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When Trust Is Frail: Trust-Building For Leaders

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Business
When Trust Is Frail: Trust-Building For Leaders

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This blog is provided by Mary Jo Burchard, as part of the International Leadership Association’s interview series.  It is a companion to her interview on Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future titled Building Trust in Uncertainty: A Personal & Professional Journey that aired on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021.

 

Trust is the decision to make something cherished vulnerable to the care of another. When you and your people trust each other – more specifically, when you trust your care for each other – everything you do together is just easier. There’s natural momentum in creativity, curiosity, innovation, and engagement, because suspicion creates drag in any authentic interaction. Building an environment where trust can flourish needs to be a key focus, as leaders and as human beings. Conscious, intentional transfer of vulnerability into each other’s care is the most crucial component of building a trust environment. This exchange creates a very special magic.

Trust is multi-dimensional, always evolving, and necessarily flows both ways. The trust experience can be observed and built-in six dimensions, as observed in the ASC-DOC Trust Model:

Authenticity – “I believe you mean what you say, and you have no hidden agenda.”

Safety – “Your speech and actions make me feel safe and protected, not threatened, defensive, or insecure.”

Consistency – “Your behaviors and responses are predictable; I know what I can expect from you.”

Dependability – “You keep your promises and honor confidentiality.”

Ownership – “You carry the weight of what happens to what I entrust to you.”

Competence – “You have the skills and experience necessary to do what’s expected.”

Upon your initial interaction, you and the other person begin to determine how much you are willing to trust each other in every dimension. The trust experience evolves, growing, or straining with each interaction. Therefore, assessing and building trust needs to be constant and intentional. Here are a few tips to keep trust progressing:

Your (in)ability to trust each other is not necessarily about character or maturity. Everyone enters the trust adventure with a history. Past disappointments, betrayals, personal failures, or lack of experience may make the trust journey more difficult. Especially as a leader, you may bear the brunt of previous leaders’ shortcomings. Resist the urge to interpret negative assumptions about your character or abilities as an attack. Become aware of your contribution to these trust challenges. Listen to each other’s stories, to learn how to mitigate fears and insecurities along the way, and discover how/why this time can be different. The most important gift you can give each other in this process is to assume that you intend good toward each other, and do not intend to cause one another harm.

Power and need do not guarantee trust. If someone needs you (whether as a parent, an employer, or leader), they will do what they must (vis: comply) to get you to meet their need. You cannot assume that their vulnerability/need and your power to address it will automatically translate into a trust relationship. If trust is not built, the best you can hope for is a consistent transactional arrangement. Building trust requires more than meeting needs; it requires letting people in. Your mutual decision to let each other in begins the trust adventure. How can you forge a relationship that brings out the highest and best in everyone, when a shared frame of reference is non-existent beyond surface transactional engagement?

  1. Be the first to model trust and vulnerability. Trust is risky, but if you have the upper hand, you can afford to risk first. When a trust connection is frail, commit in advance to be the first to trust wherever you can, based on the other person’s perceived capacity to handle it. Modeling trust and vulnerability makes room for the other person to do the same.
  2. Focus on the person. How comfortable and confident are they with you? Don’t skip to a solution or directive without pausing to really see and hear the other person. Pay attention to how they are engaging with you. Are they guarded? Distant? Confident? Emotional? Gauge your current rapport with them at this moment; don’t take it for granted.
  3. Ask for input and really listen. Don’t assume that a visible lack of trust is an accusation or assessment about you. The person in front of you has a story, and that story is the lens through which they interpret your interaction. Honor that story. What are they sensing, feeling, perceiving? How do these insights inform their behavior and responses? People respond to things impacting what’s important to them. What can you tell is important to them? How is it being impacted/at risk right now? What is happening at this moment that might explain why they are angry, scared, confused, or suspicious?
  4. Discover and validate current needs. What is making them feel vulnerable right now? Ask probing questions: “It sounds like you need [X]… how can I help?” “You seem [x]… how can I help?” Essential needs include physical and environmental dimensions, but they also transcend the obvious immediate needs. More than food, more than water or air, people need connection, to be seen and valued. Don’t forget to validate the human need to belong.
  5. Affirm trust already present. You know what they need, but what do they already trust you will deliver? How can you protect, reinforce, and continue to earn that trust?
  6. Intentionally build trust. How can you address their current needs and concerns? Get good at listening for clues about current needs. Confirm you understand what you hear and observe. Get creative at addressing these needs and keep adapting as the needs evolve.

