Tag Archives

77 Articles

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

“I truly appreciate the clarity and professionalism of both Jean and the technical team. It is wonderful to have such a show to uplift and support so many people” LOVE LIGHT Guest Judy Satori (New Zealand)
Ascension Expert
www.AscensionLibrary.org
“The Power of Surrender”
October 9, 2020

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

“It was a complete joy to be a guest on Dr. Jean Marie Farish’s LOVE LIGHT show. I was very impressed with her professional approach and her open hearted hosting style.  From start to finish I knew I was in excellent hands.  The dress rehearsal call a few weeks before the show as very helpful. I loved her suggestions as we went over the flow of the show and the questions.  The best part was the actual show where Jean’s interviewing style ignited joy with her welcoming and engaging questions! I felt like I was talking to one of my close friends that truly understood me.  She’s a true gem!  I’m hoping to get the opportunities to be a returning guest!”                 

-Dede Lyons, Author, Empowerment Coach,  Motivational Speaker, Founder of Feel Good Express Lifestyle Program

Connecting with Your Angels and Unseen Helpers”  June 12, 2020

 

It’s All About Love

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
It’s All About Love

Dr. Jean Marie Farish, Author for Sivana East.  Articles published in Sivana East:

Heaven On Earth: The Art Of Conscious Living

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-heaven-on-earth-the-art-of conscious living/

Five Spiritual Principles To Recover After Loss 

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-conscious-recovery-after-loss/

Why We Must Be Kind To Be Truly Happy

https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/mf-gn-enriching-human-connection-through-kindness/

Why the World Needs Love, Now More Than Ever

Embrace Abundance!

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
Embrace Abundance!

cynthia in pink.jpg

Attract the Right Job Or Clientele:

NOTE: Cynthia Brian, Be the Star You Are! Founder and Executive Director, provides today’s post, The Gift of Abundance.

The Gift of Abundance Excerpted  from Be the Star You Are! 99 Gifts for Living, Loving, Laughing, and Learning to Make a Difference By Cynthia Brian.  Buy copies at https://www.CynthiaBrian.com/online-store .

Cynthia is a New York Times best-selling author of several books, TV/Radio personality/producer, lecturer, and enrichment coach specializing in acting, media, writing, speaking, and life success.

Cynthia is the Founder and Executive Director of Be the Star You Are!® The mission is to empower women, families, and youth through increased literacy, improved positive media messages, and skills for living. Since 1998 she has produced and hosted the weekly upbeat, lifestyle international radio broadcast, StarStyle® (www.StarStyleradio.com and she produces the young adult radio show, Express Yourself!™ for the Voice America Network, Empowerment Channel. Cynthia writes for magazines, newspapers, and on-line sites. In her spare time, Cynthia can be found working in her garden or playing with her barnyard of adopted animals.

___________

Cynthia’s Story: Do You Believe In The Gift Of Abundance?

I grew up on a farm, the eldest of five children. Our parents taught us specific values: hard work, loyalty to family and friends, responsibility, and keeping our word. We learned to be independent and self-sufficient. Although we had few possessions and even less money, we were content in our simple, natural surroundings. I can’t imagine a better upbringing for a child.

Our playground was vineyards, hills, and dales. Our companions were horses, cows, sheep, chickens, ducks, rabbits, dogs, and cats. As we hiked the mountains and paddled the creeks, we pretended we were explorers discovering new worlds. We had caves in which to hide. The mustard fields were our dollhouses. We drove tractors, plowed fields, and picked fruit until our hands were raw. The nearest neighbor children lived two miles away, so our life was mostly within our family. Without much money, we believed we were living the gift of abundance.

Work hard, dream hard, laugh hard, live abundantly.

Every season brought new adventures and excitement—preparing the vegetable garden in spring, going on camping trips in the summer, hayrides and harvest festivals in the fall.  I have fond memories of enjoying the warming fires and holiday magic of winter. Life on the farm was fun, challenging, hard work, and full of promise.

We didn’t have fancy clothes.  We did have a pair of Levis, a pair of boots, a couple of shirts, a school uniform, and a Sunday church outfit. Twice a year, at Christmas and Easter, our Auntie Cleo would take us shopping and buy us a new outfit. These were thrilling excursions. I learned to sew in high school so that I could have a bigger wardrobe. Since I was the oldest, my sisters inherited my hand-me-downs. We always felt another gift of abundance; our family.  We were surrounded by delicious, homegrown food, a close-knit family, plenty of trees, and land to roam. We were truly rich in spirit, if not in money.

