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How To Have A Match Made In Heaven By Ariel & Shya Kane

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7th Wave

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Hear Ariel & Shya talk about writing their book How To Have A Match Made In Heaven, as well as share their tips on what has kept their relationship vibrant and alive as they approach their 30th wedding anniversary this year. In our world, this week marked 32 years since our first date. In “A Transformational Approach to Dating, Relating and Marriage,” we are pleased to share the practical tips that have kept our relationship loving and vibrant for over three decades.

“If you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for a moment.” – Georgia O’Keefe

Summer is a lovely time for slowing down and enjoying the world around you.  Slowing down also allows you to tune into your intuition. Those gut feelings and hunches often hold valuable information. Sometimes, they even dissolve decades-long grudges, as in our August Article of the Month  “That Small Not So Still Voice” (based on a true story).

Here’s to enjoying whatever is happening in your world in this moment!

Being Here with Ariel and Shya Kane is an ordinary person’s guide to Modern Day Enlightenment! This show is an exciting exploration, which opens the door to living in the moment. Through discussions and laughter you will discover how to be satisfied in all areas of your life, relate in more honest and natural ways, remain centered during life’s challenges, eliminate stress and dissolve those knee-jerk behaviors that rob you of your spontaneity and creativity. Ariel and Shya invite you to take a journey into Being Here. That is enough to simply, easily have a reality shift where you suddenly find yourself lighter, freer and more alive. Listeners will discover that there are no rules to follow or methods to learn. Being in the moment can transform even an ordinary circumstance into a profoundly moving, enlightening event. Don’t Miss Being Here! Tune in every Wednesday at 9:00 AM/PT, 12:00 PM/ET with Ariel and Shya Kane, right here on the 7th Wave Channel.

Busting Tantra Myths by Jacqueline Hellyer

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Busting Tantra Myths by Jacqueline Hellyer

T.LoungeThe Tantric Lounge is back for its second season, sponsored by the fabulous folk at Lelo, the world’s leading designer brand for intimate products.  The Tantric Lounge remains a sleaze-free zone, devoted to beauty and meaning in sex, love and intimacy – this is where sex is an art and sex is a science.

But it’s not just about sex, at least, not just about what so many people think Tantric sex is about. So in this episode Jacqueline Hellyer and her co-host Xavier Waterkeyn are doing some Tantric myth-busting!

Is Tantra some weird hippie practice that involves hours of sex and kinky orgies?

Or is it an approach to living, a way of being in the world that encompasses sexuality rather than marginalizing it or trying to ‘transcend’ it?

Find out  at The Tantric Lounge, on Voice America’s Empowerment Channel.

 

 

Living La Vida Tantrica By Jacqueline Hellyer

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Living La Vida Tantrica By Jacqueline Hellyer

couple kissingWe Westerners love to put things in boxes, especially sex  sex is something different from life, something ‘other’. So people tend to think that Tantric Sex is replacing the ‘sex’ box with the ‘Tantric sex’ box.  If Tantra is more about life than just about sex, then what is a Tantric Life? How do you live La Vida Tantrica? In this episode Jacqueline and Xavier look at how you live outside the ‘automaton’ life so many people lead these days and start ‘Tantracizing’ life so that you experience the profound in the everyday. To use one of Xavier’s lovely analogies “What’s the Tantra Dust recipe?” Tune in find out…

Tune in for Jacqueline Hellyer’s new episode “Living La Vida Tantrica.” on The Tantric Lounge every Thursday 5pm Pacific Time on the Voiceamerica Empowerment Channel. You can also listen to her past shows on demand.

Tantric LoungeJoin renowned sex educator, therapist and coach, Jacqueline Hellyer, in the Tantric Lounge and discover the missing link to complete empowerment: your sexuality! The Tantric Lounge is a space where sex is an art and sex is a science. It’s where sex, science and spirituality meet, and everything in between. In the Tantric Lounge you’ll explore the third wave of sexuality: beyond shame, beyond sleaze, heading towards true understanding and liberation. It’s sex for the seeker, for the explorer, for the thinker. Jacqueline presents sex like no one else. She’s fascinating, funny and above all inspiring. Tune in to her wisdom and entertaining conversations with engaging guests from the leading edge of sexuality, as they discuss everything to do with sex, love and intimacy. Discover your sexual potential, become truly empowered and get more out of your sex life than you ever imagined! The Tantric Lounge, Thursdays at 5 PM Pacific on VoiceAmerica Empowerment.

