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Dealing with Depression – Self Help

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Health & Wellness
Dealing with Depression – Self Help

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.” C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

We understand, dealing with depression can be a lonesome activity. You’re not alone in this. Depression affects millions of people at some stage of life or the other. The good news is just like any other health condition, depression can be cured with the right therapy and medication. In this article, we will explore different factors that can lead to depression and how to get help in coping with depression.

Risk Factors for Depression

The onset of depression in one’s life can rarely be traced down to one isolated factor conclusively. However, the following elements definitely play a role and can trigger depression:


A family history of heart disease or diabetes, for example, leaves the next generation a lot more susceptible to the disease. Similarly, if you have a history of depression in your previous generations, you might be at a predisposed risk of experiencing a depressive episode at some stage in your life.

Death or Grief

The passing away of a loved one is a huge pain to be dealt with in life. Losing a parent, spouse, or child can trigger serious stress, feelings of guilt, and loss of interest in daily activities.

Personal, professional or political conflict

Long-term estrangement or a complete breakdown in close-knit relationships is also considered a big risk factor for depression. Similarly, political upheaval in the form of riots or loss of life and security due to natural calamities can lead to depression.


Our experiences as children shape our adult personalities. Kids who face bullying at school or neglect and physical abuse may be at a higher risk of depression than those who don’t. Experimentation with alcohol and substance abuse also plays a role.

Social Support

Change in social structure also contributes to bouts of depression. A change in a certain work environment or relocation to a new city may induce feelings of isolation and loneliness arising from the change in the social support structure.

One or more of these factors put together can contribute to depressive episodes of varying severity, however, that might not always be the case. It’s normal to want to know what you or someone you know is experiencing, but different people react to and overcome depression differently.

Depression in Men

Although the risk factors for both genders remain the same, if you’re a man, you’re likely to experience depression differently from your female peers. Traditional upbringing and focus on what is perceived to be acceptable male behavior can put pressure on men to suppress their feelings. Men feel surmounting pressure to conform to gender norms and be the bread-winners for their families without exception. Will I be able to get a good job after graduation? Will I be able to provide a good life for my family? Will I be able to plan for my child’s education? All these questions form the root cause of mental strain that can lead to depression. Men are more likely to deal with depression at work, due to these pressures. Unlike women and children, men rarely open up to even their closest friends about these fears and insecurities.

Symptoms of depression in men

Symptoms of depression in men range from mild irritability to rage, loss of appetite and interest in work and family activities, insomnia and failure to concentrate on routine activities.

Depression in Women

If you’re a woman battling depression, chances are you’ll experience forms of the ailment that are unique to your gender. Statistics suggest that women are twice as likely as men to experience one depressive episode in their lifetime. The most commonly occurring depression in women is postpartum depression which occurs during the last trimester of childbirth and may last up to a year after. Menopausal depression is also unique to women; this condition gives rise to a sense of a loss of femininity and womanhood, thereby triggering depression. Major life changes such as marriage and childbirth can cause a change in identity and perception for women individually and those around them. Clinical depression is also a leading health risk for women, although women express it differently.

Symptoms of depression in Women

Symptoms of depression in Women range from irritability, anxiety, sleeplessness, an increase in menstrual cramps, headaches, and greater fatigue as a result of depression.

Depression in Teens

Teens suffering from depression display a marked change in behavior. They tend to oversleep, exhibit extreme deviation in eating habits, propensity to indulge in irresponsible behavior such as breaking the law or experimenting with substance abuse and many similar outrageous acts. In their attempt to express their internal angst they usually opt to act out and partake in rebellious outbursts; in case of extreme situations, some even taking to violence.

Symptoms of depression in Teens

Depressed youngsters might experience periods of sadness and hopelessness; you can sense their discomfort when they express a loss of desire in socializing and interacting with friends and family.

Self Help Tips for Dealing with Depression

Dealing with depression alone can be hard for anyone. But the best and most effective way to overcome depression is to come out of isolation and seek help. If you or someone you know is trying to overcome depression, it’s natural to think of the ways in which you can get help or reach a professional. Here are some useful self-help tips for dealing with depression:

Accept Depression

The first step to solving a problem is first accepting that there is one in the first place. If your loved one is depressed, take the necessary steps to reassure them of how they feel. Make them feel included in daily activities and talk them through their episode. Enable them to be vocal about how they feel. An expression is a key to overcoming depression.