The Power Of Belief

From my first awareness, I knew I was important. I grew up believing that I had the power to achieve anything I ever wanted.  Of course, it meant I was willing to work diligently to get it. It never occurred to me that I could or should be handed something free simply because I wanted it.

Yes, I am an optimist. My glass is always half full, even when it’s filled with bitter medicine. My life has been a rose garden, albeit with lots of thorns and tragedies. As a child, I almost died of encephalitis. Many people I have loved died at an early age from accidents or illnesses. My youngest brother was crushed and killed when a tractor on our farm turned over on him when he was sixteen. My gentle grandfather was killed while mowing his lawn when a tree toppled over on a windless day. And, my hero, my Dad, died from a rare cancer at a young age.

Because of these experiences and many more, I have learned that our most significant failing is not to follow our dreams, not to sing our song. I admit that living expansively and exuberantly isn’t always easy. Sorrow and pain make us want to contract and withdraw, not expand and excel. We live well only when we embrace the following fact.  The very fragility, pathos, and unpredictability of life make every moment precious.

Embrace The Gift Of Abundance

I aim to persuade, push, and compel you to live every minute fully and consciously. We never know how many chances we’ll have to “get it right.” Life is finite. The drive seen in my mission is due to my agony in dealing with loss.  I have learned that pain, suffering, emptiness, and loneliness are an important part of the human experience. Everyone, rich or poor, weak or powerful, endures these emotions. We are here on earth to learn, laugh, cry, feel love and pain, and to be. Most important, we are here to live and make a difference. Part of getting it right is getting it wrong. We are not the same, but we are all one.

Abundance is not about acquiring a luxury house, a fancy car, expensive clothes, and a jet-set lifestyle. Instead, the gift of abundance is about feeling that there is enough in life for everyone. My early years taught me that a sense of abundance goes far beyond material things. It spans our spiritual life, emotional stability, intellectual stimulation, and physical closeness to the earth.

Having abundance means having fresh air to breathe, clean water to drink, food in our stomachs, a roof overhead, somewhere to walk, and feel the beauty of nature. It includes someone to love and someone who loves you in return.  Other elements of abundance are laughter, learning, and the wealth of health. As children, the teaching is to be happy for another’s success, and to believe that there is abundance in all things. If someone else can achieve greatness, so can I. So can you.

We rarely lack abundance, just the ability to understand its meaning in the purest form. The world is a place of emotional and spiritual plenty. Abbondanza, as my mother always said in Italian. Notice and be grateful for everything you have. The gift of abundance is everyone, everywhere, everything.

The 3 Step Exercise: Abbondanza
  1. Shut your eyes. Imagine in vivid detail everything you feel you need to have a fulfilled life. Your list will be unique to you. It can include loving relationships, children, animals, a home to live in, food on the table, clothing, a car, enjoyable work, and so forth. Once you see yourself surrounded by everything you need, add some of the things you want.
  2. Open your eyes, get out your pen, and make three columns: “What I need,” “What I want,” and “What I have.”
  3. Every day, write down the things that you give thanks for: sunrises, beautiful gardens, a pillow on which to lay your head. Recognize the gift of abundance around you. Tell yourself frequently, “I have abundance in all things. There is enough to go around.”
Sales Tips: The Gift Of Abundance
  1. Assess where you are at and what makes you happy
  2. Expand the areas that bring a smile
  3. Use your knowledge to provide community support
  4. Welcome feedback to improve your endeavors
  5. Each evening analyze what you did well, and what needs improvement
  6. On a daily basis acknowledge your gift of abundance
  7. Even day revisit your goals to be inspired and move forward
  8. Each week review your accomplishments and set new goals for the following week
  9. Always revise and improve your strategy for tomorrow including upcoming job interviews.
  10. Celebrate Success!

Read the interview at https://smoothsale.net/do-you-believe-in-the-gift-of-abundance/

 

UNITE FOR HUMAN DIGNITY

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
UNITE FOR HUMAN DIGNITY

Human dignity.png

Click to view this email in a browser

headline_top.gif
Become Color Blind
headline_bottom.gif
star(s) copy
MIRACLE MOMENT®
column_divider.gif“When ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”

 Anais Nin



star(s) copy 2

MESSAGE FROM CYNTHIA BRIAN, Founder/Executive Director

You are so lucky! You have red blood!” my mother chimed when, as children, any of us would injure ourselves and be bleeding. We’d immediately stop crying and be grateful that our red blood meant that we were humans and not some form of alien. We were taught that every person was equal. No one was better or worse than anyone else and that no matter what color our skin, what God we worshipped, what gender we were, where we came from, or what language we spoke, we all deserved the opportunity to succeed and be happy. We were taught to work hard, respect others, and live by the golden rule. “Care, share, and be fair” was a family motto.