Love and Relationships: The New Revolution of Romantic Relationship with Cheri Rohlman

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Health & Wellness
Love and Relationships: The New Revolution of Romantic Relationship with Cheri Rohlman

coupleJoseph Losi, LMFT and Cynthia Benge LMHC join Cheri as we wrap up our mini-series on Love and Relationships.  Most of us have it backwards; hot sex does not lead to enduring love. Honest, courageous vulnerably powerful and emotionally aware communication leads to love. This type of love leads to hot sex…forever! Forget the Kama Sutra and the drudgery of reparative relationship behaviors.  Listen as Emotionally Focused therapists and couples workshop leaders Joseph Losi and Cynthia Benge help you learn the tools of the new revolution of romantic relationship that can regrow trust, connection and desire.  Find out how you can de-code the language of love to create the satisfying, intimate, passionate, secure and lasting relationship that you have always wanted and is waiting for you.  Learn More at:  “Hold Me Tight Seattle, Creating Connection in Relationship,”

A Celebration of Change, with your host Cheri Rohlman, is here to help you not only survive the changes of everyday life, but to thrive! Have you ever asked yourself “what path am I supposed to take?” only to find that when the path was revealed you were too scared to take it or didn’t even consider the path? We’ve all been at that same crossroads! While change can be intimidating, it usually leads us to where we are meant to be. Let’s explore the path together, whether it’s making changes in your career, relationships, or trying to balance the demands of your everyday life. You’re not alone and A Celebration of Change is here and on your side!Cheri Rohlman

Cheri is a life learner and will continue to learn new tools as she shares them with you. Let’s take this journey together as we talk with interesting guests who can help us get unstuck, on the right path, and share in our growth! A Celebration of Change is broadcast live every Friday at 8AM Pacific on VoiceAmerica Health and Wellness.

Tune in for her New Episode “Love and Relationships: The New Revolution of Romantic Relationship” on the Voiceameica Health and Wellness Channel Friday Feb. 28th at 8 am Pacific Time.

 

7 Habits of Passionate Married Couples By Emily Webber

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7 Habits of Passionate Married Couples By Emily Webber

marriedDo you ever wonder what it would be like to be the married couple in the restaurant that is so into each other that you cannot take your eyes off them? Passionate married couples have this something that almost holds you in a trance. The way they look and speak and touch each other has an easy and effortless grace and a deep underlying passion. It feels like you can touch it. Passionate married couples…

1. They touch each other often. Passionate couples touch each other often and in different ways. They have an intimacy in their touching that allows no one else in. They hold hands when they walk together or sit together. It almost seems instinctive for them to reach out for each other and feel the connection. They hug each other often. It is said that it takes 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance and 12 for growth. Passionate couples give good hugs to each other! You know, the kind that make you feel safe and loved…as if you are home. And there is the passing touch. Passionate couples give each other a light touch on the neck or touch each other’s arm as they walk by. Just a little touch that says, “I love you and you are on my mind.”

2. They look each other in the eye and smile. Passionate couples look each other directly in the eye and hold it for a few seconds without looking away. They look and see the heart of their mate… they see their soul. They look at each like they are interested and like they are curious about each other. And they smile at each other. Passionate couples smile with their heart and their eyes at the same time. It’s a smile meant for just two.

3. They show each other off and seem proud of each other. Passionate couples brag on each other’s accomplishments. They talk about each other even when they are not with each other. They offer up each other’s importance and value to the world. They are proud to be married to them and are honored to be a part of the other’s life.

4. They go to bed at the same time. Passionate couples, more often than not, go to bed together at the same time. It’s a sweet time to let go of the day and rest in each other. They re-connect and touch and feel each other physically and emotionally again. Bedtime is a ritual they do together. It’s a time to bond and give a last hug or a kiss for the day.

5. They see beyond the warts. Passionate couples do not see each other as perfect. They see each other’s warts and flaws and imperfections but see beyond those things. They see their mate’s inner light and heart shine and goodness. They see beyond the physical warts like a few extra pounds or a disability. They see beyond health issues or life events that bring additional stress. They see the inside of the person and they love it more than the outside.

6. They take care of each other’s dreams. Passionate couples trust each other with their dreams and know that their dreams are safe. They never make fun or dismiss the dreams of the other. Passionate couples tend and nurture each other’s dreams until the time they can blossom. And they are happy for each other when the time comes and support the dream the best way they can.