This is the first step to loving yourself; we cannot change the situation we are in but we can own the responsibility of taking care of ourselves.

Look for trends and triggers

Most depressive episodes follow a certain pattern. If you’re wondering how to help someone with depression, the best thing to do is to help them identify their triggers. If you spend enough time with the person, you’ll recognize certain instances or memories of certain people that incite anxiety and discomfort. Make a note of these and then address these pain points.

Find something to look forward to

The happiest people in the world feel positive because they have something to look forward to and be excited about. A good technique for tackling depression is to make plans and schedule things that can break the depressive cycle and bring a burst of positive reinforcement even if it’s temporary. Repeating this exercise often can yield lasting results.

Be social

As human beings, we are inherently social animals. We need to surround ourselves with people who love us, care for us and inspire us. In order to overcome depression, you should try to gather the most fun – Replace negative thoughts with positive feelings, change your “I can’t” to “I can”. You can practice reframing thoughts on Wysa.


Exercise is a natural mood enhancer. Exercising in the gym or playing a sport you love can release endorphins in your body that will refresh your mood. Most research on the subject suggests that just a little physical activity can greatly reduce the severity of depression in people in the long run.

Maintaining a routine

Setting a routine will help you feel like you are in control of yourself and the way your day is structured. For example, you can have your morning routine that includes deep breathing exercises, a good shower, and a healthy breakfast.

Try the deep breathing exercises, and energy-boosting exercises with Wysa and make a noticeable progress every day with us.

Maintaining a proper diet

Never underestimate the power of a good and well-balanced diet. Depression can cause you to eat more than usual or eating too little. Monitoring and keeping an eye on your nutrition helps maintain your internal biological parameters.

Sleep hygiene

Depression can cause sleep disturbances such as insomnia or oversleeping. It’s good to set up a fixed time for bed and follow it every day.

If you are finding it hard to sleep, you can find a gallery of sleep stories on the Wysa app that are sure to relax your mind and help you sleep better.

Taking on more responsibilities

It is quite common to involve yourself in tasks that are larger than yourself or require you to contribute to something meaningful. This will help with your feelings of low self-worth and give you validation for the work you’ve done. For example, you can take up volunteering.

Talk to a CBT trained AI Bot

With the advancement in technologies, it is possible to get help in dealing with depression through an artificial intelligence bot. These bots are trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and help reframe your thoughts towards a positive mindset.

Wysa is NHS certified and is considered among the best digital mental health app. We have an empathetic AI bot trained in CBT who help you and are available for a chat 24/7 and is completely anonymous. Start talking today.


Dealing with depression alone or dealing with someone with depression is no mean feat. But it’s completely achievable. Try to think of depression as a temporary wound on your body that you can’t see. Eventually, every wound will pale and heal; the scabs and scars will fall off and you will be new! Just remember, there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. We promise. Try these self-help tips for dealing with depression and keep us posted on your progress, we’re listening.

Why Mental Health Awareness is Important for Leadership –

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This blog is provided by Marie Miguel of BetterHelp.com as a companion to the Jon Wortmann interview on Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future. This interview How Does the Brain Impact Leadership Resilience? aired on 9/11/18.  Photo by MasimbaTinasheMadondo

Years ago, when preparing for an education in business leadership it was basically all based around things like hiring, firing, and how to make more money to name a few. Nowadays, any kind of business management education you get it will include some forms of psychology courses. Because when you are a leader, you have to deal with people. Your job is not to run the business, it is to lead the employees and that means taking care of your employees so they can be motivated to be productive and efficient. Therefore, it is important to keep your employees happy and working in a pleasant working environment.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your own emotions and recognize and respond to any kind of emotional distress in others. By understanding your own emotions, you are much more able to deal with other people’s emotional issues and when you are in leadership, you have to be able to deal with your employee’s emotional issues. Some of the best leaders are those who have been trained in several types of psychology courses and know how to recognize subtle changes in their employees that could be very important. Some of the skills you need include:

  • Understanding emotional triggers
  • Only give negative feedback in a positive way
  • Have excellent listening skills
  • Know how to ask questions that will help you recognize others’ strengths
  • Do not make automatic assumptions about employees’ behavior
  • Communicate without judgement
  • Encourage employees by boasting about their skills and achievements
  • Make time to connect with your employees
  • Appreciate your employees and make sure they know you appreciate them

Learning to Recognize Emotional Issues

As a leader you must be prepared to handle conflict and it is best for you to notice the subtle hints that something may be happening under the surface. Your employees are human and they have bad days of course, but if someone is acting different for more than a few days, have been avoiding others, isolating themselves, or just do not seem like themselves, you need to acknowledge that behavior and ask them what is going on and if you can help. A lot of times it can be handled by just communicating with the person. Maybe they have trouble at home, or they are anxious about money troubles or something else like that. Or it could be an issue at work where they are not getting along with someone. Whatever the reason, it is essential that you let them know that you care and that you will help if you can.