The last few weeks have been tragic for humans. Not only is the world struggling to survive a pandemic with Covid-19, but the death of an unarmed Black man, George Floyd, by an officer sworn to protect and serve us, has struck a deep wound in our global consciousness. Our hearts go out to his family and friends and to all the other people who have endured racist encounters. Fear and pain are prevailing. There is no place for racism and bigotry in our country. We are all human.

Here at Be the Star You Are!®, we are inclusive. We are blind to any color and respect and welcome everyone-black, brown, yellow, beige, white, and any color in between. Be the Star You Are!® supports all ethnicity’s, genders, cultures, and has no religious or political agendas or affiliations. Our goal is to amplify your inner greatness and help you be the best person possible by improving literacy, increasing positive media messages, and offering tools for living a purposeful life.

Protesting is our right as Americans and peaceful protests are valuable. Looting and rioting is counter-productive and only leads to more violence, hatred, and alienation. It is time that we all stopped to listen and hear what others are saying and feeling. We must empathize and start conversations that can lead to healing. I have always believed that ALL LIVES MATTER. But right now, we need to embrace BLACK LIVES MATTER because black men and black women are suffering deeply. Our volunteer Karen Kitchel, shared a video that you may have already watched, but it is worth viewing again. It displays the disparity between a life of privilege and one of racial inequality. Watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BEwiqrXrjw

No one must be shackled. It’s time to break down the walls of differences. We must come together to create positive, systemic change that will provide dignity, respect, opportunities, and resources to all. We can each be a catalyst for change.

Once we learn to communicate and collaborate, we will escape to innovate. 

Be the Star You Are!® is proud to have been serving the community, country, and world since 1999 with resources to create a better future.

Unite for dignity and be color brave. We all bleed red.

Stay safe. Stay strong.

In solidarity,

Cynthia with osterspernum

Cynthia Brian

Founder/Executive Director

Be the Star You Are!®

PO Box 376

Moraga, California 94556

Cynthia@BetheStarYouAre.org

https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org

http://www.BTSYA.org

P.S. During the lock-down, I am available for consultations, webinars, interviews, or speaking via on-line sources only. If interested, email cynthia@BetheStarYouAre.org or visit https://www.starstyleradio.com/coaching

DONATE: https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504


column_divider.gifONLINE AUCTION

If you want to jumpstart your business, service, or promote your products, IConnectx has created an online auction to benefit Be the Star You Are!® with opportunities for LIVe or pre-recorded radio interviews and phone or online consultations with Cynthia Brian. More auction items will be added in the following days. Auction ends on June 20th so start bidding right away to win. Visit: https://bit.ly/2ZuIQkE


column_divider.gif
star(s) copy 3

THE REAL MEANING OF DIGNITY

by Karen Kitchel

“Dignity has the potential to change the world, but only if people like you help to spread its profound message” concluded Donna Hicks in the Psychology Today article “What Is the Real Meaning of Dignity?”

We are all born with dignity, which is different than respect which must be earned. Every individual has worth as a human being and wants to be treated as someone with value.

Everyone wants to be heard and to feel safe in the world. When we feel included, we gain a sense of hope and possibility. Receiving an apology when someone does us harm is a way to reconnect. “I’m sorry” can be two of the most powerful words anyone can utter.

Building strong relationships can be as easy as asking for opinions, listening to concerns and including others in conversations.  Seek out someone you don’t know and take a step in changing the world.

Karen Kitchel penned two chapters in the book, Be the Star You Are! Millennials to Boomers Celebrating Gifts of Positive Voices in a Changing Digital World, and is a dedicated volunteer with BTSYA. She serves meals to the homeless and is a volunteer teacher, writer, job coach, and mentor. www.scatteringkindness.com

karen kitchel with millennial book


column_divider.gifTHE IMPACT OF ILLITERACY-Young Children

by Stephanie Cogeos

According to a recent study by the U.S. Department of Education, 32 million American adults are illiterate, 21% read below a 5th grade level and 19% of high school graduates are functionally illiterate, meaning they cannot read well enough to manage and perform daily living tasks. This can be avoided when people are aware of these statistics and what lack of literacy skills can cause.