Remember, if trust necessarily flows both ways, the other person is never the only one vulnerable. To model trust, you need to let them in. You cannot be authentic without examining your own willingness and ability to trust. Belonging, care, and trust must thrive together in you if you want to create an environment where trust is the norm.

To become a more innovative leader, you can begin by taking our free leadership assessments and then enrolling in our online leadership development program.

Check out the companion interview and past episodes of Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future, via iTunes, TuneIn, Stitcher, Spotify, Amazon Music, Audible,  iHeartRADIO, and NPR One.  Stay up-to-date on new shows airing by following the Innovative Leadership Institute LinkedIn.

 

About the Author

Dr. MaryJo Burchard (Ph.D., Organizational Leadership) is convinced that our greatest depth and meaning often emerge from seasons of disappointment, surprises, and loss. Her own leadership approach has been shaped by the healing journey of their son, Victor, who was adopted from a Ukrainian orphanage. MaryJo’s research and consulting work focus on helping leaders and organizations stay humane and cultivate trust, especially in times of serious disruption and profound change.

Leadership: It’s a Matter of Trust

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Business
Leadership: It’s a Matter of Trust

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This blog is provided by Deke Copenhaver, consultant, author and former mayor of Augusta, Georgia.  It is a companion to his interview on Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future titled The Art of Building Better Leaders that aired on Tuesday, October 6th, 2020.

 

During my adult life I’ve been blessed to serve in many leadership roles and to have been mentored by people I consider to be great leaders. Today I still consider myself a work in progress and an ongoing student of leadership. Through the years I’ve developed some definite ideas of what good leadership does and doesn’t look like. Foremost among these is that for anyone to be a great leader people must be willing to follow your lead without being coerced to do so. Simply put in any leadership position long-term success depends on having a servant’s mentality and developing fundamental bonds of trust with those you serve.

In 2005 at the age of 37 I made the lifechanging decision to run for mayor of Augusta, Georgia. Having no political experience, I was told early on by a group of local business leaders that I shouldn’t run because I hadn’t paid my dues. I reminded them that I had run a small business and a nonprofit as well as chaired several boards. When I told them I thought my experience in leadership positions made me the most qualified candidate this argument was simply brushed aside. Fortunately, I didn’t listen to conventional wisdom and, in a campaign primarily run by a group of energetic twenty and thirty somethings who were political novices as well, I ultimately won the election. I then went on to win two more which allowed me to help lead Augusta as a public servant for nine years.

I stress the words public servant because that was what I was focused on being. I was raised by a father who had served as a B-17 bomber pilot in World War II who instilled in me the values of duty, honor, integrity and service above self. These values remained at the forefront of my mind throughout my time in office. From the outset I set about winning the public trust by treating all of my elected colleagues and the citizens I served with dignity and respect. I made no promises I couldn’t keep and never viewed myself as being above those I served.

Through diligently pursuing this approach I was able to work with a governing body which had a reputation for being racially divided. My colleagues didn’t always like my decisions, but they trusted and respected me, so they were willing to work with me. Working together we were able to complete multiple major municipal building projects while at the same time creating thousands of new jobs and hundreds of millions of dollars of investment in our local economy.  Although building trusting relationships took a great deal of time and effort it ultimately served the greater good to the benefit of our local citizenry as a whole.