Communication is Key

Regardless of what the issue may be, when an employee has a mental or emotional problem, you need to talk to them and see what you can do to help them with whatever it is that is going on. There are programs through many businesses specifically to help your employees with mental health care and if you have one at your company, now is the time to suggest it. If you do not have a program at your work, tell your employee about other psychological services that can help them. For example, with online therapy from betterhelp.com, they can talk to a licensed professional online without needing an appointment. In fact, they do not even have to leave their house. Just make sure your employees know that they can come to you if needed and that it will not affect their job in any way.

To become a more innovative leader, you can begin by taking our free leadership assessments and then enrolling in our online leadership development program.

About the Author

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.

Check out the companion interview and past episodes of Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future, via iTunes, Google Play, TuneIn, Stitcher, Spotify and iHeartRADIO. Stay up-to-date on new shows airing by following the Innovative Leadership Institute LinkedIn.


You Never Walk the Dog!

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You Never Walk the Dog!

You Never Walk the Dog! (Beyond Coincidence)


An Excerpt from Practical Enlightenment

By Ariel & Shya Kane

Let’s investigate the phenomenon of linking up with those around you and your interconnectivity to other human beings. Start by becoming aware of your thought processes and internal conversation. Notice the changes in flavor, cadence or content of those thoughts. As you depersonalize what “you” are saying in the apparent privacy of your thoughts, you no longer have to fall prey to your mind’s machinations. If you notice your thoughts without judging them, your internal commentary will no longer have to dominate your actions and your life. Who knows? Bringing awareness (a nonjudgmental observing) to your thoughts may even save you from fighting a fight that isn’t yours!

The two of us had a dramatic example of this in 1989. It was early in our careers and we were not as firmly rooted in a transformational lifestyle as we are today. It was much easier then to lose our center. On this particular occasion, we were about to give a private consulting session to a couple who were seeing us on the recommendation of a friend. They made the appointment by phone so we hadn’t yet met them in person. Arriving a bit early to the apartment we used for our coaching, we made ourselves a cup of tea and suddenly we began to bicker. As our disagreement escalated, it went something like this:

“It would be nice if you’d give me a hand in here.” “Don’t talk to me in that tone. I’ve done plenty today.” “Yeah? Well, you never help in the kitchen. I’m always doing the dishes.” “Yeah? Well, you never walk the dog!”

At that moment, we froze in amazement. We didn’t have a dog. In fact, in all the years we’d been together, we’d never had a dog. We burst into laughter and the bickering was busted.

Shortly thereafter, the couple arrived. As we sat together, they began to discuss what they saw as the disconnect in their relationship. They laid out their list of grievances: She doesn’t do this, he doesn’t do that. Finally, one of them said it: “Yeah? Well you never walk the dog!”

We looked at each other in amazement. It was a moment beyond coincidence. We knew everyone had the ability to sync up with others, but this was a dynamic demonstration of synchronized thinking that we have never forgotten. It crystallized a possibility that led us to a line of inquiry that is still alive today.

Don’t forget, we had never met either of these people in person. The only contact we had was over the phone to set an appointment time. Yet their way of being transcended time and space and somehow we received the essence of them in our own situation and circumstances. So much so that we started acting out their dynamic. You could think of it like someone coming to your home bringing a dish for dinner. As they arrive at your front door, the smell of the food precedes them into your living room and as the aroma wafts into your home it smells as if you have been cooking.

We are not sure how it happens. But we are sure that it happens. Look around you right now. Think about the air you’re breathing. If you looked across the room or off to the horizon, aside from air quality on a hazy day, common sense says that nothing much exists between you and the next hard surface. Now plug in a radio. Turn on a wireless router for your computer. Activate a Bluetooth device or turn on your Smartphone. There is information floating in the air around you and through you. Human beings are the most sophisticated receivers on the planet but science hasn’t yet caught up with the measurements and explanation of how it works.