When children do not learn to read and write effectively, it affects them and their families.  The psychological effect impacts their progress during their early school years. It can also make math and science just as difficult. About 80% of a child’s brain is developed by age 3 and a key period of development occurs in their language and literacy skills. The quality of early childhood education can be determined by one’s economic status. Half of all children by age 5 living in poverty are not academically or socially ready for school, studies have shown (Center on Children and Families at Brookings).  Poverty is a risk factor for illiteracy. By fourth grade, 80% of low-income children read at below grade level. Falling behind during critical years will also affect social skills, health and economic status later in their lives.  Low literacy often impacts a person’s health, preventative healthcare actions and taking medications correctly as well as impacting them psychologically. Shame, fear, low self-confidence, low self-esteem are all impacted by how well a person can effectively communicate and read and educate themselves.  All these things can have a negative impact on society in general.  These things can be avoided.

CONTINUE READING: https://files.secure.website/wscfus/10307163/26270304/the-impact-of-illiteracy.pdf

Volunteer Stephanie Cogeos is our Book Review coordinator. She is now doing research to provide resources for the public to learn about the importance of literacy, positive media messages, and empowering women families, and youth. You can keep up with the resources at this link: http://www.btsya.com/resources.html

BTSYA High Res Logo Read Lead Succeed

“To be a leader, you must be a reader! Read, lead, succeed!”


column_divider.gifBOOK REVIEWS IDS

Our Star Teen Book Review Team is constantly growing and evolving. When you are looking a for a great book, check out the reviews of thousands of books for all ages at our Book Review web site.

Read book reviews by our volunteers: http://www.btsya.com/book_reviews.html

Also, check out these and other reviews at our literacy partner site,The Reading Tub, https://thereadingtub.org/books/be-the-star-you-are/

Librarians, teachers, parents, and care-givers rely on these reviews as excellent sources for recommending a good book.

the reading tub logo

column_divider.gifWRITER WEDNESDAYS and SUPER SMART SUNDAYS

As part of our Be the Star You Are! Disaster Relief Outreach program (https://www.bethestaryouare.org/copy-of-operation-hurricane-disaste), Be the Star You Are!® has collaborated with the Authors Guild to showcase the new books launched by many authors from around the country in a variety of genres. We will also be showcasing artists, actors, and musicians, all of whom had had their gigs canceled and are out of work. We believe in supporting creativity and believe that books, art, music, and film provide escape and joy, especially during tough times. For the next few months, make sure you are tuned in to both StarStyle®-Be the Star You Are!® on Wednesdays at 4pm PT for “Writers Wednesdays” LIVE http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are as well as our teen program, Express Yourself!™ airing on Sundays at 3pm PT for “Super Smart Sundays”, https://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2014/express-yourself

Both programs broadcast on the Voice America Network, Empowerment Channel and will be archived on that site as well as iTunes, Stitcher, etc. It’s a giant artistic festival!

2016 Promo Banner bothshows-no pics


column_divider.gifNEED A POSITIVE OUTLOOK-BUY OUR BOOKS!

If you need a dose of inspiration, humor, and positivity, check out our books at http://www.StarStyleStore.net. All of the money from purchases benefits Be the Star You Are!® and you get extra goodies when you buy direct. Plus, these are first editions and can be custom autographed for you. www.StarStyleStore.Net

Raise your eyes to the STARS and shine!

Cynthia Brian books banner


column_divider.gifSHOP ONLINE WITHOUT A MASK!

Since we need to stay at home and only go out when absolutely necessary, these are on-line shopping portals that will sell you what you need, offer discounts, and assist our mission as a nonprofit. Please use these web sites for all of your shopping essentials,

2020 Amazon smile logo Giving Assistant Icon 234x60 T-shirts 2020 IGIVE logo

1. AmazonSmile donates .5% of purchases https://smile.amazon.com/ch/94-3333882

2. Discounted books at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/shops/be_the_star_you_are_charity

3. Giving Assistant: Shop. Earn. Give! Use Giving Assistant to earn cash at 3500+ popular online stores, then donate a percentage to BTSYA:https://givingassistant.org/np#be-the-star-you-are-inc

& buy from your favorite stores.