My season in office taught me many more leadership lessons in the crucible of public life. I realized early on that no title makes you a leader.  Although winning an election or being promoted to the C Suite may confer on you a title with more individual power and prestige it doesn’t confer on you the mantle of leadership.  A title is given and fleeting while becoming a trusted leader is earned and has lasting impact.

I also came to understand it’s more important for a leader to know what they don’t know than what they do know and to surround yourself with good people who make up for your own shortcomings. Being elected mayor didn’t teach me to run a city of 200,000 people. In my decision-making process I had to learn to rely on the input of a team of talented professionals who I came to trust through the years. Listening to and trusting the team around me allowed me to make well informed decisions based on professional input and not political whim.

One final lesson I learned is perhaps the most important. Those in leadership positions who use fear and intimidation to achieve their desired outcomes significantly undermine trust in their leadership as opposed to building it. Realistically, this isn’t leadership at all but simply amounts to bullying. True leadership is about uniting those you serve around a common goal while making them feel secure, included and that their voices are being heard. In the end, leadership is not about seeking power but rather about seeking to empower those around you and for good leaders the only power that really matters is the power to inspire. You can trust me on that!

 

To become a more innovative leader, you can begin by taking our free leadership assessments and then enrolling in our online leadership development program.

Check out the companion interview and past episodes of Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future, via iTunes, Google Play, TuneIn, Stitcher, Spotify and iHeartRADIO. Stay up-to-date on new shows airing by following the Innovative Leadership Institute LinkedIn.

 

About the Author

Deke Copenhaver (www.deke-copenhaver.com) serves as principal of Copenhaver Consulting, LLC, and is the ForbesBooks author of the book The Changemaker: The Art Of Building Better Leaders. Copenhaver was elected mayor of Augusta, Ga., serving from 2005-14, and has spoken at national conferences on topics including city design, economic development, healthcare, veterans’ issues, and the nonprofit industry. A former radio show host, he authors a column on leadership published by the Georgia Municipal Association and has been recognized numerous times by Georgia Trend Magazine as one of the 100 Most Influential Georgians.

Success in Life Begins with TRUST

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Business
Success in Life Begins with TRUST

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This blog is provided by Mark Given, Founder of the Trust Based Philosophy. It is a companion to his interview on Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future titled Success Begins with Trust that aired on June 22nd, 2020.

 

In leadership, sales, relationships and in all aspects of life, success and happiness has always been built on a foundation of TRUST.

You already know that to find fulfillment, people need a life-long quest for growth and learning.

Building, maintaining, and repairing Trust are all key parts of that growth and the evidence often slaps us right in the face…nearly every day.

People (maybe even you) leave companies every day, not just because of poor products or unsafe conditions, but because of lousy untrustworthy leadership. Customer trust is regularly so low that repeat rates are consistently and dismally small. Even in human relationships lack of trust is painfully evident and cities everywhere are experiencing riots in the streets.

The concept of TRUST has been taught by many well respected and admired authors, philosophers, psychiatrists, and business experts for years. What’s lacking in their reports though is the actual science practice of establishing, building and maintaining trust.

Having been focused on the study and practice of trust for nearly four decades, I discovered what I believe to be the essence of how to build and maintain deeper levels of Trust.

I call it the Pyramid of Trust:

  1. Introduction Facet or your Grand Opening phase
  2. Rapport Facet – or the question and listening phase
  3. Maintenance Facet – or generously giving not taking phase
  4. Repair Facet – or the sincere and transparent apology phase

Speaking of the Introduction Facet, research from a recent 15-year Harvard University study showed that if adults assume their ability to discern trustworthiness in strangers is a skill honed over a lifetime, they are wrong. Even children ages 5 and 6 make the very nearly the same judgment about the trustworthiness of adults, and children ages 3 to 4 were only off by just a few percentage points from adults.

People make inferences (right or wrong) about strangers’ characters within 50 milliseconds of viewing them and a NYU study showed the results to be even less (33 milliseconds). In today’s words, we call that profiling, and while they are profiling you, YOU are profiling them too!