Next time you think, “I don’t want to get up,” or you find yourself mentally complaining about your job, your relationship, or any other aspect of your life, you don’t have to take what “you” are saying so seriously. When you find yourself wanting to hum along with the “I should be farther along in my life by now” tune playing in the background, you can turn your attention to other things. When you find the impulse to bicker, you can relax and bypass that urge. (Yet, if you do bicker or find yourself complaining, then this is your responsibility – not whomever you are “in sync” with.)

Feeling well in yourself can communicate across the ethos, too. It’s like a telephone line – it goes both ways. You can catch the disturbances that occur around you but others can “catch” your way of being also – including your sense of well-being.

Kane-player-wide.jpgSince 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UKGermany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books.  Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

Inner Peace is Unstoppable

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Inner Peace is Unstoppable


In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Corinne Zupko, and I discuss practical ways to eliminate anxiety. In this blog, follow Marian Stephens’ progress as she shares how she is using the information in the episode to change her life. All my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com – be sure to check them out.

Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week

We are taught from a young age to suppress negative emotions such as sadness, anger, worry, fear, and other painful feelings. While it is momentarily more comfortable to avoid painful feelings rather than experiencing them, it can lead to chronic anxiety and depression.

My Tip for this week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment, is: allow yourself to feel. Robert Frost said: “The only way around it, is through it.” When faced with emotional pain, allow yourself to feel the pain. Then let it go. Crying releases stress hormones from your body. This makes room for the joy. If you have difficulty feeling your emotions, rent a sad movie to help you connect to your feelings. We spend far too much time avoiding our feelings, which only strengthens them and forces them underground. We believe they’re gone, but they’re just changing form. Pain must be acknowledged and if we don’t do it when it’s a thought or an emotion, it will become a pain in our body or a disease that doesn’t allow us to ignore it. As children we may have been told not to be a cry baby or it doesn’t really hurt, or boys don’t cry. As adults, however, we have choices and we can choose a healthier path of feeling and letting go. Some believe that all you need to do is laugh and the difficult feelings will vanish. Yes, laughter is one important tool, but we need all the tools in our tool box and feeling our sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and crying are also important tools for leading an emotionally, mentally and physically healthy life. Free floating anxiety is usually all those feelings that got stuffed down because it wasn’t safe to feel them. And what is depression if not depressing, in other words pressing down, our feelings and thoughts that may not be acceptable to those who we want to value and love us. We may not have many choices as children, but as adults, we can choose to be around people who love us for who we truly are and not for who they want us to be. Pay attention to who supports the real you, who makes you feel good and who is trying to twist you into something or someone you are not. You can choose to allow those people to stay in your life or you can choose new options.

Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story

Teaching children to recognize and manage anxiety from a young age is key to helping them become self-confident, self-sufficient, and self-reliant adults.

My silver lining story this week is about a client whose parents didn’t help him learn autonomy. When my client, Scott, came in this week, he was so filled with anxiety that he had skipped work. Fortunately, he understood that this was a good sign because something was coming to the surface that was ready to be felt and released. As we talked and worked with my Ultimate Creative Problem Solving Process, it became clear that some hidden fears were ready to be addressed. Scott had been home schooled and raised to be dependent upon his parents. He was not given the life skills, self-confidence and belief that he could have a successful career, marriage and life outside of his parents’ home. In fact, one of his adult siblings is still living at home. A few months into having his own apartment, living close to his girlfriend and earning a good income at his childhood dream job, the anxiety became intolerable. The fears and self-doubt were taking over and Scott froze. What if his parents were right, and he couldn’t make it on his own? This wasn’t a game or an experiment any more. This was real life with groceries to buy, laundry to do, an apartment to clean, the need to pay his own way and somehow be there for his girlfriend and himself. There was no one else to do it for him and no good parental role models showing him how to do it. Sure, he could do it for a few months, but what about a lifetime? His drawings showed that he wondered if he was going to soar like a rocket or self-destruct like a missile. We reviewed who he is today and how much he has accomplished in the short time we’ve been working together. We began to list his growth. We agreed that everything he has done so far proves that he is succeeding even though he was groomed for failure. Before he left, he said: “I know what’s next. I’m going to soar like a rocket.” And I, too, am confident he will continue to do so because he already is doing it. I suggested that he use this mantra when fears or anxiety surface, and I offer it to you as well: “peace in my mind, peace in my body, peace in my spirit, peace in my soul.”