7. They have love rituals. Passionate couples have love rituals that belong only to the two of them. They have a cup of coffee in bed together in the morning or they share a glass of wine at the end of the day. Their love ritual is selfish. They allow no one else because passionate couples choose to make their most important person the only person at times. Becoming a passionate couple doesn’t take a lot of hard work. It only takes a heart full of desire! Wishing you all the romance your heart can hold!

For more information, Read the Article on Emily’s Website.

Just For Today By Dr. Yomi Garnett

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Just For Today By Dr. Yomi Garnett

life
JUST FOR TODAY, I will write the story of my life in advance.
I will dream big again and play a game with the high potential that my life
is meant to be.
And I will write my story with as much emotion as I can muster, and with
every ounce of the love I have for myself.
And as the tears drop onto the paper on which I write, my heart will open up
to all the glorious opportunities that life can offer me to attain my
dreams.
My family will be my bastion of hope in a land filled with despair.
To my spouse shall I be a friend, a confidant, a lover, a brother and a true
partner.
And to my children shall I be a hero, a mentor and an oracle for truth,
fairness and unflinching love.
My life will stand for love to my Creator, love to my fellow being and love
to myself.
Today, I hold myself accountable to the noble values of integrity, courage
and hope.
Faith shall be my pillar of support in the my times of self-doubt, and
anxiety and worry shall flee from me with the speed of light.
At my table, only the best, and the highest standards in etiquette, decorum
and culture will prevail.
I hold myself firmly to the most noble pedestal in my inter human
relationships, subscribing irrevocably to compassion and empathy for rich,
poor and equal.
On this most magical of all days, I dedicate myself to playing my biggest
and best game as a person.
And the light that I have discovered within me will shine for all to see.
For, will I light a lamp on the hilltop, and then cover it with a shroud?
The chains that have bound me to my comfort zone will be broken today.
The shackles that have restrained my Highest Self from ascending to its
glorious heights will be broken today.
The layers of rust that have covered my gold will come off today, and I will
discover the authentic path to my fortune, and gold shall fill my purse
again.
And I will pamper my body, for it is the temple of my Creator.
I will partake of healthy nourishment that will nurture my body to
excellence.
Do not apparels make the man? Do I not deserve to step out regally, the
epitome of sartorial elegance?
Savile Row, here I come to be fitted with the snuggest of bespoke suits!
And, when I step out of my suit maker’s salon, all heads will turn in my
direction as I waft along in a subtle fragrance of my earthy cologne.
Today, I shall indulge myself in the best of gastronomic delights at my
favorite gourmet restaurant, where I shall start off with caviar on ice.
Yes, indeed, today I shall live the life of my dreams, for that is the true
story of my life.
And, in my story, I will keep moving towards truth and enlightenment.
I will be willing to visit those places that frighten me, going deeper than
I have ever done.
And, although my life may not turn out in exact consistence with the story I
have written, it will not matter so much, since, in any case, if I do not
know where I am going, just about any road will get me there!
I would rather have a road map in front of me than no map at all.
At least, I will put up my best and allow divine providence to do the rest.
I will do my best and set very clear intentions in the fertile field of all
possibilities.
I will chase my dreams with unequalled passion and commitment.
And then I will repose calmly in my special field of calm and confident
acceptance, content in the knowledge that, in due season, my Creator will
deliver on His promises.
Is life not simply a gentle balance between making things happen and letting
things happen?
Indeed, having set my intentions in the arena of a certain hope for
achievement, I will have the bravery, and the wisdom, to confidently let go.
I will surrender to the ultimate will of the divine, knowing that, whatever
the outcome, it will be for my best purpose, even if it does not appear to
be so at the moment.
Friend, I have come to the fascinating conclusion that life is very much
like a beautiful tapestry woven together.
For, is it not one of life’s greatest and most enduring of lessons that we
often do not receive what we want, but, instead, receive what we need?
And, truly, we always get what is in our best interest.
I am simply mesmerized by the graciousness, and the magic of it all!

ACTION EXERCISE

Pick up a pen and a paper.
Write out the story of your life.
Welcome to your authentic path to self-discovery and personal destiny.

To Listen to “Dream the Life. Live the Dream” with Host Dr. Yomi Garnett , Tune in every Thursday at 7 AM Pacific Time on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel. Tune in to this weeks Episode “Dream The Life Live the Dream

Our show challenges you to grow, and helps you to win. Our entire show is based on the thirteen unbreakable habits of truly enlightened people. Each episode of this initial series focuses on one of these life-changing habits. It will be an interactive excursion in self-discovery, with the aim of effecting a radical alteration in your world view. Our program is designed to touch your very core if you are seeking your own true path to destiny.