You can improve this negative impression someone might have of you in part by moving from a two-step greeting to a three-step greeting, making your initial introduction more about the other person than yourself. The key is to move your dialogue from the emphasis on YOU to focusing on THEM, and the results have been shown to be quite amazing.

In the Building Rapport Facet, a smart person will learn to ask more questions and really listen to the answers. Recently, in an interview Jack Canfield did with me on my Trust Based Philosophy books, Jack offered a wise thought. He said, “focus on becoming more interested than interesting”. Jack is exactly right (and he wisely gave the credit for this wisdom to his wife Inga).

The benefit is three-step greeting principle is that, when done properly, you learn much more about the other person which allows you purpose driven reasons to massage the relationship, stay in touch and serve them better (assuming they are a good match for you personally and professionally).

To succeed in the Maintenance Facet, you focus on becoming more of a giver than a taker. Read the wonderful book The Go-Giver by my friends Bob Burg and John David Mann and you will better understand the importance, relevance and success that come from being a giver. Building TRUST is maintained over a lifetime. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

And finally, assuming you are actually human…we all make mistakes. We say and do foolish things. Understanding the proper art and science of the Apology Facet is life and business changing.

You already know how hard it can be to effectively and successfully apologize and yet you also know how important it is to your happiness, profitability, and the growth of Trust.

Creating a successful life and business is hard. Maintaining valuable relationships is difficult.

The results of better understanding, creating, and maintaining deeper levels of TRUST are what will bring you the joy and success you are seeking.

Become a master of “The TRUST Based Philosophy” and life will be your oyster. I guarantee it!

 

To become a more innovative leader, you can begin by taking our free leadership assessments and then enrolling in our online leadership development program.

Check out the companion interview and past episodes of Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future, via iTunes, Google Play, TuneIn, Stitcher, Spotify and iHeartRADIO. Stay up-to-date on new shows airing by following the Innovative Leadership Institute LinkedIn.

About the Author

Mark Given is an Amazon #1 selling author of 8 books and has been teaching the importance of TRUST for four decades.

Because of his observation and experience both personally and professionally, he has written four top selling books under the theme The Trust Based Philosophy.

Trust Based Leadership – Proven Ways to Stop Managing and Start Leading

Trust Based Selling – Proven Ways to Stop Selling and Start Attracting

Trust Based Success – Proven Ways to Stop Stressing and Start Living

Trust Based Networking – Proven Ways to Stop Meeting and Start Connecting

 

Coming soon:

Trust Based Time Management – Proven Ways to Stop Dawdling and Start Achieving

Trust Based Entrepreneur – Proven Ways to Make the Money YOU Want without Forfeiting the Time that YOU Crave

Trust Based Referrals – Proven Ways to Stop Chasing Strangers and Start Captivating YOUR Sphere of Influence

 

You can reach Mark at: mark@markgiven.com

Photo by LisaAttractLove–2628503

The Gift of Trust By Cynthia Brian

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The Gift of Trust By Cynthia Brian

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“Do not trust the horse, Trojans! Whatever that is, I fear the Greeks, even when bearing gifts.”  Zahra Hasanian and Brigitte Jia head up this installment of Express Yourself!™ about trust. Thirteen year old Jack Pawlakos debuts filling in for his older brother Alex in Health Rap relating the importance of the doctor/patient relationship. Cryptozoologist and field investigator for the Centre for Fortean Zoology, Ken Gerhard, lights up the airwaves with his true tales of A Menagerie of Mysterious Beasts, including Big Foot, Nessie, and more.

Chela Pelchat – Version 2Maria Wong-EY

Pat Present reporter, Chelsea Pelchat, compares Machiavelli with Richard III as we look at the past to understand today. Book Smart reporter, Maria Wong, looks at the book of a former guest Lies I Told by Michelle Zink to discuss the gift of trust. The take away from today’s program indicates that trust is a very crucial element of the human relationship but it is gift to be earned, not given.