Marian Stephens’ Story

In this episode on healing the mind and the body, reconciling some of the painful emotions I am holding onto has been in the forefront of my mind. My oldest son has special needs and parenting him has been a difficult journey. I feel a sense of loss – loss of a carefree experience with him as a young child, loss of having a close and easy relationship with him, loss of normalcy, and loss of celebrating the traditional achievements of him reaching adulthood. The pain has added up over many years, so it is taking time to sort through it. There are so many positive emotions I have about my relationship with him and the way I’ve raised him, but they do not negate the painful ones. We are beginning an intensive therapeutic program designed to help him reach stability and independence, and the first session was tremendously difficult. This week the upset of this appointment combined with a disappointing neurologist appointment, failed spring break plans, and not adequately taking care of my responsibilities culminated in a panic attack. I have not experienced an intense panic attack like this in a few years. Today’s show on healing anxiety could not have come at a better time.

Dr. Paula asks listeners how they are going to move from anxiety to love. Corinne Zupko’s advice is straight forward: to use your anxiety to wake up your “inner therapist”, find a willingness to view your anxiety differently, hand over your anxiety to your inner therapist, trust and be open to the idea that the answer has been given or will be as you are ready to receive it. I am beginning to be in touch with my limitless higher self, or inner therapist, so I want to try to hand over my painful, anxious feelings about parenting. Sometimes I cling to the harder memories of raising my son because they are part of my identity, a badge of honor I wear for the triumph of surviving the process. After the show, I realized this is my ego getting in the way of my growth and healing. I was completely wiped out after my panic attack, and I do not wish to feel that way again. This motivates me to just let it go. I am going to read From Anxiety to Love and begin meditating this week. I want to choose to tap into the source of infinite love we have access to and focus on that, not anxiety and worry.

Part of being able to tap into the source of infinite love (God) is to be on a spiritual path. I’m not on a traditional spiritual path, or even a prescribed path, and I sometimes let the lack of a name for what I’m doing get in the way of growth. It is enough to just be on a path to healing, and the rest will fall into place.

Dr. Paula’s Response

Marian, what you wrote here shows huge growth and is a triumph over adversity. I marvel at your ability and willingness to use the material in each episode to look inward, tell yourself the truth and implement changes to grow, heal and improve your health, well-being and life. Congratulations on using your panic attack to begin implementing ways to move from anxiety to love.

Here is another powerful spiritual technique. For optimum benefit, use it every morning upon waking and every night before going to sleep. It will help you release past negative emotions, avoid holding on to negativity as it occurs throughout the day, and help you heal, balance and stabilize your emotions. You can even do it with your son. Just say out loud or in a whisper:

“I ask the Universal Pink Heart of Love to surround me, the Universal Turquoise Heart of Love to surround the Pink Heart of Love and the Universal White Heart of Love to surround both hearts and that a gold cord go from the bottom of my heart chakra into the center of the earth.” As you say the words, visualize the hearts going around you and the gold cord going from the bottom of your heart chakra into the center of the earth. If you can’t visualize this, just trust that it is happening. The Universal Heart of Love in various colors is extremely powerful because it is pure love. Where there is love, no fear, stress, anxiety, guilt or any other negative emotion can exist.

For more shows on how to manage anxiety please listen to:


 To learn more about my unique process that removes hidden blockages, helps you solve your most challenging problems, and achieve success with ease and speed, sign up for my newsletter and receive the chapter as my gift: http://paulajoyce.com/wpsite/newsletter-sign-up/




The Freedom to Breathe and Art of Being a Healer

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The Freedom to Breathe and Art of Being a Healer

Well-being experts and top-rated VoiceAmerica hosts Ariel & Shya Kane have combined two of their most powerful one-day seminars into one spectacular weekend workshop – The Freedom to Breathe and Art of Being a Healer, December 1st – 3rd, 2017 in New York City.

Regardless of your vocation or roles in life, you have the innate ability to heal yourself and to be a healing presence for those around you. The Freedom to Breathe portion of this weekend uses breath as a tool to access the moment, gently dissolving the unconscious restrictions that limit your life. This will lead seamlessly into The Art of Being a Healer and discovering the healer that dwells within. Through discussion and group interaction as well as a hands on laboratory, you will learn the fundamentals of “ShyaWork,” an approach that has helped thousands to eliminate stress, pain and suffering.

