. (Again, this is the Second Principle of Instantaneous Transformation.) As the discussion continued, we talked with Glenn about how he could only be standing and having this conversation with us in that moment. He might have the thought he could be in Hawaii, for instance, but in reality he was in New York City. Cecil heard the discussion and had a direct experience of the truth of it.

One week later, Cecil returned. And here is what he had to say: “Hello, Ariel and Shya. Hello, everyone, my name is Cecil and I didn’t speak last week but I listened and something remarkable has happened. I feel so free – free in a way that I never felt before. Let me explain: I come from South Africa, and two years ago my mother fell ill and she died and I was unable to be with her. I have had such tremendous guilt, such heaviness and pain. Every day I was so hard on myself that I wasn’t there to hold her hand at the time of her passing. I had been berating myself for two years. Suddenly, I heard something you said to Glenn. I simply realized that I could not have been there when my mother died for no other reason than the fact that I wasn’t. It wasn’t good; it wasn’t bad. It just was the truth. I don’t know why or how this happened, but the heavy burden spontaneously lifted. I am no longer plagued by guilt. It happened in an instant. I don’t understand it, but I guess I don’t have to. I am very, very grateful.”

If you truly listen to what somebody is saying, not by comparing what he or she is saying to what you already know or agreeing or disagreeing with what is being said, but if you are listening to hear it from the other point of view, this act of listening is enough to pull you into the moment. However, you have an incredibly facile mind. You can race ahead in your thoughts and finish another person’s sentence before he or she gets to the point. Or you can take exception to a word he or she uses and stop listening altogether. If you pay attention, you will see that there are many times when you have an internal commentary on what is being said rather than just listening. If you can train yourself to hear what is being said, from the speaker’s point of view, it takes you outside of time and into the current moment. This is a magical space where, once accessed, the by-product is Instantaneous Transformation.

True Listening is actively listening
to another with the intention of hearing
what is being said from the other’s point of view.

The act of listening pulls you into the moment, and the moment is where transformation happens. Transformation is not something that happens in the future; it only happens in the present moment of now. Being fully engaged in an activity pulls you into the moment, which sets the stage for transformation. In the case of this book, we suggest reading without adding anything, such as applying it to your life while reading, agreeing or disagreeing with what is being said, or commenting to yourself as you go. The act of reading will then be akin to truly listening, and it will access the moment, thus creating the possibility of Instantaneous Transformation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UK, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books.  Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

The Gift of Listening By Ariel & Shya Kane

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The Gift of Listening By Ariel & Shya Kane

When you truly listen to another, your presence is a gift. Tune in to this powerful episode and hone the skill-set of Being Here for another. It may just transform your own life. Callers welcome at Tel# 1-888-346-9141!

Listen Live this Wednesday, August 23rd at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show/

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 500 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show-archives/

You can also listen to Being Here on the go! Stream or download new and archived episodes to your smart phone or mobile device with these applications:
– Podcasts app for iPhone

– Stitcher Podcast app for Any Device

– VoiceAmerica app for Apple   

– VoiceAmerica app for Android

Regard – Disregard By Ariel & Shya Kane

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Regard – Disregard By Ariel & Shya Kane

Regard: respect, esteem, admire – to recognize the worth of a person or thing. –
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Ever been to a networking group or other gathering where everyone is texting, talking and basically disregarding others because they’re so self involved and want only to advance their own agendas? Ever notice how you disregard what you don’t think is pertinent to your own life? What if those things you disregard hold the keys to your own satisfaction and success? Tune in to Being Here and see what you’ve been missing. Callers welcome at Tel# 1-888-346-9141!

Listen Live this Wednesday, August 16th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show/

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 500 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show-archives/

You can also listen to Being Here on the go! Stream or download new and archived episodes to your smart phone or mobile device with these applications:

– Podcasts app for iPhone

– Stitcher Podcast app for Any Device

– VoiceAmerica app for Apple   

– VoiceAmerica app for Android

Dimensions of Listening By Ariel & Shya Kane

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Dimensions of Listening By Ariel & Shya Kane

In this inspiring episode of Being Here, join Ariel & Shya Kane in a new dimension of listening where you surrender to listening to another’s point of view rather than fighting the content of their words.

Listen Live this Wednesday, July 19th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show/

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 500 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show-archives/

You can also listen to Being Here on the go! Stream or download new and archived episodes to your smart phone or mobile device with these applications:

Podcasts app for iPhone
Stitcher Podcast app for Any Device
VoiceAmerica app for Apple
VoiceAmerica app for Android

Family Matters By Ariel & Shya Kane

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7th Wave
Family Matters By Ariel & Shya Kane

November 16: Family Matters

Family gatherings around the holidays can be stressful. What if there is another possibility? Listen in to Being Here and learn how to be with those you love and celebrate without the drama. Callers welcome at Tel# 1-866-472-5795!

Listen Live this Wednesday, November 16th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Channel 

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here.