 

jack-pawlakos
Bio: Jack Pawlakos

Jack Pawlakos is an eighth grade student at Joaquin Moraga Middle School. He enjoys music and has been playing blues harmonica for over five years. In 2015, he was awarded a youth recipient grant from the Society for the Preservation and Advancement of the Harmonica. He likes to spend time with friends and hike outdoors. His radio reporter brothers are Alex and Eric.
ken-gerhard-glacier-hero
Bio: Ken Gerhard

Ken Gerhard is a widely recognized cryptozoologist and field investigator for the Centre for Fortean Zoology as well as a fellow of the Pangea Institute and consultant for several research organizations. He has traveled the world searching for evidence of mysterious animals and legendary beasts including Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, the Chupacabra, enigmatic winged creatures and even werewolves.

ken-gerhard-2013
In addition to co-hosting the History Channel television series Missing in Alaska, Ken has appeared in three episodes of the series Monster Quest and is featured in the History Channel special The Real Wolfman, as well as Ancient Aliens (History Channel), Legend Hunters (Travel Channel), Unexplained Files (Science Channel), Paranatural (National Geographic), Weird or What? with William Shatner (Syfy), True Monsters (History Channel), Monsters and Mysteries in America (Animal Planet), Ultimate Encounters (Tru TV), True Supernatural (Destination America), Monster Project (Nat Geo Wild) and Shipping Wars (A&E).

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 His credits include appearances on numerous news broadcasts and nationally syndicated radio programs. . Ken is author of the books Big Bird: Modern Sightings of Flying Monsters and Encounters with Flying Humanoids, as well as co-author of Monsters of Texas. www.kengerhard.com
Newest book, A Menagerie of Mysterious Beasts

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High Performing Teams

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Business
High Performing Teams

teampyramid

How do you build high performing teams?  How do you build trust?  How can you become corporate athletes?

This is about what it takes to build teams and lead them in today’s business world.  This isn’t about authority, it is about influence.  This is about the Law of Solid Ground.  And understanding that trust is something you have to earn as a leader.  And knowing when to train, perform, celebrate and rest to be a corporate athlete.  Because this is a marathon not a sprint.  And the 4 stages of team performance: form, storm, norm and perform.  And knowing what stage you are in and how to get to the next one.

Building trust is step one.  According to John C Maxwell’s book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”, trust is the foundation of leadership.  He talks about the Law of Solid Ground. And that to build trust a leader must exemplify the qualities of:  competence, connection and character.  People will forgive occasional mistakes based on ability, especially if they see that you are still growing as a leader.  However you need to own up to it and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

How do you build trust in an organization?  How do you know you are on Solid Ground?
Go through “The Trust Check List” and evaluate your ability to adhere  to certain behaviors.  These behaviors if followed consistently, can help to build trust.  And here they are:
1. Keep promises and honor commitments?
2. Acknowledge and apologize for your mistakes?
3. Remain loyal to the absent?
4. Share information, both positive and negative, with the people who need it?
5. Involve others in decisions that affect them?
6. Give credit where credit is due?
7. Communicate consistently, regardless of the situation or the person’s authority or influence?
8. Honor confidential and sensitive information?

And even with the foundation of trust teams go through 4 stages before they really get to performance:  form, storm, norm and perform.  And you can’t skip a stage.  You need to go through each one.  And when you add a new team member that team has to go through it all again…..so what are the stages and how do you get through them?

Forming – this is the stage where you are just getting to know each other and everyone is polite and has not figured out how to challenge the leader or the team.  This stage may feel very nice but it can get you into trouble as I learned when I was working in advertising.  The team was so new that we did not know how to challenge the advertising campaign that was being created.  It led us to make the worst advertising campaign I have ever been associated with…I wish we had known about the 4 stages of team performance.