Tools For Fostering Flow By Deborah Jane Wells

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Tools For Fostering Flow By Deborah Jane Wells

DeborahGreenWhen you fuel all aspects of yourself with love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude, your life becomes a fluid Journey to Wholeness grounded in who you are being, not what you are doing. Every breath, thought, word, and act—your very presence—fosters a life of generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy. When you are free of all fear and aligned with love as your Source, your very presence raises the constructive energy of every being and situation you encounter.

The following set of simple personalized practices helps you realize the essential shift from believing these principles in your head to living them from your heart. Making these tools a way of life helps you stay centered in flow. And when you drift off center occasionally, as any of us can do when overwhelmed by stress and gripped by ancient self-destructive scripts, these tools are the key to recognizing it quickly and getting back on track easily.

  1. Pay Attention: If you don’t recognize you’re feeling stressed, you can’t change it. Practice mindfulness by noticing what you are thinking, feeling, saying, and doing and figuring out why.
  2. Breathe: Next time things start getting a little crazy, stop, take three deep breaths, become fully present, restore sanity, and realize you have options. Your brain needs oxygen to function effectively. Try setting a timer on your phone or computer to remind you periodically to stop, close your eyes for a minute, and just breathe.
  3. Be Here Now: Forget rehashing the past and agonizing over the future. This moment is your only real opportunity to make a difference. Just you, just here, just now, just be. Perpetual equanimity and fulfillment come from dancing in the moment.
  4. Opportunity Knocks: While life won’t always follow your plans and expectations, everything in life is an opportunity. An opportunity to understand yourself better, open your heart wider, and develop greater compassion for yourself and others. While the details of our lives differ, we all experience the same range of emotions, from fear, frustration, and loneliness to joy, contentment, and peace. With yourself firmly planted in the present moment, it is your ability to respond creatively and constructively that makes the difference.
  5. Get Curious: If everything is an opportunity, where might the opportunity be in this situation? The Universe is far more creative than we can imagine. Assume the best and look for the silver lining in even the darkest cloud.
  6. Talk to Yourself: It is the smartest crazy thing you’ll ever do. It improves your sense of perspective, creativity, and humor. You might discover that what you were dreading isn’t likely to happen or will be much easier than you feared. With a little imagination, it might even be a great opportunity. This tool is particularly effective for constructively engaging, understanding, and motivating your sage, guardian, and muse.
  7. Write It Down: Getting stressful thoughts out of your head and onto paper can also improve your sense of perspective. Often, just putting them in writing reduces them to a more manageable size.
  8. Move It: When in doubt, move about. A gentle walk around the room, the block, or the gym will begin releasing natural tranquilizers and restoring full breathing. It feeds your creativity so you will be able to come up with more resourceful options for handling your situation.
  9. Hydrate: Water fosters flow and sustains life. It composes up to 60 percent of the average human body and covers 70 percent of the earth’s surface. Drink. Shower. Bathe. Swim. Cry. Hydrate yourself in every way imaginable and watch yourself flow through the ups and downs of life with greater flexibility, creativity, and resilience.
  10. Trust Your Gut: You have inside you all the wisdom you seek. Instead of stressing yourself out by fighting your instincts or feeling compelled to justify your hunches with logic, try trusting your intuition instead.
  11. Behave As If: There are two aspects to this one: If you gave yourself the same care and attention you give your friends and loved ones, what support would you give yourself right now? And what would you dare to do if you believed you couldn’t fail?
  12. Take Baby Steps: Slow and steady produces meaningful, lasting results. Vast forced output is rarely sustained. Great strides of lasting value involve myriad baby steps over time. If the conceivers of the Taj Mahal had believed fast was the only way to get there, it would have crumbled in the first storm. Your dreams are the same. Don’t try to take them all on at once. Identify the next small step and take it. Then another and another and another. Before you know it, you will have built your dream, and it will last your whole life through.
  13. Celebrate: Every step forward is a cause for celebration. Every time you move closer to your dreams, pat yourself on the back with a party moment. Ta-da! A steady stream of self-affirmation will continue releasing additional positive fuel to keep you moving forward.
  14. Time for What Matters: Time is not a scarce resource. You have all the time you need for the things that matter. Your sole responsibility in each moment is to discern what matters most right now, to focus, and to follow through. Using the other tools will help clear the way to accessing your deepest wisdom and moving forward, in each moment, with confidence, peace, and joy.