4. Search and GoodShop: Choose Be the Star You Are as your charity to support. You can log in with Facebook, too! https://www.goodshop.com/nonprofit/be-the-star-you-are

5. Shop at over 1300 stores on IGIVE: http://www.iGive.com/BTSYA

6. BTSYA Logo Store: http://btsya.rylees.net

7. Buy or Sell on EBAY:http://givingworks.ebay.com/charity-auctions/charity/be-the-star-you-are-501-c-3/1504/?favorite=link

8. Designer Clothes to Buy or Sell: https://www.unionandfifth.com/charities/be-the-star-you-are-moraga-ca/shop

9. Buy “Read, Lead, Succeed” T-shirts and tanks $19.99 at StarStyle® Store: http://www.starstylestore.net/

10. Are you a gamer, lover of new software, or other digital content? Buy all of your favorites at Humble Bundle. http://ow.ly/cYs130iN6n4


column_divider.gifPLEASE DONATE!

Since BTSYA receives no government or corporate support, we count on YOU to help us help others. During this pandemic, all of our fundraising events have been canceled, yet we continue to support those in need. We appreciate a direct donation most of all via PAYPAL GIVING FUND at https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

Checks can be sent to PO Box 376, Moraga, California 94556

http://www.btsya.org

THank you image t-shirt_btsya_outlines


column_divider.gifDirect Links you can use for Be the Star You Are!®

Positive Results: https://www.bethestaryouare.org/positive-results

About Us: https://www.bethestaryouare.org/about_us

Programs: https://www.bethestaryouare.org/programs

How to Help: https://www.bethestaryouare.org/how-to-help

Blog: https://www.bethestaryouare.org/blog-1

Events: https://www.bethestaryouare.org/events

Contact us: https://www.bethestaryouare.org/contact

GREAT NON PROFITS REVIEWS: https://greatnonprofits.org/org/be-the-star-you-are-inc

GUIDESTAR/CANDID: https://www.guidestar.org/profile/94-3333882

We invite you to volunteer, get involved, or make a donation. Make a DONATION through PAYPAL GIVING FUND and PAYPAL with 100% going to BTSYA with NO FEES:  https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1504

2020 Platinun Guidestar logo 2020-top-rated-awards-badge-embed


column_divider.gifBe Color Brave. Unite for Diversity and Dignity.  

Communicate, Collaborate, Innovate! BTSYA Innovate logo -bookend 2

Be the Star You Are!®

PO Box 376

Moraga, California 94556

Cynthia@BetheStarYouAre.org

https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org


headline_top.gif
Be the Star You Are!® PO Box 376, Moraga, Ca. 94556
Get Social with us

FaceBook_32x32.pngTwitter_32x32.png

 

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                              LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                                                    Milly Diericx

                                                                                     “Raising Consciousness to the Vibration of Love”

                                                                                                                           May 22, 2020

 

“Jean Farish  is a loving soul that helped me stay on track and made my interview a relaxed and enjoyable experience.  Her skill at interviewing reflects her inner harmony and her desire to be of service to her audience. VoiceAmerica was professional, thoughtful and kept me informed of everything I needed to know before, during and even after the interview took place.  An overall beautiful experience.  I hope my intervention was worthy of your professionalism and attention to detail.  Thank you Jean!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                       LOVE LIGHT GUEST TESTIMONIAL

                                                                               Dr. Rana Al-Falaki (England)

                                                                                                  Be Free Be Fun Be Fearless

Founder of Light Changes Coaching, Life and Business Coach, International Speaker, International Bestselling Author, Periodontist

                                           Show Episode Title: “Recover Your Losses – Journey to Re-Connection”   May 15, 2020

                                                                             LOVE LIGHT Host, Dr. Jean Marie Farish 

“Jean Farish is an inspiration – I also think she never sleeps! She was the ultimate epitome of professionalism, from asking me to be on the show, right through to when we finished it. Her energy is contagious and she is quite clearly incredibly passionate about love, light, consciousness and growth.  The show was so well organized, and I simply loved her engagement with her audience and with myself. I felt like a very welcome guest in her home, and Jean’s warmth and spirit has the ability to draw in people from all walks of life, where everything she says makes you more curious to know more, learn more and simply be more.  Thank you so much for having me Jean, and I look forward to being able to give you a hug in person once again soon! ”  

                                                                                                                                                                                    Dr. Rana Al-Falaki

                                                                                                                                                           Website: https://www.lightchangescoaching.com

 

 

 

 

 

Susan’s First Date

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
Susan’s First Date

Susan’s First Date

It was still cool at 6:30 in the morning as we strolled barefoot with Susan down Costa Rica’s Manuel Antonio beach. We were in the midst of one of our Costa Rican Self Discovery Adventures that we hold each winter. People come from all over the world to join us and use it as a time to get away from the normal routine of one’s life and relax. It is opportunity to look at the mechanics of your life in a gentle, lush environment without judging what you discover; a time to play and let your life unfold.