Storming – this can be the scariest stage. This occurs when people start to challenge the leadership, the other team members, begin to jockey for position. There is a lot of tension and it is best if someone helps the team to get through the storm.  To use this as an opportunity to create some “rules of engagement”.  People need to be able to challenge the work, the direction of the team.  This is really for the purpose of making it better.  Keep it out of the personal and focus on the work or task at hand.  If you are a team that can storm well you will get to a high performing team that will exceed expectations.

Norming – now we are all starting to calm down, settle into our roles and forgive each other’s little idiosyncrasies.  At this stage you are now able to focus on the work and not be distracted by the little things.  You understand each other better and have come to appreciate your differences and how this adds to the final product.

Performing – now this is the stage, this occurs when the team has gelled and come together and knows each other so well that you can almost anticipate things they may say or recognize that their insight will take an idea to the next level.  I had the opportunity to lead a team like this and we increased revenue for our company for our clients and won awards for our product.  I don’t even think we realized at the time what we could accomplish.  It doesn’t happen often but when it does it is magic.

So now how do you make sure that your team doesn’t burn out.  What can we learn from athletes?
We need to train, perform, celebrate and recover.  In the corporate world we do not always take the time to celebrate even if it isn’t a 100% win but to at least take a pause and say what we did well and what we learned so we can apply it to the next challenge. And we do not rest. We do not recover.  We spend most of our time in the perform cycle 12 – 14 hours a day – this will burn you out. As a leader give yourself and your team permission to rest to recover. I did and it worked. We had off-sites outside skiing or hiking and no business just fun – this is how we recovered as corporate athletes.

Building and leading high performing teams is not easy but it can be done.  Start with trust the foundation of leadership.  Make sure you are on Solid Ground by adhering to your Trust Check List. And then evaluate which stage of performance your team is in and get them through it. And don’t forget to celebrate and rest.  Remember this is a marathon not a sprint.

Tune in every Thursday at 8am PST to Chat with Chicules: What They Couldn’t Teach You in Business School

Fear and Trust

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7th Wave
Fear and Trust

ask2014-cropped-web-nobg-ariel-shya kane

7/15/15 – Fear and Trust

We have all been raised in cultures that were and are based in survival. Tune in to Being Here and discover how to step out of that survival dynamic and step into the possibility of a creative lifestyle – one where you allow yourself to experience your life in each moment.

Listen Live this Wednesday, July 15th at 9am PST / 12pm EST on the VoiceAmerica 7th Wave Network.

After this Wednesday, you can stream or download this episode and over 400 episodes on a wide variety of topics from our archives HERE.

You can also subscribe to BEING HERE on iTunes!

The Orgasmic Body

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Empowerment
The Orgasmic Body

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Pleasure? Orgasm? Joy? If you experienced childhood sexual abuse, these words may seem foreign. And they may even seem an impossibility. This is because during childhood sexual abuse, your body, energy and space are invaded. The experience can become too painful to tolerate. There is fear, confusion, shock, and in many cases dissociation. This is when you check out and split off your awareness from what is going on in your body. As a result you may now find yourself closed off to feeling anything: pain and pleasure.

Your body, your sexualness and your relationships are all impacted by the insidious ghost of abuse. Your abuse is still controlling you, even though it was years ago. Dissociation locks in your body all the pain and shame. You then struggle with opening up to receiving any kind of support, pleasure and intimacy. This causes great challenges in your relationships, your health, your finances and specifically your body. So what do you do to take the control back? How do you unlock your body from this pain so you can begin to enjoy being you and being in your body?

Join us for this revolutionary conversation in which we answer these
questions and more in my upcoming radio show, “Beyond Abuse, Beyond Therapy, Beyond Anything,” on June 17th @ 10am PST/1pm EST. I’ll be joined by Dr. Dain Heer, Co-Founder of Access Consciousness and author of, “Being You Changing the World.” Dain will share his own unique perspective on how he overcame his abuse and went on to experience greater pleasure, joy and the “orgasmic body.” For more information please visit my website Dr. Lisa Cooney.

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