Date: Friday – Sunday, December 1 – 3, 2017

Time: Friday, 7pm – 10pm, Saturday & Sunday, 9:45am – 6pm

Fee: $475

Location: Skyline Hotel, 725 Tenth Ave. at 49th Street – Penthouse Ballroom, New York, NY


What People Are Saying About The Freedom to Breathe & Art of Being a Healer:

“It is incredible that just through breathing and being with another human being my body and soul gets cleansed and healed from things that have stuck with me for perhaps my whole life, I had no idea that I carried them with me. It is such an enlightening and freeing experience that opens the way to a life full of new possibilities I couldn’t even have dreamed about.” – Katrin B.

“A splendid and warm workshop in which I not only felt connected to life, but also had the wonderful opportunity to experience the cumulative effect of many past workshops led by the Kanes. During the breath exercise, I really saw how thoughts are just thoughts (and usually not true), and how well in my own skin I have grown to feel. Magic – Thank you!!” – Erica O.

“Just through breathing I experienced a wonderful relaxation and met myself in a way I never did before. It was a beautiful journey and I discovered amazing things.” – Norman W.


You Are Enough By Ariel & Shya Kane

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You Are Enough By Ariel & Shya Kane

“Today you are you. That is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” – Dr. Seuss

You absolutely underestimate yourself because you are never “good enough” for your mind – and we all have minds. Join Ariel & Shya Kane in Being Here and celebrate being YOU.

Listen Live this Wednesday, September 6th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show/

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 500 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here: http://www.transformationmadeeasy.com/being-here-radio-show-archives/

You can also listen to Being Here on the go! Stream or download new and archived episodes to your smart phone or mobile device with these applications:

Podcasts app for iPhone

Stitcher Podcast app for Any Device

VoiceAmerica app for Apple

VoiceAmerica app for Android

Being Stress-Free is Simple By Ariel & Shya Kane

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Being Stress-Free is Simple By Ariel & Shya Kane

Being Stress-Free is Simple, an excerpt from Practical Enlightenment
By Ariel & Shya Kane

People are born into cultures that have stress as an expected component to the gestalt of the culture itself, so it is part of their cultural download. While many people do things to reduce stress, such as yoga, meditation or exercise, most of them never stop to take a look at the mechanics of how it is produced. For those who do question what produces stress, the answer they come up with is usually inaccurate as it points to circumstances outside of oneself as the cause.

Experiencing stress in day-to-day life is not caused by circumstances. Stress happens when you say “no” to what is happening in your current circumstances. For instance, if you are in the midst of doing something and the phone rings and you think of it as an interruption or intrusion, you will immediately feel stressed. Stress also comes from the need to be right that things should be different than they are. In the previous example, you are right that the phone shouldn’t be ringing and that the caller is disturbing you. Stress happens when you think the moment isn’t perfect as it is. It happens when you are trying to get somewhere rather than be where you are, as if getting somewhere is better than being here. It happens when you manipulate the circumstances to get what you think you want. Stress also happens when you are not being honest about something – when you are doing things that are outside of your own integrity.

There are three simple ideas that are a great support structure, that allow you to re-center yourself when you find yourself stressed or when life seems to be operating against you. We call them The three Principles of Instantaneous Transformation. Why we call them “instantaneous” is that in the moment you identify where you are without judging yourself, you are already back centered – in an instant. It doesn’t take time. It takes the willingness to discover where you are and how you are being, while giving up being right about what got you there. It takes giving up blaming yourself or others. The three principles are great tools that allow you to regain your equilibrium when you find yourself stressed.
Let’s define these three principles and talk about them in relationship to stress.

The First Principle of Instantaneous Transformation:
What you resist persists and grows stronger.

Resisting a situation is like exercising a muscle because resistance makes a muscle stronger. It also makes unwanted situations, emotions, or conditions stronger. In effect, the act of resisting something keeps it in place. When you resist something you have to push against it. And when you push against it, you get stuck to it so you can’t let it go. Not wanting something to be the way it is, wishing things were different, trying to “get over” something, are all forms of resistance. They are also versions of saying No to the way your life is unfolding.

The Second Principle of Instantaneous Transformation:
No two things can occupy the same you at the same time.