On this particular morning, Susan was talking with us about her relationships – or more accurately put, her lack of one. We have known Susan for years and she is such a lovely woman. Perhaps you know her or know someone just like her… She is a mover and shaker at work, well respected in her field, someone who people admire. Early 40’s she is pretty, slim, personable, smart, humble, and absolutely adores baseball. In short, she is a dream gal for most any man.

And yet, over the years we have known her, Susan has not had much luck in relationship. Traditionally she falls head over heals for a guy and eventually, after several months or occasionally a year or two, the relationship ends. Gradually Susan had stopped telling people when she really liked someone. It became embarrassing for her to admit when “things didn’t work out” and yet another one was over.

We asked her what was happening with dating. Grimacing, she replied, “I am taking a break. I just don’t see the point. I never have trouble attracting guys – it just never lasts. Something must be wrong with me.”

Discarding the idea that there was something “wrong” with her, we looked at her approach to dating. We encouraged her to take a transformational, anthropological approach – like a scientist, observing a culture of one – herself, looking non-judgmentally, with awareness. When you do this, the best place to start is where you are. Exactly where you are – in this moment.

“How are you approaching things right now?” we asked her. “Start to bring awareness to this moment, this instant, not someday.”

As we looked at her life in that moment, it became obvious that in her attempt to fix her “problem,” set things in order and make for a better future, Susan missed so much — The caress of the breeze as it tousled her hair, the sand between her toes, the steady lap of the surf.

As we conversed, it became apparent that Susan was rarely simply present to where she was. She was habitually driving forward for some desired result that was supposed to make her happy or fulfilled or better — in the future. It became apparent even in how she approached the conversation. For Susan it was a challenge simply to walk with us. She was so accomplished at thinking and strategizing that she kept losing sight of where she was. She missed the lovely shells, the sea foam and the way her muscles moved as she walked. She either charged ahead or got lost in thought and barely moved at all.

We asked her if she had ever dated more than one person at a time. She looked surprised by the question, as if we were suggesting that she was somehow “loose” or unwholesome. So we explained: “Do you ever meet one fellow for lunch on Tuesday and another for a movie on Friday night, etc. so that you can see who might really work for you before you jump ahead into a relationship? Sheepishly, she said “No.” That was when we suddenly realized that Susan had never actually “dated”. Instead, she automatically married: as soon as she went out with someone, she was trying to make him “the one.” Somewhere in the back of her mind he was already her mate – the perfect relationship.

We encouraged her to keep relaxing into herself and into her body for the next few days and forget about getting ahead. Let go of her plans to date or to not. Just be there and have fun.

Two days later during the course, Susan piped up with excitement about her first boogie boarding experience. As she spoke, we looked around and Ralf was beaming. Ralf is an actor who is gay and married. Due to their work schedules, he and his spouse had to come to separate courses, so he was there by himself. He is accomplished at riding waves and Susan had asked him to teach her. Here is what she said:

“I asked Ralf to teach me to boogie board because it looked like so much fun and it was obvious that he was really good at it. At lunch we went to the beach and waded out into the water. Although I was nervous, he made it OK. I hugged the board and the next thing I knew, the wave was coming. As I stood there, I realized that this was the one – the one where I could finally learn to boogie board. Much sooner than I expect Ralf said, “Jump” and I did. I made it all the way into shore! It was great.”

Ralf grinned, “Susan really listened! She timed it perfectly and caught the wave.”

Both Susan and Ralf were so happy. He felt smart, listened to and empowered and so did she. That was when the realization hit us. This was Susan’s first date. It was the first time she had ever “gone out” with a man without the mental computer casting forward to possible futures. She was simply being there enjoying the moment.

We realized that if Susan could bring that type of engagement to going on actual dates, where she was there simply to have fun and have that experience be complete in and of itself – not leading anywhere other than this moment, her life would transform. All it would take now is awareness. She habitually plans for the future. With awareness, Susan can now suspend that habit and be there. Who knows what will happen for her now – Having fun is a pretty powerful way to start any serious relationship.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, podcast/radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here podcast or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books. Their newest book, Being Here…Too, is available on Amazon.comBarnesandNoble.com and everywhere books are sold.

Books by Ariel & Shya Kane

Starting Over

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
Starting Over

Starting Over

An excerpt from How to Create a Magical Relationship, The Three Simple Ideas That Will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life

Click here for more information or to purchase this book

Have you ever found yourself in one of those moods where no matter what your partner says or does, it is all fodder for the fight? Where you are angry, disturbed, and nothing he or she says or does is right or good enough to relieve your sense of aggravation?

