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Can you pick up the pieces

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Empowerment
Can you pick up the pieces

 

The story is too familiar. You are involved in a long term relationship or marriage. It usually starts out wonderful, full of joy and excitement as you pursue your hopes and dreams. You are ready to take on the world together. Then life happens. Stress at work; money issues; children’s needs; losing a job; issues with in-laws; health concerns. The list goes on and on. The feelings of joy starts to fade. You didn’t sign up for this! You stop communicating with each other, I mean really communicating and connecting, not just talking at each other. The relationship and your life become a grind. You start going through the motions.

You start to think, there has to be a better way. Chances are your partner feels the same. One of you finds a kindred spirit, a friend, an associate, someone with whom you can share your frustrations. You tell yourself, it is nothing serious we’re just talking. The more you talk and share with your kindred spirit, the less you share with your partner. Sooner or later you cross the line. You are hoping to make things better, but they are about to become worse. Heart break, separation, betrayal, divorce.

Since my book When the Wife Cheats was released, I have spoken to dozens of men and women whose resolution is simply to “move on” from betrayal. This one is not so easy. Betrayal comes in many forms. We have all been betrayed by a friend or co-worker or a trusted employee. Although these betrayals hurt, we are able to move on fairly quickly. However, it is not so easy when the betrayal is your spouse or life partner. I wish I had the answer—I don’t. I can only share what has helped me.

Whether you want to or not, you cannot escape the grief process (shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and acceptance). I know because I tried. Unfortunately, these stages don’t always go in order. I still find myself going back and forth between them. It’s OK. This process is not an exact science. Spousal betrayal is made more difficult because your heart isn’t just broken, often it is shattered. There is usually a set time to fix a break. A broken bone may heal in six to eight weeks. A shattered bone or heart has no fixed time to heal. It is going to take far more time than you expect. Give yourself time.

Before you can pick up the pieces and start moving forward you have to forgive yourself. Let me say that again; forgive yourself. You weren’t the worst husband or wife ever. While you may have done the best you could to make your marriage work, it didn’t work. You cannot make someone else happy or make them love you if they don’t. You may never forgive your spouse—that’s OK—but forgive yourself.

I used this quote in When the Wife Cheats. It helped me. I hope it helps you.

“There comes a point in your life when you realize: who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore and who always will…so don’t worry about people from your past; there is a reason they didn’t make it to your future.”

Now I know this is far easier said that done. You are going to find yourself in the depths of depression and sorrow; when you don’t believe you have the strength to even get out of bed; when you have no idea how you are going to survive the next hour—let alone raise your children. Believe me, you will have ALL of these feelings. When you feel completely overwhelmed, remember this: Look up… Get up… And never ever give up.

You will recover in time. When you are ready, pick up the pieces and start moving forward. There is nothing new to see in the past, so don’t look behind you; you’re not going that way. Even in your hardest day move forward. Better times and better people will come into your life.

The Gift of Survival By Cynthia Brian

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Every week, Express Yourself!™ will bring you a stimulating program based on a chapter from our award winning book Be the Star You Are!® for Teens.

“Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been, to stand up taller than you ever were.”

Asya Gonzalez, 2016JPGBrigitte Jia

Hosts Asya Gonzalez and Brigitte Jia welcome Health Rap Reporter, Alex Pawlakos and Book Smart Reporter, Maria Wong as well as special guest Dr. Kyra Mesich to talk about survival.

Alex Pawlakos

Alex focuses on the health benefits of happiness, meditation, humor, support of friends, walking in nature, and prayer as part of survival strategies. Patients that cope the best with illness are those who learn to take control of their lives and find the joys that still exist in their lives. After receiving her doctoral degree, Kyra Mesich, PsyD went on a quest to understand sensitivity from a truly holistic perspective leading her to study extensively in the field of integrative health. She is the author of The Strength of Sensitivity. She talks about surviving sensitivity to be empathetic through holistic, intuitive healing, and emphasizes the importance of listening to your inner voice.

Maria Wong-EY

Maria shares her favorite summer read, Lily King’s novel, Euphoria, which primarily focuses on the struggle to survive by three anthropologists in the 1930’s in Papua New Guinea.  The book is suited for adults and mature teenagers ranging from 14-18 as it covers gruesome topics including brute violence and cannibalism. The standard dictionary definition of survival is the state or fact of continuing to live or exist, typically in spite of an accident, ordeal, or difficult circumstances. Maria believes that survival includes the ability to bounce back and learn something from your experiences. Trust your gut. Be a survivor.

Dr Kyra Mesich headshot

Guest Bio: Kyra Mesich, PsyD earned a doctoral degree in clinical psychology in 1995. A quest to understand sensitivity from a truly holistic perspective led her to study extensively in the field of integrative health and write The Strength of Sensitivity. Her holistic training includes flower essence therapy, hypnotherapy, yoga, and meditation. Dr Kyra didn’t know she would end up dedicating her lifelong career to empowering sensitive people, but it has been more rewarding than anything else she could imagine doing. Visit her website at www.DrKyra.com.Dr Kyra Mesich, book

Listen at Voice America Kids: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/93876/the-gift-of-survival

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Giving Away The Gold

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7th Wave
Giving Away The Gold

ask2014-cropped-web-nobg-ariel-shya kane

8/5/15 – Giving Away The Gold

“If you want to experience true happiness and well-being in a sustained manner, there comes a time when you must take your attention off your own survival and getting somewhere, and discover how to take care of others and the environment around you.” – Practical Enlightenment – Ariel & Shya Kane

Extending yourself to others so that they, too, can experience well-being is a win/win situation. Join Ariel & Shya Kane in Being Here and discover how your life can be an ongoing expression where everybody wins.

Listen Live this Wednesday, August 5th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Network.

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives here.

You can also subscribe to BEING HERE on iTunes!

Fear and Trust

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7th Wave
Fear and Trust

ask2014-cropped-web-nobg-ariel-shya kane

7/15/15 – Fear and Trust

We have all been raised in cultures that were and are based in survival. Tune in to Being Here and discover how to step out of that survival dynamic and step into the possibility of a creative lifestyle – one where you allow yourself to experience your life in each moment.

Listen Live this Wednesday, July 15th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Network.

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives HERE.

You can also subscribe to BEING HERE on iTunes!

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