When you are focused on something, everything else falls away. For example, we were once walking down a hill when we came upon a thorny rose bush that extended over the sidewalk. We paid attention as we walked past it so we wouldn’t get snagged. On our return trip up the hill, we noticed that on the road, right in front of that rose bush was a large truck with a horse trailer attached. We hadn’t noticed it on the way down the hill and by the amount of pollen that had gathered on the windshield, it was clear that it had been parked there for some time. Earlier, when we were consumed with the bush, we didn’t see the truck and trailer even though it was so close we could have reached out and touched it. And so it is with stress. Sometimes people are so consumed with stressors, they miss the rest of the world even though it is within reach.

The Third Principle of Instantaneous Transformation:
Anything you allow to be, allows you to be.

Let’s go back to the first principle: Anything you resist persists and grows stronger. If you remove your focus from what you don’t like, don’t want or wish to be different and bring your attention neutrally back to what’s in front of you, in that instant you’re free. Stress-free. Yup, it’s that simple. If you want to be “right” about someone else being “wrong,” then guess what? You get stress, stress and more stress and in truth, you are stressing yourself. Being stress-free is as simple as being where you are without disagreeing with your life circumstances, or saying “no” when life does not meet your preferences.


Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, radio show hosts and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. Find out more about the Kanes, their seminars in NYC, in the UK, Germany and Costa Rica, the Say YES to Your Life! Meetups their work has inspired, their Being Here radio show or join their email newsletter. Also get information about their award-winning books. Their newest book, Practical Enlightenment, is now available on Amazon.com.

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Help Children Cope With Fear, Stress and Chaos with Dr. Arthur Ciarimicoli By Paula Joyce

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Help Children Cope With Fear, Stress and Chaos with Dr. Arthur Ciarimicoli By Paula Joyce

Our children are at risk. In 2010, 44% said they had trouble sleeping and 20% said they worried a lot. We know too many after school activities and pressure to perform academically at young ages causes undue stress. In recent months, however, children’s fears are increasing with political chaos affecting them in ways that are new. The night of the presidential election, preschoolers were waking up in the middle of the night worrying about who won the election. Children whose parents weren’t born in the United States are worried that their parents will be deported and they may never see them again. Girls don’t feel safe at school with more boys freely groping them in hallways. News reports are filled with increased violence in our streets, mass murders and terrorism. Muslim and Mexican children fear for their safety and coordinated bomb threats at Jewish schools have instilled fear. Please join us Thursday to learn how to help children cope with the fear, stress and chaos of our time.

Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, EdD, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and the chief medical officer of Soundmindz.org, a popular mental health platform with 42,000 registered users and an annualized download rate of 150,000 for three apps Ciaramicoli has developed. Currently in private practice, he has been on the faculty of Harvard Medical School, chief psychologist of Metrowest Medical Center and lecturer for the American Cancer Society. He is the author of several books, including The Power of Empathy, Performance Addiction and Lasting Love, which is now published in 7 languages. His new book is The Stress Solution: Using Empathy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Reduce Anxiety and Develop Resilience. He lives in Massachusetts with his family. Please visit him at: www.BalanceYourSuccess.com.

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A Simple Solution to Loneliness by Paula Joyce

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7th Wave
A Simple Solution to Loneliness by Paula Joyce


  • Being lonely is not the same as being alone. You can be married, a member of a book club or a CEO and still be lonely. 1 out of 5 people are lonely and that number is increasing. Even though loneliness is not classified as a mental health disorder, it does affect our health and well-being like depression or anxiety do. In fact, Time Magazine recently ran a piece entitled, “Why Loneliness May Be The Next Big Public-Health Issue.” Clearly we need to take this seriously. Studies have shown that chronic loneliness increases mortality, inhibits one’s immune system, increases blood pressure, detrimentally impacts sleep patterns and has negative health consequences on a par with obesity, alcoholism and cigarette smoking. It’s even associated with dementia. Yet loneliness is not just an issue for seniors. In fact, nearly 60% of those aged 18-34 say they are lonely often or sometimes compared to 35% of those over 55. Please join us next Thursday to learn the causes and cure for being lonely.


Presentation: Post Traumatic Growth and the Cancer Experience this Saturday, 3/21/2015

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Health & Wellness
Presentation: Post Traumatic Growth and the Cancer Experience this Saturday, 3/21/2015


Cheryl Jones, host of Good Grief radio and cancer and illness expert, will present the sixth in a series of ten workshops for mental health professionals this Saturday, 3/21/2015. The Cancer and Illness competency program, sponsored by the Women’s Cancer Resource Center is increasing knowledge and sharing models for supporting clients in this most critical time in their lives. All courses are available on line and those still to happen are also available on site.

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