These tools provide a path to a life of freedom based in flow rather than a life lived at the effect of any fears that may have taken root within yourself or in those around you. No longer tossed by the winds and waves of circumstance, you will learn to live anchored in the power and surety of love in every moment, knowing in your heart that you too can create the more fulfilling life you dream of.

The only person controlling your life is you. Turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities by harnessing the transformative power of love to step into your greatness. Choose your energy and change your life!

 

© Copyright 2013 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

About the Author

What’s love got to do with minimizing stress and getting unstuck? Everything, according to empowerment coach and inspirational speaker Deborah Jane Wells, author of Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! During her 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, Deborah served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, she took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. Her recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding her purpose guiding others on their journeys. Through healing and self-exploration, she discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work, and the world. Deborah’s books, blog, radio show, and signature coaching programs help individuals and organizations harness that same transformative power of love to turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into their greatness. Learn more at the Deborah Jane Wells Website.

Changes in Gratitude: Changes In Attitude By Deborah Jane Wells (Part 1 of 2)

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Changes in Gratitude: Changes In Attitude By Deborah Jane Wells (Part 1 of 2)

DeborahCatI first became acquainted with the idea of a gratitude practice in 1995 through Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book Simple Abundance. The book’s core concept was to begin and end each day by naming at least five things for which I was grateful. Some days the list overflowed with twenty-five or more items, evidence of my consciousness of the generosity of the Universe. Other days, when I perceived things as going poorly, I struggled to identify even five things for which I was thankful.

I followed the gratitude practice off and on through the years but abandoned it entirely at the very time when I could have most benefited from it. When I got insanely, stressfully busy in the final years of my consulting career, I left the gratitude practice by the side of the road, having erroneously concluded that I was too busy to be intentionally grateful.

Fast forward to 2010, when I had left consulting, lost eighty pounds, escaped depression, and began pursuing my calling as an empowerment coach and Reiki master, teaching others about the transformative power of falling in love with themselves. Though love, respect, curiosity, and compassion were serving me well in manifesting unconditional self-love, sometimes when my life became especially complex, the judging voice could still take over with its fear-based constricting messages of doom and gloom.

One day, during written meditation, I remembered the power of my former gratitude practice and wondered if it might be the missing link. As I went beyond just a morning and evening event to making it a way of life I call radical gratitude, here is what I discovered.

Love and gratitude serve as the bookends of constructive core energy. Between them, they encompass and support all the other aspects of love: respect, curiosity, and compassion. Love initiates the flow of core energy; gratitude expands it. Love is the originator. Gratitude is the catalyst. Through the eyes of gratitude, we see that everything is an opportunity, a grace-filled gift of Universal love characterized by loving-kindness, elegant beauty, copious generosity, and infinite mercy.

Radical gratitude fosters a life of generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy. What might this look like in real life? Let’s start with the example of cleaning the litter boxes for my three beloved cats, SiddhaLee, Mortimer, and Maisy Jane—my constant companions, playmates, comforters, teachers, and assistants.

The rule of thumb for litter boxes is to have at least one more box than the number of cats. With experimentation, I discovered that, ever the overachievers, my three cats require six boxes that are scooped free of any refuse morning and night. In addition, once a month, those six boxes must be washed, dried, and refilled with a fresh batch of litter. We’re talking 70 pounds of litter a month.

As the number of litter boxes escalated, at first I was resentful. Why couldn’t they stop being so territorial and use fewer boxes? I perceived the money and time I was investing as excessive and onerous. Until, a year after he came to live with me, Mortimer became ill and nearly died. When we pulled him back from the brink of death and he began to grow stronger, it finally hit me: cleaning litter boxes isn’t a burden, it’s an act of love. It is a privilege and honor to be able to return a fraction of the love and companionship he and his mates shower on me daily, by handling this hygiene task for them. A funny thing happened; when I chose to shift my energy from resentment to gratitude, litter patrol was no longer an obligation. Now I sing and chatter happily to the cats while I move from room to room, ever their faithful, itinerant scooper.

So many things to be grateful for: clean water; hot showers; healthcare; education; heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer; healthy food; smiles, hugs, and kisses; and physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual abilities.