We recently met a couple, Hal and Mary, in one of these altered states of consciousness. They came to speak to us about their relationship and how, no matter what they did, it always ended in an upset and distress, and their fight never seemed to completely resolve. Oh sure, it abated from time to time, but the embers of disagreement were always just below a thin skin, ready to erupt at any time.

The funny thing was they were both right—from their individual points of view. From his point of view, “She would always . . . ,” and from her point of view, he was wrong and all of her friends agreed with her. This couple had a list of grievances dating back to early in their relationship, past events over which the two of them continued to disagree.

Hal and Mary had fundamental behavior patterns in their relationship that we have seen in other intimate relationships where nothing seems to resolve. No matter how much they tried to change or fix the situation, it stayed the same or became worse. So they came to us, looking at whether or not they should remain together. Their situation was further complicated by the fact that they had a sixteen-month-old child together. By now, the sense of intimacy between them had completely eroded, and while they were very devoted to their daughter, she had become the focal point for many of their fights.

The real problem was that Mary and Hal, for all of their strife, were obviously still in love. They just couldn’t find a way to sidestep the old grievances that kept resurfacing, incendiary mechanical behaviors that set them battling against their will.

Our usual approach is to find out where it all started and what happened that initiated the fight, but when we asked what had caused this pattern of behavior in the first place, Hal and Mary each had their reasons for what the other did or didn’t do that created the situation, and both of them were “right” from their points of view. Apparently, we had a stalemate. No matter what we came up with, each person felt certain that the other was the cause of their stress, upset, and dissatisfaction. This is normal for most relationships that are in trouble.

In situations like this, where the partners have been together for several years, the starting point of the disagreement is obscured forever. So what do you do to alleviate the pain when you are locked in a habituated way of relating that seems to have no beginning and no end—a way of relating that keeps accelerating in its frequency, intensity, and duration?

At some point, the reasons why you are upset become irrelevant because everything becomes grounds for the disturbance. It has been unresolved for so long that there is no way to go back and fix all of the grievances and transgressions.

So what do you do then? You can leave each other, which is the end result that a lot of loving relationships devolve into — it’s called divorce. You can punish each other perpetually and live a life of complaint and pain. Or you can start over.

There have been times in our relationship when we found ourselves fighting and could not find a way out of the disagreement in which we were locked. Finally, we came up with a device that allowed us to stop fighting. One day, we were driving into New York City, and for whatever reason, we were deeply engaged in disagreeing with each other. It escalated and was like a sore tooth that you worry with your tongue; we couldn’t seem to leave it alone. Our silences were noisy — very noisy. And each of us was certain that we were right in our own perspective and that the other was simply wrong. We each felt picked on and misunderstood. It didn’t feel good, but there didn’t seem to be a way to resolve the conflict. Finally, we came up with the idea of starting over. We picked out an overpass ahead on the highway and said, “When we go under that overpass, the fight is over.” This meant that as soon as our car passed that spot, we were going to operate as if this disagreeable conversation had never taken place. Onward we drove. It took discipline at first to resist thinking about the altercation that had just happened, but we kept bringing our thoughts and conversation back to current things, such as what we could see out the window and our plans for the day, rather than rehashing the past.

We can’t remember now what our fight was about. It seemed so important at the time, but now the details have faded into obscurity. We knew that the fight could fade away for Hal and Mary too, if given a chance, and so we suggested that they try starting over. We warned them it would be challenging not to keep going back to past gripes, but they grew excited and intrigued at the idea.

That night, Hal and Mary had a date. They had not been on a real, live date since before their child was born. The point where they started over was the opportunity for a new beginning. They grabbed this chance with both hands, and intimacy resulted. However, the next time an upsetting event happened between them or a similar type of disagreement cropped up over their child, it took discipline to resist the temptation to revisit old events. With practice, the habit of going back to touch on old events in your thoughts or in your actions can fade away.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, podcast/radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here podcast or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books. Their newest book, Being Here…Too, is available on Amazon.comBarnesandNoble.com and everywhere books are sold.