You can also listen to Being Here on the go! Stream or download new and archived episodes to your smart phone or mobile device with these applications:
Podcasts app for iPhone
Stitcher Podcast app for Any Device
VoiceAmerica app for Apple
VoiceAmerica app for Android

More Here!

An Act of Kindness By Ariel & Shya Kane

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7th Wave
An Act of Kindness By Ariel & Shya Kane

October 5: An Act of Kindness

True listening, without judgment for another, is one of the simplest and yet rarest gifts in life. Join Ariel and Shya Kane in Being Here and discover how to develop this valuable skill-set.

Listen Live this Wednesday, October 5th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Channel

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here

Listen to Being Here on the go! Stream or download new and archived episodes to your smart phone or mobile device with these applications:
Podcasts app for iPhone
Stitcher Podcast app for Any Device
VoiceAmerica app for Apple

VoiceAmerica app for Android

Simple Gifts, An excerpt from Practical Enlightenment

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7th Wave
Simple Gifts, An excerpt from Practical Enlightenment

Simple Gifts An excerpt from Practical Enlightenment by Ariel & Shya Kane Although we had been good friends a long time ago, we hadn’t seen Eric in more than 20 years. It was the first time he had attended one of our Say YES to Your Life! evenings in New York City. He had traveled from Boston to attend our special event, Employee of the Year, a seminar devoted to discovering how to bring excellence to the workplace. There were many others attending for the first time that night – most were cautiously optimistic about what was possible, curious about what they might learn. Eric came to the evening with a plan: Sit back and listen. He thought that would be the best way to approach the seminar since, to his way of thinking, he had nothing of value to offer. Thankfully, his plan failed. Here is what happened: As we looked out at the faces, we could tell that people were looking for many different things but we felt fairly certain that everyone had an interest in being more successful, productive and satisfied at work. We also knew that most people have internalized standards that they unknowingly compare themselves to and many fall short in their own estimation. So we posed a question: “What attributes do you think embody the Employee of the Year?” It was an exciting exploration. Many volunteered ideas – doing complete work with consistency, operating with passion, listening, being responsive to your colleagues and customers, as well as many other useful suggestions. Each attribute someone brought forward came to life as people passionately articulated how they felt and what they saw. Suddenly, a man in the front row stood up. “I’m not sure what my idea of Employee of the Year was before I came in here tonight,” he said, “but being passionate about your job just leapt to the top of my list.” The evening was heating up and, like popcorn, suddenly Eric blossomed and popped out of his chair to add his voice. “I live in Boston and New York City,” he told everyone, “and I take a really nice bus between the two that has an Internet connection. I had a plan this week to do research work via the Internet on the bus on the way down from Boston, but the bus broke down. First I was upset, but that didn’t make the bus move. Then I texted my complaints to my friends, but that didn’t make the bus move either.” People chuckled as they relaxed into the evening and Eric’s story. He went on to say that he had been listening to our podcasts and had our first book, Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work: The Three Simple Ideas That Will Instantaneously Transform Your Life, with him. In an instant, while “stuck” on a bus, he had a direct experience of the Second Principle of Instantaneous Transformation: He could only be exactly where he was. That this was his moment. Complaining wouldn’t change the fact that the bus had broken down. So he quit complaining and got engaged, chatting with people around him, looking out the window. Eric grinned as he told everyone that he made a couple of new friends that day. He had surprised himself by entertaining those around him. The evening continued and it was lively, informative and inspired as the diverse group of participants gave each other many gifts, simple stories such as Eric’s. At the end of the evening a young man named Bill who had been a silent observer over the course of the night approached us to say that he had been pleasantly surprised to discover that he wasn’t alone – that he’d been able to relate to all of the people who’d spoken. He let us know that he had been looking at improving the quality of his life for some time now but had felt like he was in possession of only fragmented ideas. Now it was as if those fragments unexpectedly and effortlessly fit together into a usable form. “It wasn’t all new,” Bill said. “But suddenly I felt OK in myself. The best part was when that man Eric spoke about his experience on the bus. I really understood it. I saw that I can only be where I am – but it is up to me what I do with it.” As we interacted with Bill, we couldn’t help but smile. Saying Yes to your life is so simple, yet the results are so profound. In a moment your life can transform and a whole new world, an entirely new possibility, is open and available. We are so happy that Eric failed in his plan to keep quiet. His failure was a win, not only for himself but also for everyone, including a rather shy young man named Bill. We know Eric came to the evening with the misconception that he had nothing of value to contribute. He had no idea that the spontaneous sharing of his experience would make such a difference. People absolutely underestimate what they have to offer. We pre-judge ourselves, thinking we are damaged or “works in progress” or that our “ordinary lives” are nothing special. We love that Eric and many of the folks there that evening gave themselves permission to be self-expressive even if they thought what they had to say was not of use or at best “ordinary.” Each person’s “ordinary” is another’s “extraordinary.” Being one’s self and sharing that with others is simply a gift. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UK, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their four award-winning books. Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/article-of-the-month/

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