On-the-spot, real-time gratitude is the most powerful antidote I know to fear and any of its ugly cousins—frustration, judging, resistance, jealousy, worry, scarcity, depression, despair, and the like. When I stay centered in gratitude for all of life’s simple blessings, I find it easier to stay anchored there in the more painful times. The friend who dumps me. The spouse who becomes ill. The hurricane that devastates the beloved South Jersey Shore of my childhood. The movie theater mass shooting in my hometown of Aurora, Colorado. Being present in New York City on September 11, 2001, where I spent the night accounting for my missing consulting colleagues. When viewed through the lens of gratitude, even those painful experiences are opportunities for deeper insight, greater compassion, dramatic personal growth, and increased appreciation for the gift of life. In the words of the great sage Kahlil Gibran, “Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.”

And, if, on your darkest days, despite your best efforts, you still can find nothing to appreciate, try doing a simple kindness for someone in need. If you are like many, you just may find the hope and gratitude you awaken in another will rekindle the flame of hope and gratitude in your own troubled heart.

Read part 2 of this article for additional insights into the power of gratitude.

 

© Copyright 2013 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

About the Author

What’s love got to do with minimizing stress and getting unstuck? Everything, according to empowerment coach and inspirational speaker Deborah Jane Wells, author of Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! During her 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, Deborah served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, she took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. Her recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding her purpose guiding others on their journeys. Through healing and self-exploration, she discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work, and the world. Deborah’s books, blog, radio show, and signature coaching programs help individuals and organizations harness the transformative power of love to step into their greatness. Learn more at the Deborah Jane Wells Website.

Suffering From Burnout? Love Is The Cure! with Deborah Jane Wells (Part 2 of 3)

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Suffering From Burnout? Love Is The Cure! with Deborah Jane Wells (Part 2 of 3)

deborah wellsPicking up where we left off at the end of part 1 of this article, focusing on the essential nature of love helped me more easily answer the eternal question in every situation: “Is this what unconditional self-love looks like, and if not, what would bring me closer to that intention?” Fear festers in dark and isolation. The moment you expose fear to examination in the light, you begin to dissipate its power. Nowhere is this more true than when fear shows up as its relentless ugly cousin, judging.

When I talk about judging or judgment, I’m not referring to having good or bad discernment. I’m talking about judging yourself, other people, and situations in dualistic terms such as good or bad, right or wrong, okay or not okay. When we judge things by such simplistic, restrictive polarities, we limit our options, get stuck, and block ourselves from the highest good.

As human beings, many of us have a robust judging dialogue running in our heads much of the time: This is good for me. That would be bad for you. I was bad to do that. You were good to do that. You were bad to say no. I was good to say yes.

We’re not talking about torturing ourselves over real danger or life-and-death situations here. We’re talking about how much you spent on that blouse. Why you ate that second piece of pie at dinner. Why you tend to become impatient with your youngest child. Why you keep gaining weight. Why, no matter how hard you try, your mother-in-law can find the flaw in anything you do. Why despite his promise to do so, your husband never remembers to put the trash out on Wednesday nights. Judging is a prison of our own making.

We obsess until we’ve turned something inconsequential into a huge, paralyzing, misery-making melodrama. The solution is quite simple: just say no. Next time your brother-in-law or the voice in your head wants to play the blame game with you, just say no!

Because whether it’s the voice in your head or the one coming from your older sister, you don’t have to play any role. You can listen politely and say, “I appreciate you sharing that. Let me ponder it and get back to you.” Then go about your business. You do not have to engage in every potential disagreement you’re invited to.

One of the great miracles in life is how even a small change in your perception can dramatically expand your perspective. When a ship at sea changes course by just one degree, one hundred miles later it is in completely different waters than it would have been without that small modification in direction. Internal shifts are even more profound. It is downright miraculous how even a small change in your perception can dramatically expand your perspective. When we can neutralize the judge, we get unstuck, expand our possibilities, and increase our ability to grow and move forward.

Read part 3 of this article for additional insights into the role of love in recovering from burnout.

© Copyright 2013 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

About the Author

What’s love got to do with minimizing stress and getting unstuck? Everything, according to empowerment coach and inspirational speaker Deborah Jane Wells, author of Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! During her 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, Deborah served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, she took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. Her recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding her purpose guiding others on their journeys. Through healing and self-exploration, she discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work, and the world. Deborah’s books, blog, radio show, and signature coaching programs help individuals and organizations harness that same transformative power of love to turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into their greatness. Learn more at Deborah Wells Website.

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