Books by Ariel & Shya Kane

Life is in the Blintzes

Posted by presspass on
0
Empowerment
Life is in the Blintzes

“Life is in the Blintzes”

By Eric in Brooklyn, NY

An excerpt from Being Here…Too, Short Stories of Modern Enlightenment, Ariel and Shya Kane

When my maternal grandmother, Dora, was a child, she came to America from a tiny village in Eastern Europe. One of my fondest memories of her was that she made amazing blintzes, thin crepe-like pancakes filled with savory cheese. When I was a little boy I’d visit her in the Bronx in New York City, and we’d walk together to the store, my small hand in hers, to get fresh ingredients. Then we’d go back to her apartment and I’d watch her make my beloved blintzes. She never followed a recipe. Everything she made was by eye or by heart. The best part of all was eating them. My grandmother was a cheek pincher who loved me with food. And her food, from blintzes to chicken soup to chopped liver, was extraordinary.

By contrast, I hadn’t felt as close to my mother. While my dad and I shared jokes and a common interest in music, when I was in my pre-teen years, I decided that my mother was stoic, cold, and unable to connect with me emotionally. We didn’t spend much time talking and I didn’t enjoy her cooking.

Eventually I decided that I no longer wanted to be associated with the people in my mother’s family: Eastern European Jews. Their heritage, religion, language, customs, and even their food, including my formerly beloved blintzes, had become embarrassing to me. I conveniently forgot about the hard work and sacrifices my family had made to give me the life that I was taking for granted. I forgot how my mother had paid for things – my cello lessons, an expensive private college, and financial support she gave me when I was having some significant personal struggles – not to mention unwavering moral support.

Years passed and the gulf between me and my mother widened. When my parents moved to Florida, I never made visiting them a priority although my mom took the time to visit me. When I was cast as a professional actor in plays in Boston and New York City, my mother always came to see my performances. After the shows she would meet me, give me a hug and, before I had a chance to ask what she thought of my performance, she would whisper in my ear, “You were the best one.”

When I started to participate in Instantaneous Transformation seminars with Ariel and Shya, I saw that I had preconceived notions of my mother. I didn’t see her as she was. I saw her as I thought she was. That’s not the same thing. My thoughts about her were colored by a filter, put in place by my disgruntled teenage self who’d been insecure and desperate to fit in. Once I saw this important distinction, I was able to truly listen to what Mom had to say and to see things from her perspective. I saw her loving nature and acts, both past and present, because they were no longer at odds with my own very strong point of view. I was suddenly able to remember the hugs as well as the cream cheese and jelly sandwiches with no crusts. I even remembered when I went through my “purple phase” and Mom knitted me a purple sweater. It was well made, but in retrospect it wasn’t a great color decision for me. As a result of my new perspective, our relationship became closer and sweeter.

My grandma Dora is long gone. My mother is ninety-one and her health and memory are fading. She’s confined to a wheelchair and although her long-term memory is generally good, her short-term memory is nonexistent. She remembers my Dad, but not that he’s been dead for twenty years.

I recently went down to Florida to visit her. At first she thought I was a doctor, which was not a total loss. I’m a lawyer and a literary agent, but she had dreamt of my becoming a doctor, and to her I was. She told me she’d enjoyed my comedy show the night before (I was a standup comedian several years ago) although she felt I went on a little too long. Of course there was no show, but she was happy, especially that she’d stayed at my friend Oprah’s apartment. I was pleased to learn that I am close friends with Oprah Winfrey.

I wasn’t upset with Mom’s confusion. As long as she wasn’t depressed or scared, I rolled with it, going along with her reality. But she wasn’t eating and her nurses and aides were concerned. An additional benefit of my participating in the Kanes’ seminars is that I’ve become very intuitive. More accurately, I’ve allowed my intuition to override what used to be my denial and doubt.

Flat Book Cover.jpgI knew in my gut that blintzes would reignite my mother’s appetite. I asked the medical professionals if there were concerns about fat, salt or any other nutritional caveats. They said my mother needed calories and, at this point, any were good. I went to a deli near my mom’s house and on the way home, my car was filled with the familiar aroma of blintzes and matzo ball soup. Images of my grandmother’s smile went through my mind. I heard the roar of the crowd at Yankee stadium as we walked through her Bronx neighborhood. Most importantly, I felt the lineage of love that traveled from Dora through my mother to me. Unexpected tears welled up as I drove the Florida roads, far from New York City. I was grateful I could allow myself the pleasure of those tears, the welling of love and affection. When my mother devoured two blintzes and smiled at me, my chest swelled with gratitude for Instantaneous Transformation. My heritage is rich and full of love and life. In that moment, I rediscovered that life is in the blintzes.

This is an excerpt from Being Here…Too, which is available wherever books are sold as of November 12, 2018.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYCGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)

RSS
Follow by Email