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How Do We Manage Setbacks that Accompany Advancing Age

Posted by

presspass on May 8, 2020

How Do We Manage Setbacks that Accompany Advancing Age

Successful aging involves maintaining as healthy a lifestyle as possible, watching our eating habits, staying physically active, having a sense of purpose, fostering religious or spiritual ties, staying connected to family or a social group, and maintaining a positive mental attitude. But what happens when a detour comes along on our successful aging journey? Maybe a stroke that leaves us wheelchair-bound, a fall and dislocated hip, cognitive decline that impairs our ability to drive, disabling arthritis? We all know this is a long list.

Negative Self-talk

Our self-talk plays a huge role in how well we manage these setbacks. When our inner dialogue is negative, it reinforces our self-limiting beliefs, adds stress, reduces our confidence and determination, and weakens our sense of control over the future. It handicaps us. In crude terms, carrying on this negative inner dialogue is like having one leg in a butt-kicking contest. It is a filter that screens out good things and only allows the bad to pass through. And, once this thinking style has taken over, we expect more of the same in the future. We extrapolate from this event that we’re only in store for more. That inner voice just keeps repeating the words, More of the same, My life is over, I’m ashamed to be in public, What kind of future do I have now, I don’t have it in me to get through this. And, most importantly, this negativity closes off that deep reservoir of energy that we have inside. We reduce our inner flame to a single spark. This is the very energy that otherwise fuels the drive and motivation to get us back on the road. This is the very flame that ignites the belief that we are allowed to be happy, we deserve to be happy, and the conviction that this positive spirit is ours and no one can take it away from us. And, even though this positive spirit, or energy, or drive, or grit, or whatever we want to call it, often gets blocked, we must remember that it is always there, inside each of us, ready and waiting to help. I’ve learned this from 30+ years working in nursing homes: it doesn’t go away and can always be tapped.

Successful Aging

Successful aging means choosing to be grateful for all that has happened, even in the face of a serious challenge. It means focusing on what we have and not on what we don’t have, or what’s missing in our life. It means not comparing ourselves to others, and certainly not basing our self-worth on accomplishments or failures, or on health or sickness. Everyone has equal value and worth as a person, irrespective of whatever label or descriptor we assign. And to age successfully underscores the fact that everything is relative: there is always someone better off and someone who is worse off than I am.

The road ahead is not always smooth and well-paved. Accepting the cards we are dealt, while fixing what we can, and yet getting on with our lives means allowing the future to be bigger than our past. It means adapting to the setback and moving on. It means solution-focused coping instead of emotion-focused coping. And it means looking for new opportunities without the negative filters, regardless of our limitations. Maybe these words of the Dalai Lama will help those of us on this journey: There are two days that we cannot get anything done – yesterday and tomorrow.

The author is a clinical and geropsychologist who has worked with older adults for over three decades. His company, the Living to 100 Club, offers resources for seniors on successful aging and managing setbacks. The tagline for the Club is “turning aging on its head” capturing the notion that age is only a number and to not allow setbacks to interfere with a positive outlook about our future. He also hosts a live radio program on Voice America, every Friday at 2pm PT. www.Livingto100.Club. Please leave comments below, or send to jc@livingto100.club.

Drop The Struggle, with Roger Housden By Dr. Paula Joyce

Posted by

Editor on November 21, 2016

7th Wave

Drop The Struggle, with Roger Housden By Dr. Paula Joyce

Are you gloating over the election results or are you feeling regret, anger, resentment, guilt, blame or paralyzing fear, worry, sadness or depression? Or are you able to stay in the now and appreciate the gifts available to you in this very moment? When we lose the present by letting our thoughts worry about the future or replay the past, we become frozen in fear. Yes, you read that right. We allow our thoughts to take charge, but we can flip the dynamic and regain control. My guest encourages you to drop the struggle and love the life you have. If ever there were a time to take right action, the time is now. Staying stuck in negative thinking and fear only adds more negative energy to the already overwhelming fear that is growing. You can choose to be part of the problem or part of the solution. You may be thinking, easier said than done, but there is a path to joy, peace and happiness even in the midst of challenging times. Please join us Thursday to learn how.

Roger Housden is the author of, Dropping the Struggle: Seven Ways to Love the Life You Have and numerous other books including the best-selling Ten Poems series, which began in 2001 with Ten Poems to Change Your Life and ended with Ten Poems to Say Goodbye in 2012. He offers writing workshops, both live and online, with an emphasis on self-discovery and exploration. His work has been featured many times in The Oprah Magazine, The New York Times, and the Los Angeles Times. Maria Sharapova, the tennis star, called his book Seven Sins for a Life Worth Living âone of the most inspirational books I have ever read.â Please visit him at: www.RogerHousden.com

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Be Positive, Be Productive By Dr. Paula Joyce

Posted by

Editor on May 20, 2014

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Be Positive, Be Productive By Dr. Paula Joyce

Negative thoughts eat up our time, energy and health, not to mention our self-esteem.Â Research says:

Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 90% of our self-talk is negative.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 1 to 8 hours a day is spent worrying (1/16th to Â½ of our waking hours).
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Most heart attacks occur Sunday night due to worry about returning to work.

Yet, only 8% of what we worry about actually happens. If you can do something to prevent an unpleasant outcome, do it. If thereâs nothing you can do, visualize, think, write, draw or say the outcome you want. At the very least, you will shift your mood.

Negative thinking is a habit of the mind that you can change. Commit to using the ideas in this article that appeal to you and observe yourself becoming more positive, happier and more productive. The time and energy that you are spending on worrying and negative thoughts will be freed up for fun and productivity.

An easy technique is listening to music that makes you feel good. Lately Iâve been playing âThe Time of Our Lives.â I wake up in the morning with the words singing in my head, which brings a smile to my lips and an excitement to my day.

One minister has started a project that encourages people to wear a rubber band bracelet that says âno more complaints.â Every time you complain, you switch the bracelet to the other wrist to remind yourself not to do it again. The goal is to keep the bracelet on the same wrist for 21 consecutive daysâthe length of time it takes to change a habit. The people who have stopped complaining report being happier and more relaxed.

When you hear yourself saying or thinking something negative, immediately replace it with a positive. For instance, in response to âhow are you?â instead of saying âbad headacheâ or âboss chewed me outâ, think of something good in your life and share it.

Laughter is the best medicine, and it does matter how we formulate our jokes. Humor can be kind and gentle or mean and derogatory. Think about the jokes that you tell and whether youâd like to be the target of the âpunchâ line. Tell a kind joke or if youâre working on a difficult project, force a laugh or smile and watch yourself fly through your work and see others âcatchâ the good feeling.

Read this statement at least once a day: âAll will be provided, especially for those who have an open heart to abundance.â

Before you go to bed, write:Â âI intend to â¦â¦ in a positive way.â List the main things that you want to accomplish the next day, including how you want to feel during the day, e.g., joyful, positive, self-confident, inspired. As soon as you wake up, read the list out loud or in a hushed voice.

Cleanse your environment of negativity. Think about whether youâre uplifted or brought down by the visual images, words and people that you allow into your mind and space. Be as conscious of what you feed your mind as you are of what you feed your body.

Weâve all heard: no one would write on their tombstone, âI wish I spent more time at work.âÂ Wouldnât it be nice to write, âI enjoyed the time I spent at work and at home.â You have the power to create that life.